nyxdiaries

[nyxdiaries]

11.27.23(full moon)

Today I just got back from a 4-day long weekend and it was quite eventful. I got ready super early for I had a doctor’s appointment to check up on the accident I had at the gym. Turned out well and I just needed to put cold and hot compress and the injury is actually healing a lot better.

At work and to my surprise I found out that the designs I made for nour email campaigns were changed and posted something else. Though, they kept the same designs for their socials and websites I still had this weird feeling and a little sad as if my efforts after all those days and weeks putting a lot of effort and stress be changed without me knowing. I knew we’ve done this so many times but I don’t know why this time it felt weirdly off as if my efforts weren’t really valued as much.

But on the other hand I also have an interview appointment at the end of the day at a talent agency and to my surprised they’ve signed me but all I ever need to do is train for the part.

I was like screw ya’ll im getting signed

[nyxdiaries]

The world won’t stop spinning for anything

You’re unstoppable so what’s stopping you?

What’s holding you back?

You gotta keep moving and take action

Go after what you want

It won’t be easy but you gotta remember

That you’re bigger than you think

You’re bigger than this world combined

The universe got your back

You’ll be fine, child

Go after what you want

Go after your dreams and goals

Go after what you’ve always wanted to become

[nyxdiaries]

A hole in the heart makes you think something is missing

But a hole in the heart can mean a lot of things

A very dark void that no one can ever see

Void full of fear, neglect and uncertainty

A heart with a hole that is difficult to accept

It overflows with so much contempt

It can never be easy, enough nor satisfied

All it ever got was pain, hatred and vilified

A heart just wanted to be filled with love and joy

All it ever wished was to be free from the void

No matter how big or small, deep or shallow

A simple truth yet that is hard to swallow

There will always be pain in love

Grief and sorrow even after happiness

Joy in each loneliness

In the end we can never really fill up a hole ‘cause

A hole in the heart is what makes us whole

-Hole in the Heart 🖤

[nyxdiaries]

3.8.22

I’m sorry if I don’t reciprocrate or show a little enthusiasm when people I barely know as much compliment me or show me some affection.

It’s just that I’m not used to having this type of love and kindness.

The only love I know is pain

When people tell me I’m their favorite or sending and giving me love, I didnt know how to take it. I would get shy, and turn myself into a hermit.

Why is that the people you get to love, care, value and important to you could potentially hurt you and turn that love to pain instantly? Then eventually, people you barely know that show genuine love and care to you, you don’t know how to take it.

[nyxdiaries]

2.27.22

I have been told about the number 27 before this day. Making me thinknit was something. Though there were a lot of signs. One was something extraordinary. I found a res feather when I was at the park. Just a single piece by the trees. It’s strange cause I found it next to a walk path and I would see people pass by and no one picked it up. But in an instant I was still in awe and not thinking it was fake. It wasn’t. The first bird I thought was a red cardinal bird.

Then certain situation that have happned that caused me so much frustration, upset, anger and disbelief. At one point I stared blanly into a blinking light and thought of the coolest dragon I could ever imagined. It was black and scales so shiny. I don’t even know how I get to think about it but I just let it. I was still very upset and frusrated and trying to control myself. But at one point I felt and visualized the dragon behind me trying to protect me. It kinda looked like Toothless but with purple eyes and has a purple or amethyst crystal on its chest. My head was above the clouds thinking dark. But I knew I was protected.

[nyxdiaries]

2.2.22

Earlier this evening when I was meditating outside the patio I’ve had messages and thoughts in me being given by my guides. With those thoughts I had this sudden theory about how there’s a lot of pregancy going on around. Like there’s a big pregnancy energy around. At first it came to me after the new year’s, the thought lf pregnancy was there. I even saw the stray cat thinking she was pregnant. A girl from work is worried about pregnancy. One of our athletes are pregant and I think there’s more than one athlete. Then I’ve been getting tarot readings in relation to pregnancy. The I came to think of it, with all these new birth or rebirth of energy I think this is the start of a new generation for all the lives that have lost in the past couple years during the pandemic. It’s a reset. Now we’re going in for a new era. And to the fact the new technology era with all the AR and virtual reality. The Metaverse and so on. It all makes sense.

Then after few minutes in as I was meditating, a loud roaring noise came and it hurt my right ear to the fact it made me stop meditating and thinking about it. Then I saw a loud plane flew by close to where we are. I thought immediately I had to protect myself. So, I imagined this white light filling in my body, covering me like a cocoon. A very thick white light covering me and protecting me from anything that would attack me. Few moments later, three cats started popping and jumping on top of the patio wall. It was the female calico at first, then her tiny white and gray offspring. Then the big fluffy one that reminded me of Xerxes. They were all there so then I thought I had to feed them. Then after getting the food another one came, the blue eyed white cat but looked like dirty snow was sitting across in front of the parking lot. I’ve managed to finally have those messages in my head along with the other ones as well. I’ve let them feast and eat as I finish off with my meditation.

[nyxdiaries]

1.17.22 | Wolf Full Moon in Cancer

Today is my birthday! I figured...deep within me thought of it as if it’s a very much of a right timing. The full moon is in Cancer and I am a Cancer and it’s a wolf full moon and my name change is very much accurate in sync with it. Today feels powerful yet overwhelming. To release and let go and to manifest for the better. New beginnings awaits!

[nyxdiaries]

“Whenever your life is feeling stagnant or as if nothing exciting is happening, that means your are being given the time and space to heal and release the baggage you no longer can carry to the place you are going.”

[nyxdiaries]

I’m just...sad, very sad today.

[nyxdiaries]

6.18.21 | Dream 💭🌙⁠ ⁠ The time Lilith showed up in my dreams was unbelievable. I didn't call her name nor think about her that night. ⁠ ⁠ I've been always fascinated by dreams as I try and interpret them. They are very interesting to me. For years I've been writing all the dreams I had that I couldn't forget. Some served as signs and warnings. ⁠ ⁠ This time, it's different. I've always been drawn to Lilith ever since. The first woman ever created. I've always been drawn to darkness. The goddess of darkness, NYX. The goddess of moon, Selene and then the first woman of all, Lilith. Where darkness came first before the light. I'm drawn to all sorts of dark stuff. ⁠ ⁠ But that doesn't it needs to be feared. ⁠ ⁠ The night I had dreamt of Lilith, I didn't realize it actually happened the moment I woke up. It goes exactly how I illustrated it...a shadow man to the right, introducing me with the same specific words, "This is Lilith" I saw her figure just standing right in front of me. It was only darkness and red that I can see. I saw her eyes with washed out black ink going down her cheek. Moon symbol above her head as if she's wearing it as a crown. I never thought I'd see her that time. I wasn't afraid when I saw her. I felt comfort. I felt the nurturing feeling I never expect I'd get. ⁠ ⁠ From then on, I couldn't stop thinking about why did she appear at a certain time unexpectedly? ⁠ ⁠ After that...I felt lighter 🌙✨⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠

[nyxdiaries]

If I am important to you. Why don’t you value the things that are important for me?

[nyxdiaries]

Destroy to Create

Why do I feel like fire?

Something that could end all things

and something that can light up one dark room.

I could never know what is actually my purpose anymore.

At that moment when you try to distant yourself already for causing too much chaos to it

and then by your absence leads to the same devastation that they have.

How can this be?

Why do I also feel like crying a river?

Something that can calm you but can also be the death of you.

I could never figure who really I am anymore or what I can and cannot do.

At that moment I had to let everything out and then I had my sense of peace at some point.

A sense of peace that made me think, well I know there will be a better outcome with all these.

When you wait for the storm to pass and see a bright and beautiful sunshine

To begin again from where you left of

[nyxdiaries]

3.4.21

The reason why we choose to end the day so fast is because waking up and starting the day in which your mind has already been conquered with thoughts needed to be battled with is uncontrollable. Either we just sleep around all day til night or we really chose end it. It’s very difficult because everything seems to be our fault.

[nyxdiaries]

Full Moon

2.27.21

Why is the moon so clouded and polluted now? By means that polluted by the people’s thoughts of what was actually going on about the moon. Conspiracy theories from here and there. The fake moon landing, the basecamps at the moon, alien colonies, unable to land once again on the moon taking them years to be able to achieve when it was achieved before with less resources.

But how is it that the moon is so mysteriously beautiful. When some people would worship the moon, giving offerings and prayers from different places at the same time. Giving it names to symbolize a higher role and representation of gods. But why is it the moon so important? And what does it actually hide in our bare eyes? What are the secrets that goes beneath on this magnificent dull crater? Also, why am I so drawn to it? What lies its beauty that make one so mesmerized and hypnotized. The relationship we have for the constant and instant communication powered by its beautiful glow is relentless. This is the time that I’ve finally written what’s in my head without a single hesitation and started typing. What’s keeping me from doing this? Procrastinated too much. It’s so beautiful tonight. But I’m still curious what actually lies ahead. Are they watching us? Or are we watching them?

The energy from this is intense.

This will be an unforgettable one.

[nyxdiaries]

My Beautiful Sunshine,

🌻🌻🌻

With this I give you

3 suns to brighten you up

To show you my love

-e

[nyxdiaries]

2.3.21

First US Female President.

[nyxdiaries]

12.14.20

The Eclipse

It’s been a few days now, still no response whatsoever. I knew that her messages notifications were turned off. But it’s okay. She said she wants to be left alone. She wanted me to leave. She’s been doing this most of the time ever since, pushing me away so many times, but I was immovable. I said I’m not going anywhere. But this time, it felt different. I felt an unfamiliar pain I’ve never felt before. I’m used to a lot of pain that causes me from being mad or upset. But this time, it felt different. It’s sadness and loneliness. But nonetheless things will be good eventually. Right? I hope she gets to find the motivation over in my absence. I’m very proud of her. I know she can do it. She can go through this. She’s a very good person really. Only that we all get to have our inner battles and the toxic venom still resides due to our past awful experiences. It’s understandable. I’m still grateful to have her. She became a huge part of my life. In all aspects of it, she has been a great influence to me. She gave me life. I’m very much grateful through the best and through the worst. Through the challenges we face. Even though we’re polar opposites. She’s always the sun and I’m the moon. She’s always the jolly and I’m the serious. She’s the fire and I’m the water. I’m happy with her, genuinely happy with her.

Why did I have to block my heart when all I get was love? Pain is love, happiness is love, joy is love, tears are love, laughter is love. What more I could ask for? Those moments whenever I would look into her eyes I always get mesmerized. I would feel this intense overwhelmingly feeling that is very familiar to me.

As if it’s the moment I told myself

“I finally found her”

Then my feelings grew knowing how much I care about her. Loving her so much that all I ever want was to protect her. I would even sacrifice myself for her no matter what.

My sunshine, you complete this moon for an eclipse. A beautiful phenomena that happens rarely throughout our lifetime.

Or maybe

Even in our lifetimes

So, take time to heal, I understand. You know I’ll always give you my hand.