notablog-justhere

[notablog-justhere]

Doin it for shits and giggles...

And I'm all out of giggles

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I have discovered that the music making process goes like this:

"This is awful."

"Y'know, this is actually pretty good."

"This is awful."

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!"

"This is pretty good."

etc.

The flip-flopping seems essential to the process in my experience.

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You ever notice how people who are "just asking questions" are never actually looking for answers? (as dumb/corny as that sounds I'm just tired of it)

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I don't have cuteness aggression. What I do have is cuteness overload. Sometimes when something is too cute I just start crying. My body cannot handle the amount of love I feel for that creature. So it overflows as tears.

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I started making a vidya game. Will I ever complete it? Who knows. Will I spend too many hours on it anyway and run myself into the ground? Abso-fucking-lutely!

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Update: I did sleep. But I had a rough night with nightmares soooo... was it the caffeine? Who knows.

Y'all ever take your sleeping meds with a coke to gamble on which wins, or is that just me?

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Y'all ever take your sleeping meds with a coke to gamble on which wins, or is that just me?

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Cringing while thinking back on all the times that a group of people tried to convince me of something that wasn't true, and of course, falling right into their stupid trap, I did the usual, "yeah I know." Knowing full well that they were wrong, but I was outnumbered, and wanted to seem cool.

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On Today's Tumblr Experience

Reopened Tumblr on my laptop to check in. Noticed my activity was blowing up. Realized that a comment I made started a screaming match in the replies. No thanks. I deleted the comment. I considered deleting my Tumblr account. I made this account initially just to see the funny hahas. Not directly encounter confrontation, which I hate, even online. I know this is a social media site, but still, I'm really sick of this shit. I vow to never leave a comment again. Only heart posts and post sporadically as was intended for a scared little goblin creature such as myself. Call me a bitch baby if you want, but I would rather encounter as few possible negative emotions online, I have enough of that bullshit in real life thank you very much.

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Why the fuck am I doomscrolling on my birthday? Geez. I only downloaded the Tumblr app recently. Kind of wish I hadn't. I will prob still post sometimes. But I think I'll delete the app to prevent me doing this in the future.

I've been staying away from the news lately for a reason. My mental health is shit enough. I don't need to look at things to push me over the edge. Goodnight y'all.

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Honestly and truly? The prep for my second colonoscopy (and first but not quite as bad that time). The thickness of the mixed liquid and sheer volume of how much I had to drink (an entire fucking pitcher) in such a short period of time. Insane. I gagged a lot and almost threw up multiple times.

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

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Now that it is Groundhog Day, that also means it is my birthday. I'm now a quarter of a century old. Which is way cooler than saying a number.

(I tagged this initially completely forgetting that groundhog day was also a movie, whoops)

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Any other autistic pepes out there get way too involved in whatever they're watching? I don't mean like joining a fandom or even hyperfixating. I mean, you binge the entire series over the course of several days to weeks and your brain is basically warped based on the emotions that you feel for the duration of watching said show? As if you live in that world, despite being fully aware that you do not. Or is that just a me thing?

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Say it with me now, "not everything is political." I have my own shit to deal with completely unrelated to politics. And you should too.

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Can someone just kill me in, like, a non-canonical way?

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Soooo I'm in the midst of a journey to find a new therapist right now. I love my current one, and she really got me through some rough times. But the stuff I want to focus on now therapy-wise is ✨️beyond her expertise✨️ so to speak. Lookin for a brand new diagnosis to add to the pile I suppose 🥲

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Why can't I be chronically "ill" in an 80's way? 😎