noisymentalitypirate

[noisymentalitypirate]

Do you know what's the most ridiculous?

I will never stop looking for you in the crowd I pass through. I won't stop looking left and right when someone is driving the same car as you to see if it's you at the wheel, i won't stop standing there, trembling, every time i bump into some man who looks a little like you. Looking for my father.

And I wonder if it happens to you too when you see a young woman with long blond hair like mine, to ask yourself if it's me, to try to catch her eyes, just to be sure, it is not you daughter.

I wonder if we feel the same sometimes, looking for each other, and if these feelings we share are really the last remaining bound between us.

[noisymentalitypirate]

life is so ridiculous, this mental illness is so unserious

i was just cutting while watching a serie episode where the character goes to therapy for eating disorder and sh

like... so silly of me for actually enjoying this moment

[noisymentalitypirate]

There is nothing like a peaceful and quiet relapse

[noisymentalitypirate]

damn

I mourn the person I could have been.

[noisymentalitypirate]

Ok, let's say i don't die rn. Then what ?

I'm going to go to class, in a degree where everyone says there are no job opportunities, have superficial friendships, work on the side in a shitty job, be constantly insecure about money, about my body, and then maybe get my degree if im clever enough, find a job that doesn't make me want to commit suicide from problems because let's be honest, dream jobs doesn't exist. Everything is so worthless and boring.

And everyone hates their life and we just wait for the next opportunity to be happy while being abandoned by those we love, realizing that we are useless to society, a ridiculous life among other.

And while we're still trying to find reasons to live in this shit, the world is on fire and everyone is depressed. And I don't care about God so why not just end it now?

I don't have any hope, any innocence, any motivation left. Please tell me, i really want to know

[noisymentalitypirate]

I really like your blog cause I get it …

i'm so sorry for you then, whatever happened to you, you didn't deserve it

[noisymentalitypirate]

There is no happy ending in this bullshit

just stop hoping anything will get better

it doesn't.

[noisymentalitypirate]

I'm so tired of making effort while others don't bother being a fucking pain in the ass

[noisymentalitypirate]

"Are you cheating on me?" No babe, I'm just hiding a edtwt, drugtwt, shtwt, edblr, and shblr account from you

[noisymentalitypirate]

I had the biggest fight last night with my boyfriend

I haven't slept all night, and I constantly want to vomit because my heart is so tight

I want to fucking end me, i don't want this pain, i don't want to suffer anymore pls, it's too much

i'm so sorry

[noisymentalitypirate]

mom, i have this anger inside of me...

i'm sorry mom

[noisymentalitypirate]

I'm so stupid, awkward. I'm so sorry to exist. i'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry

I literally can cut my throat open for you if you want, my life has no value i'm so sorry

[noisymentalitypirate]

Sometimes you just want to talk to people as fucked up as you are, just to know you're not the only creep slicing your thighs for fun

[noisymentalitypirate]

Maybe it's not that big of a deal, maybe i just need someone to hold me tight and tell me it's gonna be okay, like they understand me.

[noisymentalitypirate]

They're not sorry for what they did to us.

[noisymentalitypirate]

Self-destruction isn't enough, i need someone to finish me.

[noisymentalitypirate]

Yes, so the worst feeling in the world:

being away from your friends while you know that they are together, that they are having fun and talking and that they contact each other to hang out but that they don't contact you especially Yeah... like.. it's so lame i actually wanna hit the wall with my head

I'm so fucking useless, no one is waiting for me anywhere, let's cut