nikobellicsthoughts

[nikobellicsthoughts]

born to write love letters, forced to journal about numbskulls.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

at the times I didn't agree was because I didn't want to face the truth, it would destroy the perfect illusions I've concocted of the people that im too considerate to.

mommy said my consideration is in need of moderation.

at times I agree because of how drained I would feel to the point I'm wondering if I'm doing it from place of just being raised right or filling in a void.

skating on thin ice.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

younger me would be in disbelief if you told her that as she grows older, her days of looking forward to her birthday would turn into rather not having a birthday at all since no one would conveniently remember it.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

guess who doesn't hate their birthdays no more and wishes to be born a day later?

Me.

it's not because now remember that I too have a birthday, lmao. nope, weirdly some people get amnesia on the 8th of March so I couldn't care less.

I'm in charge of my own happiness and I'm responsible for how I allow other things to make me feel.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

do we live the same lives? 😭

the most horrible feeling in the world is the one where you remember everyone's birthday and wish them at 12 while no one remembers yours.

you don't feel like you receive what you give to others.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

that other gender is annoying me with their presence.

if I was to be a dictator, I would put men into prisons and let them prove their way out, if they are younger than 16 they will be rehabilitated so that they do present any harm to women and children.

any man or human being that has power to ejaculate semen would have mandatory vasectomies and would have them reversed if proven to be financially stable to provide for future kid(s) and is physically healthy, mentally well-adjusted.

And just in case a few men unfortunately become part of that unique 2% whose vasectomies aren't reversible- before getting a mandatory, government-issued vasectomy you'll have sperm collected as insurance.

If you are a serial rapist, as in it's been proven by DNA, the psychological tests point towards rape behaviour-> CASTRATION immediately and the victim can choose if she wants to face you and do it with a machete and feed it to you or a wild pig.

too many people being victims of such heinous acts for it to be coincidental and men have become too audacious in their mediocrity that society is suffering the consequences of unconsciously enabling such to go on.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

I always sat front row at funerals but this time I'm old enough to comfort my grandmother who's seeing her mother's casket go disappear into the ground.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

an acquaintance has been advising me to date so I can get experience and her friend is being her soundboard advising the same.

first of all, I am firm believer in not learning only through personal experience but through other people's experiences and besides my teen years are for me to find myself.

God forbid I become so STUPIDly infatuated with a guy, emphasis on stupid, that I make impulsive decisions influenced by the guy's presence in my life that I would regret later.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

so you're telling me that all those years of me tolerating the way I look because a few insecure classmates would use me as their mirror of insecurities was for free?

because not only do I look the SAME but now either my cousin compares my skintone to a Simpson character or I look like fifty shades of sunburn; and my face favours looking like a Lunchbar than a P.S. most of the times- apparently that's beautiful. Time when I was bullied I HAD clear skin. what a time to be alive.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

I would rather have people wonder why I'm single than whispering amongst each other, "If only she knew" and throw me pitiful looks.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

to be loved is to be known, to be loved is to be considered.

I honestly hope to experience this feeling from whoever God puts inserts into my life besides my family.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

mommy said my consideration is in need of moderation.

at times I agree because of how drained I would feel to the point I'm wondering if I'm doing it from place of just being raised right or filling in a void.

skating on thin ice.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

chivalry's definitely dead, I feel like I'm decomposing.

reciprocity seems too foreign of a concept to grasp and my accent ain't making it any easier.

caring feels like a sport, as an Olympic trained athlete in need of rest.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

I am surprised to why they are surprised. What did they think would be the consequence of being a bit too heavy-handed with their strictness towards me but surprisingly become lenient towards my younger sister ?

we had to write an essay for our our English assessment the topics were subpar for the most part- im lying, i was just lazy to be wracking my brain only to half ass the essay and get surprised by the mark that would reflect it.

one topic did stand out to me, "Alone but not lonely" not sure if I'm quoting it verbatim but I chose it because I unfortunately resonate it with it a lot but fortunately I'm becoming very comfortable with it tonthe point that it's alarming my parents.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

we had to write an essay for our our English assessment the topics were subpar for the most part- im lying, i was just lazy to be wracking my brain only to half ass the essay and get surprised by the mark that would reflect it.

one topic did stand out to me, "Alone but not lonely" not sure if I'm quoting it verbatim but I chose it because I unfortunately resonate it with it a lot but fortunately I'm becoming very comfortable with it tonthe point that it's alarming my parents.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

i really hope i become everything i've dreamed of becoming besides a singer unless the world accepts mediocrity from black women too and people no longer respect the artistry that goes into making music.

[nikobellicsthoughts]

"alright now, remember this day

The start of a new life, your real life"