nfr-girly

[nfr-girly]

BOOM SHAKALAKA YESS GAWDDD ‼️‼️

[nfr-girly]

my schlatt obsession is coming back does anyone have a request for a schlatt fic 😝

[nfr-girly]

I am BEGGING you to read this series bro it’s so good

i know who you are | 9. the end

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Joel leaves overnight for a scouting mission. When he returns, you finally confess your feelings for him.

Chapter Warnings: language, amnesia, slow burn, dry humping, some dead bodies 'n stuff, fluff, feelings, smut (18+ MDNI), piv unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), soft!joel, guns?

WC: 9.1K

Series Masterlist

A/N: Two things. One: I don't have the slightest clue how memory loss works and if what I am about to detail in this chapter is even plausible but if television has taught me anything, nothing is impossible only extremely rare. Two: this is the final chapter and it makes me very sad. I wish I could have thought of more storylines to drag this out but at the end of the day, I feel good about how it all came together and I can't thank quite literally hundreds of you enough for reading this each week. It's kind of insane. So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Also, if anyone wants to toss some one-shot/sequel ideas my way, I am all ears. Much love.

Two Weeks Later

"Joel," you whispered, your head tilted back into the couch cushion while his mouth greedily nipped and sucked at your neck. His hips were grinding lightly against your center and you knew if you didn't stop soon, you would be in trouble. "I think we should slow down."

"Mhmm," he mumbled in agreement, reluctantly pulling his hand from underneath your shirt.

"You're lucky it's still cold enough for me to wear a scarf," you murmured into his hair. He sighed against your neck, finally dragging his mouth away and sat up on the couch while yet another movie went unwatched on the TV.

"Can't seem to get enough of you," he said with a grin, his arm stretching over the back of the sofa. You rolled your eyes dramatically but smiled, pushing yourself up and fixing your shirt before looking at the TV. "Brad Pitt's in this?"

Joel tossed his head back and laughed heartily. "Think he's the main character," he told you, and you scowled at him but he could tell you weren't actually angry.

"Well maybe if you didn't distract me every time we try to watch a damn movie, I would know that."

The past two weeks had been downright perfect. Joel couldn't be any happier. Now that things had changed between you, he craved your touch constantly. Part of him wondered if it was his way of trying to make up for lost time because you weren't wrong: he couldn't keep his hands off you. He had no desire to leave the house or see anybody. All he wanted was to stay holed up with you doing absolutely everything and nothing. He shuddered to think how crazy he would become when you were finally ready to take things further. Tommy will have to drag him by the collar from your bed for his patrol shifts.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked him, leaning into his side and tucking your legs underneath you, only half listening to the movie.

"Patrol," he answered while the tips of his ears burned red from embarrassment, like you caught him doing something he shouldn't be doing. He was perfectly fine waiting as long as it took until you were ready, but it didn't stop him from fantasizing about it. And the fact that he already knew what you felt like, what you sounded like, what made you come undone, worked him up even more.

"How are you feeling about getting back out there?" you asked, tipping your head up to look at him. He didn't seem worried but it was hard to tell sometimes.

"Actually, there was somethin' I wanted to talk to you 'bout," he admitted. "And if you don't want me to do it, I won't. I put you through enough shit as it is-"

"Spit it out, Miller," you said, shifting out from under his arm.

"Now that the snow's melted, I wanna take a couple guys and scout the area for any trace of those raiders," he began, watching your face closely. "I won't go far, but..."

"But?" you pressed, raising an eyebrow.

"But I would be gone overnight. Just one night," he assured you quickly when he saw your face.

"Wouldn't the others have already noticed anything out of the ordinary on patrol?" you asked as anxiety began to squeeze your throat. "I don't understand why you need to go out there."

"'Cause I only trust myself to make sure we're safe," he explained. "If somethin' happened to anyone 'cause I led these assholes to our doorstep, I'd never forgive myself. D'you understand?"

You chewed on your lip and glanced down at your lap as you weighed your options. On one hand, you understood where he was coming from. And if no one else on patrol or guard had yet to see or find anything strange, then Joel would most likely not find anything, either. But on the other hand, just simply leaving Jackson was a risk. And even if Joel didn't find any other raiders, he wouldn't mean he would be safe from whoever or whatever else was out there.

Joel pinched your chin and gently tugged your lip from between your teeth, making you snap out of it.

"Can I go with you?"

Joel's face softened. "No, baby. You don't even remember how to shoot a gun. I can't risk it."

Of course, he was right. "Who would you take?"

He smiled and dropped his hand. "Tommy. Neil. George. Couple others offered, too, but I'm not sure how many we wanna bring. Don't wanna stick out like a sore thumb with ten horses out in the middle of the woods."

You relaxed a bit knowing he would be going with some of Jackson's most seasoned patrolmen.

"Okay," you agreed softly. His face lit up and he leaned forward.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you sighed, looking over at the TV as the credits began to roll. He hooked a finger under your chin and dragged your eyes back onto him.

"Thank you," he whispered before pressing his lips firmly against yours, trying with all his might to pour every ounce of affection and adoration he had for you into the kiss. You giggled against his mouth as he tried to push you onto your back once again, but you playfully shoved his shoulder before breaking the kiss and scooting away.

"We told Ellie we'd meet her and Dina for dinner, remember?"

He groaned as if he were in physical pain and reached out for you but you quickly stood up, wagging a finger at him. He gazed up at you from the couch with his brown eyes all wide and gentle.

"I mean it, thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve you."

You blushed and bit your lip as you slowly walked backwards towards the stairs. "You can make it up to me one day."

Joel's gaze darkened and he dug his fingers into the couch cushion. "Just say the word, baby. Anytime. Anywhere."

You laughed and turned towards the steps. "Come on, we should get ready for dinner."

"In a minute," he said as you disappeared upstairs. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to will his raging hard on away before standing up and following you.

You inhaled deeply, your body heavy with sleep as you struggled to focus on Joel's voice.

"Sweetheart, I'm leavin'."

With a groan, you rolled over and reached out for him blindly, your eyes still not fully adjusted to the beam of light shining in from the hallway.

He smiled and grabbed your hands, wrapping them around his neck. He felt your fingers dig into the back of his neck and shoulders as you feebly attempted to pull him towards you.

You asked him to wake you up before he left for his scouting mission, so he did as you requested but you were so warm and soft and supple under his touch that he was finding it impossible to leave.

Maybe you planned it that way.

"I'll be back late tomorrow. I love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss against your temple, taking an extra moment to savor it. When he pulled away, your fingers tightened around his neck and you lifted your chin, kissing him with an urgency he hadn't expected from your half-awake state.

"Come home to me, Joel," you mumbled, your eyes squinting at him through the darkness. He pulled an arm from around his neck and brought your knuckles to his lips.

"Promise."

It was so hard to leave but he kept reminding himself he was doing it to keep you safe. Regardless of what Tommy thought, something in his gut told him they hadn't seen the last of those raiders. He brought them into the mountains, and he was determined to be the one to finish it.

"I'm still surprised she let you do this," Tommy said a few hours into their travels. George was leading the group while he and Tommy brought up the rear. The forest was silent, save for the birds just beginning to wake in the branches above. After a long, painful winter, it was a relief to hear the first signs of spring.

"What'dya mean let me?" Joel scoffed, but when he locked eyes with Tommy, who was giving him a look that said he saw right through his bullshit, Joel grinned. "Yeah, alright, it took a little work but she understood."

Tommy nodded and went back to paying attention to their surroundings. They were officially in unguarded territory, the nearest patrol route now miles behind them. The trees had yet to fully bloom so it was still rather easy to see through the woods.

"I think you really freaked her out when you left," Tommy said, "she came runnin' to the house that mornin' in a panic. Thought she wouldn't let you leave her sight again after that."

Joel hummed and turned his head so his brother wouldn't see his smile. He didn't want to worry you, but every time he heard something like that, it reminded him how much you cared, even if you couldn't say it just yet.

"So, you two back to normal now or what?" Tommy pried. Joel shot him a look and he shrugged. "We got a long journey here. We can't talk to pass the time?"

"Yeah, mostly back to normal," Joel finally answered, shifting his weight in his saddle. He could already feel his lower back beginning to flare up. "Takin' things slow. Givin' her as much time as she needs."

Tommy nodded, reading between the lines. "Didn't look that slow the other night after dinner," he muttered under his breath, but Joel still heard him.

"She had a couple drinks, is all," he replied with a chuckle. He scratched his chin as he thought back to a few nights prior when you had draped your arms around his shoulders and your face buried against his neck for the better part of thirty minutes. It was late, all of the families had cleared out after dinner, leaving behind the adults to kick back and cut loose a bit. It reminded Joel of a time before the world went to hell. When he and Tommy would go to a bar on a Friday night, the smell of stale beer and cigarettes in the air while the patrons had to shout over a mediocre cover band playing Lynyrd Skynyrd. It was the first time in a long time he felt relaxed and at ease. He watched his brother and wife across the bar steal kisses around conversations with neighbors, grateful for a night out as Ellie had offered to babysit. He had you at his side, sipping whiskey and making a face before you switched to something else.

As the night dragged on, you got a little closer. Then your hand found his knee under the table and you tilted your head into his shoulder, quietly listening to him discuss the plan for the trip with George. He wrapped an arm around your waist but his focus was entirely on George, too concerned with the map he had spread out over the wooden table. George's wife finally came to collect him, telling him she was tired and he was too old to be trying to keep up with the younger men, shot for shot. She wasn't wrong by the way he stood up and stumbled a bit, leading him towards the door, leaving just the two of you at your table. Once you were alone, your arms snaked around his neck and you tugged him to your lips, your tongue greedily licking into his mouth, the heavy taste of whiskey and gin on your combined breath.

"You sure it was just the drinks? You don't think it had anythin' to do with Angie sittin' two tables over?"

Joel's face flushed and he cleared his throat. It shouldn't turn him on but he couldn't help it. He liked it when you were possessive over him.

"Didn't think it wise to ask," was all he said. Tommy chuckled.

The group made decent time. They had a grid in mind and they almost reached their desired destination by sundown. When morning came, the plan was they would make their way back towards Jackson and cover the northeast quadrant of the map.

As they set up camp for the night, deciding to forego a fire since the temperature was comfortable and they didn't want to risk giving away their location, Neil commented that they hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary so far.

"Not that I mind coming out here, Joel," he followed up quickly, "always a good idea to take precautions and all that."

Joel nodded and focused on spreading out his sleeping bag. "I appreciate you all comin'. Not sure if I say it enough, but I'm grateful."

Neil and George exchanged surprised looks at the unexpected appreciation.

They got an early start the next morning, and as the sun rose higher in the sky and more ground was covered, Joel began to wonder if maybe they would make it back to Jackson sooner than he thought. He really hoped they would. Even if it was just one day, he missed you. He hated sleeping without you. He hated waking up and not finding you curled up against him with your head resting on his chest or his arms wrapped about your waist, face buried against the back of your neck.

He was glancing around the forest, wondering what you were doing right at that very moment when he spotted something orange in the distance. His heart rate picked up and he whistled, catching the group's attention. He pointed through the trees and they all silently slid down from their horses. Checking their weapons, they fanned out and slowly made their way towards the scrap of fabric. As they got closer, Joel could see it was a knit cap stuck in a bush, fluttering in the wind. None of the men saw any other signs of life, each of them silently communicating with hand signals they were taught years ago.

Tommy heard shuffling and he held up his hand, bringing the group to an immediate stop. From his angle, Joel could see that the bush with the knit cap was right outside the opening of a small cave. The way the trees had grown around the rocks, it was impossible to notice it from a distance.

The perfect hiding spot.

He exchanged worried looks with Tommy before they crept closer, his rifle gripped tightly in both hands, ready for anything. The shuffling got louder and clearer and it became apparent that the noise was coming from right within the mouth of the cave. Catching Tommy's eye, he made sure to show him he was putting his rifle away in favor of his hunting knife. He always preferred a silent takedown over wasting ammunition, but just in case it went sideways, Tommy would be ready to cover him.

Joel situated himself next to the mouth of the cave while the other men, spread out amongst the trees, hid and waited. He reached down and grabbed a rock, throwing it about ten feet away to draw out whoever was hiding.

He didn't even need to see it to know what was waiting for him.

When the rock cracked against a tree trunk and he heard the telltale snarl of infected, he tightened his grip on his knife. The runner stumbled out of the cave with a shriek, jaw snapping angrily in the direction of the noise. Joel had run into his fair share of infected over the years. He knew the noise would have drawn the attention of any infected in the immediate vicinity, and when he only spotted one, he almost breathed a sigh of relief.

He took it down silently with a blade to the back of the head, then inspected the body. It looked fresh, the clothes mostly intact. The rest of the men joined him as they peered inside the cave, listening intently for any movement. When they heard none, they began to advance.

The cave wasn't very big but it was enough to house ten men. At least, that's the number of bodies they found, not a single trace of life left.

"Well, shit," Tommy muttered, kicking one of the mangled bodies with his boot. "Guess that hunch of yours was right."

It didn't exactly please Joel to know he was right, but at least it was the best possible scenario. The men were taken out by infected probably within the past week. He counted the bodies five times. Then recounted the backpacks and sleeping bags. Ten seemed to be the correct number. No one was missing, assuming the runner he had just killed was the only raider who had the misfortune of turning instead of dying right away.

They scavenged what they could from the dead bodies before trekking back to the horses.

"Keep your heads up. Don't mean there ain't anythin' else out here," Joel warned.

"The warmer weather must've thawed out some infected," Tommy mused next to him. Joel nodded.

"Probably should warn the others to keep their guard up the next few weeks," he replied. "Maybe add an extra body to the towers if we can."

Tommy nodded in agreement. The winters in the mountains were harsh but at least they saw a decrease in the undead.

"Now let's get the hell home," George said over his shoulder, the rest of the men mumbling in agreement. Joel ducked his chin to his chest to hide his relieved smile. Home.

To say you were happy to see him return was an understatement. It was closer to ten at night when you finally heard his heavy footsteps on the front porch.

"Told'ya I'd come back," he chuckled when you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight.

"I know," you mumbled into his shirt. His heart swelled in his chest and he closed his eyes, breathing deep the smell of your shampoo. You both had a lot of work to do, essentially starting over and building a relationship from the ground up, but it was moments like those that made him believe everything was going to work out.

"Are you hungry?"

"Nah, just need a shower," he said, dropping his pack by the door and kicking off his boots.

"So I take it you didn't find anything?" you asked, trailing up the stairs behind him. He walked into your bedroom to grab a fresh set of boxers and sweatpants.

"Actually, we did," he began, and your heart plummeted. He saw the look on your face and quickly shook his head. "They were dead by the time we got there. 'Bout ten of 'em holed up in a cave. Infected got to 'em first."

"Oh, wow," you breathed, slowly sinking down onto the bed. "Well, at least you have peace of mind now, right?"

"Exactly," he said, giving you a quick kiss before heading into the bathroom. "Be out in a minute."

You heard the water turn on and you glanced over at the red flannel of Joel's that you slept in the night before. Even though it was clean, it still smelled like him. You glanced at the closed bathroom door and bit your lip, your heart fluttering in your chest as you thought things over. The morning he left, you wished you had told him but you were too sleepy and you wanted it to be more meaningful. Then, when you woke up and his side of the bed was ice cold, you felt the dread begin to creep up your spine. What if something happened and you never told him how you felt?

Well, nothing happened. He was home now. Safe and sound. There was no reason not to tell him.

You heard the water turn off and you jumped up to grab his flannel and scurried out of the bedroom, across the hall to the other bathroom, shutting the door.

Joel emerged a few minutes later with his wet hair slicked back wearing just a pair of sweatpants, per usual. He tossed his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and looked around. He noticed the closed door across the hall and assumed you were getting ready for bed so he slid between the sheets with a groan. He closed his eyes and took a moment to appreciate the mattress underneath him instead of the unforgiving forest floor before leaning over to grab his glasses and a book.

When you tiptoed back into the bedroom wearing only his flannel, he didn't notice at first. His focus was on the small print in front of him, blinking a few times and wondering if he needed stronger lenses when you cleared your throat. He glanced up and did a double take, his lips parting in shock when he saw his red flannel hugging your curves, the hem falling just below your ass.

You looked up at him and feigned surprise. "Oh, is this okay? I was cold-"

"Yes," he swallowed, immediately cutting you off, "it's okay."

You smiled and made a show of bending over to fix the sheets. Again, he swallowed tightly when he caught a glimpse of your black underwear and he felt his cock twitch. Before you turned around he made sure to be focused back on his book, although he was most definitely not absorbing any of the words on the page.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw you peel back the sheets and with a sigh, you tucked yourself in. You glanced over at him, admiring his strong side profile and the way his glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

"I missed you," you whispered, and he dragged his eyes from his book to look at you.

"I missed you, too."

You caught the way his eyes flicked down to your chest where you purposely left two buttons undone so you exposed a little bit of cleavage.

"What are you reading?" you asked, and he laughed through his nose.

"I've got no fuckin' idea."

In a flash, his book was discarded and you were in his lap, your mouth hungrily devouring his as he carefully removed his glasses and tossed them to the side. He wrapped both arms around you and held you close to his bare chest, his tongue licking past your teeth eagerly.

"You look so fuckin' good in my clothes," he growled, sounding as if it pained him before biting at your jaw.

"I wore your shirts the whole time you were gone," you admitted, rolling your head back and grinding down on his hips. You bit your lip when you felt how hard he was already. "Almost the whole week. I slept in your bed and-"

"Fuck," Joel groaned, grabbing your face with both hands and feverishly plunged his tongue into your mouth. You moaned and grabbed his shoulders, the intensity behind the kiss growing too hot. You could feel yourself tumbling, free-falling into the abyss with the unspoken words sitting heavy on your tongue, hoping Joel would be there to catch you.

"Wait," you gasped, pulling away, but only a little. Your forehead still rested against his as you both panted for air.

"I know, I'm sorry-" he was about to apologize for taking things too far when you cut him off.

"Do you remember all those months ago when I asked how I fell in love with you?"

Joel nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you remember what you said?"

He tilted his head back, lips parted as he gazed up at you, wondering why you were asking him those questions in that moment.

"Yeah," he replied slowly, "I said you're gonna have to wait to find out."

You bit your lip and with a shaky hand, you traced one of the wrinkles next to his eyes. "Well, I found out."

His chest stilled, breath caught in his throat as he processed your words. His eyes roamed over your face, hoping and praying he wasn't misunderstanding. When you saw him nervously swallow, you smiled.

"I love you, Joel."

His eyebrows pinched together and before you could see the tears welling up in his eyes, he pulled you down for another searing kiss. This time, he went slower. He savored every second, he memorized everything he possibly could about that moment because the way you made him feel hearing those words was unlike anything he ever experienced and he didn't want to take a single second for granted.

"I love you, too," he choked. He could feel you smile against his lips when he pressed his mouth against yours again. "Fuck, I love you so much," he mumbled, his hands falling to your hips, "I'd do anythin' for you."

Your mouth latched onto his throat and you dropped your hand between your bodies, your fingers lightly stroking him through his pants. And once again, you felt his muscles stiffen and freeze.

For a moment, the self-doubt crept in. What if he didn't want to? Was he too tired? Was he not ready? Then his hand covered your wrist and you watched as he slowly dragged your hand up and down, showing you what he liked. Encouraging you to continue. So you did.

His head tipped back against the headboard with a sigh and he squeezed his eyes shut, removing his hand and letting you take control. He wanted - no, needed - you to call the shots. You needed to take it as far as you wanted to take it.

When your fingers dipped below his waistband, he tensed.

When he finally felt your soft touch on his cock, he groaned.

It was better than he even remembered. His eyes were still closed as you worked him up and down, the arousal pooling between your legs the longer you spent just feeling him and not seeing him.

"I want you," you whispered in his ear, and his hips jolted as he whined against your shoulder. You wanted him.

When he opened his eyes, he looked absolutely wrecked. You could see that he was trying his best to hold back, trying his best to make sure you were comfortable, that you weren't feeling pressured, that you really wanted it.

But when you sweetly whispered please, Joel, he didn't hesitate. He flipped you onto your back and pulled hastily at the buttons of his flannel while he cemented his mouth against yours. Your hands drifted to his hair and back, pulling and scratching as you went while he finally flung open the shirt. He instantly latched his lips around your nipple, making you moan and arch your back underneath him.

"So beautiful," he mumbled against your chest. "Tell me again."

You smiled and peered down at him. "I love you."

He breathed a sigh of relief, his exhale fanning over your skin, making your nipples tighten. His rough hands slid down your stomach, thick fingers splayed wide, trying to touch as much of you as possible at once.

You could hear your heartbeat thrumming steadily in your ears when he dipped his fingers below the elastic of your underwear, a deafening sound that made it hard to focus but when he slid a finger slowly through your arousal, your senses suddenly sharpened. The house could have been on fire but you never would have known because all you could focus on was him.

He dragged his open mouth across your chest, teeth grazing over your collarbone, tongue flicking out and tasting you as he went. His lips puckered and sucked at your skin as he pet gently at your entrance, making you squirm with need and tug impatiently at his hair. When he pulled his hand out of your underwear, you made a frustrated little noise that made him smile. He popped his finger into his mouth and you watched, struggling to breathe, as his eyes fluttered closed and he moaned like he had just slipped into a warm bath after a hard day.

"God, I missed that," he whispered, and the look on his face made you actually believe him.

"Joel..." you breathed, plucking feebly at the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Lemme just make you come on my mouth first," and before you could respond, he was shimmying down between your legs and tugging off your panties. When you glanced down and saw how good it looked with his head between your legs, you relaxed and leaned back. How could you argue with that view?

"Oh," you sighed when his tongue first slid through your folds. You tipped your head back and closed your eyes, allowing your muscles to melt under his touch. His hands held your thighs open but he didn't need to bother. There was no possible way you would do anything to stop him. Not when he felt so good, taking his time and expertly lavishing your core with his tongue. And perhaps he was an expert. At least when it came to you, he had five years of experience to fall back on. He surely must have figured out what you liked in all that time.

Your breath was growing ragged and you could feel the heat creeping up your chest. He pressed the backs of your thighs, pushing your knees up towards your chest so he could devour every inch of you, eating messily at your cunt. You pulled your knees back and hooked your hands around each one, your thighs becoming too shaky to hold open with your own strength.

It was a combination of his lips wrapping around your clit and the deep groan that rumbled through his chest that made you come undone the first time. Instant relief flashed through your body and you released your knees, letting your legs fall limply onto the quilt while he eagerly cleaned you up with his tongue.

When he sensed it was too much, he began peppering kisses along your inner thighs, murmuring praise into your skin as he went. You opened your eyes and peered down at him, your breath getting caught in your throat at the sight. His mouth and beard were glistening with your slick, his own eyes remained shut as he mindlessly nipped and kissed your skin, but even from your angle you could see him rutting his hips into the mattress, looking for any amount of friction to relieve the ache.

You reached your arms out to him and he inched up but stopped at your stomach. He sighed and rested the side of his head against your belly, listening to your breath evening out as he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around your waist. It took you by surprise that he wasn't immediately jumping at the chance to chase his own release when it was clear just a moment before he was dying for it. You glanced down at him and smiled when you saw the look on his face, simply content with just holding and being close to you. Carding your fingers through his curls, you heard him hum before pressing a gentle kiss against your stomach.

It might have been that moment when you realized he was right. What you had was special and rare. You could feel it in your bones, the way a look or touch sent a jolt right through you. The way you felt drawn to him, even from the very first day of your accident, you could sense something in him. You had no idea at the time what it was, but you were beginning to understand now.

"Joel?" you whispered, worried he might have somehow fallen asleep. Then you felt it. The first hot teardrop hit your skin and your heart clenched. "C'mere," you said, tugging at his shoulders. Begrudgingly, he obeyed. And after his arms loosened and he unpeeled his wet face from your belly, you saw the anguish in his eyes. All watery and wide and guilt-ridden.

"I don't deserve you," he said softly, his voice breaking a bit as you cupped his jaw. "Never did and definitely don't now. Not after everything I've done. Don't deserve your forgiveness, let alone your love."

You shushed him and pressed your lips tenderly against his, your thumb wiping away his tears as they fell.

"Don't tell me who I can and cannot love," you said, taking his chin in your hand and giving it a firm shake, like you were punishing him. He chuckled thickly through the tears.

You pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him slower, your tongue just barely dipping into his mouth. He groaned when you began to plant wet kisses along his jaw and you noticed with pride that his chest was rising and falling faster than usual while his hips ground into yours.

"Love you s'much," he almost sounded drunk, the feel of your mouth over his skin clouding his mind and mushing his words together.

"Yeah?" you asked before sucking a bruise where his jaw met his throat. "Then show me."

Joel kicked off his sweatpants and boxers with a grunt but when you went to remove his flannel from around your shoulders, he stopped you.

"Leave it on."

Your cheeks flared with heat at the way he looked at you and all you could do was nod and bite your lip.

It felt like time stood still when you first felt him enter you. Like nothing else in the world mattered outside of those four walls. He held your gaze and your fingers dug into his back, each of you savoring the stretch with your mouths hung open, the only sound was the occasional sharp little breath or gasp from one or both of you.

You could see it in his face again and you had a feeling you mirrored his look. It was too intense. Too overwhelming. So much had happened that led up to that moment: all the fear, sadness, laughter, arguments, long talks and shared traumas came crashing down at once. A tear slid down your cheek right when his hips came flush with yours and he leaned down to kiss it away.

"You okay?"

You nodded and wiped another tear away with the back of your hand.

"It's just a lot, y'know?" you sniffled, hoping he understood. And he did.

His eyes glistened and he smiled, his fingers brushing away a few stray pieces of hair from your face. "I know. We've come a long way."

"Yeah," you whispered, blinking back more tears. Your fingertips traced his bottom lip, your eyes flickering around his face, taking in every little crease and dimple. "Kiss me."

He did as you asked, kissing you slow and deep, matching pace with his hips. Your fingers dug into his arms, holding onto him, keeping him close. His hand pushed his flannel back, exposing one of your shoulders while your head tilted back into the pillows, momentarily breaking away for air. You moaned softly when he began to grind his hips against you, providing your clit with some much needed stimulation while he dragged his mouth down the column of your throat and across your collarbone. When he sunk his teeth gently into your shoulder, he felt you clench around him and gasp.

How's that feel?

Do that again.

Tell me you love me.

I love you.

Those sweet, desperate whispers were shared, breathed into each other's mouths, every word dragged out, every touch deliberate and slow. Neither of you in the mood to rush a thing as your fingers tightly laced together next to your head.

His other hand skirted around your back and under his shirt, palm pressing against your spine, pulling you closer to him, if it was even possible. He flexed his hips and you groaned when the tip of his cock hit a spot that had your entire body buzzing.

"Right there," you whimpered into his neck, brows pinched together and stomach tightening as you concentrated on the fire being stoked deep within you. Every one of his powerful thrusts was adding fuel to the flames. Your skin was slick with sweat and you began to regret keeping his flannel on.

"I know, baby. I remember," he whispered, tightening his grip on you. "Fuck, y'feel so good, I can't-"

"Don't stop! Please, Joel, more," you begged, tears welling up and spilling down your cheeks the closer and closer he pushed you to the edge. Your thighs tensed around his waist and his lips kissed the tears away and when you came, crying his name into his skin, he soothed you. He told you how much he loved you, how much he missed being so close to you, reminded you he was right there, that he had you and everything was okay.

Moments later, you felt his body tremble and his hips stutter. In a haze, you loosened your legs from around his waist. His lips captured yours frantically, fast puffs of exhale fanning over your cheek as he got more and more lost in chasing his climax. Your shaking fingers reached up to get tangled in his hair, ensuring his mouth remained firmly planted against your lips, muffling his groans and garbled versions of your name and I love yous, swallowing everything down until he yanked his hips away, spilling himself all over your stomach.

You both broke the kiss and looked down between your bodies, watching as each weak thrust painted your skin with more and more of his release until he finally stilled and shuddered.

After he finally forced himself to stand, he cleaned you up and slipped back into bed, one of his legs sticking out from underneath the covers, still slightly panting for air. You curled into his side, his arm wrapped around you, pulling you snug against him, his nose getting buried in your hair as you listened to each other's breaths even out. You quietly told him about a wound you stitched up at work all by yourself the day before and he told you how proud he was of you. You listened to him tell you a little more about his trip, how relieved he felt now that he confirmed with his own eyes Jackson was safe. At least, for the time being.

The last thing you remembered was him telling you how much he hated sleeping on the ground and how much he missed you while his knuckles soothingly dragged over your stomach but all you could think about was the warm glow that radiated from your skin and the delicious soreness between your legs as you drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, you heard birds singing outside your window. You smiled before you even opened your eyes. Spring was coming. You always loved spring. Something about it made you hopeful and calm, and that morning was no exception.

You awoke still wrapped in his arms and his flannel, your cheek pressed against his bare chest, one of your legs slotted between his, enjoying the peace and quiet the morning brought.

"I thought you died," you admitted quietly once he woke, your fingertips tracing over the scar above his hip. "When you didn't come back that day, I was so worried. So scared my last words to you were something cruel and hurtful."

He hummed and said, "Oh darlin', I'm so sorry," then kissed the top of your head.

"Don't be. In a way, it helped me realize how much I care about you," you replied, lifting your chin from his chest to glance up at him. He always looked way too handsome in the morning. It was hardly fair. "Made me realize I couldn't live without you."

He grinned and rolled his shoulder, stretching out his sore muscles. "Well, if that's all it took, why didn't you say somethin' sooner?"

You giggled and looked back down at his scar, the smile slowly slipping from your face the longer you looked at the pale jagged edges marring his bronzed skin. "God, that day you didn't come back, though," you continued, your brow furrowed as you thought, "I had the worst pit in my stomach. Almost like I knew something was wrong, you know?"

He nodded and closed his eyes, letting you talk, completely at ease listening to your voice.

"It probably didn't help I had woken up that morning from the worst fucking nightmare."

"What nightmare?" he asked sleepily.

You chuckled when you thought about it.

"It's not really funny," you explained, rolling off of him and onto your back, pulling his flannel closed as you moved. "It had started out just like this, actually. It was morning, we were in bed and we were talking... about death?" you said the last part as if it were a question. "I was asking you if you believed in heaven and I told you I was afraid we were going to hell." His eyes snapped open and he quickly rolled his head to look at you, waiting for you to continue. You laughed again and shrugged. "I guess it felt like a premonition or something. Really freaked me out, it felt so real."

"What else?" he asked excitedly, sitting up. You looked up at him and cocked your head to the side.

"What do you mean?"

"What else do you remember? From the nightmare?"

"Oh," you said, pushing yourself up so you were also sitting. You stared at the wall blankly as you thought about it. "You told me we aren't bad people, and even though I told you we had done bad things, I believed you. Then..." you felt your cheeks flush and he sat forward eagerly.

"Then what?" he urged, and when you looked at him again, any trace of playfulness was gone.

"Then... it got a little dirty but I woke up before anything happened. But I do remember you were on top of me and you said-"

"This is heaven right here?" he finished for you, and you looked at him in surprise.

"Yes! How did-"

"That was no nightmare, honey. That happened," he told you, his voice rising. He thought his heart was going to explode, it was racing so fast.

"What?" you whispered, but Joel was already jumping out of bed and tugging on his boxers.

"C'mon, get up! We gotta take you to see Nick!"

"Wait," you said, buttoning up his flannel as he flew around the room, grabbing new clothes for you both. "Joel, this was a month ago, what will going to see Nick do?"

"I-I-I don't know! But we gotta tell him. Maybe there's somethin' we can do if we know you're capable of -"

"Joel, sit down," you said, cutting him off. He froze, having just tugged on a shirt but his jeans were still left unzipped and unbuttoned. You stared at him until he took the few steps towards the bed and sat down on the edge. "I'll talk to Nick next time I'm at work, but I don't want to barge in there and take up his time. You know this is out of his area of expertise."

He looked disappointed but he knew you were right because he finally nodded in agreement and bit the inside of his cheek while he stared at the floor. You put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, drawing his attention back onto you.

"It doesn't matter, anyway," you said softly. "If my memories come back, then they come back. If they don't, they don't. All that matters is this... right?" you asked, inching closer to him and resting a hand on his thigh. He smiled and enveloped your hand in his.

"Yeah, you're right," he said, staring down at your conjoined hands for a moment. "You wanna go get some breakfast? Maybe talk 'bout it a bit more?"

"Sure," you replied, then leaned forward, kissing him tenderly before standing up. "I should probably shower, though. Last night got a little messy," you said, tossing him a wink over your shoulder. He smirked and watched your ass sway back and forth in his fucking clothes as you made your way to the bathroom. You turned around in the doorway, one hand on the knob, the other braced against the frame as you looked at him expectantly from across the room. "Aren't you coming?"

All the blood rushed directly between his legs and just like that, his excitement for you recalling a memory was replaced by a very different kind of excitement.

"Hell, yes," he said, standing up and shucking off his shirt as he followed you into the bathroom. He grabbed your face with both hands and crashed his mouth against yours, kicking the door shut behind him.

Three Months Later

"Can't believe I'm the one teachin' you how to shoot," Joel muttered in disbelief as you walked back from the line of trees where he had hammered a paper target into one of the trunks. "You were always a better shot than me. Almost better than Tommy, and he was in the goddamn Army."

You laughed and shook your head, still finding it difficult to believe that you ever shot a gun before. From what you remember, you were always afraid of guns growing up.

"Maybe I'm a natural, then."

Enough time had passed and the weather had gotten warm enough where you decided it would be beneficial to re-learn how to shoot. You didn't plan on going back to patrol, but in the world you lived in, it was an important skill to have.

You sat down next to Joel on the fallen tree trunk in the middle of a small field about two miles away from Jackson. He picked up each one of his guns and inspected them, making sure they were clean so there wouldn't be much kickback.

"Have any dreams lately?"

You sighed and shook your head. "Just the one about Ellie, and that was over a month ago."

When you woke up one morning from a dream that felt all too real, you shook Joel awake to tell him about it. It was a simple dream, but it felt intense. You had dreamed Ellie sat you and Joel down at the kitchen table, and full of nerves, explained that she was seeing someone. Someone she cared about deeply. You seemed to catch on quicker than Joel because the conversation lead to where Ellie had to point blank explain to him that she was dating another girl. He seemed surprised but not overly shocked, and when he shrugged it off and still maintained that his only concern was her partner treating her right, her face broke out into a huge smile.

After he confirmed it was a memory, you agreed to see Nick. He didn't end up having much insight on what spurred your sudden recollection that day, just as you expected. But much to your surprise, Joel was perfectly calm. In fact, he made a point of thanking Nick and you even saw him smile at the other man.

And it wasn't just Nick you noticed his demeanor changing toward, either. When kids playing in the street bumped into him, he laughed and waved them off. When Jesse proposed to his girlfriend, Joel was one of the first in line to give him a hearty handshake and wished them well.

You weren't sure if his behavior changed because you were so revolted by it in the beginning, or if he was just happier in general, but you didn't complain.

"Alright, so which one d'you think we're gonna use from this distance?" he asked after he showed you his revolver and then his rifle, explaining the difference between each: how they handled, when to use them, when not to use them, and then finally, how to load and unload them.

You gave him a blank look. "The rifle, Joel. I'm not a complete idiot. I've seen movies."

He grinned and holstered his revolver.

"Good girl. Beauty and brains," he said, and you rolled your eyes.

"Don't start."

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Don't start flirting with me. You'll distract me and I want to take this seriously."

"I ain't flirtin' with you."

"Yes, you are!"

He laughed heartily at your frustrated little pout. "Can you blame me? You're so goddamn cute."

"Joel..." you whined, and he held up both hands in defeat before picking up the rifle.

"Alright, alright. Lemme shoot off a few rounds and you watch my form, okay? Watch my shoulders and where my hands go."

"Okay."

You observed him as he took aim at the target, nearly hitting the bullseye but not quite.

"You wanna give it a shot?"

"Pun intended?"

He grinned and held out the rifle, so you grabbed it and sunk down to one knee, resting your elbows on the tree trunk as you tried to imitate his posture.

"Like this?"

"Mhm," he said, "now take a deep breath and squeeze the trigger nice 'n slow."

Doing as you were told, you inhaled and blinked a few times, making sure your vision was clear and your eye was on the prize. Pursing your lips, you slowly exhaled and squeezed the trigger - only to miss hitting the target entirely.

"Shit," you grumbled, sitting back on your heels.

"You got spooked by the kickback," Joel said, "try again, but this time try not to flinch."

You shouldered the rifle and took aim, once again taking a deep breath and focusing on the little yellow circle in the middle of the target. When you fired off your second round, doing your best not to flinch, you clipped the edge of the paper, but you were no where near the center.

"Goddamnit!" you yelled angrily. Joel chuckled and crouched behind you.

"Here. Lemme help you."

He wrapped his arms around yours and pressed his chest against your back, his hands coming to rest on top of yours as he made some minuscule adjustments to your posture.

"Y'gotta be gentle, see?" he whispered in your ear. Your eyelids fluttered but you managed to nod. "Gotta be patient. Don't let her scare you. Think of her as an extension of you. Like another arm."

"Her?" you teased.

He chuckled, his breath puffing against the back of your neck. "Yeah. Her. I'm respectful and careful with all my girls."

"All?" you repeated, leaning into him a bit. "How many are there?"

"Oh, tons," he said, making you giggle. "But if it makes you feel any better, you're my favorite."

"A favorite over a bunch of guns? I'm so flattered."

"Hey, now. Didn't you just say you wanted to take this seriously? C'mon, focus up," and you knew he was right so you straightened up and pressed your eye against the scope once again.

Joel stayed behind you, his hands on your shoulders to help stabilize your upper body as you squeezed off shot after shot. His advice helped a little, you were at least hitting the paper, but you weren't getting anywhere near his shots from earlier. He could see you were growing frustrated so when you ran out of bullets, he took the rifle and told you to take a break while he reloaded.

"It's okay, darlin'. It's gonna take a bit to get used to it."

You sighed and slumped forward on the tree trunk. "Yeah, I guess," you mumbled.

For the next twenty minutes, Joel coached you while you struggled to remember all his advice at once. Keep your shoulders loose. Don't flinch. Follow through. Breathe. When you pulled the last round into the chamber and took aim, you expected it to go like all the others so you stopped worrying about it and just pulled the trigger.

"Holy shit, you did it!" Joel exclaimed excitedly. You hadn't even bothered to look, so you quickly brought the scope back up to your face. When you saw the small little circle burning a hole through the paper, nearly dead center, you squealed and quickly placed the rifle against the tree so you could jump into Joel's arms. He wrapped his arms around your ribs and spun you around while you giggled into his neck.

"Told you," he said with a wide grin after he put you back down. You grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him into you, crashing your lips together, taking him by surprise. He stumbled forward but wrapped a hand around the back of your neck just as you lost your own footing and fell onto the grass, dragging him down with you.

You laughed against his mouth, still peppering kisses all over his face. He braced both arms on either side of you, elbows digging into the warm grass, smile permanently stretching across his cheeks as he soaked up your affection.

When your laughter died down, you pulled away to gaze up at him, your fingers playing with the dark curls at the base of his neck. The sun was shining over the field and onto his tanned skin, making his sparkling brown eyes look like the color of gold. It took your breath away.

"You're so handsome," you whispered in awe, your fingers leaving his hair in favor of stroking the graying stubble dusting his cheeks. He blushed and shook his head, but before he could protest, you spoke again. "I love you so much, Joel. Sometimes it makes me sad to think we probably wouldn't have ever known each other if the world didn't end."

His eyes softened and he gave you a small smile, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. "I'll always find you. In every life, in every universe. You've got a piece of me," he tapped your chest lightly, "I don't make the rules."

You laughed and laced your fingers together with his. "Like fate?"

He shrugged. "Call it whatever you want. I already told you, sweetheart. We're meant to be together."

You pulled him down for another kiss, this one more gentle. More loving. More intimate. For the hundredth time, you mentally berated yourself for wasting so much time after your accident when you could have been with him like this, being loved and adored and cherished all along. Instead, you both had been searching endlessly for some version of yourself that you weren't sure you would ever find again. But then you realized if you never did, that was okay. Because you got to fall in love with each other all over again, and how many people get to say that?

[nfr-girly]

he looks so young here help

[nfr-girly]

Baking with Hasan // 🧁 🍰

Summary: Hasan invites you over for a baking stream

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-Hasan had the idea for a while to do a baking stream with one of his friends, he had already done one with QT so he wanted to do it with someone who chat wasn’t familiar with

-that’s when you came into mind, chat knew a little about you from seeing you in the background of some vlogs, but you’d never actually done a stream with Hasan before

-you and him met through Austin and have been really good friends since. Hasan was a little hesitant as he knows you’ve never actually been on stream before, so he wanted to ask you first before confirming anything

-he called you up and asked if you’d want to do a baking stream with him, which of course you said yes to

-Hasan didn’t know it but you had grown to like him as more than just a friend, on occasion you would think for a second that he might like you back, but every time you saw him with these gorgeous models you always give your hopes up

-LITTLE DID U KNOWWW… Hasan kinda likes you back <3 anyway 😋

-you guys call a few days before the stream to confirm times and everything, making sure you both have ingredients ready, you tell him you’re a little nervous about the stream and he reassures you that if you don’t want to do it, please tell him, but he makes sure you know he won’t let anyone be mean to you for even a second

-Hasan is so so serious about this too, he absolutely adores you and if he sees ANYONE be even the tiniest bit disrespectful to you trust he’ll be ready to throw hands

-a few days later you go over to his house and ring the bell, fidgeting with your hands and sorting out your hair

-Hasan hears the bell and all confidence drops. Kayas already at the door before he even comes out the kitchen. He sorts out his hair before opening the door.

-you look up and smile “hey! How are you”

-Hasan smiles back “I’m really good thanks. How are you? Was the journey okay?” Hasan lets you in and hangs up your coat for you, you kneel and pet Kaya as she hops into your lap

-one of Hasans favourite things is seeing you bond so well with Kaya, it’s partly why he likes you so much, you’re the only person who Kaya didn’t bark at when she first met you, it was like she had known you for years

-you two went into the kitchen and set up all your ingredients, talking a little about how you’ve both been

-“you know I’m actually gonna stomp all over you today; my cakes are superior” Hasan boasts

-“shut the fuck up you don’t know shit about baking”

-“yes I do!!” Hasan defends back

-the stream starts and for the next few hours the entirety of the stream consists of you and him blatantly flirting (trust there’s gonna be compilations on yt of you two)

-the whole chat can see through both of you and are so baffled at how blind you are to the other ones feelings

-eventually, you end the stream and start cleaning the kitchen, it takes you two about an hour due to the mess

-Hasan occasionally puts his hands on your waist as he moves past you

“thank you for coming over to do this, I mean really I appreciate it” Hasan tells you

“Of course no worries, it was fun we should do it again sometime”

Hasan pauses and thinks. Just ask her out already what are you doing?

“Hey listen I was just wondering- i don’t know, if maybe you wanted to go out sometime?”

You look at him as your breath catches in your throat

“Uh- yeah sure, is it just us or with some friends?” Please say just us

“Well I mean I was thinking just us. Unless you think that would be weird-“

“No- Hasan id love that” you smile at him as he nods, smiling himself

“Okay great, would Tuesday work for you?”

“I can check but it should be yeah!”

You two talk as he walks you to the door

“Okay then, well I’ll text you later about places we could go” Hasan says

“Okay then. It’s a date”

Hasan smiles quickly before you can see

He gives you a hug as you head to your car.

As soon as you drive away he smiles to himself and goes to find Kaya, who jumps up at him

“Hey pretty ladyy, she said yes didn’t she? Oh yes she did”

A ping can be heard from Hasans phone, he takes it out and reads it

You

Sooo where should we go? 💗

hasan types out a reply

Hasan

Anywhere you want princess.

————————————————————————

UGH THIS IS SO SHIT but I hope you liked it anyway 😘

🏷️ @mavericksice @thatsactuallyinzane @kaya-p @fullofgutsndopamine @inhibitionfreewriting @the-phantom-author @makeandshift @hot-insurrectionist @hasblair

[nfr-girly]

Come back to me ~ Ted lasso x reader Part 1

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎ ⋆

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆

Summary: 5 years ago you and Ted confessed your feelings for each-other before he left for Kansas knowing you and him would never be able to be together, what happens when he suddenly comes back to coach Richmond again?

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“Right so when is the new coach coming to meet you?”

After 5 years of Roy coaching AFC Richmond, he had decided to pack it in. When everyone first heard about the news, the whole of Richmond went mental. Every newspaper, every pub, every household was raving on about it. Everyone well respected Roy’s commitment to the team, so to see him back away from the role shook the entire town.

Seeing as it had been 5 years since Ted left, no one expected he would ever come back, not everyone liked him but they sure as hell respected him. It had been hard on the team after he left, you can remember them talking about Ted after he left and letting themselves get ‘all sappy’, to put it into their words.

It had been specifically hard on you, though. The night before he left you ran to his house to let him know you were in love with him. You knew either way you two couldn’t be together, whether he felt the same way or not.

But he did. He had to go and make it harder by telling you he was in love with you too.

You were hoping for a casual heartbreak, you’d confess your feelings and he’d tell you he only saw you as a friend, you’d be okay with it because you’d never see him again. But that wasn’t the case.

*the night you told him*

Your hands were shaking as you approached his door. You had already said your goodbye earlier even though you knew it wasn’t the last.

You already prepared yourself for the heartbreak that was to come. He’ll probably say I’m too young for him, that him and I would never work. Or that he was still in love with Michelle.

You shake off your thoughts and ring the bell. Shit

Footsteps can be heard from the other side, a quick “one moment!!” shouted out

You were tempted to run away, to leave him confused at the door as you leave behind the man you fell so deeply in love with.

Before you could even make a decision the door opened, and there he stood.

“Oh hey y/n!! What are you doing here?” He stood there, apron on, messy hair.

“Hi. Could I talk to you?” Your tone was serious, serious enough Teds smile dropped slightly

“Yeah-yeah of course come on in” he shuts the door and leads you to the kitchen

“I’ve just been making some biscuits. Give em’ to the boss tomorrow. What did you wanna talk to me bout?”

You stare at Teds eyes, taking in the sight of him while you can before he leaves you.

“Y/n? You okay?” Teds smile has dropped completely now, all he feels now is worry

“I need to tell you something, and I know im the biggest dickhead in the world for telling you this the night before you leave but if I don’t say it now I’ll never get to.” You pause to look at Ted, his eyebrows showing worry as he nods, allowing you to carry on.

“I’m like, so so in love with you. And I can’t help it. I know that I’m only the marketing director, while you’re the coach. Plus we’re almost 20 years apart in age, I know that. But you can’t blame me because from the moment you came here, even while everyone thought you were a wanker, your entire personality drew me in. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way for you but if I am then so be it. I know that by tomorrow you’ll be gone, and it’ll most likely be the case that we won’t see eachother again, but you need to know how I feel otherwise it’ll stick with me forever. I’m not saying you have to feel the same way, and if you want I’ll leave right now. But you-.. you just had to know.”

You look at teds face. You can’t read him at all. He’s looking at you like some sort of statue, just frozen in time. You slowly move towards your coat, ready to go when you see him move.

He blinks and looks you up and down, his breathing staggered as he scrunches his eyes shut and wipes them. It looks like he’s crying?

Your face drops, you put your coat down and move towards him

“Ted? Are you okay?” You worry now. Shit. I shouldn’t have said anything

He looks up from the floor to look at you. His eyes are now as red as they can be, he sniffles his nose every five seconds as he struggles to find his words.

“I really, really wish you hadn’t told me that” you stay there, still, unsure what to say

“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to make you cry I only wanted you to know how i felt. If you feel guilty you don’t need to I understand! We can still be friends-“

“No. Y/n you don’t get it”

You stood still, waiting for him to continue

“I wish you hadn’t told me cause now I gotta leave here knowing you love me back” teds words take a minute to set in

“Wait- what do you mean ‘back’” you knew what he meant, you just needed him to say it

“I mean- I mean that I love you too, like in all the ways someone could love a person, I love you. And I hate it. Cause now I gotta walk away still madly in love with you.”

Ted stops, you both stare at eachother, not sure what the say next, that is until Ted breaks the ice

“But what the hell you think I can say now? I can’t stay here you know that. I’ve got Henry I can’t leave my boy-“

“Ted. Ted I know. I’m not asking you to stay, at all. Henry needs you. But if I never said anything it would drive me crazy”

Ted looks down at the ground, tears in his eyes now cause of how unfair the whole situation is

“I know. But no matter how I feel, or what I say I still gotta go back to Kansas”

You nod. You can feel tears about to escape but you hold them in

“Listen, I know that you and me wouldn’t be able to make it work, with me being over there and us being busy as hell all the time. But that don’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you. Cause I want that life with you. I want to you to be the first thing I wake up to in the mornin’, last thing I see when I go to sleep. I want you with me, all the time.”

You look up at him, unsure of what to say

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be back, i can’t make that promise. But I need you to know if I ever decided to come back, I’d be the first one at your door. Even if 20 years had passed, even if you’re married and have kids I’d be here. Cause I ain’t letting you go so easy”

You nod, tears now escaping your eyes

“Hey hey… baby don’t cry” he steps towards you and wipes them

“I’m okay, I just thought it’d hurt less than this you know?” You laugh as he does too. The whole situation sucks, you both know it.

“I should get going then. I dont know if I’ll ever leave if not now” you say

You two back away from eachother as you wipe your eyes “yeah uh- yeah let me walk you to the door” Ted clears his throat as you two slowly walk next to eachother. You try to look around his apartment, memorising everything for the last time.

He opens the door and you two come out the apartment. You turn around to look at him to see he’s already looking at you.

“So.. this is it then”

“Yeah.”

Before you can regret it you practically jump into his arms, your arms around his neck as you hold him as tight as you can. He immediately reacts back by putting his arms around your waist and hiding his face in your neck

“I’m gonna miss you so much Ted, you know that right?”

“I know darlin’, I’m gonna miss you too. So much”

You two stay like that for what seemed like an hour, scared to let the other one go

Finally, you pull apart. You can see teds eyes now, you know he’s going to cry, you could say the same for yourself

“Make Richmond proud okay? And make me proud.” Ted says

“I will. Ted, don’t be a stranger, okay? And say hello to Henry for me too” I smile

“I will.”

You two give eachother a quick hug before you go out his gate

You turn around and give him a wave, he gives one back, before you turn around and walk away. The tears all come out now, your vision completely blurred by the uncontrollable amount that’s coming out. You don’t care if anyone sees you, you just want to get home.

Ted keeps on looking at you until you’re out of vision, which he then goes back into his apartment, no smile on his face anymore, no emotion whatsoever expect pure misery. He was supposed to be excited, he was finally gonna be home with his boy. But the entire night all he could think about was you

God, he loved you so much. But he didn’t think you loved him back. He had made peace with that and accepted that his love was unrequited. That is until you had to show up at his door and make the whole situation 10x harder.

He couldn’t blame you though. Never ever could he blame you for anything. He was mad. Mad at the whole thing. Why did Michelle have to go ask him for a divorce, why’d he have to go and fall in love with the marketing director of the club, why the hell did he even come to England in the first place. Part of him wishes he never took the job, because having to leave you wouldn’t be something he could handle. Ever

He tidied up the kitchen. Made sure the house was clean and his bags were packed. He took his time going to bed, he didn’t want to rush himself cause he was one step away from completely breaking down

finally he got into bed, wrapped all his blankets around himself. Then he let himself hurt, he let himself cry until he physically couldn’t anymore.

*back to present*

“Well the new coach will be coming by 3, so you’ll be gone by then, but I’m sure you’ll catch him tomorrow” Rebecca hands you your tea before settling on the couch next to keeley

“so you don’t know who it is?” You ask

“Only Higgins and Roy know, he won’t tell me owt though” Keely responds

You nod as you sip your tea. You start to go through who you think the new coach could be in your head, you think of Ted for a moment before brushing your thought away.

“Well Higgins say he’s very good at coaching so I do hope we’ve got a good one”

You three keep on talking for the next half hour

*time skip to the evening*

You’re in your apartment cooking dinner, when keeley sends you a quick text

Keels 🎀

just met the new coach, you’re gonna love him

You

What’s his name!!

Keels 🎀

Afraid I can’t say babes, but trust me, you’re gonna LOVE him

You smile at keeleys antics. You’re nervous about meeting this new coach. You know hes going to be great, but at the end of the day you just want Ted back.

You finish up your dinner and clean a bit around the place, that’s when you hear the doorbell ring. It’s 10pm, who’s up at this time?

You go up to the door and open it, expecting either a late delivery, or maybe someone from work. What you don’t expect, is the man who left you 5 years ago, still smitten.

“Ted?”

“Hey sweetheart”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺

[nfr-girly]

Ugh guys I’m gonna have to start writing for this man he’s so fine 😫

does anyone have any requests 😼😼

[nfr-girly]

quick question what’s everyone’s opinion on a cooking with Hasan Imagine

tags: @kaya-p @fullofgutsndopamine @thatsactuallyinzane @makeandshift @inhibitionfreewriting @the-phantom-author

[nfr-girly]

nostalgia ultra!hasan, pre him and reader dating and how he gets flustered and happy/excited when she is around. also after they start dating, they would make appearances on each others streams more and chat would think that something is up… im sorry if this is bad or doesn’t make sense, im bad at explaining things 😭

nostalgia,ULTRA. moment 📼 🍊

notes: this is too cute 😭

🔖 — @babydollfacedangel @the-phantom-author @fullofgutsndopamine @questionable-behaviour @hasblair @bunnywabigheart @nfr-girly @benzodiazepines-withdrawal @kayakhasan @vicravluv @aomi-nabi

my pinned & my inbox is 📭 !

before dating:

he’s literally like a lil kid whenever he’s around you, he’s invited you on his stream one day, as a surprise guest.

he admires you from afar, finding your witty, intelligent and sweetness adorable <333

he does occasionally slip up with stuttering and and blushes a little more noticeably

chat has low-key seen hasan to be more energetic and excited whenever you was mentioned on stream, on streaming, anything that included your name lmfao😭😭

he LIVED AND LOVED teaching you about the political segments in his stream or talk about whatever is happening on stream in currently time

OR HIM OFFERING YOU FOOD OR DRINKS ON STREAM…

“nonononono, it’s okay!! ill pay, its will be easier then” hasan interrupted you and you gave him a soft smile and he MELTED (when in his imaginary life, just chat would pick it up 😭😭)

after dating:

you and hasan are dating, so far it’s been amazing <3

but u both didnt wanna go public……. yet 🩷

you bother starting appearing on each others streams more frequently, leading to more clip showing up on the hastwt community <3

chat SLIGHTLY notices the chemistry between the two of yous<33

but there is a few freaks… that are being too damn weird about it and hasan wouldn’t stand for it.

not that he would disclose the relationship between the two of yous. he’s just gonna be the bigger person <333

hasan becomes even more soften up and cute and more domesticy when he’s with you, especially on stream🩷

the both of you, both tease each other and make cute faces or gestures that are CLEARRRRR as day on stream and chat is just bullying the shit out of hasan😭😭😭

hasans confidence grows as he becomes more comfortable with you, everywhere he is.

to be honest, he will be really physical with you on stream and will, austin or qt will be there to give you guys a reminder

if you wanna keep your relationship on the down low before you both wanna go public

[nfr-girly]

went shopping and now all i can think of is a shopping spree with hasan (and him carrying all the bags with his biceps out like a slut) 😵‍💫

SLUT N’ SHOP 🛍️

notes: ur mind is so damn beautiful !! UGH, I LOVE THIS😭 literally went shopping yesterday + some sexual stuff, and i haven’t proof read it. i was writing this at the beach todayyy 🩷

tags: @babydollfacedangel @the-phantom-author @fullofgutsndopamine @questionable-behaviour @hasblair @bunnywabigheart @nfr-girly @benzodiazepines-withdrawal @kayakhasan @saiaise

my pinned || reqs are open !!

— sucker for seeing you in your most happiest moments :3

— he loves coming into the changing room with you, it help you rub out one or more than likely just finger you<3

— he purposefully pick out any bras that he’ll instantly see, just your boobs and to see them in different coloured bras

— you offered a challenge for him to pick out the best fit he can find for you.

— either the best outfit ever, or the the most hideous outfit ever. there’s no inbetween

— not to basic rn, but instead of having matching shoes. he will love having matching jackets instead!!!

— (bc he wouldn’t shut up about the size difference between you and him 🥹🥹)

— anything you’ll put on, he will nonstop call you pretty or cute <3

— and he’s our lil special boy, he isn’t the biggest fan being out in the public shopping centres. the most amount of time that you two would spend together would be 2 hours tops.

— anything over 2 hours, you two are experiencing sensory overload 😭😭

— yours black card <<< hasans black card

— i think he wouldn’t do a irl stream when he’s shopping with you. for privacy reasons … 😚

— the next day he would purposely have a segment of you putting on a display of what your brought shopping yesterday :3

— him in that wife beater tank, THE SLUTTY BICEPS… the thin glaze of sweat after him carrying all of the bags (for u <3)

— at the end of your segment on his stream, he will whine about how his shoulders, wrists (ESPECIALLY 😋) and biceps hurt after carrying all of the bags… 🤨🤨🤨 HE OFFERED TO CARRY THE DAMN BAGS ????

— always holding the car door for you/shopping doors

— but you will pay for lunch because he’s offering to pay for the shopping <3

— during your segment on stream, he will say where they’re from and how much they are. and will have a section on the stream’s scream with a note from each clothing item on the stream for the viewers to see <3

[nfr-girly]

fiancée life with hasanabi? <3

I love this sm!! I imagine this could carry on after this fic of mine <33

————————————————————————

-the moment you and Hasan get engaged, he will not keep his hands off you for ONE second

-he’s just so protective of you now, he always was but EXTRA

-the moment he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he devoted himself to keeping you safe

-of course with that came his fans. Everyone knew about you and Hasan, and there had been some hate around but you didn’t take it to heart, Hasan loved you even more for that <3

-he left it up to you to decide if you wanted people to know, i imagine you guys would do a hard launch where Hasan posts one wedding photo on his story and doesn’t say anything about it for like a MONTH, while everyone’s going crazy. It doesn’t get brought up until a random Fear& episode where they talk about his ring

-poor Hasan had so many doubts if you wanted to marry him though, he didn’t want you to feel pressured by his fan base. But you didn’t care about any of that. You only wanted him <33

-Hasan definitely would leave all the decorating choices to you, he’s known since you two were only friends what type of wedding you’d want, and he plans to give you EXACTLY that

-Hasan would also be very humble about his engagement, obviously he would talk about it with his friends but he doesn’t feel like he can talk about it as much as he wants cause of his social media presence. At night when it’s just the two of you is when he rambles on about how he feels. How excited he is to start this life with you, how he’s so happy you’re in his life and that he doesn’t deserve you. As he’s rambling you’re just lying there trying not to cry cause you’re just like “what did I do to deserve this man??”

-If you guys do decide to keep it a secret, Hasan will come up with ways to see you while he’s streaming without chat being suspicious. Like toilet breaks, or pretending the bell rung, one time he’d be like “I’m gonna see kaya make sure she’s okay” when she’s literally behind the chair.

-he just pretends he didn’t see her, he did

-I can definitely imagine a scenario where Hasan accidentally forgot to take his engagement ring off for a Fear& episode, but no one questions it cause they think Hasans told everyone.

-then will comes out with “do you guys have a date for the wedding?”

-Hasan FREAKS out, mans is already preparing to kill will barehanded not knowing his rings on display

-Hasans Like “what??” And acts all confused, then wills just like “the wedding date, for you and y/n??”

-Hasans looking at will shaking his head, trying to get him to understand that NO ONE KNOWS

-finally will realises and is like SHIT

-he does immediately jump to defend himself though by pointing at his own ring finger and then looking at Hasans hand

-Hasan looks at his finger and sees he hasn’t taken his ring off. I’m not even joking the pod is silent for two straight minutes after that

-you end up finding out about it and Hasans so worried you’re mad but really you find it funny as fuck, you laugh about it with Austin and qt for almost 10 minutes

-Hasan is PANICKING though cause he knows how fans can be and they don’t know how they’ll act towards you

-you reassure him it’s okay and it’s a relief you two don’t have to hide it anymore <33

-literally Hasan is just so in love with you, like in all the ways someone can love someone he loves you

[nfr-girly]

hasan finding out ur pregnant on stream 😭🫶🏼

AHH I’ve literally thought of this before - but then I remember I write and I can literally do it myself 😣

————————————————————————

-you’d probably have found out a few days before you tell him, just so nervous to say anything

-he’d notice too, ur mood changes a lil and he gets a bit worried

-you’d decide to show him on stream, and I can guarantee he’d be going off about a political topic and just FUMING at all the idiots he’s watching

-you slightly open the door and he stops to look at you, he’s still red after ranting for almost 10 minutes, while you’re there all nervous 🥹🫶

-“you okay baby?” He’d ask, which does settle you a bit and you walk over to him, not even saying anything and handing the test to him

-chat can see it’s a pregnancy test and already starts FLOODING the chat before Hasan can even react, just a bunch of “OMG STOP” “IS THAT A TEST??!!??” “Hasan in his dad era”

-Hasan actually takes a minute to figure out what it says, partly because he’s still coming back from his outburst earlier, but also because of all the emotions going through his head.

-you do start to get worried seeing how long he takes to respond. you whisper a “Hasan?” to get his attention, already preparing to take whatever harsh words he has to say, cause you’re starting to think this isn’t what he wants

-but when he looks up your heart actually melts, all the red in his face now gone and now replaced with tears in his eyes

-“is this real?” He asks, begging that it is

-“yeah it’s real” you giggle a bit, knowing now he’s not mad

-all of a sudden you’re hugged by a 6’4 man who’s bursting into tears, literally almost knocking you over, mans literally bolted into you

-you laugh and play with his hair, now crying yourself 🥹

- “so you’re okay with this?” You ask

-he looks at you and wipes his eyes, “are you kidding me? I’m gonna be a dad of course I am” he laughs and kisses you

-bro everyone’s crying in the chat now cause of you two lovebirds

-SPEAKING OF CHAT the amount of emotions that went through everyone ??

-the excitement upon seeing the test, the worry at Hasans reaction, and then the support after he hugged you

-chat needs a break cause wtf

-but after you guys calm down you guys go outside in the corridor to talk for a sec, you tell him about when you found out and he feels so bad he couldn’t have supported you when you did 🥲

-you don’t care anymore you’re just so happy

-you let him go back to the stream and you guys agree to talk later

-he’d come back to the stream and need to take like 6 minutes to get back into it

-he actually does forget what he was ranting on about 😭 chat has to go through it with him

-trust though he does go back to full on RAGING once he reads something stupid

-but all that’s on his mind is this new journey you two will be on <33

[nfr-girly]

beach football with rooster 🌅 ⚽️ ☀️ ||

:: masterlist

————————————————————————

-Bradley would bring LOADS of beers to the beach, you guys would need to take multiple trips to bring them all in, you dont mind though since he rewards you with a kiss <3

-you’ll be tanning while you watch Brad and the rest of the top gun recruits play football, every time he scores he points and winks at you 😚

-if you can play football, you’ll join in and play on the team against Bradley. Since its ’dogfight football’ the rules will be a little different than regular football, but he helps you understand it

-You’d purposely target him and try to take the ball off him any chance you get. He doesn’t mind though as he’s just happy you’re having fun <33

-if you can’t play, youll be on the side with the referee, even though roosters playing well, you’d blow the whistle and tell him to give the ball to the other team because he was ‘out of bounds’, just to annoy him. (he punishes you later)

-after the game, you’ll walk back to your chair, but before you can get there you’ll be lifted off the grown by him, thrown over his shoulder as he runs around the beach laughing, while you hit his back telling him to put you down. You secretly enjoy it though, even if you’d never admit it.

-you’ll spend some time taking some pictures for memories, you make sure to get pictures of Brad on his own when the sun hits his face <3

-little do you know he’s taken some of you himself, you looked so good today he couldn’t help himself. He’s just so grateful you’re his 🥹💗

-you both head back to the bronco, all tangled within each others arms. Mans will NOT let you go for one second.

-he kisses you so hard you honestly feel like you’ll fall back and hit your head, but you kiss him back equally as hard

-as you two are heading back home he just keeps on staring at you while he has his hand on your thigh, just so glad he has you in his life 💗🫶

————————————————————————

a/n: requests open!! Hope you liked this 😊💗

[nfr-girly]

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader // Jealousy 📚 🖼️

:: masterlist

Summary: Lately, you and Colin have been bonding over art and books, but what happens when a certain Bridgerton gets jealous?

————————————————————————

Benedict never took any interest into deciding to marry, with his family having a tradition to marry for love, not wealth, he had the freedom to focus on his art, without the pressure to find romance.

To him, romance was a burden that held you back from achieving many things, but lately, Benedict had second guessed all his thoughts on love.

For the past few weeks, ever since Colin found out you like to read, you two have been meeting continuously in the gardens to discuss your latest reads. At first, Benedict thought it was nice you and Colin were starting to bond, he was glad you had another bridgerton to confide in, alongside himself. But as days turned into weeks, Benedict felt a burn in his chest as he sees your interest slowly turn away from him, and towards his brother.

Benedict and you had met at an event, you both bonded of your shared liking of the arts, and although to many in the ton, your friendship may have seemed inappropriate, Violet bridgerton never thought for one second your friendship was wrong.

However, friendship seemed to be a heavy understatement to describe what you two had, neither of you would admit it, but you both knew some feelings were there. Your mother was very adamant on you marrying someone with a high status, like a viscount, or duke, which is why she never considered Benedict as a suitor. “He’s a lovely gentleman, but his status is too low, perhaps his brother the viscount would be a better suit for you?” She would say.

Oh but you wish she did approve him. Your feelings for Benedict never went away, every time he was near you felt planets away, just out of reach of something special.

So when the younger brother of Benedict, Colin came to you, taking an interest in your latest read, you didn’t hesitate to start discussing it with him.

You never once thought Benedict and you would ever happen, maybe some time with another bridgerton would help those feelings die down?

As weeks went by, you did miss Benedict, you felt bad you were starting to spend time with Colin more, but every time you and him made eye contact, the longing in your heart grew, and it needed to be contained.

Benedict missed you tremendously, he always tried to find a moment to talk to you, just to know even one thing about what you’ve been up to. But Colin would always steal you away.

What did you even see in Colin that you didn’t see in him? He would listen to you talk about books for hours, if it just meant you’d go back to him.

*at the bridgerton house*

You’re waiting for Colin in the library, looking through some books, when you see in the corner of your eye a tall figure

You turn your head to see Benedict, you haven’t seen or talked to him in a while, both of you freeze seeing one another.

“Benedict. I haven’t seen you for a while, how have you been?” You say to him slowly walking towards him, hoping to make conversation, instead he furiously strides towards you

“Why have you been ignoring me?” He asks with a stern face

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, you’ve spent almost a month going off with Colin talking about god knows what while I’m here missing you like some idiot” he’s mad now, he doesn’t understand why you have to ignore him to hang out with his brother

“I’m sorry, I’m sure we can arrange something-“

“Do you have any idea how much my heart has burned for you? You are the only thing I think about when I go to sleep, the only thing I think about when I wake up and you aren’t even there. I don’t know if I’ve done something but tell me so I can fix it. I’m tired of wishing you weren’t so far away.” Benedict comes to a stop, instantly regretting everything that just came out his mouth

“Do you really feel that way?” You ask, the warmth in you blossoms and that desire to be closer to him now grows

“Of course I have. I’ve felt it since the moment you spoke to me. I know your mother doesn’t want you to be with me, and maybe you don’t want to be with me either, but I won’t deny how I feel, you are the whole reason I breathe, every time you are near time stops and the only thing in the room is you. My mind goes insane because I can’t ignore the fact that I want you-“ before he can say anything else, you grab his shirt and pull him in to kiss him. He widens his eyes, but realising what’s going on, immediately kisses you back. He holds your cheeks to pull you in more. The whole room spins, the only thing you two care about in this moment is eachother.

You pull away and look into his eyes, so much desperation and desire painted across his face

”I’m sorry I’ve been away” you say softly

“It’s okay, you’re mine now, that’s all that matters” he laughs softly as he pulls you in for another kiss, harder than the last. Years of built up desire now let out, pulling the weight off of both your shoulders.

————————————————————————

a/n: it’s Benedict’s season soon 😝 I hope you guys enjoyed thisss! 🫶

[nfr-girly]

Someone tell me what video these photos are from before I go insane please 😇🙏

[nfr-girly]

why’d they crop me out?? He was clearly looking at me (this picture has me doing backflips)

[nfr-girly]

cameraman BLESSED us 🤭🤭

THE WALK, THE GLAZZZEEEEE OF SWEAT AND THE UNBUCKLED BELT… IVE CAME