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The A-Holder, prince among aberrations

Erases your personality and replaces it with a new, pro-beholder one

Severs your limbs

Writes "has a crippling fear of beholderkin" onto your character sheet

Stops time for you

Makes you clumsy, sickly, and unwise

General purpose teleportation

Puts you into a coma

Turns you to bronze

Deletes you from history

Kills everyone in your party except for you

The Eye of Beauty, a reverse beholder

Frees your mind

Limbers you up

Emboldens you with new courage

Speeds you up

Makes you strong

Holds things in place, like an immovable rod

Shoots espresso directly into your mouth

Brings statues to life

Creation ray that can make any object

Fucking at-will true resurrection

The Whimwatcher, a beholder from Miraland

Grooms small animals

Shoots tiny nets

This eye is just an anglerfish-style lure with a fishing hook attached

Rewires your circuits

Grants the power of flight

Broadcasts really bad violin music

Shrink ray!

Shoots harmless rainbow-coloured light

Shoots fireworks

Takes photographs, which are printed from the creature's mouth like a polaroid

Game design exercise: You've been tasked with creating a non-trademark-infringing version of the beholder. The design brief specifies that your version should have ten creepy eyestalks with ten distinct magic powers, like the standard beholder, but these powers must not overlap with even one of the standard beholder powers.

For the purpose of this exercise, assume that the forbidden list consists of exactly the ten magic eyeball powers that are present in the Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Monster Manual. (i.e., you don't need to research every magic eyeball power that's ever been attributed to a beholder in every iteration of D&D ever published.)

For reference, these ten powers are:

Controls your mind

Paralyses you

Makes you afraid

Slows you down

Makes you weak

General purpose telekinesis

Puts you to sleep

Turns you to stone

Disintegration ray

Just fucking kills you

These are all off limits.

So:

What ten magic eyeball powers do you give your legally-not-a-beholder?

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This ring siphons off a little magic energy when you cast acidic spells, distilling it directly into liquid form. You'll need to be quick with your hands to collect it, but being able to fill vials of acid on the fly has all sorts of applications for the creative adventurer.

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Deep in the hearts of the realm's most remote forests, ancient titans slumber. These legendary beasts are not just part of the land, they are the land. The power of nature flows through them, raw and undiluted, which they can manifest as an extension of themselves. Their bodies appear to be huge mounds of soil and vegetation, but in truth it is impossible to say where a xylotitan stops and the rest of the forest begins.

It is believed that xylotitans are able to connect to other plants for hundreds of miles around through the mycorrhizal network, through which they foster a complex web of symbiotic dependencies. This is why all the nearby plant creatures will rally to the defence of a threatened xylotitan - they know that, without its venerable guidance and protection, they would be lost.

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He ain't heavy; he's been the target of this spell.

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Taking such shortcuts is dangerous, for sure, but to get whatever it is you most desire... perhaps it could be worth it.

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Gerbils are tough little rodents, sociable enough to handle, but unafraid to stand their ground when necessary. They keep themselves clean and produce little waste, too, thanks to their desert adaptation. All of these factors combine to make gerbils an excellent choice of familiar for the adventuring mage.

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The time for stealth is over! Hark, for now the very earth shall shake with my passage!

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You can float like a bubble on the breeze with this elegant outfit. Make a wish, and your dreams will come to life!

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With its cheery pinkish-red hue, sickeningly sweet scent and cutely-shaped body, the strawberry blancmange seems fairly harmless at first glance. Taking it lightly, however, is a serious mistake. This ooze is just as voracious as any of its kind.

The worst thing about the strawberry blancmange is how it reminds you of the delicious things in life, only to rip them away. Sugar melts on the tongue; summer is ever slipping away.

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Does your hair frizz up whenever it gets even slightly wet? You might want to consider adding this spell to your repertoire.

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Don't you just hate it when you coat your dagger with poison just before a fight is about to break out, but then someone decides they need to monologue for 60 seconds first, and your poison dries up? Well with this dagger, patience can be a virtue.

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The faewish sprites were created by the Wishing One in ancient times, made from the leaves of the Grand Millewish Tree. Even now, long after the Wishing One left the world, they still collect the wishes of humans, hoping to find the most special wish as an offering to their god.

Meanwhile, the pieceys are the remnants of clothes once owned by the long-dead residents of Prosperville, animated by the lingering spirits an unfulfilled dreams of those people. They live peaceful and secluded lives now, in the abandoned ruins of their former owners.

According to the pieceys, the faewish sprites were responsible for the death of the Wishing One. Hence, not trusting them to care for the god's treasures, the pieceys seized the Wishing One's holy relics, kicking off a bitter feud between these peoples that rages to this day. Both groups are constantly preparing for war, pouring all available resources into their respective defence forces: the Wish Master's Paladins and the Volunteer Corps. Is there any way to undo so many centuries of mistrust?

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Sometimes it takes more courage to put a sword down, than to pick one up. Always remember: true strength comes from the heart.

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When I heard that our sci-fi setting, Dark Matter, was getting a patch to bring it into line with the 2024 rules, I was suddenly inspired to create a bunch of new magic items. Now, these were written before the patch and will only be compatible with the original rules, but I'm afraid that's all you're getting.

Anyway, I always thought there weren't enough magical laser guns in the original book. This may be my last chance to put that right!

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Prior to setting off on her adventure, Astra Glitterwing's fame (such that it was) derived from her potion-making talents. Combining alchemy and herbalism to create all manner of wondrous elixirs, she was the pride of her village, and she was the obvious choice when the queen sent out her request for aid.

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Having traded its legs for a fishlike tail, the storm giant waverider looks something like a huge merfolk, albeit with the characteristic purple skin of its landwalking kin. These giants find blissful seclusion deep beneath the waves, scrying out prophesies by reading the ocean's tides. They inspire awe and reverence in merfolk, who generally respect the giants' need for privacy but may call upon them in times of dire need.

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Ever feel like the trees are watching you? It's probably because they are.