mysecretchapters

[mysecretchapters]

i’m drowning

and i don’t know

how to make it

stop

[mysecretchapters]

Some asked me the other day what scares me the most about the future... the sad thing is, I couldn’t answer because I don’t see myself having a future

[mysecretchapters]

I hate myself so much its actually becoming unbearable

[mysecretchapters]

I’m so weak

[mysecretchapters]

I think I like the water

Because the screams of the world

Are muffled and distant

[mysecretchapters]

I'm so tired of everything

[mysecretchapters]

- I wrote this one when I was feeling particularly bad about myself... possibly triggering... I would love to do my own photoshoot inspired by this -

Vigorously she scrubs

Arms sore, clenched jaw

'These stubborn stains'

A mutter no less frustrated than it is upset.

Another cycle.

Rinse, wash, rinse.

Still. Not. Perfect.

She picks a harsher tool, a proper tool to do the job.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

Arms slow as the pain heightens

A final cry of despair before she drops to the liquid soaked floor.

Her face... unrecognisable. Her heartbeat silent.

Some stains just won't come out

M.Anna

[mysecretchapters]

Heavy Heart

*TRIGGER WARNING: REFERENCE TO SELF HARM/EATING DISORDERS*

this story can also be found on my wattpad ADashOfMegan

Twenty-eight lines burnt into my skin, one for each lost day. A small reminder of our happy memories and violent past. Purple stains the skin beneath my eyes, growing duller with each passing darkness. A small reminder of how much he felt like home. A decreasing number on the scale, did I forget to eat again? A small reminder of how time is so fast, yet so slow when he’s gone.

Each time I let my eyes close in attempt to escape the harsh pain within my chest, a memory claws at my eyes, at my mind. Tearing me away from the peace of dreamland. Tiny drops flow from my eyes,  an endless river growing deeper and deeper. That blue eyed man. That one who once caused so much happiness now only drowns out my light.

And nothing I can do, absolutely nothing can take away that pain! I scream and I yell and I curse him! Oh how I curse him. All I do to myself, it creates more pain. It creates more sorrow. I don’t want these constant scars. I don’t want these blood shot eyes, this endless nightmare, the worry of loved ones telling me I should eat!Telling me not to lock myself away! Telling me they’re scared.

I know I can do this. I know I am strong. So why? Why do I feel so helpless? So weak? So lost without him.

We were together for a lifetime, or so it seems. My sweetheart since eighteen. And now I stare, twenty-five, into my mirror and I think. I Think of all the times he caused me pain.  Think of all the times he made me feel anger   Of all the times he would scream    All the times would yell,

                  The times he would cry.

Deep inside we are both fragile souls. Lost in this lonely and oppressive world.

Maybe our love wasn’t true love, but a great love nonetheless. And I think… Just perhaps

We will be okay;

-M.Anna

[mysecretchapters]

(If you haven’t read the entirety of the Half Bad series by Sally Green then spoilers await. Also, this can be found on my Wattpad account ADashOfMegan) also, excuse my terrible drawing, I just felt compelled to draw this and then sprung this story/poem thing from my mind.

- - -

For Nathan Byrn and Gabriel Boutin

Two lovers “Friends” Soul mates. Bound by the earth, water, fire and air. Journeys by heaven, hills and hell made them who they are, sprung the the connection they have. A sweet kiss multiplied as time goes by, one became two, two became four, four became a hundred. Hands gripped tightly now, together they’re invincible. Nothing, but not quite no one, can get in the way of their dream. Violence, rivalry, and vengeance. Three stains on the world which cause even family to part. And that’s how it ends. Ones family fires, hungry for her own blood, but gets his. The lover falls, his chest and entire body wounded. An inaudible whisper, the name of the man with whom his heart belonged. Time stops for the goodbye, sweet final words and the last kiss. But his lover is stopped too, faded into his forever sleep. Soul mates, now bound by roots and flesh, damp soil from the lake yonder helps them grow, now together as one: just a hazel tree with two souls, resting for all of eternity in perfect peace.

[mysecretchapters]

One wish sprouts many Children's dreams of make-believe Dandelion joy

[mysecretchapters]

Sometimes I wonder if you care for me that way that I care for you.

Our situation requires your sweetness and if at least some fake compassion

But does it run as deep as mine Or is it for show?

[mysecretchapters]

Falling

I’m falling for you So hard I can barely breath Words cau- ght in my throat

I’m falling for you So hard my mind stumbles Endless thoughts of you

I’m falling for you So hard my heart is a fluttering mess

Are you falling for me too?

- Secret Chapters