mxkoifish

[mxkoifish]

bad news folks its the curse

my fucking face hurts i hate it here

[mxkoifish]

this account will NOT be posting any jumpscares or screamers this Thanksgiving

[mxkoifish]

speakerphone in public is rude as hell and i think less of you as a person for it

[mxkoifish]

I know this happens and it looks suspicious but

this image? we have every reason to think it is a cucumber, like it was made in clay models in burials period, it's painted green, it's on the small side of things (9.6 cm or 3 3/4 inch)

oh right and it was placed on a model offering table with small model bread and drinking cup

sometimes a cucumber really is a cucumber.

[mxkoifish]

Burnout is a jockey and he's riding me to death.

[mxkoifish]

Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

[mxkoifish]

my fucking face hurts i hate it here

[mxkoifish]

I love that every year fire departments are like "hey. maybe DON'T fry your turkeys?"

and across the nation, patriots rise up and shout "FUCK YOU" bc surely it'll be fine for THEM

and then start massive grease fires in their backyards

it is my most favorite thanksgiving tradition

[mxkoifish]

chase check this man for butthole worms

[mxkoifish]

middle aged lady on my bus just called someone's partner "your whimsical idiot boyfriend" over the phone . with sincere frustration might I add

[mxkoifish]

Or like, to put it in terms that the "read what you like, who cares if you exclusively read kids' stuff" crowd are at a reading level to understand:

In the book "Green Eggs and Ham," the main character insists that he will only eat things he likes, and refuses under all circumstances when presented with an opportunity to try something new. At the end of the novel [spoiler alert] he agrees to Sam-I-Am's request and tries them, and he realizes that he was depriving himself of a favorite food for years, just out of fear of disliking something he ate. He learns a lesson, moving forward, that if he tries new things outside his comfort zone, that he may dislike some of them, but will enjoy many of them, and if he doesn't try new things outside his comfort zone, he will not like anything but the one thing he already eats.

Can you think of any situations in your own life where Sam-I-Am's teachings might be applicable?

[mxkoifish]

[mxkoifish]

*takes up smoking just to have an excuse to go outside and experience fresh air + sunlight during the workday*

[mxkoifish]

i can't be the only one who's just straight-up ... bored with women hating themselves. my mom keeps lamenting to me how upset she is about her gray hair. my friend stares at her laugh lines every day in agony. my sister loses sleep over the horrible unbearable thought of looking fat. and every time these women i love open up to me, i can't help but think ... then stop staring at yourself? stop drowning yourself, narcissus, and just fucking live your life instead of sitting in front of a mirror obeying cosmetic corporations' lies. just stop it. this is getting ridiculous. you're too smart to be falling for this bullshit. "oh no but these men who hate women told me that if i'm ugly i'm worthless!" girl if you actually believe that then good luck. but i am getting worse at being supportive of people whose nonsense worldviews keep them trapped in pain. stop looking at yourself start fucking living i am pleading you deserve to be happy and it is stupid that you disagree

[mxkoifish]

without irony: we have got to start feeding these freaks to lions again

[mxkoifish]

the contrabass saxophone is such an absurd instrument