music-to-my-tip-toes

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“It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

— John Green (via quotemadness)

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“It’s not the length of time we knew someone that makes them so special. It’s what they brought into our lives.”

— Sandra Kring (via quotemadness)

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(by nattesferd)

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post secret 08.04.18

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bro, i dont even care anymore. fuck it! *continues to try very hard*

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My Love,

I am not unaware of how different her and I are. I'm not stupid, I don't think I could ever compete with her. She never even had to try and she has gotten all of your love and attention. I understand, shes smart and funny, shes gorgeous and talented in so many ways. And I get those things apply to me too but they apply in completely different ways. I'm smart, but life smart because of all that Ive been through. I'm funny, but my humor is sometimes dark and pretty twisted, not everyone gets it. I'm gorgeous, but in a rugged indie way with my long messy hair and big brown eyes. I'm talented, but in the way I take pride in my work and hold myself up and go after my goals. She is everything I am not, and everything you want.

It's a sad truth for me that you don't always get the person you love, but that's life right? You might have cared for me romantically at one time but I feel that you don't anymore. You've said it yourself, you couldn't love me or date me in general. You make it look too easy to keep your hands/comments to yourself. Yes I know it's because you would feel guilty if you felt like you have in any way betrayed her, but I don't think that is the only reason. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am; you just dont see me as anything more than a friend. No sexual attraction, no lingering looks, our hugs are different. You used to hold me like you never wanted to let go, you used to kiss me like you wanted all of me, you used to kiss me on the forehead every chance you got. It hurts. It hurts knowing that what you used to give me, you want to give to a girl that simply keeps you on the hook and at arms length. She won't even allow you to give her the literal Gift of your affection and time and that pisses me off so much because I would burn an entire village down to trade places with her.

But I can't tell you to give up on her, because that logic would mean I should give up on you. And I don't think I could even if I tried. Theres still this little big part of me that feels like one day you'll look at me with rose coloured lenses and think "Shit I've got this *enter prefered description of me here* right here infront of me and hasn't left my side since day one and has always had my back and believed in me, she is The One." I don't just want to be everything you need, I want to be everything you Want too. But I'm learning to come to peace with the very real possibility that I will never be that for you.

But knowing that you are still in my life, our friendship is iron clad and you're my bestfriend means the absolute world to me. And know that I would never hold it against you for not loving me back, it's not your fault. The spark just was not there for you and that's okay.

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“If you lose someone, but find yourself, you won.”

— Unknown (via quotemadness)

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