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[modernmixgirl]

First post & questions I ask myself

Hello everyone, 

I think that I must present myself first of all. My name is Sarah, I’m nearly 19 I’m a student and I live in France. My english is broken (sorry bout that). 

I am half turkish and half maurician. Right now I feel totally lost between my two origins and my nationality. I’m searching for an explanation about everything I’m feeling and questionning right now. I know that I’m not the only mixed-race person on earth and I hope to find people who will understand, relate to me and maybe help me find answers. 

My current problem is that ... I don’t feel like a turkish or a maurician person at all (even tho my parents are so I). I tried to “auto-diagnose” myself because my family couldn’t understand and help me. 

I don’t relate to both of my origins values, I thought that it might be because I never lived in the countries nor experienced daily life there. But I try to understand them. Both my families (apart from my mother) don’t understand why I can’t relate to them or to their values, and it is difficult to feel left out of your family. I feel guilty about it but at the same time I am proud to have and understand the french culture and values. 

I’m actually studying sociology and anthropology in university and I think that these two subjects made me question myself more than I would like to admit. 

I would like to know if any of your can tell me if there are authors, scientists or researcher who worked on this kind of subject so I could read them and maybe understand myself better in order to be happy and not to feel guilty all the time when I’m with my families. 

I don’t know if I’ll have any feedback on this post but if I do, thank you in advance. I don’t know either if I will make any other post on this blog, if this post will get lost on tumblr or if I’ll delete this blog because I’m too ashamed. 

Sarah.