mmiitka

[mmiitka]

light

moonlight washing over the night,

or the room with the brightest bulbs

cannot satisfy me

so i strive for others

(that's what i think, at least)

or i'm searching, scrounging

not for the light, but the feeling

of stars that bloom as i blink

or the blades of light slicing heavy lids,

the snap of a table lamp

that blinding moment

one of a millisecond

my skin would dazzle,

heart crack, brain flare,

stomach flood with bubbles

then i am floating flowing, slowing, drowning.

when my lungs no longer blink

once again, like an addict

my head longs for the flash,

dizziness of adrenaline

(sometimes my soul aches

for the path of my footprints,

to retrace them, head down

back to familiarity)

in the heat of the sun's eyes

i wonder what happens then,

when i have to shield my gaze

though only from the bedside's light

//

sometimes we chase for what we thought would be a satisfying goal, but it becomes a cycle that we got lost in, never fully content.

[mmiitka]

at seven i am a king

in lavish nightgowns,

plastic headband crown,

leaping from metal bars to bars

as servants of wind at my feet,

a cream pea coat fluttering with my heartbeats.

i rule from the rotting rooftop

raindrops are my fleet

at seven i am a witch

backyard garden, my domain

i tread lightly like a crane,

bow with a "please" for the firecrackers' sweet.

i wake them from their bed,

herbs - bitter to the teeth -

(in hope my form would grow)

carried and caressed in fistfuls

rest in checkered pockets of my peacoat

their scents intertwining with the stitches

at seven i am a force

i stand, glowing, besides campfires

laugh as a stray ember flies,

perches on my leathered shoulders

my peacoat, warm and worn

shrugs it off like a pesky bird

at seventeen, i write at my desk

i think the peacoat is in someone's closet

as capes, robes, armors

at their fingertips, nature

plants a little kiss,

sending them off to dream

[mmiitka]

"There's something morbid about the night."

But my steps are even, under the dark sky,

guided by tinted air, a steady rhythm,

sole then toes, distant rumbling hums,

between white strips,

once the beeps blink red,

I am on the other side.

While over my head

The chalky pastel morning

Coats light dust around my neck,

a twitch of my nose

The body dangles over sidewalk,

precariously still

Arching spine points to early traffic

Predator preys on being killed

[mmiitka]

tomorrow we will wake,

your cheek against my nose,

breathe proudly and bold,

as I hold my world by the hip.

we will love kindly, softly,

(never weak)

pull at the tide,

yet caress flowers on roadside

swallow the sun between our lips,

our veins alive with butterflies.

let us not be hummingbirds,

moving so fast to stay still

instead the Earth keeps up with us,

keep our hearts veiled.

[mmiitka]

There is something about fossil words

obsoleted, except besides another truth.

There is something about "I love you"

obsoleted, except beneath your weight.

[mmiitka]

Air

It’s true that fresh air is good for the body

We breathe the same yet my lung is shaky

The particles blend with our blood and soot

Wrap around the veins like snake skin

It sloughed, decay to butterfly soup

then quench and burn in an infinite loop

this is our body.

[mmiitka]

Tear

I will let my tears fall

as I curl myself into a ball, infinitely small

in hope of the spaces I left

will be songs no longer for deaf ears,

letters cracked open and kept dear,

fingers that squeeze back,

bodies warm from hugs,

mugs with gold-filled crack.