missmiyao

[missmiyao]

Us, Forever (Kiyoomi Sakusa)

Warning: Cheating, neglect, irresponsible drinking, toxic relationship, self-doubt, gaslighting, guilt, mentions of divorce, baby trapping, strong language, dub-con, unplanned pregnancy, smut warning.

You never understand why he accepted this marriage even though he's always blunt with his words. You didn't know him well and he definitely didn't know about you at all.

Sakura Kiyoomi, a professional volleyball player that plays in division one. He's your husband. You don't do that kind of sport so you don't know the rules well. Aside from that, you don't know him.

He's handsome and charming indeed, but he's scary and cold. He will tell everything he doesn't like explicitly. You were scared of him the first time you met him.

He simply scanned you from top to bottom. He's like a predator and of course, taller than you. Way too tall. He's 190+ cm while you are stuck at 155cm.

How can someone become so tall?

You barely reach his chest.

Nevertheless, he agreed to marry you after so many hints of hesitation were shown. You're glad that everything is over but it's just the beginning.

He rarely talks to you and he's not always at home either— your shared apartment that he bought just for you. He rarely talks but often texts about what he expects from you.

House as clean as it could be, meals, he didn't come back home or anything.

You're lucky since you noticed he dislikes getting too close with people. Hence, you know he will never cheat on you.

Though, you hope for a little romance. Three months of marriage and he never touches you. Yeah, just one shared kiss during the wedding ceremony and he hugs your waist like twice.

That's it.

You crave for more, but he is rarely even there for you to talk. Hell, it's embarrassing. Not that you know him well.

You did a little research about him and yup nothing much came out. Hence, you tried talking to his sister about what he likes.

"Kiyo? Mmm, how about you just talk to him? I know he's a little distant and blunt but he's kind, I swear." She tries to be supportive but she doesn't know what you feel.

You wanted someone that would be there for you.

Yes, Kiyoomi did say he's going to be busy for the season but still it's not going to hurt if he texted a little bit right?

*

His cousin, Motoya Komori, suggested you come with him to watch Kiyoomi's match. You told Komori you didn't know about volleyball, but he said he could teach you a thing or two.

You supposed that your husband should do that but he didn't.

"Look! Kiyo spike! His spin is nasty." You don't understand what spin he's talking about but must be about the ball. Is it that different? You can't tell but after Motoya's explanation you could see a little bit.

His team won, and you clap.

There are autograph signs or whatever is called held, and Komori told you to go and talk to your husband. You wanted to do that, but somehow he looked at you like you're his usual fan and signed the paper.

He didn't say anything even after you congratulated him. Hell, he's as silent as dead. You move to the other player, smile and get their autograph.

"Hey, thanks for coming and watching! Do you want me to dedicate my autograph to someone?" A taller man than Kiyoomi. He wore jersey number #9. You smile at him.

"Hey. The matches are great. I just came with a friend and now a little bit about volleyball. Though, I do want your autograph for myself." You tell him your name, and he grin and sign your paper.

"Bye!." He waves at you and you move to another player.

You continue to get an autograph and decide to look for Komori. He should be the one who drives you back.

*

He's not there. Fucking Komori :). He thought that you will go back with Kiyoomi but it's not simple. You're stuck, alone, hungry and penniless.

You stare at Kiyoomi, hoping he gets your signal. Tired of tiring, you texted him. He did read your text, and told you he's going to go home after je shower.

Hence, you wait.

30 minutes later, you texted him again since he didn't text you. Did he take a long shower?

He didn't reply, so you check his location. Surprisingly, he's already back to your shared apartment. You frown, deciding to just walk back home even though it's going to be a 40 minute walk.

You hold your tears, go to the toilet once before preparing to leave.

"Hey, you're that fan. Still here?" The #9 is right in front of you.

"Ah yes. I'm just about to leave." You're not going to make this awkward.

"Ah? With friends? Be careful." He smiles at you, and you shake your head.

"I'm walking back. My friend kinda lost...? And my hus—" You stop talking. Kiyoomi did say he didn't want his team to know.

"Alone? Where did you live? I can't let a woman walk all alone this late. Let me drive you. Don't worry! I'll drop the captain, his wife and Wan san." He offers.

"Sure. Thanks." You didn't think much as you accept.

You arrived home safely, waved at him and entered your house. It seems like Kiyoomi left you there and you found him inside his bedroom, sleeping like a log.

It's not like it's okay but it hurts. You don't want this.

You know that cheating is bad...

Fuck no. You can't think like that.

In the morning, you make breakfast and Kiyoomi is up.

"Morning, Kiyo. Have a seat." You said to him and he nodded, sitting down.

He seems to analyse the breakfast, before starts to eat.

"I want to talk about something." You put down your plate, staring at him.

"Speak." He replied, enjoying his breakfast.

"I know we didn't start on good terms, simply neutral. Perhaps you don't want this marriage at all but let's work together. I want to get to know you." You stare at him.

He seems normal, staring back at you.

"I'm a little busy for the current season. We can do this after." Urgh.

"It's just for a while, Kiyo. Also... I want to ask you for something." Your legs are shaking under the table and luckily he didn't notice.

"I want... You... I mean, us, had, sexual intimacy?" Your voice is too slow and he stares at you like you stab his mother right in front of him.

"I'm not ready for that." He replied. Your frown is clear to him.

"Okay... Sorry." Now you don't want to eat anymore. You feel a little embarrassed, asking that to your husband who is literally a stranger to you. He supposedly is someone that's close to you but he's not.

*

You decided that if he didn't want to give you any, you'll do it by yourself. Watching alone is not cheating, right?

You're frustrated and need to blow some steam. You're angry, a little bit.... At him. What makes him say he's not ready? Are you not that pretty? He didn't find you appealing or he's disgusted by you?

This has been going on for 6 months of your marriage. You feel like you're going insane. He avoids touching you like you're a plague and your last straw is when he just blink at you when he caught you wearing only a towel in the house.

"I think he's gay, Komori. I can't do this." You finally slipped your thoughts to his cousin. You tried calling your sister in law to drink together but she's busy.

Your mother and father in laws too. Hence, Komori is the only person who's free.

"He's straight. Get a hold of yourself!" He reminds you.

"I'm frustrated, Komori. He even refused to hug me! Did he find me disgusting?"

"You're not. Kiyo just need a little time to—"

"All he said is he's too busy! Komori, you're a player too. Division 1 too! Why can you be here for me and not him? Why..." You're drunk and sad.

"Well, I wasn't sure."

"I'm tired. If I know I'm not getting laid again after marriage, I'll never agree on this. Tch." You cover your face and Komori sighs.

"I'm sure Kiyo has his own reason."

"Yeah. Maybe he finds me ugly, stupid and dirty. He didn't find me appealing. He hates me. That's why he didn't want to do anything with me. I'm sure he is just using me to get away from other marriage arrangements from his parents."

Komori does think that's true, but he held his tongue.

"If I sleep with one guy tonight, would that be okay...?" You muttered that out and Komori feels chill on his bones.

"No. Don't think of that."

You get angry at Komori, since he doesn't approve of your way of thinking.

"But, Kiyo probably didn't do anything either! If he can handle it... Then, I'm sure you can!" He tries to assure you again.

"Hah, fuck it, Komori." You gulp another cup, before the night ends and Komori sends you home.

*

You tried everything you could to seduce your husband— based on Konori's idea. From clothing to perfume to everything.

He didn't budge. Hell. Now you're sure he's gay, but when you confront Kiyo about this he stated that he's straight and just not ready yet. Perhaps he's not interested and didn't want to hurt your poor heart.

He even pushed you away once. You beg him to do anything, but he refuses and leaves the room.

Thus, you can't take it anymore.

You start going out and be home late. You didn't cook for him anymore and never did your job as a housewife.

You start going out with your 18 years old clothing. Tight, almost bodycon, too short and accentuating everything. You put on bold makeup, do your hair and avoid Kiyoomi.

You're still going out with Komori, still. He seems to avoid staring at you for too long, and that makes you laugh.

"That middle blocker from your team is cute. What's his name?" You asked and Komori looked at you.

"Which one?" Komori sighs.

"The parted middle hair one and the serious one!" You grin.

"One is Suna Rintaro and the other one is Washio Tatsuki."

"Both are cute!" You giggled at Komori, holding his arms and clinging to him like what you always did before.

"Stop pressing your tits on my arms, idiot!" He yells, and you roll your eyes.

"Okay!"

*

You decided to support Kiyoomi's team once again. You didn't remember his jersey number or purposely forgot. So you buy the number #13 just to piss him off if he does care.

It's a tight fit and you wore a pair of very short pants down there. You swear you saw Kiyoomi flinch when you hugged his teammates.

"Ya my fans, darlin? Should wear somethin bigger in size." The number #13 said to you. Though, his eyes fixed on your boobs all the time. You felt him touching your back, all the way from shoulder to your waist.

He's too dangerous.

"A little. I like your serve. I think I bought the wrong size, silly me." You giggled at him. He grins at you, especially when you touch his chest. That definitely makes Kiyoomi stop doing what he's doing.

"I can buy ya a new one. Willin to have ma number? I can make sure ya fit." He wink at you, knowing your insinuation. You nod.

"Sure... Miya senshu." You noticed his jersey and he smirked as you called him that.

"Yer so cute." He hugs you again and you swear you felt him squeeze your hips. You tap him once, before moving to another player, Kiyoomi.

You remain silent, staring at him with a boring expression.

The paper you're holding for the sign remains on your chest. You ignore the silence and Kiyoomi before moving to the next player.

Kiyoomi never thought you would flirt with his teammates at all. He thought you're not that low, but you go lower and underground to prove to him that you're so desperate.

He thought that he should take things slow and watch you. He never thought you could feel lonely.

That's before he watches how you literally ride his own teammate in the locker room without any shame.

You cheated on him with his teammate. He's angry, really but he never rushes inside and yells at you and Miya. Miya didn't know you were his, and you never tell Miya either. But you could say you're married.

He could say you look so desperate, moaning and yelling like Miya is that good. He left, angrily drove back home and took a cold shower.

Nevertheless, he never sees you coming home that night.

And, he finally sees the divorce paper that you signed on top of the table in your room, hiding under a pile of books.

Now Kiyoomi is seeing red.

*

You never thought you would sleep with Kiyoomi's teammate. The sex is good, but the feeling that came after is bad.

It's... Depressing. It's guilt, you guess? Yes you wanted to get laid but when you cheated on your husband... You feel guilty.

The feeling of disgust haunts you when you wake up next to Miya Atsumu in the morning. You're full of his marks, bites and fluid.

You take a quick shower and leave his apartment.

You came back home with Kiyoomi sitting on the sofa.

Avoiding him like usual, that's what you do. Though, he didn't have it. Kiyoomi pulled you by your wrist and that's the first time he held you like that. The pressure though, looks like he's going to kill you.

"You're divorcing me?" He shows you the paper and your face turns pale.

"I- yeah but how did you fin—"

"You slept with Miya. Disgusting." He's angry, and you gulp

"It's my fault... I'm sorry. Just, I can't take it anymore. Sakusa, let's just get a divorce okay? You have volleyball to focus on." You pulled your wrist but he refused to let go.

"You bitch." He didn't slap you, but he threw the paper on your face. You didn't cry because you were scared of the divorce. You're scared of him.

"Sakusa—"

"We ain't getting a divorce."

"What? Why?" You feel frustrated all sudden.

"Cause I say so."

"No! Divorce me, Sakusa! I don't want to stay in this fucked up marriage!" You yell at him.

"What fucked up? Just because I didn't dick you down, you're mad and seek other men's attention? How low can you go?" He pushed you and you landed on the sofa.

"If only you dick me down early, I'll never sleep with Miya! If you ever be with me like Komori, I'll never do anything stupid! This is all your fault!"

"Cheated and blamed me? Wow!" He sounds sarcastic.

"Divorce me, Sakusa! Is it because you're gay and—"

He grabs your chin harshly and stares like a predator at you.

"Don't say that. I'm straight."

"Then why did you refuse to touch me! Am I that dirty? You never answer and you know what? Fuck you! I'll sleep around if you keep doing this to me."

"As if I'll let that happen."

In the end, he never divorce you. You wonder why, but he never say anything. He starts to treat you differently and you shiver every time he touches you.

Slowly, he is finally ready for what he was supposed to do to you for the last 7 to 8 months.

You are not ready for him though. Too big, too long, overwhelming and he dicked you down from dusk till midnight, from midnight to dawn. You cried and told him to stop, and he only gave you 15 minutes rest including a shower.

Ever since that day, he never let you go once. He starts telling his team that he's married to you and watches Miya's face turn white after he realized he slept with his teammate's wife.

In just 3 weeks, Kiyoomi knocked you up, not only one but with two babies. He's so smug about it and it makes you annoyed.

"If I fucked you earlier, you're about to give birth in a few days."

"Shut up you asshole... I- I never wanted to-"

"Sorry babe. I slept with the intention to have kids. Since you're so eager riding Miya that night, I'm sure you expect this." He chuckles at you, who's about to cry a river.

"We- no! He had a condom on and I took the after pill. Sakusa... You told me you wore one and I'm sure you are!" You're yelling at him now.

"Oh sorry. Forgot to mention the part where I tempered the condom." He's mocking you.

"I never wanted babies this early." You're about to cry and Kiyoomi sighs. He will leave you to cry since you're a crybaby nowadays.

"Nah deal with it. I need to deal with you, who slept with Miya once, for the rest of my life. You think it's not hard?" He smirks at you, and you hate his face.

"But kids are a lifetime responsibility, Sakusa!"

"Nah. We'd be great parents. I know it. You know, perhaps I should plan baby number three already. You seem cute, all crying and pregnant."

You slap his face, but he laughs at you.

"Call me Kiyo, just like you did before. Did you forget you're a Sakusa too, dear? So sweet, so alluring and so fucked up in the head." He kisses your forehead before leaving for the bathroom.

End

[missmiyao]

Happy Birthday to my best, greatest and perfect man Osamu Miya! 💕🩷

5 October 💜

[missmiyao]

Help (Kenjiro Shirabu)

Warning: Mentions of suicide, emotions instability, insecurity, overthinking, maybe related to depression, anxiety, lacks of social skills, lots of emotions, cursing, crying, idea of suicide, sensitive contents, act of violence, doubts.

You never thought you had to go to therapy. For goodness sake, you think you're doing pretty good in your life. Also, you never thought that was a thing in your life.

You just had a hard day. It's just a heat of the moment. Urgh, you want to kill yourself.

It's not like you're a violent person. You accidentally smack the face of the person that deliver your parcel because he's fucking incompetent. What? Is finding your house too much? He has been there for like 15 times and keeps calling you and asking you where your house is and where he should put your parcel.

He fucked up more than 9 times and the last time is the final straw, since your noisy neighbor keeps getting the parcel that's not theirs and they keep telling you shit. It's not like you can always be on your phone and tell the delivery person where your house is and where he can put it.

Thus, that's the first thing ever happened to you.

Second, you had a hard day too. You ended up staring into the void while waiting for the customer to come to the store. Your manager always nags you and your coworkers that you need to do something to increase the sale.

Like hell, you did not make the price so why should you do that?

Also, you keep being blamed over something you didn't do or some stupid stuff that makes you a little... Demotivated. Yup, that's your doctor's words.

You take too much break because you keep on crying for no reason while working. You hate that feeling. You hate that you overthink things too much- worry about something that actually could happen in the future but you shouldn't give it a damn because the present is more important.

Oh, I will be left with less than 100 dollars this month... Oh, I need to pay for my car. Oh, my car needs to get serviced and... When should I buy that toner that I really want from 5 months ago? What if I couldn't get my claim on petrol? Did I need to go to the team building?

Lots of things in your mind.

Sometimes, you just yawn too much and too wide, so you want to sleep. But stupid you and your brain. When your head touches the soft pillow, your brain starts thinking a lot of things. In future, about yourself, about your life and such.

You hate it.

You can't sleep. You need to let it go.

You need to get yourself together.

"You need to have plans in your life! What will you become in the next 5 years? How about 10 years later?" That's the famous words that you keep on hearing when you go to motivational talk or whatever it is.

Even your first doctor that examined you when you took that stupid test tell you to change your lifestyle a little. Start eating breakfast, wake up early and sleep early, eat healthy shit, do some exercise, meet new friends....

Fuck, no.

You don't want to have plans in your life. You can't even fucking decide what to wear and what to eat on daily basis. How can you think of something 5 years later?

"You shouldn't overthink things."

Then stop telling them to have plans in 5 years. What if you don't achieve those? Will you cry? Wasn't that pathetic? Then, what are you going to be then? A sore loser or just some shit?

When you think, it's going to be overwhelming and you're stressed. If you don't think, you'll be stress because you don't fucking think for your future. Fuck.

You don't hate your friends. Not even a little bit. In fact, you're happy when they achieve something in your life. Some get married early, some are rich, some have good jobs and some could travel outside the country.

You're content with your life, you think.

"Why am I like this... Why can't I be like them? Am I really happy with my life?" You do question yourself a few times like that.

Sometimes, on a good day, you don't think about any of these. You know that all human has problems in their life. Even you, your mother, your neighbor and even cats. Everyone has their own struggle in life.

But sometimes... When those bad days come, you can't shake the thought of you're fucking useless.

You're not worth being here. You just want to disappear and stop making your parents worry about you.

You might be one of the best students in high school but when you leave high school, you learn the hard way that IQ is not everything. You lack EQ, SQ, AQ? Was it that? You don't know. You're a little jealous that your friend could do things and have good problem solving skills that are better than you.

You get yelled at once at work because of that but it's fine. You are learning...

But why did you cried so fucking hard after you got home? Why are you so weak at heart?

You don't hate people, generally. Sometimes, you could just live by listening to people rambling at the cashier where you work. You listen carefully, nodding and sometimes smiling at their story.

But... You are not good at socializing like your friends. She's so damn good at talking! He is so good at presentations! They could be friends in less than 10 minutes of seeing each other for the first time. While you? Your pathetic self couldn't even talk and stutter each 10 seconds and avoid eye contact.

Pathetic.

"Why do you think overdose is the easiest way?" Dr. Shirabu's words make you snap out of your thinking. This is your first time being here it seems.

"Well, because it's easy?" You didn't elaborate further. He nods, staring at you.

"Mind to elaborate that, if you're comfortable." He did stare at you, making eye contacts that you tried to avoid.

"Um, so... Like, I do think that it's easy. For example, it's said that 8 tablets of paracetamol is max, right? I could take 14 tablets and not even at once. Also, it's over the counter. It's easier to get and to do. Well! Not that I ever plan to do that. It's just a thought, a stupid thought, really." You didn't know why, but you're smiling through all of this.

Perhaps you're crazy?

But! Dr. Shirabu said that you just have a problem now... Not an illness. Well, that's just the beginning right?

But why are you crying too?

You talk to Dr. Shirabu about the feeling of overthinking, the insecurities. But some of the words didn't get out of your mouth. You must be too stupid to even let out words that are easily comprehend. You're a mess and you hate the thought that you left your face mask before coming here.

"It's just a one time thing. It's not a big deal." You smile, wiping your tears.

He nodded, writing down something that you couldn't even read from where you're sitting.

He then changes the topic about what you learn in your degree and other things that seem nothing to you. Well, you're comfortable sharing it so you just talk. It's not a heavy and sensitive topic like earlier.

"Actually when I first took my course, I didn't even know what the heck this course was. Like, I don't even have an ambition." You chuckles, smiling. Reminiscing about high school it seems.

"Oh, tell me about it. Have you searched about this course of yours... Or?"

"Well, to be honest, it's my first choice. I never have anyone to ask around. I don't even know what I will learn or to be. But yeah. I think I'm doing good. Ah! Also, I don't have anything to do in the future. Like, all my friends want to be this and that. But I don't think that suits me." You mutter.

"I see."

"When there's an interview, I could never answer what my strengths and my weaknesses are. Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm good enough. Like, I start to doubt things, you know? I'm kinda nervous! Like, I do know about Microsoft Word or Excel but I'm not that good..." You sigh.

Must be stupid things.

Hah, does Dr. Shirabu really wants to listen to you rambling shits or he's just doing his job?

"Is it because you think you're not good enough or...?"

"Yeah. I feel that way. I do think my friends that look at me in jealousy in high school because I got number 1 in each examination are doing better than me now. I don't think I could ever get a good job. I'm not interested in jobs that are in my scope of degree. Hah... Even am I interested in them, I don't think I will be good at it? But I do know what I learnt." You want to stop talking, really.

You talked too much?

Is this caused by the best caffeine you got in the store in front of you before you went to work in the morning?

Nah. You must be very distracted it seems.

"Have you ever told anyone or shared about this to anyone?" He asks, looking at you again and that makes you nervous as fuck.

Did you do something wrong?

"Oh, just, my boyfriend. Haha." Although he did shrug you off at first.

You didn't tell your parents about this either. You don't really feel that they will appreciate you or anything. Besides, it's not important.

Maybe, you're just being sensitive for 4 days in the months and you ended up being like this. What if you actually just have a little problem and somehow, going to therapy actually makes it bigger than it actually is?

Other people have problems too. Why you should be-

"I see. So... From what I've seen here, you have volunteered in lots of things in the past. Could you elaborate on that?" He taps the paper that you just filled in earlier.

"Oh. I just do that because I have free time. Keeping myself busy and sometimes, it's work related. They have no one else to send so they sent me. It's nice to do something for society." Yeah, even you didn't get any money for driving there from your company.

"That's good. Do you mind telling me about your family?" He didn't smile, but you could tell he didn't want to make things awkward.

"Oh, it's good." Simple reply, and he noticed that. You couldn't say anything more.

You wonder why that is?

Even the way you fill the form before is like you're a fucking idiot.

Simply summarize your family history and their relationship with them.

- Okay.

Do you think you're religious?

- Okay.

Hah, even in high school you could answer that better!

"Are your parents still alive?" He asks, and you nod.

"Mhm. Yeah. They're living in another state. I visit them around twice a year." You muttered.

"Do you have any siblings?" He is jotting down, again.

"It's just me, my brother and my sister. I'm the oldest." You answered and he's satisfied by that.

"Alright. Since our session would last around 40 minutes to 1 hour, we could end our session now. Is there any question you would like to ask?" He smiles at you, and you shake your head.

"No."

"Okay. Let's meet again next month. I don't pressure you to come, but I would appreciate your attendance." He smiles at you again, and you nod at his words.

"Sure."

 "Ah, before I forget, I want to give you a little homework okay?" He takes out something from under his table- looks like a book. Mini book.

"Hm?" You see he's flipping the book to a page where you could see the words 'MY CONTROL' on the page.

"I want you to list your activities here. Remember, there are no such things as right or wrong. Would you fill this for our next session?" He softly speaks and you nod.

Then, you bid farewell to him and close the door.

Actually, you did forget about the task he gave you earlier... But whatever. You do think it's related to the activity you do.

Before you reach your car, you walk back to his door and knock.

"Um, Dr. Shirabu?" You called for his name.

"Yeah?" He's writing something, but stops to look at you.

"Can I have MC?" You smile, hoping to get one since you definitely weren't ready to go to work even though you have 2 hours before clock out.

"Sure. What time do you want me to write?" He asks, and you grin.

"Well, until 5 would be great." You said and he nodded.

He gives you the slip and you thank him again before leaving his room and going back home. Hopefully, you're going to be okay.

End

[missmiyao]

Today is my birthday, but I kinda get a little sad since there are only a few people that remember it. 🥺

Does birthday doesn't always celebrated and happier when you're older? 🤔

[missmiyao]

I tried calling for emotional support or whatever it is, but everyone is occupied. I don't know if I should laugh while crying now 😂, or... I don't know? Sleep?

[missmiyao]

I do think I need emotional talk but I don't know how, who and where to start?

Lots of things happened and I don't know anymore.

[missmiyao]

Masterlist (not really)

Haikyuu!! Trapped Dependent Help Us, Forever

[missmiyao]

Dependent (Toru Oikawa)

Warning: Dub con, stalking, manipulation, blackmail, kidnapping, attempted suicide, power imbalance, delusional, mention of harming person using knife, abusive and toxic relationship, unplanned pregnancy, baby trapping, mental health issues. 

You stare at him, standing awkwardly in the train. Usually, he go back home with Iwaizumi. Not today though, since you make sure that Iwaizumi need to stay back at school for good. It took you a few years to gather this courage, to be with him alone. Not that anyone in this train counted though.

You and him are alone in this train.

You smile at him, and he only nod. He recognized you though. Maybe, someone in Iwaizumi's class? You slowly stand up from your seat and walking towards him. After you did some research about Toru Oikawa, you know where he live, what station he stop, what is his favourite food and such.

Those fangirls can fuck off, because he is yours.

"Hi?" He speak to you, and you feel that your heart flutters. He's so handsome, tall and charismatic. Yet, you didn't reply.

You smile at him. You ignored the discomfort on his face. The train that actually packed with another people from the third stop makes you literally need to stand right in front of him. At first, you feel like your heart is going to burst from excitement since your crush is right at your back.

You hums in pleasure, as you trace your palm on his back. You feel him flinching, but could not move due to people pushing and stand static around him. He tried to grab your wrist, but you stop him before turn your neck to stare at him.

He did saw you glare at him.

"Do it and I'll yell." You said that as a tease, but Oikawa definitely didn't see it as one. He lower his head, nod timidly.

That's how you got to talk to your crush first time! You feel proud of yourself. Ever since then, you're all around him.

You come to his practice, cheering his name so loud that his fans start to wonder what's your relationship with him. You did not say anything at first, but since they kept bitching about who the fuck are you, you told them that you are dating Oikawa. At first, they refuse to believe that. Hell, why would they be in denial?

You're the one dating him.

Oikawa knows about this too. He was about to tell something that you didn't like, so you appear in front of him with a pout and cross your arm. 

"Well... I'm not dating anyone at the moment."

Oikawa is mean to you, so you leave the gym that day. Though on the next day, Oikawa told everyone you two are dating. Yesterday is just a mistake and he was just teasing you. You told him that you forgave his grave mistake, which makes him because more careful around you now.

Maybe, it's because a picture- Oikawa said you're a fucking psycho and need to fuck off, but you took none of them to heart.

But now, he's the one cling on you like you're the oxygen to him. You doesn't mind it, really.

"Are you really dating Oikawa? I never see you two walk together." Iwaizumi asks you one day, and you sigh before cross your arm.

"We are. He's busy, right? That's why we rarely spend our quality time together." Your words doesn't make Iwaizumi backed off. He noticed that his childhood friend is acting weird when you're involved in the conversation or within his sight.

He wanted to know more, but you dislike any attention other than Oikawa's.

"Darling, can you tell Iwaizumi to stop meddling with our relationship, babe? I hate him." You casually told Oikawa while you cling to his arm. His body is stiff, always and never been more ready to run away from you.

"Sure... But. Can- can you dele-"

"Delete what, Toru?" You stop walking and stare at him with disbelief. You pull away from clinging to him, and that what makes Oikawa panic.

"I- I'm sorry! I didn't say anything. Please, let's just go to the Cake House together." He's about to touch you but you jolt away. You shake your head a few times.

"It's okay, Toru. I don't want to eat that cake anymore. I want to go back alone." You walk away, leaving the horrified Oikawa chasing after you. He's worried and scared to death. You ignore him, simply walk back home.

You brush him off, telling him it is fine.

A few weeks after that, people doesn't see you with Oikawa anymore. Everyone thought you broke up, even Iwaizumi. Although, everyone could see Oikawa is in great distress. He can't focus on what he is doing and he need to sit out for a practice match with Karasuno. You pity him, really, but to finally realized he's staying because of that unnecessary picture is not something you wanted.

After a few days, Iwaizumi talked to you again.

"Oikawa seems lost without you." He mutters. Even though he could maintain eye contact, you could tell he's nervous.

"He seems fine. Besides, he's the one who doesn't want anything to do with me, right?" You walk away, brush away Iwaizumi that keeps calling your name.

On the next day, you skip school. You decided that you cannot live like this anymore. It's not fun anymore to keep whatever her name is- well, you do know she is Oikawa's mother, in your basement. 

You gave her foods and such and everything and she doesn't even scared at you anymore. Well, you did throw in your cute knife moments and such, but that was just the heat of the moment. You stare at her as she stare back at you.

"Just, go back." You sigh, before undo the rope on her wrist.

"Wait, what?" 

"I don't find him amusing anymore." You open the basement door wider, before leave to go and cook dinner. Weird enough, Mrs. Oikawa doesn't go back to her house. Instead, she insist to stay and cook with you. Of course, you doesn't mind the extra person but why she want to stay?

School is normal, other than Oikawa tries to talk to you. You start to become annoyed at him. You are done with him, and you don't want him anymore.

Yet, you can't. He start to kneel in front of the public, refuse to go to practice and even wanted to end his volleyball career if you didn't take him back. In the end, you did.

You went to every match of his, watching him finally get back on track even though you're not interested anymore. He start to become a different Oikawa, a different person from you know. He starts to ramble about how good his days are, start to hold hands with you, walking side by side, do homework together and he even get the nerves to stay in your house when it's weekends.

You lashed out one day, telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, since you don't like him anymore.

Oh, that's when you see him kneeling, bawling his eyes and scream at you.

"Don't leave me! Please, take me. I can't leave without you! Plea- Please, I'll do anything as long as you stay with me." He grab your legs, doesn't want to let go at all. You stare at him with disbelief.

"Take this picture and leave me alone, Oikawa! You're a freak." You throw him a picture of him before, which you made is as something as a blackmail. He refuse, shredding the picture into pieces and continue to cries his heart out.

He want you, and only you.

*

You graduated from a Beauty College and become a hair stylist. It's not something you love, but you could do it. You stayed in Japan, even though Oikawa told you that he's going to Argentina to become a greater volleyball player there.

Sighing, you told him that you don't want to follow him at all. You have your own life and such. He frown and sulk again. Not that he leave you alone though. Realization hits you hard when you realized about what you did to him before.

All clingy, telling him about this that he might have not listen and always crossing the line. You harassed him in the train before, correct. You did tried to assault him sexually, but you stop after you realized he doesn't like you back.

But now?

He could never leave you alone. He doesn't want to leave you alone. You are his oxygen and life. That's why he immediately propose to you a few weeks before he go to Argentina. You told him to fuck off and you're not interested but he insisted.

He gave you a diamond ring, not that it's expensive. It's also a ring that recommended by his mother. Now you wonder. Why does these two mother and son act like crazy person? You threatened, kidnapped and locked her up in your basement. You made Oikawa's life a living hell.

He doesn't deserve you, and you don't too.

Yet... He insisted.

You're working in a set- your fourth job for the month with good money. The actor and actress are not a fussy one, so you managed to get them sit tight while working on their hair. One of them are volleyball fans, watching a match that you definitely know one of them has Oikawa and the other one- you don't know. Oikawa did tell you before, but you purposely ignore his conversation and info.

Ah, you remembered that Oikawa did told you that he had interview today. 

"Ah, yes! I'm now living happily with my fiancée. She's drop dead gorgeous, kind and smart. I love her so much! Hey darling, if you see this, love you!" He wink at the camera and your eyes twitch a little. You stop spraying the hair you're working on.

You sigh.

"Ah? You know him?" The actor asked you, and you shrug. 

"Someone from high school." You replied and continue to do your job.

When you come back home, you are tired. The smell of good, hot meals entered your nostrils. You stare at Oikawa, who jump from the couch to greet you. He looks like a golden retriever that saw his owner that went to the toilet for 10 minutes. Longest 10 minutes in his life it seems.

"Welcome back darling! Today, I cook-"

"Shut the fuck up, Oikawa. What the hell? Why would you tell everyone that you're engaged? I'm not accepting any shit from you." You remember well that you dismiss his ring, smacking his hand that make the ring flew at least 10 metres away from you.

His eyes turned sad, as he started to tear.

"Cry, cry and cry. Is that what you can only do?" You didn't yell at him, but your tone is what making him sad.

"Please... I'm sorry. I- I proposed to you. I thought that you want to marry me. I didn't- I didn't think. Darling, please. I love you, I-" You slap him across the face, once.

He muffle his crying, standing in front of you and wipe his tears.

Dissatisfied, you slap him again and he didn't respond with anything other than those muffled cries. Ugly bastard. You scoffed at him.

"Are you seriously become dependant to me, Oikawa?" You stare at him with such intense glare. Oikawa could feel that his world is spinning and he's about to pass out if you keep staring at him like that.

He remained silent.

"I'm fucking asking, Oikawa! If you want to become silence as a fucking doll, then I'll cut your tongue!" You yelled at him and he flinch.

"No- no. I'm not dependant on you. I just, I love you so much. I can't live without you."

"Then fucking die." You shove him away, before go back to your room. Well, it's actually a shared room. Oikawa literally sleep with you every night ever since you bought a new house with loan. He did paid for you, but you never thank him for this.

You think it's weird and fucked up, about how Oikawa stare at you as you could give him everything in this world, as if you're the moon.

Oikawa did have an episode, consist of him knocking on the door a few times, apologizing while crying like a pathetic shit he is and yelling that he loves you so much. You ignored him, even though his voice is getting slower and the last thing you heard is him leaning on the door.

On the next day, you decided to go on a jog. You took a shower, dressed nicely with a plain black shirt and a pair of short. You hums, taking your phone and essential to go out when you unlock the door.

You sees Oikawa's body falling. He leans on the door so when the door open, he didn't get the chance to be ready so he fall flat to the floor. You stare at him when he smile at you, face pale and puddle of blood are under him.

"Stupid Oikawa, stupid! Did you really want my attention that much?!" You yell at him when you noticed a tainted knife on his lap. He cut his wrist vertically, which telling you that he indeed wanting your attention. Fucking, stupid, idiotic Oikawa.

Now he's doing suicide for just your attention?

"You finally look at me." He calls your name sweetly, as you tried to lift him from the floor. He seems like he's about to pass out. You cuss him out before push him into the car and hurriedly drive him to the emergency room.

About 3 hours passed, and you finally see him. The doctor did say a few things about him and his mental health too. You're annoyed, so the first thing you did when you see Oikawa's face is that you slapped him.

His lips crack and he bleed a little.

"Pull a stunt like this again, I dare you." You glare at him, really but all Oikawa sees is you smiling sweetly to him, for him.

"I love you so much." That's what he said.

After he got discharged, you half heartedly agree to his proposal. He wanted to bring you to Argentina, and you yelled at him to not cross a fucking line again. He pouted, yes, but that doesn't mean he can't left you in Japan alone.

Two months after he went to Argentina, he got a call from you. You screamed out your lungs to him. You finally realized he tricked you when he told you that he wore a condom that night. You thought you're smart enough, but not too smart to not notice that he poke a few hole on the condom.

Yet, Oikawa could only grin, chuckling over the phone when he know you're pregnant.

"That's a good news, darling! We're going to be a great father and mother! Though you need to lower your anger issu- Ah she hung up." Oikawa pouted, before put away his phone and go back to his practice.

You throw your phone to the wall until it shattered, as anger radiating from your body.

"Stupid Oikawa..."

In the end, you're the one that need to depend on him.

End

[missmiyao]

I woke up thrice in the same night because it's too hot to sleep and my apartment and the area have issues with water supplies 😭

I wanna peeee so badly 🤡

[missmiyao]

Am I an as* for asking my boyfriend of 7 years (from highschool) questions about marriage/engagement?

Did I asked too much that he think I keep insisting him?

We're both still young though.

Maybe I shouldn't worry too much?

[missmiyao]

Trapped (Bokuto Kotaro)

This is my first time posting fanfiction here. Please, be kind to me and my bad grammars. This is a story of Haikyuu!! Bokuto and you. Yes, no name mention but the story emphasize heavily on female reader.

Warning: Dark content, use of drug, rape, non consensual, blackmailing, cursing, use of alcohol, mention of making out, yandere.

It's such a blurry night. You don't even know where you're now. Hell, you don't even remember why you're here in the first place. The loud music, the sensual and awkward movements of people dancing, the way some people tried to grind on your ass- men and women, makes everything feels more hazy than before. 

Ah, you're in a nightclub. Finally, you remember.

You're not even want to be here in the first place. It's just some stupid reunion of Karasuno High School Volleyball Club. Hitoka Yachi, one of your closest friend and senior during high school- also your other partner as manager when she is in second year, begging that you would come with her.

Today is the day of the match of MSBY Black Jackals versus Schweiden Adlers and almost everyone from the high school club is here, celebrating in the nightclub. Also, there are a few members of Black Jackals around and you hate it. You want to go back home.

Now, you don't even know where Yachi is. Perhaps, she went to the bathroom. Perhaps, she's having one of the best hook up with her life with who's the guy again? Ah. Yamaguchi. Whatever it is, it's not your place to judge.

Everyone is now legal, you just turned 23 a few days ago. You barely finished your degree in college. Now, you just want to find a better job than you're working right now because your boss is such an ass even though you're just started working. Hell, you're in the company less than 3 months and chaos already ensued.

Your head feels throbbing, as if it's going to explode in a minute. You need to leave.

As you walk on the dance floor, just wanting to exit through the front door while pushing people that keep dancing and annoy you to no end, someone pulls your arm. You want to yell, really. Your head is pounding, and this person might be the cause if you drop dead right here and now.

"Hey! Going home already?" Someone calls for your name and seriously, you don't even know this guy well. Yes, he's someone in Black Jackals team but who cares?

You don't reply to his advances, simply shove away his hand that might be gripping way too hard on your arm. It's really painful or maybe, it's just an exaggeration? Maybe, you just drink too much tonight and need to call it a night.

"Hm." You said that after you feel he keeps tugging you, as if he didn't want you to leave. Perhaps it's just your imagination.

"Hey, you okay? You don't look good." Urgh, just fucking leave. You hesitate to answer now, but still, you pull away your arm from him before walks away. Maybe it's the heels you are wearing. Maybe it's just the alcohol but somehow, with the way you walk, you could even tell that you're not walking straight.

You wonder why.

The man immediately grab your waist as he noticed you're about to fall on your knees on the dance floor. He looks worried.

"Let's leave. You should sober up." You feel confuse all of sudden. Your legs feels wobbly. You're yawning too, you're sure of it. Yet, the feeling like you are about to collapse to the ground are also there.

You let the man brought you. You could not think of any way to survive this. He carefully hold your waist, slowly helps you to walk with him. Hm, did he called for cab? You didn't know. You could see he's using his phone but you could not even read the juggling words on the screen. 

You feels like the world is collapsing. Fuck, why everything feels so confusing?

Now, you're in a car with him. You could smell him since he's too close to your body. He's way taller, bigger than you but he hold you with such care. You leans to his chest, without any intention because your head hurts once again. You might be whimpering without you noticed too.

Somehow, your visions darkened right after the car stop.

*

You don't even know what is happening. The soft material of the duvet and the bed sheets greet your back and you feels like you're going to fall asleep. Deep slumber if you could. Some muttering from someone- the man that brought you here earlier is not something you could catch. You could not even hear shit. He's mumbling and you are sleepy.

You just want to sleep, that's all.

"So pretty... Finally, I could have you all by myself." 

Did you hear that wrong? Perhaps not. Maybe, you're really sleepy and start hearing things. Stupid drink, stupid alcohol, stupid reunion party. Stupid people that doesn't even want to hear your super pathetic life after graduation from high school.

You feel something pressed your body deeper into the sheets. It's very heavy. You feels like you're losing your breath at this moment. Although, the last thing you see is him- smiling like a psycho as he's going on top of your body. No way.

This must be a dream.

You hope so, but you immediately passed out.

*

It's the sound of fucking loud alarm that wake you up in the morning. You feels hazy a little, but otherwise, it is a good sleep. That's okay, until you feel the soreness coming from the lower part of your body. Confused is all you feel right now.

You don't want to think any of it, especially when you see a man is sleeping right next to you on the same bed. You want to yell, you want to scream at him. You want to hit him tons of times but you couldn't. Instead, you start crying, confused and feels vulnerable at this moment.

Whimpering mess, very, pathetic of you.

He suddenly woke up because of your damn crying. He looks irritated when his sleep has been interrupted, but when he sees you, he smile.

He smile as if he had done nothing at all.

"Good morning, sweet girl. How's your sleep?" He sounds so sweet like he always do. He always speak softly and sweetly to you when he meet you before. Even during high school. 

"I- I- what... What did you..." You can't say more words. Every syllable that you want to spit and throw at him stuck in your throat. Burning sensation is what you feel in your throat now.

"Shush, sweet girl. It's still early. Stupid alarm that Tsum Tsum set as prank for me. Let's just go back to sleep, okay?" He tap your cheek with both of his palms. He act as if you two are in relationship.

"Bokuto... I-"

"Shush. No worries. Everything will be all fine, ya?" No, it will not. What crack did he took?

"Why- why I'm here with you?" You could only speak as slow as your voice could get. Perhaps he didn't hear anything but at least you got your words out your pathetic mouth and that's an accomplishment.

"Oh! I brought you here." He smile. The curtains flapping a few times, so you could see the that the outside of your room you're now in is still dark. Indeed, it is still early.

"No. I mean, why I'm here- naked, under this sheets with you?" You feel like your heart is about to burst when you ask that question. Tears start forming in your eyes. It's such a surprised for Bokuto to see you cry so fast like this.

Never in his life he ever see you cry like that, not even when Karasuno won the third place during your second year in high school.

"Ah, that. Well listen sweet gi-"

"Did you raped me, Bokuto?" You cut his sentence, as your breath is going faster and faster each second. The dread of waiting for him to answer is not something you like. It's like a knife cutting your neck deeper and deeper each second passing.

"I would not call it rape, okay! We made love, and that's what happened last night." He wipes your tears, cooing you at the same time. His tone is stern, contradict to the soft acts he is doing now.

"No- No. Fuck, no! We did not make love or anything- I passed out. You- You took advantage of me during my vulnerable state!" You yelled at him, pushing away his hands away from you or at least your face. You feel disgusted.

Yes, you're not a virgin but this is not okay at all.

"Of course you passed out. You took a medicine." He pout when you hit his hands away. He moves a little bit, making the duvet fall from his upper body- showing his naked chest. 

"I took a what? Medicine? No. I did not do such thing. I don't even have medication that I should take!" You're tired talking to this man. You wanted to leave, but you feel weak. Your body could not move and your tears are flowing even more.

"Shhh. No, sweet girl. You did take a medicine. I put it in your drink last night. It worried me if it's not working but hey, it is!" He sounds way too happy. You wipes your tears, shaking your head in disbelief.

"You spiked my drink?!"

"That's a harsh way to put it in words, but I did put something in your drink." He didn't look guilty. You feel disgusted by this man- perhaps you should call him a pig, a menace to society and he should just die. 

He should-

"Don't even think that you can even leave me, or even tell anyone about this." His tone change and that scared you. It makes you shiver and you feel it up until your spine. You are just about to leave the bed, wanting to find at least pieces of your clothes.

"W- what? What makes you think I would keep quiet about this?" You stare at him, and he chuckles.

"I must say, you're really pretty even though you're sleeping. I could jack off of your pictures, video or anything that involves you for years. Hell, even forever." His words makes you cover your mouth. That's when you find a camera, resting just at the vanity table. You could see an indicator from the camera that it is still recording.

"Bo- You recorded us?"

"No one will ever see that if you keep your mouth shut, sweet girl."

*

"Woah, you two are dating? Congrats!" Yachi gives you a hug and you somehow managed to fake your smile and hug her back.

"Yeah..." It's such an awkward reply. It's so fucking awkward. 

Today is the All Star Special Match between Team A and Team B. The match doesn't start for a few hours but you're already here. You don't even want to be here in the first place. Yet, because of one thing... You're trapped. You're entangled to him to death or perhaps until he's bored of you.

"Woah, really? Congratulations Bokkun!" Atsumu suddenly appear out of nowhere with another member of Team A. You already feel embarrased. No- you want to kill yourself. Can the ground under you collapse and trap you underneath?

"Hahaha! Thanks. We might as well getting married sooner." What? Marriage? The fuck he's high about? You don't even agree on this stupid relationship in the first place. Why he insist of trapping you further?

You wants to cry, really. You look at Yachi in the eyes, hoping she see your 'help me' face but somehow, she looks excited. She looks beyond happy for the announcement of your so called marriage.

"What? Who's getting married?" Washio arrived too after he put away his phone- just after he called his older sister that wished him good luck.

"Bokuto." Kiryu tap Bokuto's shoulder, as if congratulating him and you.

Fuck, it's like everyone congratulating you and happy that he drugged you, raped you, blackmailed you and now, he wants to marry you? 

"Woah, congratulations. I didn't know you two have a thing for each other. Although, Fukurodani always know that this man here always looking at you." Washio smile a little bit and that's when you know, he's obsessed with you since high school. 

You never talk to him unless he speak first, but you only reply by gesture, too scared to talk to him because he look at you like a predator. Hell, he's not even a high school student during the first time you see him. He only came because he wants to see a man named Akaashi and during that time, he is in his semester break. How does little interaction leads to this?

What did you do in life to make him interested in you?

"Really? That's so sweet man!"

"Ya two don't even from same prefecture. Congrats again eh?" 

"Must be from training camp! Woah, love is blossoming!" 

No. It is not.

You want to yell at them that they are wrong. You want to tell them that Bokuto is a big fat liar, manipulator, rapist and he drugged and has a dirt of you. You see the video by yourself and you're not happy about it. It's real, and he has tons of back up when you tried to delete it from before.

Yet, you could only smile. Fake your smile, fake your gesture and such because in the end...

You're trapped, with him.

End

[missmiyao]

Happy Birthday to our Inarizaki Defense Specialist, Shinsuke Kita!

Well, now you're 30 babe 💜🥺 How fast time flies.

5th of July! 🎂

[missmiyao]

Went to clinic for my PMT and I guess it went well? I got medicine to calm me down too. Now I can sleep like log ✨

[missmiyao]

Happy 28th Birthday our one and only Ninja Shoyo! 🥺❤️

Our little (big) human 🍊

[missmiyao]

I experienced worst... I think I should call it emotional state, before I got my period for two times. I barely think positively, need the time to adjust and cry over one thing for a week or two. I also be extra sensitive when listening to others which before I don't really mind about them.

It vanishes to thin air after I got my period.

And somewhat I think I'm lucky to not experience those this month, but I kinda getting hard to sleep— I slept at 9 at night and woke up at 1 or 3 in the morning and can't sleep again.

Should I or should I not concern about this? 😂 Is this PMS?

[missmiyao]

Happy birthday to one of my best men, Hajime Iwaizumi! 😘

Love you my baby 😭❤️✨

[missmiyao]

I feel sad for no reason.

Did I overthink a lot?

Did I stopped myself to think negatively about myself?

Should I just ignore this feelings?