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" I am jealous of those who think more deeply , who write better , who draw better , who look better , who live better , who love better than I ."

- Sylvia Plath

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(vii) July

the month of accomplishment

to try and

conquer your frailty

and become better

to leave all your

differences aside

(viii) August

the motto is to

make peace not war

fight battles for your love

but never with your love

a war with love

is a war with no victory

(ix) September

it marks the change in seasons

represents a new cycle

to focus on the experiences

and journey you've

completed so far

to cherish all of it

(x) October

it is the perfect time

for harvesting

to collect all the

experiences and love

and embark on your journey

of finding your one true love

(xi) November

the focus is on fresh starts

and instincts

have the conscious

to depart from the love

when it doesn't feel right

before it cripples you

(xii) December

it represents endings

and completion

when the quest to find love gets over

you feel more you

than you ever did

all the pain you endured feels worth it

-months pt2

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happy late pride month omg, y'all are sexy & valid af slayyyyy🏳️‍🌈

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Andrew Garfield on losing his mother, The Believer

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y'all smoke to enjoy, i smoke to die.

- Alaska Young// Looking For Alaska by John Green

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how will i ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?

- John Green // Looking For Alaska

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looking for alaska gives major strawberries and cigarettes vibes

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do you think you'd still be pretty if all the things you ever said appeared on ur skin?

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i twisted myself upside down

i turned myself inside out

i still wasn't the one

who could complete

that puzzle of yours

~ puzzle, from a poem i haven't written yet

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i'm learning the epitome of love

like i learnt the months

(i) January

like the first month of the year,

love is a new beginning after a harsh end

like janus

love is double faced

one depicting the peace

one depicting the sufferings

(ii) February

shortest month of the year

just like love

it ends quick

it signifies purification

to let go of that toxic love

and make room for pure one

(iii) March

it is the month of promise

the promise to hold on

to fight battles for

the love which is worth fighting

to have the

courage to love

(iv) April

the flowers starts blooming

serotonin does too

your heart gives love another chance

becomes more hospitable

for the intimacy

you so deserve

(v) May

it honors the energy creation

the power of self love

it is a reminder

to not lose one self

in process of

loving others

(vi) June

juno means rejuvenate

to love someone

is to grow with them

to go through the thick and thin

and emerge more

stronger than ever

-months pt.1

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day 1:

you tell me that we've ran our course

i'm ready to stay still, for you

but you're not

my stomach churns when i read the text

everything inside me

wants to scream at someone

at anyone

but i don't

i say i think the same

but i don't

day 10:

sleeping seems like the

hardest thing to do

i cry all night long

i get out of my bed

half hoping you'd text me

half hoping you'd block me

you did neither

somehow that's even worse

i re-read our chats

i gulp the bile rushing up my throat

at each iloveyou

i wanna die

day 19:

i can't fucking do this no more

i text you

my chest hurts

and my face is hot red

my body shudders

and sweats

i

am

losing

control

my first panic attack

day 25:

there are a total of

174 tiles in my bathroom

i counted them all

when my eyes got puffy

and my throat dried

after weeping on the bathroom floor

i'm about to puke

i want you to

hold my hair back for me

day 45:

you say you're over me

you're over me

how are you over me

i don't want you to be over me

i wish

it was easy for me too

to forget about you

your voice

your smile

but it's not

i still want you

day 57:

you're gone

you blocked me

the last remains of my hope

are buried

reality hits me

i feel paralyzed

it

is

over

we're over

day 64:

i paint my nails

all black

i sing the blues

i'm ready to undo you

piece by piece

for myself

for all the selfish reasons

~counting days since you left (pt 1)

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once a friend asked me

"how does a heartbreak feel like?"

i told her,

that the feeling was beyond words

you can only know when you feel it

today,

sitting with my pen and notebook

and a shattered heart

i disagree with myself

words are the only thing

that can express my loss

it feels like

you're stuck at the bottom of the sea

with your feet entwined in sea weeds

and your oxygen level is running low

you long to come up

and see the sun

but the weight of the memories pushes you down

it feels like

the tap in your eyes is damaged

and can't be turned off

you keep weeping even when

your eyes are left dry

you want to stop

but everything reminds you of him

the poems, the lyrics, the letters

it feels like

someone ripped of your wings

and took your ability to fly

when you were in cloud nine

you look up with a heart so heavy

and a mouth so dry

knowing you'll never reach up there now

it feels like

someone put a fullstop in mid sentence

of your perfect story

you expected a forever, a happy ending

while it ended with a dark chapter

leaving you hopeless

and curled up in your bed

it feels like

the memory card in your heart

is filled with him, and only him

his scent

his voice

his kiss

everything comes flooding back to you

all at once

it feels like

it's snowing in the mid-summer

and you're shivering

craving for warmth, his warmth

wishing you'd wake up in his arms

only to find yourself alone

all over again

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time is a bitch

i don't say it with hatred

but with experience

no hard feelings

time is a bitch

dressed in a long blood-red dress

with black lips

which pouts, smirks and grins at me

every time we're eye-to-eye

time is a bitch

a nasty jealous bitch

and i know it because

she tends to pick up her pace

whenever he's around me

she envies me for having him

time is a bitch

an obnoxious bitch

she slows down, innocently

whenever he is away from me

seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days

she wants the whole of him

and oh darling, i understand

time is a bitch

a stupid bitch

i called a truce

to put an end to her sufferings

as he will always choose me

in all the milliseconds and nanoseconds

that he spends on this holy land

she laughed and laughed and laughed

time is a bitch

so when someone tells me to "trust the timings"

i want to spit on their face

cause i know her like nobody else

cause i know she's someone who can't even spell the word T-R-U-S-T

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if my walls could talk

they'll tell you about all the times

i scratched them

until my nails were scraped

blaming myself

for letting you leave

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thousands of untold tales,

thousands of cloaked miseries

thousands of crude fantasies

dwells into her

reticent but unafraid brown eyes

you gaze into them

and enter a shady world

loud noises of water splashing over bedrocks

grabs your attention

you expect it too be exquisite

but its not;

its an immense waterfall

of dark water

her eyes being the source

broken hearts bloom over it like lotus

ignorance swims deep

self doubt grows over the rocks

you gaze into them

you step into a luminous realm

a voice comes from a distant

you expect it to be monstrous

like the last time

you peek, but its not;

she rests her head in his lap

making constellations in the starry sky

he kisses her softly

he asks, "okay?"

she replies, "always."

both smile, he hugs her tight

you gaze into them

it's a colorful place

there's silence, inevitable silence

just then you see her

right in the middle of a garden

dancing and jumping

with headphoness on

buried in an oversized tee

you want to keep exploring more of her

but an invisible force

pulls you out

and leaves you wondering

what kind of girl is she exactly?

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looking at the million

tiny pieces of her shattered heart

she thought to herself;

"what does she even see in me?"

clearing her mind,

pulling up her guts

she asked softly;

"what if i drag you down in the dark with me?"

to which she smiled and took her into her arms

calmly whispering into her ears, she said;

"i'll pull you out in the light before that happens"

the doubts melted down

she fell in love with her, again

she felt home in her arms