miami-teen-counseling-blog

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Online Privacy Tips For Parents of Teens

Online Privacy for Teens

The prominence of electronic devices and online media has revolutionized how parents and children relate to one another. The access that kids and teens have to electronic devices leaves parents trying to maintain a balance between trusting teens with smartphone access and supervising their behavior to help keep them safe.

 Kids and Access to Electronic Devices

Electronic devices - like TVs, video game consoles, handheld video games, tablets, laptops and smartphones - are everywhere, and kids love them. While it is tempting to keep kids busy and quiet by handing over any one of these kinds of media, parents are encouraged by child development specialists of all kinds to restrict their children’s access. Parents are left wondering about how much access kids should have to electronic devices specifically, and all types of media in general.

Even when electronic mediums are designed to help children build important cognitive and academic skills, overexposure can actually cause a great deal of harm, especially in the arena of imaginative play and social skills. Most studies completed on the subject concur that children under the age of two should not be exposed to media at all.

The following infographic touches on the 1 to 4 Rule, a guideline that specifies one additional hour of media access for every four years of a child’s development. For example, if children are four years old, it is recommended that they have no more than one hour of access to electronic devices per day. By the time a child turns eight or older, the limit can increase to no more than two hours per day, and so on.

Why Should Parents Limit Kids' Access to Media?

Because children - and adults - are so taken with electronic devices, they may resist any efforts to restrict access to media. However, there are several important reasons why parents need to make this battle a priority.

●       Restricting children's access to electronics allows parents more time to pay attention to what kinds of content their children are taking in.

●       One-third of the children who have access to the internet via smartphones will experience instances of cyberbullying, but only ten percent will tell a trusted adult.

●       As children grow and develop into teens, they become interested more in their peers' opinions instead of what their parents have to say. Restricted access to media helps balance that tendency.

●       Restricting access gives kids and teens more time to devote to school and homework, friendships, sports, and part-time work.

How Can Parents Enforce These Guidelines?

There are simple ways that parents can enforce the responsibilities required for teens to access their electronic devices.

●       Create a cell phone contract that outlines expectations, responsibilities, and consequences. Meet together as a family and have all both the teens and the parents sign it.

●       Post the cell phone contract prominently so that it can always be accessed and reviewed.

●       Be consistent regarding the expectations and requirements set forth in the agreement.

●       Install monitoring software across electronic devices and review it periodically to keep communication open.

What About Privacy?

Teaching teens how to function online is as important as any other aspect of society, like school, work, and in relationships. The fact of the matter is that there is no such thing as online privacy - once something is posted on the internet, it is forever.

Teens are not developmentally ready to consider the long-term consequences of their actions, and it is up to parents to help their kids out during this stage of life. When parents monitor their teens online, they can stay connected and discuss any dangers or problems that they see, keeping parent-child relationships open and strong.

A teen with access to a smartphone is a sign of independence and trust, but it is also a privilege that requires oversight. It is up to parents to make sure that their children are safe as they navigate the modern world.

For more information, check out the infographic below.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Online Privacy Tips For Parents of Teens

Online Privacy for Teens

The prominence of electronic devices and online media has revolutionized how parents and children relate to one another. The access that kids and teens have to electronic devices leaves parents trying to maintain a balance between trusting teens with smartphone access and supervising their behavior to help keep them safe.

 Kids and Access to Electronic Devices

Electronic devices - like TVs, video game consoles, handheld video games, tablets, laptops and smartphones - are everywhere, and kids love them. While it is tempting to keep kids busy and quiet by handing over any one of these kinds of media, parents are encouraged by child development specialists of all kinds to restrict their children’s access. Parents are left wondering about how much access kids should have to electronic devices specifically, and all types of media in general.

Even when electronic mediums are designed to help children build important cognitive and academic skills, overexposure can actually cause a great deal of harm, especially in the arena of imaginative play and social skills. Most studies completed on the subject concur that children under the age of two should not be exposed to media at all.

The following infographic touches on the 1 to 4 Rule, a guideline that specifies one additional hour of media access for every four years of a child’s development. For example, if children are four years old, it is recommended that they have no more than one hour of access to electronic devices per day. By the time a child turns eight or older, the limit can increase to no more than two hours per day, and so on.

Why Should Parents Limit Kids' Access to Media?

Because children - and adults - are so taken with electronic devices, they may resist any efforts to restrict access to media. However, there are several important reasons why parents need to make this battle a priority.

●       Restricting children's access to electronics allows parents more time to pay attention to what kinds of content their children are taking in.

●       One-third of the children who have access to the internet via smartphones will experience instances of cyberbullying, but only ten percent will tell a trusted adult.

●       As children grow and develop into teens, they become interested more in their peers' opinions instead of what their parents have to say. Restricted access to media helps balance that tendency.

●       Restricting access gives kids and teens more time to devote to school and homework, friendships, sports, and part-time work.

How Can Parents Enforce These Guidelines?

There are simple ways that parents can enforce the responsibilities required for teens to access their electronic devices.

●       Create a cell phone contract that outlines expectations, responsibilities, and consequences. Meet together as a family and have all both the teens and the parents sign it.

●       Post the cell phone contract prominently so that it can always be accessed and reviewed.

●       Be consistent regarding the expectations and requirements set forth in the agreement.

●       Install monitoring software across electronic devices and review it periodically to keep communication open.

What About Privacy?

Teaching teens how to function online is as important as any other aspect of society, like school, work, and in relationships. The fact of the matter is that there is no such thing as online privacy - once something is posted on the internet, it is forever.

Teens are not developmentally ready to consider the long-term consequences of their actions, and it is up to parents to help their kids out during this stage of life. When parents monitor their teens online, they can stay connected and discuss any dangers or problems that they see, keeping parent-child relationships open and strong.

A teen with access to a smartphone is a sign of independence and trust, but it is also a privilege that requires oversight. It is up to parents to make sure that their children are safe as they navigate the modern world.

For more information, check out the infographic below.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

3 Common Ways Teenagers Respond To Counseling

In my experience as a therapist who works almost exclusively with teenagers I have noticed that teenagers' reactions to therapy fall into three main groups. Each one comes with its own challenges, both for the parents and for the teenagers themselves. Parents can be more able to continue with the hard work of bringing their teenagers to therapy if they remember that certain challenges were predicted. This helps the parents tolerate the difficult position of not knowing a lot about what is discussed in therapy and what happens in therapy. When parents have difficulty tolerating being in the dark they can be at risk for prematurely stopping the treatment of their teenagers and thus the teenagers is deprived of a healthy and potentially life changing experience. 

I explain these different reactions to the parents of the teenagers that come to see me because I feel that it is important to know what the future terrain of therapy could be as a way to prepare and protect against its pitfalls. So, below I describe the three most common reactions to therapy that I have observed in the hopes that it will be helpful to the parents who have their teenagers in therapy.

 1. I'm finally in therapy!

Some teenagers really get it. They just need the environment that therapy provides to start doing the hard work of understanding themselves. They tend to be sensitive, intelligent and motivated teenagers who intuitively understand the value of talking about their emotional lives. This reaction, for parents, can also be a relief and they can see that their teenager's symptoms steadily decrease with time.

The pitfall of this reaction from the parents point of view is that once they see that their teenagers' negative symptoms have decreased they can react by assuming that therapy is finished, was successful and pull the teenagers out. Pulling teenagers out of therapy before they feel that they have finished can stunt the long term benefits of therapy and the return of negative symptoms have a higher chance of returning.

I advise parents with teenagers who are reacting to therapy in this way to take their teenager's lead when it comes to making the decision of terminating therapy. This can allow the full course of therapy to make the long term changes in the teenager that everyone wants to see. 

 2. This does nothing...                

For teenagers that are not very psychologically minded, therapy can feel very pointless.  These are the teenagers who would rather not talk about their emotional lives because they do not have the intuitive understanding of how that is helpful. They may also see it has rehashing the past and experiencing emotional pain for no reason. With this view of emotions it makes sense that teenagers like this would avoid emotional content at all costs.

In the meantime, the teenager's symptoms usually do not improve and they tell their parents that the process is not helpful. Helping these teenagers to understand the value of talking about and understanding their emotional lives is challenging and it can make therapy take longer than usual. This reaction to therapy can be difficult for parents because they can feel as if their investment in time and money is going to waste.

If therapy ends prematurely it will be another experience for the teen where they were not able to gain any deeper understanding of themselves and thus continue unchanged. However, if parents are able to hang tough through this phase of therapy these teenagers can begin to understand how therapy helps and experience significant improvement.

 3. I hate this!

Sensitive teenagers who have deep-seeded pain can have a very strong and negative initial reaction to therapy. These teenagers tend to present themselves as unfeeling and uncaring. In reality they are trying desperately to avoid painful emotions that feel totally overwhelming and maybe even dangerous to them. The inner conflict comes to life in the therapy environment where they rage against their feelings and try to shut the whole process of therapy down because they are scared.

Teenagers like this are perhaps the hardest for parents to support through therapy because of the active attempts to sabotage the therapy. Teenager may refuse to speak in session, try to get me angry at them so I will kick them out of therapy, intensify their negative behavior, or resist and defy the parent's attempts to bring them to sessions.

Teenagers who respond to therapy in this way require a lot of persistence and patience. If these teenagers see a crack in the parents' resolve they will double down and try to destroy therapy so that the parents will give up and pull them out.

If parents can stay strong through the storm and continue to insist that the teenagers attend their regular appointments, teenagers can learn that their emotions are indeed manageable and a new healthier way of seeing themselves and dealing with emotions can emerge. 

 No matter the style of reaction that a teenagers exhibits there is a risk that the teenager's behavior and symptoms will temporarily worsen. This happens when teenagers begin to realize the depth of their emotional pain and attempt to use their familiar ways of dealing with it, just more intensely. This is, ironically, a good sign that therapy is working.

Teenagers need to learn that what they have been doing to try to help themselves feel better is not working for them anymore and this is a bitter pill to swallow but a necessary one. The more parents understand this the more they can avoid pulling their teenagers out of therapy in this important but sensitive time in the therapy process.  

 Please Share!

 By Miguel Brown

 If you are interested in starting Counseling for your teenager, please fill out our form for a Free Consultation.  Free consultation are based availability. If there are not free consultations available we are happy to reduce our rates for your initial visit. 

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The meaning of ADHD symptoms in Adolescents

ADHD symptoms are largely viewed in our culture as a medical problem that requires medication.  Doctors and parents seem much more comfortable with adolescents taking medication to treat ADHD symptoms than with the idea of adolescents taking medication for symptoms associated with other common conditions such as depression or anxiety.  This is in spite of the fact that ADHD medication also has it's share of unpleasant and potentially problematic side effects like lack of appetite, mood disturbances and potential for abuse.  Although psychological interventions seem to be taken less seriously than medication, there is a powerful case to be made to the usefulness of psychotherapy to treat the symptoms of ADHD.  

Teenagers with problems focusing or with hyperactivity issues are often brought by their families to therapy.  As I have gained experience with these teenagers I realized that focusing and hyperactivity problems tend to worsen in the moments when emotionally-charged subjects come up during a session.  This happens in an automatic way that the teenager is not aware of.  This process can be explained to teenagers and non-judgmentally pointed out to them.  The repetition of this can gradually help the teenager to bring this automatic response into conscious control.  They tell me about how they develop the ability to catch themselves in a moment of distraction and/or hyperactivity and begin to reflect on what they are feeling.  This enables them to deal directly with their emotions instead of allowing their automatic and unconscious processes to interfere.  Once teenagers are able to improve this ability their confidence for dealing with difficult emotions in general can increase and they rely less on distraction and hyperactivity to help them in those hard moments.  This is all accomplished without the use of psychotropic medication and expands the teenagers positive psychological abilities in a way that is impossible for medication to reproduce.

This psychological intervention is also a way to open the door for teenagers to talk about and work through the difficult emotions that are driving the hyperactive and distraction behavior.  The more they can directly confront what the difficulties in their life are and realize when and why they were avoiding them, the healthier psychologically they can be. This takes much of the energy that drives the distraction and hyperactivity out of the equation and allows that mental energy to be used on more useful and productive areas of life . This work also helps teenagers to learn the incredibly positive message that they themselves, through self understanding and effort, can make real changes in their lives without having to rely on medication.

By Miguel Brown

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

4 Tips for Parents of First-Time Teen Drivers

So, it’s time for your teen to get their driver’s license. While they’re undoubtedly excited, for you this is likely just nerve-wracking. But don’t stress, this process can go smoothly for both of you if you follow some basic tips.

Be a Patient and Open Teacher

Your son or daughter will learn the basics of driving from their Driver’s Ed course and behind-the-wheel lessons with a professional driving instructor, but their most important teacher will be you. The state of Florida requires teen drivers to log 50 hours of supervised driving practice with a parent or guardian, and that means you’ll be giving your teen the most guidance.

Though you may both be nervous and edgy when your teen gets in the front seat, it’s essential that you stay calm and have patience. Yes, mistakes are going to be made. But you have control over how you react to these errors. Yelling will only make things worse; instead, have your teen pull over to the side of the road after a mistake is made, calmly explain what they did wrong, and how to correct it in the future. Be open to any questions your teen may have.

Set a Good Example

Part of being a good teacher includes being a good role model when you’re the one in the driver’s seat. Teens learn by example, and if they see you texting while driving, speeding up to make it through yellow lights, and cutting people off, they will view this as acceptable driving behavior. Be the safe driver you want your teen to be, whether they’re in the car with you or not. Don’t let them pick up your bad habits.

Make Rules and Expectations Clear

Your job doesn’t end as soon as your teen gets their driver’s license. It’s still important that the two of you maintain an open dialogue about driving, and that means discussing driving rules and expectations. A Parent-Teen Driving Contract is a great resource that can help you and your son or daughter come to an agreement on things like driving curfew, having passengers in the car, and more. This way the two of you establish what is and isn’t okay before your teen gets out on the road on their own.  

Trust Them

Ultimately, you just need to trust that your teen is going to make the right decisions. Handing over the keys can be tough when you’re a parent, but you need to allow your teen to prove that they can be a responsible driver. They’ve earned their driver’s license, which means they’re capable of applying safe-driving techniques when they’re behind the wheel. Have faith in them, and be proud that you taught them well.

 About the Author:

Kelly Larsen is a copywriter for I Drive Safely, provider of online traffic school and driver’s education. With over 15 years’ experience in the field of safe driving, I Drive Safely has provided exceptional online courses to millions of new drivers, drivers looking to handle a traffic ticket and clear their diving record, and drivers looking to save money on auto insurance. To find out more or sign up, please visit http://www.idrivesafely.com/. 

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Talk to Your Teen About Sex: If You Don't Teach Them Who Will?

Talking to teenagers about sex can feel scary. When parents actually do address the topic, they often emphasize health risks, pregnancy and moral values. I seldom hear language about the emotional consequences of sex.

I think most adults would agree that their first sexual experience was memorable, whether for good or bad. And that first experience likely had an effect on future relationships. So why don’t we talk to our kids about the emotional effects of becoming sexually active? Maybe it feels too intimate. Maybe we are uncomfortable seeing our teenagers in this way. Yet, these conversations are as important as discussing the health risks of sexual activity.

We might find this topic difficult to address because of the long-held myth of a separation between sex and emotions. But let’s be honest and realistic; there is no such separation. Everything we do has an emotional aspect and sex is no exception. Trusting a person enough to engage in a sexual relationship can jumpstart a close emotional bond and create a vulnerability for both partners. This is precisely the message that teenagers should understand—it’s not just sex. You are taking an emotional risk.

Speaking about the emotional aspect of sexual relationships will give our teenagers an opportunity to consider this before they make a decision. Also, when they make the decision to have a relationship, our words can prepare them for their emotional reaction.

This conversation is especially important if your teenager has already suffered an emotional wound. Teenagers commonly repeat their mistakes and keep getting hurt because they do not understand their decisions. Bringing the emotional content of the sexual experience into the conversation can help them understand what they are doing and what they are really looking for when they make the decision to have a sexual relationship. It is important for our teenagers to realize that sex involves a lot of trust and taking your time to make a good decision can help develop a healthy relationship.

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Co-occurring Disorders in Teens

Drug abuse is a serious problem for teenagers in the United States, but many people fail to realize that drug and alcohol addiction is often accompanied by a mental health condition such as depression, post traumatic stress disorder, or bipolar disorder. When drug or alcohol addiction is compounded by a mental illness, they are known as co-occurring disorders.

 Co-occurring disorders are very common, but only about 10 percent of adults who suffer from them receive treatment for both conditions. To make matters worse, over half of them receive no treatment at all. The problem with treating co-occurring disorders is that most specialists do not focus on treating both substance abuse and mental illness. Many professionals also focus entirely on which condition came first, something that is often impossible to determine; depression or PTSD may drive someone to drugs or alcohol, but substance abuse can also lead to mental illness. It is important to address and treat both conditions.

Treating the Person, Not the Illness

The key to treating a person with co-occurring disorders is to address the whole person. Many treatment options for both mental and physical illnesses only attempt to alleviate the symptoms of the illness. That may appear to work in the short-term, but it doesn't get to the root of the problem. In the case of co-occurring disorders, a young man or woman may be able to kick a bad drug or alcohol habit with treatment, but it doesn't mean much if an untreated mental illness is what drove them to use in the first place. They could have problems later in life because of this, not the least of which is a relapse of their substance abuse problem.

As much as some people may believe otherwise, mental health isn't an exact science. No two people are alike, and no two people will use drugs or alcohol for the same reason. An effective treatment for co-occurring disorders must address not just the substance abuse or the mental illness; it must get to the heart of why a young person is having problems.

Treatment Options

Treating a mental illness is difficult in the best circumstances; what works wonders for one person may be ineffective for someone else. In many cases, finding an effective treatment for a mental health issue is all about evaluating different options to see what works. Things become even more complicated when a mental illness is combined with a substance abuse problem. Still, there have been some treatments that have proven to be more effective than others in addressing co-occurring disorders.

Medication is often helpful in treating conditions such as bipolar disorder and depression, and many of them have proven effective in fighting withdrawal symptoms, making it easier for recovering addicts to stay clean. Another treatment option that has proven to be very effective is psychodynamic psychotherapy. This addresses the person’s feelings and beliefs that are being numbed by the drug abuse in relation to their personal history and unconscious mind. It essentially treats the entire person and addresses their unique situation, something a teenager with co-occurring disorders desperately needs.

This article was written by health blogger Laura Green.  She really stresses the importance of treating co-occurring disorders, and not just one or the other.  Click here for more treatment options. 

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Co-occurring Disorders in Teens

Drug abuse is a serious problem for teenagers in the United States, but many people fail to realize that drug and alcohol addiction is often accompanied by a mental health condition such as depression, post traumatic stress disorder, or bipolar disorder. When drug or alcohol addiction is compounded by a mental illness, they are known as co-occurring disorders.

 Co-occurring disorders are very common, but only about 10 percent of adults who suffer from them receive treatment for both conditions. To make matters worse, over half of them receive no treatment at all. The problem with treating co-occurring disorders is that most specialists do not focus on treating both substance abuse and mental illness. Many professionals also focus entirely on which condition came first, something that is often impossible to determine; depression or PTSD may drive someone to drugs or alcohol, but substance abuse can also lead to mental illness. It is important to address and treat both conditions.

Treating the Person, Not the Illness

The key to treating a person with co-occurring disorders is to address the whole person. Many treatment options for both mental and physical illnesses only attempt to alleviate the symptoms of the illness. That may appear to work in the short-term, but it doesn't get to the root of the problem. In the case of co-occurring disorders, a young man or woman may be able to kick a bad drug or alcohol habit with treatment, but it doesn't mean much if an untreated mental illness is what drove them to use in the first place. They could have problems later in life because of this, not the least of which is a relapse of their substance abuse problem.

As much as some people may believe otherwise, mental health isn't an exact science. No two people are alike, and no two people will use drugs or alcohol for the same reason. An effective treatment for co-occurring disorders must address not just the substance abuse or the mental illness; it must get to the heart of why a young person is having problems.

Treatment Options

Treating a mental illness is difficult in the best circumstances; what works wonders for one person may be ineffective for someone else. In many cases, finding an effective treatment for a mental health issue is all about evaluating different options to see what works. Things become even more complicated when a mental illness is combined with a substance abuse problem. Still, there have been some treatments that have proven to be more effective than others in addressing co-occurring disorders.

Medication is often helpful in treating conditions such as bipolar disorder and depression, and many of them have proven effective in fighting withdrawal symptoms, making it easier for recovering addicts to stay clean. Another treatment option that has proven to be very effective is psychodynamic psychotherapy. This addresses the person’s feelings and beliefs that are being numbed by the drug abuse in relation to their personal history and unconscious mind. It essentially treats the entire person and addresses their unique situation, something a teenager with co-occurring disorders desperately needs.

This article was written by health blogger Laura Green.  She really stresses the importance of treating co-occurring disorders, and not just one or the other.  Click here for more treatment options. 

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

How to Help Your Teenager Get The Most Out of Therapy

Whenever I consider taking on a new teenage patient I speak to the parents about what they can do to support their teenager’s treatment. The single most important way parents can help their teenagers benefit from therapy is to bring them to their sessions as consistently as possible. The ideal is for the patient to attend every session, which always takes place on the same day of the week, at the same time, in the same room with the same therapist for as long as necessary until positive behavioral change and emotional growth are achieved. This consistency is a crucial part of the therapeutic process and no therapy can be successful without it. 

It can be useful to think of therapy as an education on the patient’s own mind. Just like a traditional education, students get the most out of it when the go to every class offered with minimal disturbances. Also, just like a traditional education the positive effects of therapy come with time, consistency and dedication. However, maintaining the consistency can be very challenging for parents for reasons that I will discuss below. 

Another way for parents to support their teenager’s therapy is to respect their privacy. Teenagers must feel confident that whatever they chose to discuss in therapy will not be shared with others. (Of course, this excludes suicide, homicide and child abuse, and these exceptions are clearly explained to the patient.) If the teenage patient believes what is discussed is shared with parents or others then it will be very difficult for them to trust the therapist. This is disastrous for therapy. Essentially I ask my patients to take emotional risks with me in therapy to explore the more painful, shameful and difficult-to-express aspects of their life experience. The more they understand and accept these experiences, the more healing and emotional growth can happen. This process requires a lot of trust and if that trust is gone, the therapy becomes impossible. 

Parents can inadvertently threaten this trust by pressuring teenagers to talk about what was discussed in therapy or by applying intense pressure to produce good results quickly. This can produce what I call “back-end censorship” that interferes with the patient’s ability to be open and honest in therapy. The idea in the teenager’s mind being that if I keep the discussion safe and clean then I don’t have to lie to my parents when they pressure me about what I spoke about. At the same time they are avoiding talking about what they really need to talk about. This censorship becomes a major obstacle to a therapeutic process that requires openness, honesty and trust. I do not mean to imply that as a parent you should never ask about how therapy is going for your teenager. It is definitely OK to ask. It is not OK to pressure them to give you information they want to keep private. Respect their right to keep information about therapy from you. 

All of this, very understandably, can put parents in a difficult position. It is common for teenagers to participate in therapy for months without a noticeable change in their mood or behavior. Teenagers may even be actively sabotaging the therapy in an attempt to convince their parents that they should stop bringing them. All the while parents could know next to nothing about what is happening in the treatment. This is not an easy situation for parents. It is hard to feel that your efforts of time and money are not producing results and the temptation to quit can be quite strong. It can be very helpful for parents in this situation to share their concerns with their teenager’s therapist so they can understand what is happening. The therapist should be able to explain and also avoid violating the patient’s privacy. After all, the parents also must develop trust in the therapist! Teenagersare very perceptive to their parent’s emotional state. They will notice if parents are experiencing internal conflict regarding whether to keep their teenager in therapy or not. If this happens they can choose shut down for fear that they will be abruptly taken out of treatment anyway. As you can see this situation would make it difficult for teenagers to justify taking the emotional risks that produce positive results in therapy. So as a parent, addressing your concerns about therapy to your teenager’s therapist is another good way to support their treatment.

By Miguel Brown

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

How to Help Your Teenager Get The Most Out of Therapy

Whenever I consider taking on a new teenage patient I speak to the parents about what they can do to support their teenager’s treatment. The single most important way parents can help their teenagers benefit from therapy is to bring them to their sessions as consistently as possible. The ideal is for the patient to attend every session, which always takes place on the same day of the week, at the same time, in the same room with the same therapist for as long as necessary until positive behavioral change and emotional growth are achieved. This consistency is a crucial part of the therapeutic process and no therapy can be successful without it. 

It can be useful to think of therapy as an education on the patient’s own mind. Just like a traditional education, students get the most out of it when the go to every class offered with minimal disturbances. Also, just like a traditional education the positive effects of therapy come with time, consistency and dedication. However, maintaining the consistency can be very challenging for parents for reasons that I will discuss below. 

Another way for parents to support their teenager’s therapy is to respect their privacy. Teenagers must feel confident that whatever they chose to discuss in therapy will not be shared with others. (Of course, this excludes suicide, homicide and child abuse, and these exceptions are clearly explained to the patient.) If the teenage patient believes what is discussed is shared with parents or others then it will be very difficult for them to trust the therapist. This is disastrous for therapy. Essentially I ask my patients to take emotional risks with me in therapy to explore the more painful, shameful and difficult-to-express aspects of their life experience. The more they understand and accept these experiences, the more healing and emotional growth can happen. This process requires a lot of trust and if that trust is gone, the therapy becomes impossible. 

Parents can inadvertently threaten this trust by pressuring teenagers to talk about what was discussed in therapy or by applying intense pressure to produce good results quickly. This can produce what I call “back-end censorship” that interferes with the patient’s ability to be open and honest in therapy. The idea in the teenager’s mind being that if I keep the discussion safe and clean then I don’t have to lie to my parents when they pressure me about what I spoke about. At the same time they are avoiding talking about what they really need to talk about. This censorship becomes a major obstacle to a therapeutic process that requires openness, honesty and trust. I do not mean to imply that as a parent you should never ask about how therapy is going for your teenager. It is definitely OK to ask. It is not OK to pressure them to give you information they want to keep private. Respect their right to keep information about therapy from you. 

All of this, very understandably, can put parents in a difficult position. It is common for teenagers to participate in therapy for months without a noticeable change in their mood or behavior. Teenagers may even be actively sabotaging the therapy in an attempt to convince their parents that they should stop bringing them. All the while parents could know next to nothing about what is happening in the treatment. This is not an easy situation for parents. It is hard to feel that your efforts of time and money are not producing results and the temptation to quit can be quite strong. It can be very helpful for parents in this situation to share their concerns with their teenager’s therapist so they can understand what is happening. The therapist should be able to explain and also avoid violating the patient’s privacy. After all, the parents also must develop trust in the therapist! Teenagersare very perceptive to their parent’s emotional state. They will notice if parents are experiencing internal conflict regarding whether to keep their teenager in therapy or not. If this happens they can choose shut down for fear that they will be abruptly taken out of treatment anyway. As you can see this situation would make it difficult for teenagers to justify taking the emotional risks that produce positive results in therapy. So as a parent, addressing your concerns about therapy to your teenager’s therapist is another good way to support their treatment.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

How to Help Your Teenager Get The Most Out of Therapy

Whenever I consider taking on a new teenage patient I speak to the parents about what they can do to 

support their teenager’s treatment. The single most important way parents can help their teenagers 

benefit from therapy is to bring them to their sessions as consistently as possible. The ideal is for the 

patient to attend every session, which always takes place on the same day of the week, at the same 

time, in the same room with the same therapist for as long as necessary until positive behavioral change 

and emotional growth are achieved. This consistency is a crucial part of the therapeutic process and no 

therapy can be successful without it. 

 It can be useful to think of therapy as an education on the patient’s own mind. Just like a traditional 

education, students get the most out of it when the go to every class offered with minimal disturbances. 

Also, just like a traditional education the positive effects of therapy come with time, consistency and 

dedication. However, maintaining the consistency can be very challenging for parents for reasons that I 

will discuss below. 

 Another way for parents to support their teenager’s therapy is to respect their privacy. Teenagers 

must feel confident that whatever they chose to discuss in therapy will not be shared with others. (Of 

course, this excludes suicide, homicide and child abuse, and these exceptions are clearly explained to 

the patient.) If the teenage patient believes what is discussed is shared with parents or others then it 

will be very difficult for them to trust the therapist. This is disastrous for therapy. Essentially I ask my 

patients to take emotional risks with me in therapy to explore the more painful, shameful and difficult-

to-express aspects of their life experience. The more they understand and accept these experiences, 

the more healing and emotional growth can happen. This process requires a lot of trust and if that trust 

is gone, the therapy becomes impossible. 

 Parents can inadvertently threaten this trust by pressuring teenagers to talk about what was discussed 

in therapy or by applying intense pressure to produce good results quickly. This can produce what I call 

“back-end censorship” that interferes with the patient’s ability to be open and honest in therapy. The 

idea in the teenager’s mind being that if I keep the discussion safe and clean then I don’t have to lie 

to my parents when they pressure me about what I spoke about. At the same time they are avoiding 

talking about what they really need to talk about. This censorship becomes a major obstacle to a 

therapeutic process that requires openness, honesty and trust. I do not mean to imply that as a parent 

you should never ask about how therapy is going for your teenager. It is definitely OK to ask. It is not 

OK to pressure them to give you information they want to keep private. Respect their right to keep 

information about therapy from you. 

 All of this, very understandably, can put parents in a difficult position. It is common for teenagers to 

participate in therapy for months without a noticeable change in their mood or behavior. Teenagers 

may even be actively sabotaging the therapy in an attempt to convince their parents that they should 

stop bringing them. All the while parents could know next to nothing about what is happening in the 

treatment. This is not an easy situation for parents. It is hard to feel that your efforts of time and 

money are not producing results and the temptation to quit can be quite strong. 

It can be very helpful for parents in this situation to share their concerns with their teenager’s therapist 

so they can understand what is happening. The therapist should be able to explain and also avoid 

violating the patient’s privacy. After all, the parents also must develop trust in the therapist! Teenagers

are very perceptive to their parent’s emotional state. They will notice if parents are experiencing 

internal conflict regarding whether to keep their teenager in therapy or not. If this happens they can 

choose shut down for fear that they will be abruptly taken out of treatment anyway. As you can see this 

situation would make it difficult for teenagers to justify taking the emotional risks that produce positive 

results in therapy. So as a parent, addressing your concerns about therapy to your teenager’s therapist 

is another good way to support their treatment.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

2013 In Review: What Teens Had To Deal with In 2013

Teen trends have always seems wacky, silly and sometimes downright scary for parents. Adolescence is a time to explore new things and gain independence from parental authority, so teens readily embrace fads and trends that appear to help them on their way. However, while most trends are benign, there are some that can actually be dangerous or harmful to teens.

Here is a list of harmful teen trends and fads that were popular in 2013:

Hand Sanitizer:

Teens drink hand sanitizer, which has large amounts of ethyl alcohol, to get a buzz, similar to cough syrup or mouthwash a few years ago.

Vampire Bites:

Inspired by the media vampire rage over the past few years, teens are actually drawing blood from a girlfriend or boyfriend’s neck after a few love nibbles and drinking blood as a sign of devotion.

Stunts for Online Viewing:

Whether it’s video of vandalizing, daredevil stunts, practical jokes or other wacky event, teens frequently video their activities and post them online, even though some of them are either mean, destructive or downright dangerous.

Cyberbullying:

When teens take to social media to shame, manipulate, embarrass or harass another, it’s cyberbullying and many states have enacted laws to make the activity criminal.

Salt and Ice Challenge:

Teens love to engage in strength and stamina contests, and the salt and ice challenge requires teens to hold a mixture of salt and ice for as long as possible before the burning and pain is too much to bear and the skin receives second degree cold burns.

Cinnamon Challenge:

Another stamina challenge is to eat a tablespoon of powdered cinnamon then try to swallow it without drinking, while other teens laugh at the victim’s choking, gagging and irritated eyes.

Car Stunts:

From surfing on the top of a moving car to riding in the trunk to avoid detection, when teens and cars combine for stunts, it quickly becomes dangerous, harmful and in some cases, fatal.

Vodka Eyeballing:

To avoid trouble with parents who might smell alcohol on the breath, many teens are eyeballing vodka, or pouring a shot over the eyeball where blood vessels carry it into the bloodstream.

Choking High:

Teens looking for a free high cut off circulation around the neck using a belt, sock or their hands, then enjoy the sensation as the blood rushes back, however the game can lead to passing out, brain damage and sometimes even death.

Sexting:

Sending explicit photos of themselves or others can get teens into a lot of trouble as more states are increasing in awareness of this growing trend and linking it with distributing child pornography.

Knockout Game:

This new activity involves teens trying to knock out an unsuspecting person with a single punch, and it has already resulted in several deaths and multiple hospitalizations across the country.  

 Parents who are concerned that their impressionable teen may be tempted to participate in some of these growing trends should take the time to communicate about the consequences of the actions. 

Parents should stress the dangers involved and give teens some ideas of how to get out of situations where their friends are pressuring them to join in. Once teens understand that the long-term effects— many of them harmful—are not worth it, it just may give them the courage to resist.

 Tyler Jacobson is a freelance writer who writes primarily about family dynamics in a digital world, such as how to talk to your teen about online safety.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

2013 In Review: What Teens Had To Deal with In 2013

Teen trends have always seems wacky, silly and sometimes downright scary for parents. Adolescence is a time to explore new things and gain independence from parental authority, so teens readily embrace fads and trends that appear to help them on their way. However, while most trends are benign, there are some that can actually be dangerous or harmful to teens.

Here is a list of harmful teen trends and fads that were popular in 2013:

Hand Sanitizer:

Teens drink hand sanitizer, which has large amounts of ethyl alcohol, to get a buzz, similar to cough syrup or mouthwash a few years ago.

Vampire Bites:

Inspired by the media vampire rage over the past few years, teens are actually drawing blood from a girlfriend or boyfriend’s neck after a few love nibbles and drinking blood as a sign of devotion.

Stunts for Online Viewing:

Whether it’s video of vandalizing, daredevil stunts, practical jokes or other wacky event, teens frequently video their activities and post them online, even though some of them are either mean, destructive or downright dangerous.

Cyberbullying:

When teens take to social media to shame, manipulate, embarrass or harass another, it’s cyberbullying and many states have enacted laws to make the activity criminal.

Salt and Ice Challenge:

Teens love to engage in strength and stamina contests, and the salt and ice challenge requires teens to hold a mixture of salt and ice for as long as possible before the burning and pain is too much to bear and the skin receives second degree cold burns.

Cinnamon Challenge:

Another stamina challenge is to eat a tablespoon of powdered cinnamon then try to swallow it without drinking, while other teens laugh at the victim’s choking, gagging and irritated eyes.

Car Stunts:

From surfing on the top of a moving car to riding in the trunk to avoid detection, when teens and cars combine for stunts, it quickly becomes dangerous, harmful and in some cases, fatal.

Vodka Eyeballing:

To avoid trouble with parents who might smell alcohol on the breath, many teens are eyeballing vodka, or pouring a shot over the eyeball where blood vessels carry it into the bloodstream.

Choking High:

Teens looking for a free high cut off circulation around the neck using a belt, sock or their hands, then enjoy the sensation as the blood rushes back, however the game can lead to passing out, brain damage and sometimes even death.

Sexting:

Sending explicit photos of themselves or others can get teens into a lot of trouble as more states are increasing in awareness of this growing trend and linking it with distributing child pornography.

Knockout Game:

This new activity involves teens trying to knock out an unsuspecting person with a single punch, and it has already resulted in several deaths and multiple hospitalizations across the country.  

 Parents who are concerned that their impressionable teen may be tempted to participate in some of these growing trends should take the time to communicate about the consequences of the actions. 

Parents should stress the dangers involved and give teens some ideas of how to get out of situations where their friends are pressuring them to join in. Once teens understand that the long-term effects— many of them harmful—are not worth it, it just may give them the courage to resist.

 Tyler Jacobson is a freelance writer who writes primarily about family dynamics in a digital world, such as how to talk to your teen about online safety.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Responsible Social Media Use for Teens

Today’s teens love social media as a way to connect with friends and share their passions and interests with others. However, responsibly using social media is something that goes beyond a teen with a new smartphone. Parents should help teens with responsible social media use because misuse can result in a range of issues and problems. Here are some topics that parents absolutely must make sure their teens know more about in order to become responsible social media users:

Privacy

The privacy settings on social media accounts are there for a reason—to prevent anyone from accessing someone’s information. Even though teens may think it is fun to share passwords and account names, they must understand that it opens up the doors for everything from harmless pranks to more serious violations of trust and boundaries. The only way for teens’ social media accounts to stay secure is to keep them completely private, allowing the privacy settings to do their job.

Permanence

Teens may view social media platforms as a way to express what they are thinking in the moment, connect instantly with friends and then move on—never gaining a full understanding of the permanence of information on the internet. Text messages, photos and more never really disappear once they are posted online. Teens should understand that they should never post anything online that they wouldn’t want everyone around them to see or read. A good rule of thumb on this is to think before every post if the content is something they would want their grandmother or their younger sibling to see. If not, don’t post it.

Bullying

Cyberbullying is a growing problem among teens that use social media, and extreme cases of bullying have contributed to teen suicide. Most teens report that they have witnessed some form of cyberbullying in the past year. In order to use social media responsibly, teens should have a clear understanding of what cyberbullying looks like and the steps they can take to get help in dealing with bullies before it’s too late. They should also know the steps to take to report any cyberbullying they witness. Recent laws enacted in many states have criminalized cyberbullying, so there are real consequences for these cruel action.

Monitoring

Part of a teenager’s understanding of the permanence of any data put out onto social media includes knowing that certain organizations use the internet as a resource. For example, law enforcement agencies often check out social media for more information and insight into illegal activities that teens document. Social media photos and texts can help law enforcement recreate timelines, prove alibis and more. Another example is a teen’s current school. The school might choose to monitor social media accounts to ensure that enrollment standards are being met. Finally, college admissions counselors have been known to gain insight, both positive and negative, into applicants by looking them up on social media. Teens should always remember that lots of organizations use Facebook to their advantage, so they should only post neutral or positive events.

Predators

A predators is anyone looking to take advantage of another.  Predators use social media to identify and build “relationships” with potential victims. Whether a predator is after financial information such as PIN numbers, or wants to pursue an inappropriate relationship, teens must be informed about a predator’s tactics. With chat rooms, texting, and private social media groups, it’s very possible for teens to carry on extended, intimate conversations with strangers without parents knowing.

 Teens are likely going to use social media with or without a parent’s guidance. Therefore, parents should take the time to talk with them about signification issues related to social media and help them identify ways that they can choose responsible social media use.

Tyler Clark is a freelance writer with expertise in parenting, child development and family dynamics. He urges parents everywhere to teach their teens how to use social media responsibly.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Responsible Social Media Use for Teens

Today’s teens love social media as a way to connect with friends and share their passions and interests with others. However, responsibly using social media is something that goes beyond a teen with a new smartphone. Parents should help teens with responsible social media use because misuse can result in a range of issues and problems. Here are some topics that parents absolutely must make sure their teens know more about in order to become responsible social media users:

Privacy

The privacy settings on social media accounts are there for a reason—to prevent anyone from accessing someone’s information. Even though teens may think it is fun to share passwords and account names, they must understand that it opens up the doors for everything from harmless pranks to more serious violations of trust and boundaries. The only way for teens’ social media accounts to stay secure is to keep them completely private, allowing the privacy settings to do their job.

Permanence

Teens may view social media platforms as a way to express what they are thinking in the moment, connect instantly with friends and then move on—never gaining a full understanding of the permanence of information on the internet. Text messages, photos and more never really disappear once they are posted online. Teens should understand that they should never post anything online that they wouldn’t want everyone around them to see or read. A good rule of thumb on this is to think before every post if the content is something they would want their grandmother or their younger sibling to see. If not, don’t post it.

Bullying

Cyberbullying is a growing problem among teens that use social media, and extreme cases of bullying have contributed to teen suicide. Most teens report that they have witnessed some form of cyberbullying in the past year. In order to use social media responsibly, teens should have a clear understanding of what cyberbullying looks like and the steps they can take to get help in dealing with bullies before it’s too late. They should also know the steps to take to report any cyberbullying they witness. Recent laws enacted in many states have criminalized cyberbullying, so there are real consequences for these cruel action.

Monitoring

Part of a teenager’s understanding of the permanence of any data put out onto social media includes knowing that certain organizations use the internet as a resource. For example, law enforcement agencies often check out social media for more information and insight into illegal activities that teens document. Social media photos and texts can help law enforcement recreate timelines, prove alibis and more. Another example is a teen’s current school. The school might choose to monitor social media accounts to ensure that enrollment standards are being met. Finally, college admissions counselors have been known to gain insight, both positive and negative, into applicants by looking them up on social media. Teens should always remember that lots of organizations use Facebook to their advantage, so they should only post neutral or positive events.

Predators

A predators is anyone looking to take advantage of another.  Predators use social media to identify and build “relationships” with potential victims. Whether a predator is after financial information such as PIN numbers, or wants to pursue an inappropriate relationship, teens must be informed about a predator’s tactics. With chat rooms, texting, and private social media groups, it’s very possible for teens to carry on extended, intimate conversations with strangers without parents knowing.

 Teens are likely going to use social media with or without a parent’s guidance. Therefore, parents should take the time to talk with them about signification issues related to social media and help them identify ways that they can choose responsible social media use.

Tyler Clark is a freelance writer with expertise in parenting, child development and family dynamics. He urges parents everywhere to teach their teens how to use social media responsibly.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Responsible Social Media Use for Teens

Today’s teens love social media as a way to connect with friends and share their passions and interests with others. However, responsibly using social media is something that goes beyond a teen with a new smartphone. Parents should help teens with responsible social media use because misuse can result in a range of issues and problems. Here are some topics that parents absolutely must make sure their teens know more about in order to become responsible social media users:

Privacy

The privacy settings on social media accounts are there for a reason—to prevent anyone from accessing someone’s information. Even though teens may think it is fun to share passwords and account names, they must understand that it opens up the doors for everything from harmless pranks to more serious violations of trust and boundaries. The only way for teens’ social media accounts to stay secure is to keep them completely private, allowing the privacy settings to do their job.

Permanence

Teens may view social media platforms as a way to express what they are thinking in the moment, connect instantly with friends and then move on—never gaining a full understanding of the permanence of information on the internet. Text messages, photos and more never really disappear once they are posted online. Teens should understand that they should never post anything online that they wouldn’t want everyone around them to see or read. A good rule of thumb on this is to think before every post if the content is something they would want their grandmother or their younger sibling to see. If not, don’t post it.

Bullying

Cyberbullying is a growing problem among teens that use social media, and extreme cases of bullying have contributed to teen suicide. Most teens report that they have witnessed some form of cyberbullying in the past year. In order to use social media responsibly, teens should have a clear understanding of what cyberbullying looks like and the steps they can take to get help in dealing with bullies before it’s too late. They should also know the steps to take to report any cyberbullying they witness. Recent laws enacted in many states have criminalized cyberbullying, so there are real consequences for these cruel action.

Monitoring

Part of a teenager’s understanding of the permanence of any data put out onto social media includes knowing that certain organizations use the internet as a resource. For example, law enforcement agencies often check out social media for more information and insight into illegal activities that teens document. Social media photos and texts can help law enforcement recreate timelines, prove alibis and more. Another example is a teen’s current school. The school might choose to monitor social media accounts to ensure that enrollment standards are being met. Finally, college admissions counselors have been known to gain insight, both positive and negative, into applicants by looking them up on social media. Teens should always remember that lots of organizations use Facebook to their advantage, so they should only post neutral or positive events.

Predators

A predators is anyone looking to take advantage of another.  Predators use social media to identify and build “relationships” with potential victims. Whether a predator is after financial information such as PIN numbers, or wants to pursue an inappropriate relationship, teens must be informed about a predator’s tactics. With chat rooms, texting, and private social media groups, it’s very possible for teens to carry on extended, intimate conversations with strangers without parents knowing.

 Teens are likely going to use social media with or without a parent’s guidance. Therefore, parents should take the time to talk with them about signification issues related to social media and help them identify ways that they can choose responsible social media use.

Tyler Clark is a freelance writer with expertise in parenting, child development and family dynamics. He urges parents everywhere to teach their teens how to use social media responsibly.

[miami-teen-counseling-blog]

Responsible Social Media Use for Teens

Today’s teens love social media as a way to connect with friends and share their passions and interests with others. However, responsibly using social media is something that goes beyond a teen with a new smartphone. Parents should help teens with responsible social media use because misuse can result in a range of issues and problems. Here are some topics that parents absolutely must make sure their teens know more about in order to become responsible social media users:

Privacy

The privacy settings on social media accounts are there for a reason—to prevent anyone from accessing someone’s information. Even though teens may think it is fun to share passwords and account names, they must understand that it opens up the doors for everything from harmless pranks to more serious violations of trust and boundaries. The only way for teens’ social media accounts to stay secure is to keep them completely private, allowing the privacy settings to do their job.

Permanence

Teens may view social media platforms as a way to express what they are thinking in the moment, connect instantly with friends and then move on—never gaining a full understanding of the permanence of information on the internet. Text messages, photos and more never really disappear once they are posted online. Teens should understand that they should never post anything online that they wouldn’t want everyone around them to see or read. A good rule of thumb on this is to think before every post if the content is something they would want their grandmother or their younger sibling to see. If not, don’t post it.

Bullying

Cyberbullying is a growing problem among teens that use social media, and extreme cases of bullying have contributed to teen suicide. Most teens report that they have witnessed some form of cyberbullying in the past year. In order to use social media responsibly, teens should have a clear understanding of what cyberbullying looks like and the steps they can take to get help in dealing with bullies before it’s too late. They should also know the steps to take to report any cyberbullying they witness. Recent laws enacted in many states have criminalized cyberbullying, so there are real consequences for these cruel action.

Monitoring

Part of a teenager’s understanding of the permanence of any data put out onto social media includes knowing that certain organizations use the internet as a resource. For example, law enforcement agencies often check out social media for more information and insight into illegal activities that teens document. Social media photos and texts can help law enforcement recreate timelines, prove alibis and more. Another example is a teen’s current school. The school might choose to monitor social media accounts to ensure that enrollment standards are being met. Finally, college admissions counselors have been known to gain insight, both positive and negative, into applicants by looking them up on social media. Teens should always remember that lots of organizations use Facebook to their advantage, so they should only post neutral or positive events.

Predators

A predators is anyone looking to take advantage of another.  Predators use social media to identify and build “relationships” with potential victims. Whether a predator is after financial information such as PIN numbers, or wants to pursue an inappropriate relationship, teens must be informed about a predator’s tactics. With chat rooms, texting, and private social media groups, it’s very possible for teens to carry on extended, intimate conversations with strangers without parents knowing.

 Teens are likely going to use social media with or without a parent’s guidance. Therefore, parents should take the time to talk with them about signification issues related to social media and help them identify ways that they can choose responsible social media use.

Tyler Clark is a freelance writer with expertise in parenting, child development and family dynamics. He urges parents everywhere to teach their teens how to use social media responsibly.