mermaidthoughts

[mermaidthoughts]

My thoughts on: “The Secret History” by Donna Tartt

Donna Tartt’s The Secret History is a novel that delves into the consequences of obsession, the allure of knowledge, and the darkness of human nature. At its core, the book explores the philosophy of beauty, morality, and the idea that knowledge can be both enlightening and destructive. The group's descent into murder and paranoia is a study in guilt, power, and the consequences of moral transgressions.

Richard and the Friend Group

Richard was never truly part of the friend group. He spent an entire semester with them without ever being fully aware of their secrets. They only told him what was absolutely necessary, and he remained in the dark about many of their actions. He believed he was one of them, but his obsession with belonging made him vulnerable to their manipulation. If they told him to be suspicious of one of their own, he would comply. His longing for acceptance blinded him to reality, preventing him from forming his own opinions about the group. When they finally revealed their crime to him, he discarded all common sense, mistaking their confession for trust.

His role in the group was that of an outsider—their connection to the world beyond their self-created mythology and rituals. Richard helped them maintain a sense of normalcy. They never fully trusted him because if he knew too much, he would become too entangled in their schemes, unable to serve as their tether to reality. He was not a core member; when he was shot in front of them, no one even noticed. Still, some of them did care for him in their own way.

The First Kill (The Farmer)

My initial theory is that they were intoxicated and stumbled upon a man who had already been attacked by a wild animal, perhaps a wolf. They were not in their right minds, and in their delirium, they convinced themselves they were responsible. Given how unreliable their accounts were—especially Henry's—it is entirely possible that their version of events was shaped by guilt rather than truth. There was no concrete evidence that they killed him; they touched the body but did not dismember it. Being barefoot and half-naked in the wilderness, they wouldn’t have had the tools for such a crime. Neither they nor the police ever found weapons. Initially, I believed this theory, but after finishing the book, I acknowledge that Henry might have killed the man and manipulated the others into sharing the guilt so he wouldn't bear it alone.

The Second Kill (Bunny)

Bunny was a terrible person, but he didn’t deserve to die. The idea of killing him stemmed from Henry’s fear and anxiety. He manipulated the group, intentionally or not, into believing that murder was the only logical solution. I don’t think Henry deliberately set out to control them; rather, he was an intellectual who lived in a world of abstract ideas, detached from reality. His anxiety led him to a single, obsessive conclusion, and he dismissed all opposing viewpoints. Without realizing it, he became the group's leader, and they became utterly dependent on him. When he withdrew to contemplate their next move, the group would panic. They could only function under his direction, making him the de facto mastermind of Bunny’s murder.

The Characters as a Whole

The characters were not designed to be likable or relatable. They were deeply flawed, almost unreal in their detachment from normal human behavior. From their lifestyle to their actions, everything about them was exaggerated. They were privileged, entitled, and out of touch with reality. Their only real connection to the world was Richard, and Richard, despite his financial struggles, was just as morally compromised as they were.

The True Villain

This might be controversial, but I don’t believe Julian is the true villain—Henry is. Henry idolized Julian and sought his approval to an obsessive degree. He internalized Julian’s teachings to such an extreme that he acted on them, consciously or not. Julian, for all his faults, was simply a coward. He fled when he realized his students had taken his intellectual musings too far, fearing blame for their crimes.

Henry, on the other hand, was truly dangerous. By the end of the novel, Charles’s fear of Henry was completely justified. He saw the truth: everything revolved around Henry. The group followed him without question, believing him to be a near-divine figure. When Charles began to see through him, he finally understood the extent of Henry’s control. Even Richard had a fleeting moment of clarity when he suspected Henry had only accepted him into the group to use him as a scapegoat, but he quickly dismissed the thought.

Henry didn’t genuinely care about any of them, except perhaps Camilla, whom he loved in his own warped way. Aside from her, he merely tolerated the others. When Bunny became inconvenient, Henry orchestrated his murder. If Charles had posed a greater threat, Henry might have eliminated him too. Ultimately, Henry was the one who set everything into motion, leading them all to their inevitable downfall.

Ultimately, the novel serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of idolizing beauty and knowledge without considering their ethical boundaries. It leaves us questioning whether fate or free will determined the group’s demise—and whether they were ever truly in control at all.

[mermaidthoughts]

I’m back

I haven’t opened this account in a while, but recently I started reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt, and I realised I have a lot of thoughts to share, and I remembered I created this place exactly for that purpose!

Even if nobody reads it, I’ll keep using this place so my thought don’t get all bottled up in my mind!

[mermaidthoughts]

No one cares about the things you do

My next step in my growing path (I don’t know what else to call it) it’s stop worrying about what other people would think of me, like I just now realised that we are so focused on ourselves that we rarely realise what someone is doing or wearing (unless is something out of the ordinary but I’m not talking about that), I’m a introverted shy person, not by default, I just have grown up to be like this, and it makes me scared of doing so many things, the other day I went to the pool with a friend, I took my goggles with me because I was using contacts and wanted to swim, but I was so embarrassed of using them because only the little kids wore those, and my friend said "just wear them, you know what I learned this year? People just don’t care much about what other people do; just do it". I did it, but some time passed, and I realized no one cared at all. There was even another girl around my age that started wearing her goggles, and I didn’t think anything bad about her; I thought nothing at all, so why would someone even care about me? I was too worried about myself, while the others were also worried about themselves. That's why I decided to just do it, you know, because some of the things I'm scared of doing are just normal things that extroverted people do easily, but being introverted isn't the only thing that makes me scared of doing things; being a people-pleaser also has a big impact because it makes me constantly do things to please other people. That's why I get scared because I think, "What will they think of me if I do that?" or "They’ll make fun of me if I do this". Girl, they won’t, and if they do, they don’t even know me, so why am I worried about pleasing people I will probably never see again?

[mermaidthoughts]

Romantic relationships in modern days

I’ve had this on my mind for some years now, and I think it’s time to talk about it. I don’t want to date a guy who approaches me with the intention of dating me. Am I weird for that? I think friendship is the best kind of relationship you can have with someone before dating. I always thought that a good relationship came from a good friendship.

And yeah, I can tell that to a guy that approached me wanting to date me, and he can be like, "Then we can be friends first," but it won’t be genuine (also, if I say that, it doesn’t mean I will end up dating you). In the back of his mind, he can be thinking, "How long will it take to start dating?" and that just shows that it’s not a genuine friendship because he had no intention of doing that at first. Also, why would I want to date a guy I met two weeks ago? I don’t even know him.

The best kind of romantic relationships are the ones that start like this: you both meet each other, and there’s no other intention than to just be friends and get to know each other. Then, along the way, you develop feelings for each other. That’s the best.

I read a tweet the other day talking about being in an age where guys don’t ask you to be in a relationship anymore; they just assume it. That’s the worst thing a guy can do to me. If you didn’t ask me to be your girlfriend and I didn’t say yes, then we're not dating. Is it that hard? And there was a guy saying, "What if she says no? I prefer to assume we’re dating, like, excuse me? You prefer to not know and not acknowledge her feelings and just assume you’re dating? She doesn’t even know that; she 100% thinks they’re just friends, and she might not have the slightest intention of dating him, and he’s just like, (I don’t even have words; that’s just the stupidest thing a guy can do." Obviously there are girls who might be like that too, but if a guy wants to date me, I expect him to at least know that I’m not like that. If you didn’t ask and I didn’t say yes, then we’re just friends.

[mermaidthoughts]

The right timing for: finding a boyfriend, marrying, getting a house, becoming a parent

I don’t know when it’s the right time to start dating, but weirdly, I kind of know how many years I want to be dating someone until it’s the right time to get married. I always thought that I wanted to get married before my 30s and have children in my 30s, which means I would’ve to start looking for a boyfriend now. There were a lot of considerations that went into this chain of thought. First, my parents were parents in their late 30s, which gave us a big age gap—a gap that was so big that it made me more aware of their health than all of my friends were. So I would like to have a smaller age gap with my future kids.

Obviously, a lot of women thought about this, and for some, it didn’t happen like this. I read a book the other day about a woman who also had the same thoughts, but when she was 30 years old, she was single. She had many boyfriends, but none lasted longer than two years. Now that she’s 34 and still single, she says she doesn’t mind not having children, but do I? I know a lot of women get their menopause in their 30s, so if I were in her situation, I wouldn’t know how many more years I would’ve been fertile. Also, I think about being a mother, but I’m extremely scared of the whole pregnancy thing. I hear stories about that, which makes me terrified, but I also hear that being a mother is one of the most amazing experiences a woman can have (not that a woman can’t have more amazing experiences if they decide not to get pregnant).

Then I think "Why am I thinking about this stuff when I just turned 20?". Well, while men can have kids for almost all of their lives, women can’t, which makes us stress, overthink, and plan the next 10 years of our lives. Crazy, I know. Why do I still overthink marriage if I don’t even know how to get a boyfriend or what I’m looking for in a relationship?

But I don’t always stress about this; I also stress about getting a house and a job. They also influence the marriage part, because I can’t get married if I don’t have money or a roof over my head. What if I can’t get a job? Or I get a job, but I can’t find a house at a good price? Houses are extremely overpriced in my country, and a lot of couples are scared of getting married without finding a house and having to live with their parents. On another note, what if I find a job overseas? I would have to move, get a new routine, make new friends, learn a new language, and basically get a new life. And what about my partner?

Sometimes I just wish to not think, You know? I just want to read my books and fantasize about my life in the present without being worried about the future.

[mermaidthoughts]

Spiritually but mostly crystals

I’m one of those people who carries around a bag of meticulously chosen crystals and believes they’ll somehow help me. Is it that stupid to believe that something that has been created by nature (that also created the human being) has existed since the beginning of time and has been used by many people and cultures for health and healing? I don’t think so. If there’s an universal consensus that rose Quartz is good for romantic relationships, then I’ll carry one around in hopes of starting one. I honestly think it would’ve been worse if instead I believed that I don’t know static things and that if I sacrificed a chicken, I would find my soulmate. Like crystals, incense, and manifesting, it’s something so inoffensive that I really can’t understand the people who just seem to be bothered by it.

The other day I was at a fair, and there was a tent where a couple was sealing crystals, salts, and mists that, according to them, would cleanse you and your house and help you get rid of bad energy. And there was a woman in her 40s or 50s asking a lot of questions about the mists and some type of tea that they had. I didn’t think anything of that; she seemed to have something bothering her in her life and just wanted to get better, and the man was really kind, explaining to her how she should use those things, and the women told her that if within a few weeks she thought those things didn’t help her then she should call them and they would try to find other solutions. My mother said that the best thing the women could do was pray, and the woman's husband and teenage boy were saying things like "Did you find something new to spend your money on?", like the woman was doing no harm. I just don’t get why people can’t just let the other person be. If the woman believes that could help her, then let her be and wish it to work and for her to feel more at ease in her life. Is that a difficult thing to do?

[mermaidthoughts]

Do you believe in past lives

Sometimes I think about who I was in my previous lives, and so far I’ve come to two conclusions. The first one is that in a past life I got seriously injured in my left leg by a car (or bus, I don’t know), probably died because of it (but there’s no way to be sure). I say that because sometimes when I’m on a car or bus or I’m walking on the street and get too close to one, I feel this thing in my leg that’s not pain but it’s almost like it. The other is that in one of my past lives before that one, I was something related to the ocean, like a fish, a whale, a sea horse, or a fisherman, maybe I lived by the sea in that earlier life. I just feel so connected to it, and it makes me feel so relaxed and in control of myself.

I've been thinking about this recently because I watched a show that was about past lives, and I completely believe some people (their souls more specifically) in this world existed in the past. There are people that you just feel have lived more lives than others regardless of their age. Like young people that are very wise. I think they've already lived so many lives that their soul actually starts to show it.

[mermaidthoughts]

🫧☁️🎐🎧

❥ This is a safe place for everyone to share their own thoughts and feel seen in mine (except if you’re here to be hateful, force your beliefs or devalue my feelings or thoughts, then you’re not welcome)