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EGO

The ego of your stereotypical man

Because she refused to be

Another underage statistic that ended up pregnant 

Another young lady with Daddy issues

Another women with no education and no job. 

She tried so hard to not be what her problems would make her that she created a whole new person within herself:

Strong

Independent 

Man less

She built that ego of hers up so if anything,

she had her pride to fall back on

But what was her pride backed up on? Nothing. 

Nothing but your stereotypical girl grown up with an absentee father, broken, scared, and tired because she was a product of her mother....

And nothing, not a public night of innocents lost, not an underage drinking citation, not a drug and alcohol class, not community service, not the diagnosis of Epilepsy nor anxiety nor depression, not the non acceptance letters to college, not the failing at an education she didn't want at a community college, not the distance from her father, not the fighting with her mother, not the invisibility of her sister

Would push her to see that her pride was nothing because she was nothing, but covered up...

from every angle, from every hug, kiss, eye, ear, hand, love, hate that was shown towards her. 

She was empty even when she let man in. She was empty.

Until his love shined so bright that he told her "what is your pride backed up? Where is that beautiful soul to go along with that beautiful face? You walk around with such a bad attitude!" 

Until she wasn't the victim anymore, she was so safe, she thought she had made it out.

but she was losing now against what she had worked so hard to fight,

Fight,

Fight what would really make her safe...

She fell in love and a man saved her, no.

She loved, she thought she fell in love until that man was man enough to put her in her place with love

And broke down her ego then she realized....she was covered, she was empty, she was not another statistic, but a women lost in this world just like everybody else is.

Then she knew she fell in love when her man would not let her self destruction, self- destruct him, or her, nor them as one.

And that is when she knew she could begin to find herself.

~KayC

(this is un-edited, not even looked at twice.....but this is why i write to get emotions out in a way only paper understands....un-edited, untouched, raw. so please, be kind, share, and give me your thoughts.)

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Vibe out to some fluxy beats! Production done by Stephen Henderson dropped under Flux Therapy Records.

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••Ayn-James poetry

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Traces of you near, far.. #art

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Tea please. I'll stick with coal...

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A blank page; it's waiting for me... #mypeace

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Having a shitty day so I decided to go to my favorite place in DC instead being part of the real world-just for today. #WWIIMonument #dMv

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Carry Me

rolled and rumbled as all those things spun around 

the clouds sped in quickly and the water pored instantly.

but in the moment that followed a sudden, STOP.

I got up, got dressed, put on some coral colored lipstick; wait no, red lipstick, and carried her weight out the door.

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Through all I've struggled with regarding my epilepsy and other mental issues I had a hard time accepting that these things had become a part of who I am, I was and still am at times, embarrassed by my illness. This phrase I heard in a song about two years ago is what pushed me towards accepting the fact that even though my mind is not as strong as it used to be it is still beautiful. As I witness Shauna fight her rare disease I am reminded yet again that no matter how bruised or beaten or unknown the mind is, it is still beautiful; even when I feel worthless because of it. I have other meaningful tattoos but this is by far the most special to me. I do have a beautiful mind and I will not mask it anymore. #mentemaravillosa #beautifulmind

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Windy day, wouldn't ya say boo? ....Nope, says he. 🌀⛅️

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Magha Puja day at Dhammakaya Temple

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Really just want to plant my sunflowers while I listen to my folk records. C'mon spring!!!! 🌻#sunflowers #spring #folkrecords

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Two notebooks I made of 33 1/2 LP. They’ll be looking for homes in May.

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you're really pretty!

thank you very much :)

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WUUUUUU FOEVA!