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mencantaleer · 14 days ago

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Broken Hearts. Part 24 (Epilogue)

Warnings- None.

Time had passed, and six months had gone by since that fateful day.

You found yourself casually walking down the cobblestone streets of Paris, the city's rich architectural beauty capturing your fascination.

A subtle smile graced your lips as you soaked in the sights and sounds of the city, a sense of peacefulness settling within you despite the memories of the past.

The street was teeming with life, filled with the sound of voices and laughter, a vibrant energy that seemed to fill the city. It was a stark contrast to the silence and solitude that had consumed you during those dark days.

People moved about their day, engaged in various activities, all adding to the lively atmosphere. Children giggled and played on the cobblestones, while vendors called out their wares, contributing to the symphony of sounds.

For the first time in what felt like forever, a profound sense of peace washed over you, and a newfound hope slowly began to take root in your heart.

The memories of the past were still there, lingering like shadows in the back of your mind, but the pain didn't feel as raw as it once did. It still hurt, but the anguish had lessened, and hope had started to weave its way back into your life.

During your aimless strolling, a charming café caught your eye, nestled away in a tranquil corner.

The cafe's welcoming ambiance drew you closer, the softly glowing lights illuminating the interior, as you hovered in uncertainty, reminding you of your own cafe, which was smoothly getting run by Peter, MJ, Happy and May.

For a moment, you debated on whether to indulge in a solitary cup of coffee, but the tantalizing aroma of freshly brewed espresso proved to be too alluring to resist.

Settling into a quiet seat near the window, you placed your order, requesting a latte from the waiter. As you waited, a sense of contentment and tranquility washed over you.

With the cup in your hands, you took a slow sip of your latte, allowing the warm beverage to soothe your soul.

In the tranquility of the moment, your thoughts turned to the events that had occurred after that horrific day, the waves of grief, disbelief, and loneliness that had gripped you, leaving you drowning in despair.

As the truth unfolded, it came to light that Lloyd had meticulously pre-planned the bombing of the compound. The man Steve and Bucky had killed was there to strategically plant explosives in various locations around the building.

Amidst the turmoil and pain, you still remembered the steadfast support of both Nick and Ari. They had been there for you during your darkest moments, their comforting presence a beacon of hope amidst the storm.

And in that quiet café, as you took another sip of your latte, a profound realization washed over you. You had found a new family in them, a support system that would hold you up when you lacked the strength to carry on alone.

You had taken on the responsibility of managing Lloyd's business, a challenge you faced with determination and grit.

With the help of Nick, Jake, Ari, and Andy, you all worked together to keep the business running smoothly. They brought new ideas to the table, implemented new procedures, and helped you navigate the complexities of the things Lloyd use to do.

As fate would have it, with the help of Jake, you obtained the videos that Steve had recorded with Peggy without her knowledge.

With this evidence, Jake forwarded these recordings to Peggy's husband, Daniel, who subsequently initiated divorce proceedings against her.

The consequences were severe for Peggy; she lost her husband, her financial stability, and ultimately, her job. With her life in disarray, she was forced to relocate far away, as everything unraveled around her.

Together, you formed a team that worked towards achieving the shared goal, and over the months, you had grown to become like family, always having each other's backs.

Nick had always possessed a fierce protective nature, and following the incident, this trait intensified further. Whenever you were in public, he would stick close to your side, his proximity deterring any would-be troublemakers.

He vigilantly observed every man that dared to cast a glance in your direction, his intense gaze enough to make many look away. Nick found pride in the role of your protector, and it made him feel closer to Lloyd.

Time passed, and it became increasingly evident that Nick had taken the role of your steadfast protector. He remained a constant presence beside you, acting as a barrier between you and any men who would attempt to display interest in you or approach you.

You would sometimes tease him about it, saying he was your knight in shining armor, but deep down you appreciated his fierce defense.

Standing in front of the breathtaking Eiffel Tower, you were captivated by its beauty, when suddenly you felt a powerful pair of arms encircling your waist. A familiar voice whispered in your ear, “What's going through your mind, Sugar?”

Upon turning, a broad smile spread across your face as you laid eyes on the man who stood behind you, his sturdy arms firmly encircling your waist.

“You…” you said with a soft chuckle, feeling an overwhelming mixture of affection and nervousness. As you looked up at him, a flutter of butterflies took flight within your stomach.

In a tender and affectionate gesture, Lloyd leaned down towards you, his warm lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss.

In that instant, time seemed to stand still, and all other thoughts and distractions faded away, leaving you nothing but the blissful sensation of his touch and the tenderness of the moment.

Against all odds, Lloyd miraculously survived the devastating blast, albeit severely wounded.

Thrown a decent distance by the sheer power of the explosion, he found himself in the debris, battered and bruised. Yet his resilience prevailed, fueled by his unwavering determination to fulfil the promise he had made to you.

Through sheer force of will, he propelled himself forward, struggling to make his way through the wreckage. As he spotted Nick, Ari, and you in the distance, preparing to leave, he realized it was crucial to make his presence known.

Ignoring the throbbing pain that coursed through him with each step, he gritted his teeth and pushed his legs to carry him towards you, every movement becoming increasingly challenging, as he tried to call you all.

Nick was the first to notice, his eyes widening in surprise and relief as he laid eyes on Lloyd. You and Ari soon followed suit, quickly returning to his side.

As Lloyd staggered towards you, his clothing tattered and drenched in blood, his face smudged with soot, you could notice the look of relief in his eyes as he finally collapsed into your arms.

Lloyd had been forced to undergo strict bed rest in the wake of the incident. Consequently, the responsibility of managing his business had fallen upon you, with the supportive assistance of Nick, Ari, Jake, and Andy. Despite their unwavering help, the task remained demanding, requiring significant time and effort on your part.

In typical Lloyd fashion, despite the doctors' best efforts, Lloyd adamantly refused to cooperate with them and resolutely refused to accept a designated nurse for his care. Consequently, you found yourself thrust into the role of his personal nurse, having to tend to his needs and ensure his recovery process went smoothly.

As the days dragged on, Lloyd's restlessness grew exponentially. Being confined to his room, with little freedom to move or engage in any productive activity, took its toll on his mind and spirit.

“I feel so damn useless,” he grumbled, his gaze fixed on the ceiling above him.

“You're healing,” you replied calmly, positioning yourself beside him. “You need to rest. We've got everything covered, don't you worry.”

Lloyd let out a sigh, his irritation clear as he expressed his desire to be useful. “But I want to help,” he protested. “I hate just sitting here, not doing anything.”

With a wicked smile, you proposed a bargaining chip that you knew he couldn't resist, “If you behave, and rest, I'll go down on you…” you suggested, your tone sultry.

Yep, that was the only way to get Lloyd to rest.

Though it took a considerable amount of time, Lloyd eventually recovered from his injuries. To mark his healing, he was adamant about taking you on a trip to Paris.

“You desperately need a vacation, Sugar!” he declared adamantly, disregarding any protests you might have had. “And what better place to unwind than the ‘City of Love’ itself?”

So, here you are now, walking through the bustling streets of Paris, hand in hand. You both visited famous landmarks, indulged in delicious French pastries, and just enjoyed each other's company.

As you walked hand in hand, a gentle breeze blowing through your hair, Lloyd smiled at you, grateful for this moment with you.

“I love you Sugar.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

This trip to Paris marked the beginning of many more adventures for you and Lloyd. You and Lloyd traveled to different parts of the world, exploring new cultures and creating unforgettable memories together.

From the vibrant streets of Mumbai, to the breath-taking landscapes of Iceland, you experienced it all, together.

Each trip brought you closer, your love and bond growing stronger with each passing day. And even amidst the chaos of the world, you found solace in each other, a love that weathered any storm.

In the secluded countryside of Romania, on Barnes' private property, two men stood engaged in heated discussion, meticulously mapping out their next steps.

Steve and Bucky had miraculously survived the blast as well, though not without sustaining harm. While Steve had thankfully escaped with only minor injuries, Bucky had suffered a major loss- his left arm, shot by Nick's bullet.

Bucky's state of despair was palpable; he felt a profound sense of inadequacy and disappointment in himself, perceiving his injuries as a personal failure. His anger towards Nick simmered beneath the surface, yet he found himself unable to face him due to his condition.

The absence of his left arm wrought havoc in his life, thwarting his ability to execute even the most basic tasks, thereby intensifying his feeling of unworthiness.

Steve keenly observed the turbulent wrath and frustration seething within Bucky, striving to offer comfort. However, his efforts were met with deaf ears; Bucky's wrath flared, fixated on seeking retribution, with Nick as his desired target.

Bucky paced the room like a caged animal, his fingers tightly clenched into a fist. “I can't just let those bastards get away with it!” he hissed, the anger in his voice evident.

Steve's voice held firm and reassuring, responding confidently, “We will, Buck. I promise you.”

Bucky continued his restless pacing, his right hand clenching into a tight fist.

With vehemence in his voice, he asserted, “I can't simply let them get away with this! They must be held accountable for their transgressions!”

“We will make sure of it, Buck. You have my assurance,” Steve responded, his voice resolute and encouraging. “With Lloyd now deceased, their strength falters. We shall exact our vengeance.”

With Tony Stark's assistance, Bucky was equipped with an advanced, vibranium-based prosthetic arm, meticulously engineered to meet his unique requirements. The arm was remarkably lightweight and comfortable to wear, yet it possessed the strength to match his remaining natural arm. Armed with this formidable prosthetic, Bucky's combat abilities were elevated to unparalleled levels.

In collaboration with Steve, Bucky strategically devised an elaborate scheme, aimed at reclaiming you and exacting revenge upon Nick and Ari.

As a captivating tune filled the air through the radio, Bucky made a request, his voice tinged with excitement. “Turn up the volume, Steve.”

“Absolutely,” Steve readily obliged, adjusting the radio's volume knob, immersing them further in the music.

“One way or another, I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya”

Part 23- ✅

Taglist- @imyourbratzdoll @blackhawkfanatic @ordelixx @sapphirebarnes @ilovetaquitosmmmm

@differenttyphoonwerewolf @vicmc624 @thezombieprostitute @nekoannie-chan @emerald-writes

@redbloodedgurl @cjand10 @chemtrails-club @slutforchrisjamalevans @gracescor3

@ghostlythinggoingaround @princezzjasmine @3xclusivemariii @ephemeral-oasis

@geeky-politics-46 @dexter99 @calwitch

@whore-for-chris-evans @caplanreblogsfics

@pono-pura-vida @renegadesgirl1991 @iwudbutnah @ghalouha

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mencantaleer · 26 days ago

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Night Drive

Summary: A midnight drive turns into an absolute nightmare once Henry decides to take what he always craved for.

Pairing: Dark!Henry Cavill x OfC

Word count: 5.2K

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, sensitive content, Non-con, kidnapping, obsession, possessive behavior, degradation, anal play, breeding, dark themes. Please read with caution.

A/N: So this is my first non-con, I’m nervous and I really hope you’ll like it. if you’re not into these things, please don’t read, I don’t want to trigger anyone. Feel free to read @brexrif essay about reading non-con lit’ as a way of healing.

Many thanks to @agniavateira who both beta’d my work and supported me through the process. And @wondersofdreaming for encouraging me. 💖

As always, feedback and reblog if you enjoyed it.

Title: Night Drive

Continua a leggere

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mencantaleer · 29 days ago

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Bender

Written: 05 Jun 2020

Pairing: Black Female Reader x dark! Steve Rogers

Summary: Steve Rogers has picked up a bad habit, Asgardian spirits.

Seguir leyendo

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mencantaleer · 1 month ago

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Look, Don't Touch 5

Warnings: this fic includes noncon/rape, stalking, breaking and entering, possible blood and violence, and femcel energy. Tags are not exhaustive and more may be added as the series progresses.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You get bored of watching and that makes you careless. (dark!reader)

Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes

Note: mondayyyyyy

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3

Love you all like snakes love Woody’s boots. Take care. 💖

You blow a raspberry as you stare at the shadows on the wall. You can hear them. Mostly Bucky rumbling on with whatever excuses he has for the mess he’s made. Steve’s a hero, sure, he has his code, and you don’t presume to know his opinions, that’s very parasocial, but you don’t think he’d approve of all this.

You narrow your eyes as you ponder on that. Steve Rogers. Captain America. The golden boy. Hmmm.

“Someone,” you make your voice willowy as you call out, “please,” you sniff deeply, “can you help me? Please? I’m in a lot of pain.”

Yellow light streams down the hall as a door opens. Bucky snarls, “don’t” but the footsteps elude him. Steve comes out into the glow of the entry way and flips on the switch in the front room. He looks at you with barely concealed confusion.

You swallow blood and spit and cough. You can’t help but smile as fuzziness pulses through you. You’ve sat in crowded cafes, hidden, watching him. You’ve had close brushes with him, but this is different. You’re in his space and he sees you. Also, you are naked.

“Cap?” You bat your lashes and squeeze out some tears. “Please, help me. He did this to me.”

He stops a foot from you and stares. You gaze back at him; light-headed. It could be the concussion or his presence but you’re floating. You blink and try to latch onto the act. You’re losing it here.

“Steve--”

“You broke in?” He asks.

Your forehead crinkles and you look at your lap. You exhale.

“I’m homeless. I just... I needed somewhere to stay and I wasn’t going to take anything--”

“Bull. Shit.” Bucky enters and grabs the notebook from behind the couch. He struts over to Steve and slaps it against his chest. “It’s all in here.”

Your eyes dart between them. You’re sitting there, bloodied in a chair, you definitely aren’t the perpetrator here.

“I don’t know where that came from. It’s not mine. It’s all a mistake,” you snivel and cough again, this time letting the blood dribble out. “Please...”

Steve looks down at the notebook. Bucky lets go and marches around him. He swipes up your phone.

“She has videos of you. Don’t listen to her. Steve. How long have you known me?”

Steve frowns and slowly peels his eyes away from you. He opens the notebook. You deflate and leans back. Well, you tried.

He paces as he reads then stops and sits. He curls his shoulders as he leans forward and squints at your writing. He turns the page, then another. Bucky stands behind him, arms crossed, chest puffed up, victorious.

Steve sits up and puts the book on the cushion. “Jesus, Buck, why didn’t you call the police?”

“We both know what they do with these cases,” Bucky counters. “Steve, you have to deal with this.”

“How?” He stands and spins around. “You want me to torture her? Kill her?”

Bucky sighs and clucks. “She’s a maniac. This isn’t the first time--”

You stare at Steve’s back, his shoulders, his perfectly forged figure. You clench and bite your lip. Here you are, tired up, at his mercy. You think about the videos, those nights watching from the roof, him and those modelesque puppets.

“Cap,” you pipe up. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

He flinches then faces you. You tilt your head and wink, wiggling in the seat. Fuck any sense, you’re right there in front of him. You can die happy.

He brings his hand just below his nose and drags it over his mouth and jaw. He heaves and shakes his head. You see the doubt needling in his forehead, the tension bulging in that vein along his neck.

“It’s true. I’ve been watching you. I have seen everything. And I loved it,” you babble. “The way you toss those girls around. You’re so rough, your so... mpph,” you moan. “Steve, you can do all of that and more with me and I’ll beg for more. I’ll let you do things those girls would cry about.”

“Fucking christ,” Bucky exclaims. “See, Steve, I told you--”

“And what were you about to do when I walked in?” He spins back to his partner-in-crime. Literally. At this point, Steve is an accessory.

Bucky huffs, “look. I’ve been here for days, keeping her under control, for you. I’m covering your ass. If I hadn’t caught her--”

“What? Look at her? What could she do?”

“I wouldn’t ever hurt you, Captain,” you avow.

“Shut up!” Bucky barks. “Steve.”

“We gotta let her go.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. You’ve done enough. I think she gets it.”

“Does she?” Bucky stomps around. “You untie her right now and she’s going straight for you.”

“I’ll be on my knees,” you purr.

“She has a whole set-up, Steve. She can get in here. That means she can get a lot of places. She has videos, I don’t know that they’re all here. That they aren’t stored somewhere waiting to be sent out across the internet. We let her walk and she will hurt you in other ways.”

Steve rolls his shoulders, “I don’t know. I don’t know,” he throws his hands up. “Bucky, what’s wrong with you? Why—I can’t think. I can’t--” He stops and peeks at you again. “Give her some clothes at least. Clean her up.”

“Thank you, Captain,” you preen.

“I’m going to break your goddamn jaw,” Bucky snarls.

“No, no more hurting her,” Steve jabs his finger in his face. “Get her a shirt or something and... let her lay down. I gotta... I need to sleep, Bucky.” He looks around and tuts. “Look at this place.”

“Fine,” Bucky grits his teeth and glares at you. “I’ll clean it up. All of it.”

“I mean it. No more,” Steve orders.

“That’s right, sergeant, be a good little puppy and listen to your captain,” you taunt.

Steve twitches and looks over his shoulder. His eyes slit and he pokes his tongue in his cheek. “Right. Everyone get some sleep and we’ll figure it out. Tomorrow.”

You wait until Steve is gone before you cackle. Bucky shakes his head. You grin and wiggle on the seat, “you said you’d do your job like a good boy.”

“You are fucked.”

“You were close but no,” you pout mockingly. “And I missed out on a few pathetic seconds of winter dick, mmm, sad.”

“You don’t stop.”

“It’s been two days and you don’t get it,” you sneer.

“I wasn’t going to--”

“You were going to.” You insists. You peer past him, leaning as far as you can, “I think he likes me.”

“Pfft, what the fuck makes you think that?”

“You didn’t see how he looks at me.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure, he was all googly eyed--”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I don’t want that white picket fence, I just want a piece.” You squirm thirstily. “Yeah, woo, just a taste.”

Bucky tisks and waves you off. He stomps out and returns with a grey shirt. It’s Steve’s. You’re giddy at the thought of wearing his clothing. Bucky gets you out of the chair and pulls it over your head. He wipes your face gruffly and gives you water to rinse out your mouth. He bends you over the sink as you do to keep you from spitting it at him.

He hauls you back and walks you to the sofa. He shoves you down so you bounce. You turn to look over your shoulder at the end of the hallway. He snaps his fingers and growls.

“I’m watching you all night so don’t fucking try it,” he jeers.

“He said he wants sleep,” you face him again. “I only take captain’s orders, sergeant.”

You push your shoulders up then lower yourself onto your side. You nestle in and hum. You close your eyes and pull a pillow under your head.

“That’s much better,” you sigh.

📷

You sleep. Not well. But you sleep. Your guard dog is back on his leash and waiting for the captain to let him off. He might be disappointed.

As the sun beams over you, you remain languid on the cushions. The idiot is in the kitchen, snapping cupboards, sighing over the grind of the coffee maker. You're perfectly content to wait and see. This is exciting. Your regret is chipping away little by little.

How long did you spend in the shadows? Watching? Waiting for something but you just couldn't accept what. Now you know.

Against all odds, against every effort, you wove your way into Steve's life. It's not ideal but you're not a romantic. It just feels good to be acknowledged.

You sit up as you hear footsteps down the hall. He's coming. You're almost giddy. Like one of those fan girls lined up at the cons making those icons pose in the most cringe photos. Oof.

Steve glances at you but doesn't speak. He continues onto the kitchen. Bucky meets him in the doorway.

"Morning," the latter greets.

Steve exhales heavily, "I gotta talk to her."

"Sure."

"Alone," he insists.

Your heart leaps. You and Steve alone? Ooh. You'll be happy just for the break from the winter bummer.

"Steve," Bucky says, "you really shouldn't--"

"I think I have the right to get the truth from her. Not you."

"Steve," Bucky pleads a second time.

"How long have we know each other? Trust that I know what I'm doing," Steve argues.

"It isn't you I'm worried about."

A huff and a click of his tongue is Bucky's surrender. You turn yourself straight and sit up on the sofa. You wait patiently.

"Guess I'll go for a run," Bucky mutters.

"Sure, that works," Steve agrees.

You’re calm. It’s not easy. After days being tied up, you’re already restless but the prospect of having your moment. That’s enough to make you jitter.

Bucky stomps out and sends you a glower. You resist a smile and return only a yawn. He rolls his eyes and keeps going. Steve lingers in the kitchen, biding his time. You wonder if he’s scared. That would be hilarious.

The air thickens and you look out the windows. Your heart is racing. You keep your gaze toward the city. You don’t want to embarrass yourself.

“Going,” Bucky calls and you ignore the heat of his glare. The door slams and he’s gone.

You wait. Finally, you sense him. You look at Steve as he stands in the archway to the kitchen. He steps out and crosses the room. He rounds the mess on the floor and puts a mug next to your elbow.

“Don’t know if you drink coffee,” he says.

He grabs a throw blanket from the chest near the window and throws it over you.

“Thank you, Captain,” you mewl and stare at him. He swallows tightly and backs up. He crosses his arms and sighs. He brings a hand up to rub his cheek.

“I saw the videos.”

You don’t flinch. You just nod. He squints.

“You’re not going to deny it?”

“Well, there’s no point, right?” You shrug. “Your buddy can hear my heart, you must be able to.”

“Sure, uh,” he taps his fingers against his neck.

“You don’t have to be shy,” you slide forward on the seat and he drops his arms. You show your palms. “I’m not going to do anything. Promise. Really, Steve.” You clutch your hands together, almost in a prayer. “I will do anything you want. I'll let you do anything you want. Even if it’s... you know, the end.”

He blanches and shakes his head. He pinches his nose. He turns his back to you.

“You don’t have to feel bad,” you breathe. His shoulders are perfectly formed, and his waist... he is truly a super soldier. Not like that other one. Ew, why are you thinking of Bucky? “Just the fact you know about me, I can die happy--”

“You really think I would kill you?” He hisses and faces you. “I’m an avenger.”

“You are but I've also seen how you treat woman. I remember that little one you choked. Thank god she woke up, right?”

“Stop,” he demands. You obey eagerly and seal your lips. “I didn’t find that video.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get that one,” you lean on the armrest and pick at the cuff still on your wrist. “Wait... Steve? You think I would do something like that? Blackmail you? Expose you?”

“Well, you did watch me...”

“I did but not because—not to do that,” you teeter on the edge of the couch. “Steve, I worship you. I wanted to be the one you crushed into these cushions.”

You slither onto the floor and land on your knees. The blanket falls away from you. You bend forward and put your hands on the floor. You crawl to him slowly.

“I would do anything for you. Anything. And you don’t have to hold back. I can take it all.” You sit on your heels and look up at him. You know you’re not beauty, you’re nothing special, but you’re what he needs. You’re malleable. Disposable. “Please, you can put it anywhere you want.”

He combs his hands through his hair then rubs his eyes. He looks down at you. He pushes his shoulder wide and steps back. He squats down to come level with you. You chew your lip and wiggle as your core thrums.

“I saw your videos. Do you want to see mine?” He asks evenly.

You blink, “videos?”

He looks you up and down and his cheek ticks. He stands and strides away. Now that’s unexpected.

He disappears. You glance at the door. You could go. You could make a run for it. You don’t want to.

He returns with his phone in hand. He stands before you again as he flicks his finger over the screen. He turns it and extends it down to you. You strain to see it.

Of course, with all the security, he has this whole place cammed up. You didn’t think to check. You figured hacking would be much more trouble than doing everything yourself. And riskier. None of that matters now.

You watch the screen. You can tell exactly where the camera’s located. Bucky has you in the tub, working the hose between your legs as you growl and squirm. You can’t hear anything but you remember it all so clearly. You tilt your head then look up at Steve.

He’s smiling.

“You’re right, sweetheart. I can use you.” He blacks out the screen and puts the phone in his pocket. He bends and cups your chin, angling your head further back. “And I will.”

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mencantaleer · 2 months ago

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Evermore

Chapter 37. It's time to go

Previous chapter

Masterlist

I can't tell you how much Nadia means to me <3 I'm so excited to share what's to come with you!

pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC

warnings: a whole lotta angst, hurt no comfort, Nadia & Pietro,

By the time I’d returned home, New York had begun following in Vienna’s footsteps, the warmth of spring rearing its head as the last of the snow melted away.

In the light of day everything looked different.

The compound was eerily silent, my swift footsteps seeming raucous against the immense quiet. Beneath my bed, within an unassuming cardboard box that lay behind other various bits and pieces was a black duffle bag. Inside was a selection of passports, fake documentation, cash, a burner phone and a few items for disguise. Perhaps there was one positive to my tumultuous childhood, I was always prepared. This go-bag was my perfected kit, containing everything I needed to disappear. I quickly shed my outfit, changing into jeans, a plain white top and my brown leather jacket, unassuming and easy to ditch later. I grabbed the gun I had hidden beneath my pillow and one of the ones held in the back of my closet, sliding one into the back of my jeans and jamming the other into my bag along with some ammo. When I had what I needed I slung the bag across my body and began toward the door, though I paused beside my nightstand, glancing down at the frame sitting there. A picture of Natasha and I that she’d framed for me.

What’s more you than your own face?

I smiled at the recollection, pulling the photo out and stowing it away along with one other picture that had been in the drawer. When I was done, I forced myself to keep going. I only had one last order of business at the compound, and I needed to get moving because it wouldn’t be long before Ross and co. arrived. My stomach turned as I stepped into Pietro’s room, chest tightening as I glanced over his haphazardly made bed; his worn-out sneakers, I walked passed all of it, ignoring the familiar smell of his cologne and the memories that hit me from being in here. Shoving aside the clothes in his closet I quickly found the files I was looking for, all of the notes and communications, everything linking him to Hydra and slid them under my arm. I made quick work of moving to the office and putting every page contained in the folders through the paper shredder. Again and again, I watched the paper turn into ribbons of white, the letters muddled and cut and unintelligible. When it was all shredded, I opened the lid of the machine and shred it even further by hand, making sure there was no way to read what had been there. I tore the bits of paper until there was nothing left of Pietro’s agreement with Hydra.

Pietro and Wanda were pardoned by the government for their part in Ultron’s crimes because they switched sides and helped save a lot of lives. If the United States government found out that he’d been colluding with what was considered a terrorist organization, they would not be so quick to forgive. I wasn’t sure that being Avengers would protect them from the consequences of that.

My phone had not stopped buzzing since I arrived, I pulled it from my pocket quickly seeing dozens of messages and calls from Anna and a bunch of unfamiliar numbers. At the very top sat a missed call from Nick Fury as well as a voicemail notification. I pressed play as I finished destroying the documents.

“Nadia, I know that you’re all a little busy down there at the moment, so I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important. You’ve told me many times to leave the past where it belongs, but basically, I didn’t listen. People tell me I have trouble letting things go, anyway, I kept digging into your past and… just call me back as soon as possible.”

Nick had a flare for the dramatic, though, I’d never heard him sound like this before. He spoke quickly, disbelief intertwined within each word. My finger hovered over his contact but then I glanced at the clock and hesitated, I’d been here too long already and no doubt my phone would be under surveillance, the second I made a call Ross would know my location. Whatever Fury wanted to tell me would have to wait.

I finally left the compound then. Destroying the evidence was the last order of business I had there, the last thing I needed to do. My last endeavor to protect Pietro Maximoff. Or at least that’s what I told myself.

From there I headed straight to the location I’d arranged with my contact; before I arrived at the private airstrip I ditched my phone on a bus heading into the city. In an hour when the vehicle reached the outskirts of New York City a scheduled text message would be sent from my phone pinging its location.

The message was to Anna, and it contained only one word:

Red.

It was a codeword we’d decided on years ago, simply put, it meant that there was trouble and whatever device that had sent the message was compromised. I trusted that this message along with what she’d inevitably find out had happened at the airport would be enough context for her.

I’d thought about escape just about every day for the last 20 years. In every room I entered I mapped out every possible exit and had a plan for how I would get to it. My mind was always calculating, formulating a plan. Call is self-preservation or a survival instinct, whatever it was it had ingrained itself into the very fabric of my being. The problem was that I’d gotten too comfortable, not just at the compound but in my relationships, my friendships, my daily routines. I’d begun to let my guard dwindle. I’d allowed myself to trust and be trusted and most importantly I stopped scoping out every possible escape route. So, now, this is what I’m left with. This contact of Natasha’s that had me meet him in an old private airfield just outside the city.

“Nadia, I’m guessing?” The man offered me a brief wave as he stepped in front of me. “I’m Rick, we spoke earlier.”

I glanced down at his outstretched hand, a moment of silence passing between us before I slowly accepted it, shaking once before letting go. Thankful for the motorcycle gloves he wore, unsure I could bear any further human contact right now.

“Thank you for meeting me, did you get what I asked for?”

He tilted his head side to side, gesturing for me to follow him as he began an old rusty hangar. “So, given the time constraints I was a little strapped for resources, but I got you a short-term solution while we work on the long term one.” He pushed the large metal doors open to reveal a tiny little plane.

“Cute.”

He nodded. “Very cute, it’s a Cirrus SR22, it’ll get you to The Bahamas but no further so no dawdling. I’ve got you’re landing coordinates all mapped out, you’ll land in another private airstrip that’s expecting you. The guy you’re meeting there is a friend of mine, he won’t give you any trouble. You already know the rest and I’ll be in touch when I’ve got another next safe house for you.”

I caught the keys he threw to me, stowing them in my pocket as I threw my duffle into the back of the plane. “Thank you, really.”

He just nodded again. “It’s all good, I owe Natasha, any friend of hers is good people in my book.” I smiled at that, though hearing her name worsened the ache in my chest. “Hey, you know it’s pretty hot on you right now in the city, you must’ve really pissed some important people off.”

I swallowed heavily, pulling the door to the plane open before turning back to face him. “Pretty much, but it’s not the first time and it probably won’t be the last.”

He laughed at that. “Fly safe, seriously though, head straight to those coordinates or that thing will burn out.” Was the last thing he said to me. I raised an eyebrow at him, glancing back at the plane over my shoulder.

“Good to know.” I mumbled, climbing aboard.

For the next 4 hours I replayed all of the events from the last few days. What Barnes had said about the lab in Serbia where I’d been kept and the one in Siberia where those other super soldiers remained on ice, waiting to be activated. I thought of the hurt on Pietro’s face as I stepped over that line and the feeling of that Beam from Tony’s suit hitting me right in the chest; the searing agony that had nothing to do with the burst of light and everything to do with the look in his eyes.

…

It was night when I landed in the private airstrip in Nassau. A man with long dark hair pulled back into a loose ponytail was there to greet me as I stepped out of the plane.

“I’m Alby, you must be Rick’s friend?”

“Yes.” I nodded, slinging the duffle bag over my shoulder. He tossed me a set of two keys, one for a house and the other I assumed was for a car but then Alby gestured behind me to a light blue moped.

I sighed heavily, too exhausted to argue. With a thank you to the man before me, I tightened the strap of my duffle bag and climbed onto the bike, sliding the helmet on. Rick had already told me the address of the safehouse and there was a map in my bag. Before driving to the place, I’d be staying I stopped at a local pharmacy and grocery store to grab a few things I’d need.

The little cottage Rick had given me the address for was lemon yellow, but I paid no mind to its exterior as I slipped inside, immediately shutting all of the curtains and securing all the windows and doors. When I was satisfied that the house was secure, I laid my supplies out.

I took a bite of an apple that I bought, holding it between my teeth as I mixed the hair dye in a small plastic bowl. As I ran the brush over each strand of my hair Pietro’s voice was in my head. I thought of that night in New York all those months ago when he’d told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. I thought of lying in the grass with him in Central Park, the sun pressing into our flesh. He had tried so hard for so long to get my attention, to get me to admit that I felt something for him, no matter how hard I’d pushed him away, how mean I was to him. He’d been infuriatingly resolute in his efforts. I wondered if he regretted it all now; I wouldn’t blame him. My stomach sunk at the thought. I had tried… hadn’t I. Tried to keep this all together, I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t want it to end this way. Even when I knew what he’d done, what he’d told Hydra, I’d still held onto him, when I felt him slipping after Lagos I held on tighter. I thought of what he’d said to me at the airstrip.

This is bad, Nadia, even for you.

Because I am bad, that is what he’d meant.

I wondered if he’d thought that all along or if it had merely grown. I supposed it didn’t really matter.

I wasn’t trying to be bad. I didn’t want to be bad. I had tried not to be.

Wasn’t this the right choice? I couldn’t have lived with the other choice, that was what Steve had said and he was right. I couldn’t have lived with it if the accords stopped us from helping people who needed it.

I thought of Rhoadey plummeting down toward the ground. Was he even, okay? I hadn’t had the chance to find out. The burning sensation in the center of my chest had not ceased for even a moment, I swore I could still feel the beam of energy hitting me, over and over again.

I wiped the tears from my face, and only then did I realize how shaky my hands were. When my hair was covered in the dark liquid I dabbed it onto my eyebrows as well. I couldn’t escape the thoughts darting around in my mind, not just of Pietro but Barnes as well. The things he’d told me clung to my skin. There were pieces of me that I remember, many little pieces that had come back to me and yet the time spent in Serbia was practically non-existent in my mind. I supposed it should not be so shocking to me, to not remember a chunk of my life. Then I thought of the white room where I was strapped down to a chair while the ballet played, I wondered if that all happened at the Hydra base where Barnes and I first met. It was incredibly frustrating to feel so disconnected from the memory, to have such an unyielding blind spot in my mind.

Dark water pooled around the drain as I rinsed my hair absentmindedly watching the spirals of diluted color.

It was warm here, humidity pressing into my flesh the moment I’d stepped off of the plane. I had barely even noticed. In New York the air was still a little chilly even as winter gave into spring. I wondered if the warmth of Nassau could thaw the icy cold that was pressing into my chest, but I decided it was unlikely.

I looked into my own eyes in the mirror as I towel dried my hair, now at least my appearance matched how I felt; nothing like me. When I was done, I dressed in the pajamas that I’d found folded neatly in a set of drawers then I slid beneath the covers and pulled the duvet up to my chin, ignoring the discomfort of laying on my back. There was a prevailing silence in the room that unsettled me as I stared up at the ceiling that was only just visible thanks to the slither of moonlight that crept in through the window. After a long while of suffocating silence I turned onto my side and pulled the duvet over my head.

For a week I remained within the lemon-yellow walls, never drawing the curtains open to let the sun touch my skin, never breathing the fresh sea breeze, only drifting aimlessly around the bedroom like a ghost or laying, shrouded in the darkness of the duvet, replaying the day in at the airport, again and again. Rhoadey falling hitting the ground, Tony aiming his glove at me, the look on his face, Pietro’s voice.

“Go on then, hurt me.”

The cupboards were stocked with non-perishables that I occasionally ventured into the kitchen for, though hunger wasn’t much of an issue when I’d become so sluggish.

On my 8th day in Nassau, I ventured into the sitting room. I ran the tip of my finger over the spines of the few books haphazardly strewn across the small side table, blowing the dust from my finger when I pulled it back. I opened and closed my burner phone a few times, checking for any new messages from Rick. There was nothing, every single time. I paced the floor in front of the couch and when that didn’t quiet my mind, I turned on the television, sitting down when I saw a picture of my face pop up. Natasha’s picture came after causing me to still, she’d switched sides too. I wondered where she was now, she must have evaded Ross if they’d listed her as a fugitive. Sam, Wanda, Clint and Scott hadn’t been so lucky I guess since they weren’t mentioned. I stared at my picture in the corner of the screen for a long moment before promptly switching the TV off and standing up and making my way to the kitchen and yanking various drawers open to rifle around until I found what I was searching for. When my fingertips dragged over the cold metal I pulled the scissors from the drawer, making my way to the bathroom. For the first time in days my head was clear, the sound of snipping the only one filling the room. Dark brown locks fell to the floor around my feet.

When the ends of my hair barely brushed my shoulders, I dropped the scissors into the sink and then I left the house for the first time in over a week. The sun nearly blinded me as I stepped out, immediately putting my hand up to shield my eyes. The sound of the ocean filled my ears, salty air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath. I lingered on the front step for a while, eyes closed, head tilted back as the warmth bathed over me. It was like the sway of the waves called to me, lured me closer, down the steps, through the gate and toward the shoreline

The feeling of the sand between my toes, the waves crashing against one another, it all melded together in my mind. Soft fingertips tapped my cheeks, my nose, dusted curls from my eyes. The sun was setting, casting a perfect reddish pink light over everything. My back was propped against a pair of legs that rocked me back and forth, my hands held by someone else’s. Humming filled my ears followed by the smooth melody of a familiar voice.

“The monsters gone, he’s on the run and your mommy’s here.” She sang to me, tugging my hands along to sway. “Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl.” She pressed a feather light kiss to my nose causing me to giggle. The reaction caused her to press a flurry of kisses all over my face. I managed to wriggle out of her grip, running along the sand as she called after me between her own laughs. A glance over my shoulder revealed her to me, or at least a glimpse of her, a phantom of blonde hair and warm smiles. She made grabby hands at me as she reached out, calling out again and again but I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. It took me a moment to realize she was addressing me by a name that was inaudible to my ears; it came out jumbles and incoherent.

I tried to hold onto the memory, to stop and listen a little closer, to really hear what she was saying but the harder I tried the more distant it became.

“No, no, no.” I murmured as the moment dissipated into nothingness.

I fell backward into the sand, gripping it in my fist and then releasing it as I laid back on the warm sediment. Staring up at the endless blue above, an abyss of sunny days that seemed to taunt me, laugh at my solitude.

“Close your eyes; have no fear, the monsters gone, he’s on the run and your mommy’s here…” I swallowed the lump in my throat, closing my eyes tightly. “Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl.” All I could picture was the same memory, the blonde woman, the sunset, nothing else came. I decided to try something else. “Stars shining bright above me, night breezes seem to whisper…” I felt my eyes begin to sting. My throat was dry as I sang to myself. “I love you.” When nothing new made itself known to me I began to feel frustrated and honestly a little stupid.

It had worked before, listening to the songs had prompted my memories before why not now?

For the remainder of the day, I laid there in the sand, staring up at the blue sky above, the splotches of clouds.

Serbia. That is where I was kept, for months I’d been there. Time that was practically lost to me now. I thought of the ballerina’s twirling across the stage, the sweat beading on my forehead as I laid on that bed in Brazil, paralyzed by the flurry of memories. It was supposed to be easier now, Norris said the mental block in my wind was cracked, I should be able to remember, so why could I still feel the barrier, I knew I had more access now because where there had been nothing but a cold blank spot in my mind where nothing lived now things dwindled in the shadows, just out of reach. I wasn’t sure what was worse.

When I sat up the sun was nothing, but a mere suggestion hinted at along the horizon. I rested my chin atop my knee, watching the waves crest and break.

I opened the burner phone that Rick had given me, pressing the only number on speed dial. The phone rang 3 times before the line connected, there was silence at first, I knew he was just being caution, in case I’d been made, and the phone was stolen.

“I need a favor.”

He hummed. “Another favor?”

“I want you to ask your contacts if they heard about any hydra operations based in Serbia over the last 20 years, if they don’t know anything call the number, I send you and tell the woman who answers that you have a friend in common that wants to know if she’s heard about it. If she asks questions just tell her ‘Red’. I can pay for any information you find.”

After another moment of silence, he agreed, and I hung up before texting him Anna’s number.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this, or just how painful it would be to uncover the past that had evaded me for all these years. But at some point, while I was laying there in the sand, that same woman’s voice that had stuck with me all those years humming in my mind, I realized just how badly I needed to know. No matter what it was, or the toll it took on my mind. I had to know what was taken from me.

And I wouldn’t stop until I did.

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mencantaleer · 5 months ago

Text

Tienen que leer esta obra maestra

Evermore

Chapter 36. How did it end?

Previous chapter

Masterlist

This is a longer chapter than most, we cover a lot of ground here! Sorry in advance for what everyone is about to go through <3

pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC

warnings: a whole lotta angst, canon-typical violence, mentions of PTSD, hurt no comfort, poor Rhoadey

The wind tousled my hair, sun brushing over my cheeks as I watched the trees dancing in the breeze. I sat atop a cement ledge in a multi-level parking lot, feet dangling over the edge, hands braced on either side of me. My shoulders were aching from the tension that had lived there for days now.

It had been around 20 hours since Ross told us we had 36 to patch this up. Tony had arrived back in New York to follow up on whatever the hell he had planned, he also informed me that Wanda had left the compound with Clint. I was at somewhat of an impasse. It was now an immovable fact that Steve wouldn’t back down and even if it was in Tony’s character to concede, he had Ross and the guilt of Charles Spencer’s death looming over him. I’d signed the accords… because it was the right thing to do, it was the path forward. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I repeated that to myself it still failed to ease my warring mind. That inner conflict was no doubt what had led me here.

“Something on your mind?” The familiar voice asked.

I sent the tall blond man an unamused look over my shoulder, but the corners of my lips quirked ever so slightly. “Not really no.” I joked, swinging one leg back over the wall so I was facing Steve. “What’s that thing people say about the shit hitting the fan? I don’t know if we’ve reached that point yet or if it’s still coming but either way things have gotten a little chaotic for my taste.”

He breathed a short laugh, nodding in agreement. “How are you feeling? You took a lot of damage back at the headquarters.”

“I’ve had better days.”

A flash of dark hair over Steve’s shoulder caught my attention, Barnes leaned against the passenger side door of a small hatchback, looking down at his crossed arms. “I know you don’t trust him, and I understand why, but you saw what happened back there, it isn’t just me caring about an old buddy. That doctor activated him on purpose, and my guess is that he’s manufactured this whole thing. Bucky didn’t kill King T’Chaka… but I think you’ve already figured that out or you wouldn’t be here.”

I didn’t respond right away, thinking over his words. “I need clarity. Only he can give it to me.” Steve and I both glanced toward Barnes then. “That is why I’m here.”

“Where’s Pietro? I would’ve thought he’d be less than happy for you to be here after everything.”

“He thinks I’m taking a walk to clear my head.” Was all I supplied in response, still watching Barnes carefully. It felt utterly bizarre, to be approaching the Winter Solider in this environment; to be seeking him out at all. Although, he did not look like the Winter Soldier right now. “Are you going to try to kill me again?” I asked when I stood before him. He shook his head, glancing up at me for only a moment before looking back down.

He mumbled something then; it sounded like sorry but that seemed unfathomable to me, so I chose to move on swiftly.

“I don’t have a lot of time, so I won’t waste it asking stupid questions. They never called me ‘114’ in the Red Room so I’m gathering we met before.” He nodded; eyes still downcast. “Where did we meet then?”

It came as a surprise to me when he actually responded. “There used to be a hydra facility in Serbia, it was off-the-grid, confidential, every operation based there was strictly need-to-know. It’s where you were kept before you were given to Dreykov. I was assigned to you, the mission was to oversee you progress and keep you confined, make sure you didn’t interact with other subjects.”

“I don’t understand, if there were other…” I swallowed heavily, “subjects, why were you only assigned to me, aren’t you a little overqualified?”

The lack of eye-contact was beginning to bother me, particularly as it became evident that he was quickly reverting back into silence. “That is how we met, what else do you want from me?”

His response, or lack thereof, incensed me. I was exhausted and my body ached from the lack of sleep and him throwing me through a glass wall. “Just answer the goddamn question, you owe me that at the very least.”

There was silence between us for a long moment and then he finally met my eyes. “Because you were a high-profile experiment.”

The words turned my stomach. A high-profile experiment, how flattering. “You know where I came from?”

“No.” He shook his head firmly. “I didn’t have the clearance to know anything like that about you, that’s partially why I knew you were so important. They weren’t exactly forthcoming about any of their plans, but that level of secrecy… the clearances, the constant conditioning, it was different from any of the other subjects.”

“Hydra tested me for genetic potential… they probably just thought they could get a good price from Dreykov, that doesn’t mean I was significant to them.”

There was silence again then, the air was thick with uncomfortable tension, anticipation for what was to come. “It wasn’t about the money. You had genetic potential of course, but that wasn’t enough on its own to make you worth it to them.” He met my eyes then, gaze encased by shadows and maybe even a little mercy. “Their conditioning didn’t work on you, Nadia. Not at first anyway. They didn’t just want you to forget yourself when it was beneficial for them, they wanted to leave no trace of who you were, but even when their tactics started to affect you, you would remember. Every single time. The conditioning never stuck.” His words only confused me more, none of this explained why he suspected I was important to Hydra. However, his words did move me, if he knew all of this that meant he knew me before, before I lost every part of myself that was real, everything that was not manufactured. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted him to continue. I’d once said I did not want to know about all the things that were taken from me, but now I didn’t know what I wanted. Before I could figure it out, he was speaking again. “If it had taken even half that amount of work to manipulate the minds of any other subject, they wouldn’t have seen it through, Hydra were dedicated but they didn’t see the subjects as humans. If one became too troublesome, they would have just disposed of them. They weren’t known for being merciful, and yet, with you they were steadfast, no effort spared. That isn’t business as usual… it’s personal.”

“I was a child; how could it have been personal?”

Nick Fury’s words echoed through my head.

You were too young to have made yourself a target.

I knew what it meant. I wasn’t the target, just a pawn in a much bigger plan. I didn’t wait for him to answer. “You saw them experimenting on my mind, so you know how they made me forget, can you tell me how to undo it?”

He shook his head. “I only saw parts; I wouldn’t even know where to begin in undoing it.” I remained silent at his response, taking in everything he’d told me. “I take it the mind-manipulations wearing a little thin these days. What do you remember?”

“I remember the ballet, Giselle and Swan Lake, it took me a while, but I remember it now. I remember being told my name was Nadia and that I was an orphan born in St. Petersburg, and I remember the Red Room. You trained me… I remember that, but I also remember that you weren’t always there. You left.”

“I didn’t leave, I was sent away. You don’t remember?”

That seemed to be a common problem for me lately. “Remember what?”

“It took hydra all that time to figure out the right method to break your mind, but even when they finally found it, the conditioning didn’t stick. It lasted a while, years even, but when you were a teenager, it started to wane… you started to remember.”

His words had my stomach churning, how could I not know that? I was a teenager, this was happening to me in the Red Room; how did I not remember now. “What does that have to do with you?”

“Dreykov thought my presence was encouraging you to remember, because we’d known each other before. So, they put you back through conditioning and I was reassigned.”

This was a hell of a lot to take in but there was still something else on my mind, a lingering question that I couldn’t seem to move past. “Before, you said you were sorry that I’d trusted you, what did you mean.”

He didn’t respond right away, directing his eyes downward once again. The internal torment he was going through was evident. “When you were first taken by Hydra, I was assigned to watch over you, like I said before. You were just a little kid, but every day you would try to talk to me. You’d ask me questions about myself, where I was from, my family, you were very… insistent. When I would ignore you, you’d start telling me about yourself.”

That sentiment brought me to a standstill. “What did I tell you?”

He shook his head, expression more somber than ever. “I don’t know. That wasn’t something Hydra were too willing to let me remember. But, for whatever reason you seemed to want to tell me all these things and wanted to know them in return. It didn’t really matter, not at first. It became a problem when somehow you triggered my own mind to start fighting back against the conditioning. Hydra knew your own conditioning wasn’t working because I reported everything back to them and when they realized you were making me remember they had me punish you.”

I wasn’t so surprised by that part. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Don’t thank me.”

I nodded, swallowing heavily. “It isn’t your fault… I don’t blame you.” He finally met my eyes again then. “I’m not exactly the president of your fan club, but… I don’t blame you.”

Then the unthinkable happened, the corners of his lips upturned almost imperceptibly but it was enough for me to notice. I turned then, beginning to walk away from him but his next words stopped me in my tracks. “I do remember one thing about you from before. You had a brother, I don’t know why that part stuck, maybe because of how much you talked about him, but, for whatever reason I remember it… you loved him a whole lot.”

My eyes were brimming with tears before I even had time to register the stinging sensation. It was as though I had no control whatsoever over my own bodily functions. I’d never had such a strong reaction to such a simple statement before but here I was holding my breath in an attempt to control myself and quickly wiping at the tears. I nodded again, still not facing him and not speaking another word for fear of my voice shaking. Just before I left the parking lot, I saw Steve talking to Sam. The former turned to face me as I approached, Sam departing to take a phone call. I recognized the look on Steve’s face instantly.

“You’re not going to try to recruit me, are you?”

He just chuckled. “No, I’d never dream of trying to tell you what to do.” In his eyes, there was a certain somber resignation that concerned me. It was not a look that made me optimistic about the future of the Avengers. “But, between us, I think there’s a logical choice, the one that seems like the obvious course, and then there is the choice that you’ll be able to live with.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. “The accords are the right thing.”

His lips pushed together into a frown. “Nadia, you can’t really expect me to believe that’s how you feel, whether you like it or not I know you a lot better than that. I’m not going to tell you what to choose, I respect you too much to do that, all I ask of you is to do only what you sincerely believe is right.”

My gaze dropped downward, unsure how to respond. There was a war raging in my mind and now with the information from Barnes I was finding it hard to focus on just one issue.

“You know, you are in so much trouble, maybe Natasha and I are bad influences on you.” I taunted, a weak attempt at diverting the conversation. Or maybe I just wanted to delude myself into thinking things were as they had been. “The longer this drags on the harder it will be to come back from.”

He nodded, that same look in his eyes that told me it wouldn’t matter what I said. “Well, we’re already in trouble, so what’s a little more.”

“Now I’m sure of it, Natasha and I have corrupted you.”

Steve breathed a laugh. “Probably.” He paused for a long moment, looking out at the trees and the blue of the sky before continuing. “Signing the accords… it’s giving up too much, I can’t do it, you know I can’t.”

I did. I had known that from the moment the accords were given to us by Ross. Although, I had hoped the stakes would be a little less. “Okay.” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say. “Well then… I assume I’ll be seeing you.” Steve nodded and I paused, my phone was buzzing in my pocket, and I just wished I knew the right thing to say, to do, to fix this. “I hope you know he means well… Tony is just trying to make things right, the guilt of what happened to that boy, Charles, in Sokovia is eating him alive. Don’t take it personal.” I wasn’t sure why I needed him to know that so badly.

When he smiled then, it was real; genuine. “You’re a good friend, Nadia, a good person too.”

I didn’t respond to that, not verbally at least, instead saluting him teasingly. There was a soft smile spreading across my lips though. When I was leaving the car park, I answered Tony and Pietro’s text messages, informing them that I was on my way to the meeting point.

Steve’s words were heavy on my mind. There is a logical choice and then there is the one I’ll be able to live with. I thought of the footage Ross had shown us, all of the destruction, the chaos and loss, I thought of Charles Spencer and how devastated Tony was, the look on Pietro’s face after we returned from Laos. Then I thought of the Red Room, I thought of Dreykov and how it felt to be told my body belonged to my country, not to me.

This is how you become a patriot.

All of the things I’d been forced to do because it was for my country, for the greater good. I recalled being forced to watch other young girls be killed because they were compromised. If you went against the rules, you were a traitor, and traitors must be made examples of why you obey. I remembered Dreykov lifting my hand to aim the gun at Oksana’s head because she didn’t follow the rules.

For 12 years my life had not been mine. More than that really, out of the Red Room I was a free agent, but the truth was I’d traded Dreykov for Fury. Different circumstances but in both I obeyed, I played by their rules and in both I watched it crumble or be derailed. Hydra invaded S.H.I.E.L.D. had I not stepped back from my duties there I might have unwittingly followed Hydra’s agenda.

The sound of Oksana’s cries still haunted me, her pleas to spare her life filled my head as I made it to the meeting point.

There was a logical choice. One that might lessen the body count and reduce collateral damage. The choice that would yet again render me a lap dog to another institution.

Then there was the decision I could live with.

A streak of blue and silver whirred past me, Pietro stood before me with raised eyebrows, arms crossed over his chest. “That was a very long walk.”

“I had a lot on my mind?” I offered sheepishly.

He huffed exasperatedly but didn’t verbalize his frustration beyond a simple “Mhm.”

Tony turned toward me then, gesturing for me to follow him toward his private jet. Very few words were exchanged between us as he typed a code into the screen on the interior wall, causing a panel to shift open revealing the new suit he’d built me. I was once again awed by how perfect it was but then I narrowed my eyes at the man before me. “Is this really necessary?”

“Well, given how well the last conversation you had with Barnes went I figured you might want a little extra padding this time.”

I sighed, running my hand over the suit. “So, this is going to be a fight.”

“In a perfect world, no, but Cap’s not really known for having flexible ethics. I can’t imagine him ever standing down, so I plan on being prepared for whatever outcome eventuates.”

Tony eventually left me alone so that I could get dressed whilst he went to talk with Natasha and Rhoadey.

The new suit really was impressive. Only Tony Stark could build something this… extra. It was just a shame that its maiden voyage was under these circumstances. Footsteps echoed behind me, Pietro’s face appearing in the mirror. He leaned his arm over the top of one of the jet seats, something clearly bothering him. I turned to face him then, he wore his new suit as well, midnight blue and silver.

“Everything okay?”

He shrugged. “I was just going to ask you the same question.”

I ran a hand down the front of my suit, sighing quietly. “They’re not going to change their minds about any of this. The only way this ends is with a fight. So no, I’m not exactly ecstatic about all of this.”

“I get that, but that’s not what I mean, and you know it.” I raised an eyebrow at his words prompting him to continue. “The way you’ve been talking since all of this started, it doesn’t sound like you’re 100% in it.”

“I signed the accords, didn’t I?” The rhetorical question was my only reply as I looked down at my hands.

It was his turn to sigh, and he ran a hand over his face. “No more bullshit answers. Are you having second thoughts about all of this?”

“Of course I’m having second thoughts. How could I not be? This isn’t just some random group of villains or criminals; they are our friends and Wanda is your sister.”

“And they made their decision.”

I shook my head, before pressing the pads of my fingers into my temples to stave off the oncoming headache. “You don’t seriously think it is that simple. I know you don’t.”

“This is the only way to keep her safe… The only way to protect Wanda, and to protect you too.”

“But it isn’t what either of us want.”

He took a step toward me. “So, what do you want then?!” The sudden jump in volume almost startled me. “You signed the fucking accords, that was your decision because it was the right thing to do, and you know it! What is so damn conflicting?”

“You’re being an asshole right now, Pietro.”

I crossed my arms over my chest as he expelled a sigh of exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes shutting tightly. “I know, sorry. I just-”

“Hey, you guys it’s go time.” Rhoadey called, popping his head in for a brief moment.

Pietro and I stood before each other quietly, neither of us moving just yet. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times, clearly at a loss for words, so I made the first move. I stepped toward him, placing one hand over his cheek, thumb smoothing over his cheek bone. The truth was I didn’t know what to say either, there wasn’t anything I could say to soothe him because I did not want to lie to him. I was terrified right now, partially because I knew how things were going to go down and partially because I knew what my decision was.

My second hand pressed to his other cheek, and I pressed a tender kiss to his lips. There were no more words exchanged between us before I exited the plane.

By the time I caught up to Tony and Rhoadey on the tarmac Steve had already pled his case, explaining all about the crook psychiatrist who’d purposely triggered the sleeper agent in Barnes as well as the other super soldiers that were currently on ice and likely the doctor’s next target. Natasha had positioned herself behind Cap while Pietro went to find Wanda and the spider-kid that Tony had recruited was perched on the hood of a luggage shuttle after having locked Steve’s hands together with his strange webbing. T’Challa stood on the opposite side, scanning the area, likely searching for Barnes.

I glanced toward Tony, hoping to see something shift in his demeanor, anything to suggest he saw the other side of this. I didn’t find anything.

“You've been busy.” Steve said, glancing over at the kid.

“And you've been a complete idiot. Dragging in Clint. 'Rescuing' Wanda from a place she doesn't even want to leave, a safe place. I'm trying to keep…” Tony looked away to collect himself. “I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.

Steve was undeterred by his words. “You did that when you signed.”

“Alright, we’re done.” Tony stated firmly. “You're gonna turn Barnes over, you're gonna come with us. Now! Because it's us. Or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite.”

Cap didn’t respond but he glanced off further down the runway toward a hanger. I furrowed my eyebrows, every muscle in my body tense with the anticipation of what would happen next. The blond man lifted his webbed hands above his head, an arrow soaring through the air within moments, slicing the restraints clean off.

The kid started speaking but before he could finish his sentence a man spawned out of thin air, kicking him off the shuttle and returning Cap’s shield to him. “Oh great.” Tony muttered. “Alright there’s two in the parking deck, one of them is Maximoff I’m gonna grab her, Speedy meet me there. Rhoadey and Nadia you wanna take Cap.”

I looked towards Steve as Rhoadey announced that Barnes and Sam were in the terminal, prompting T’Challa to jump into action.

When the fighting began, I found myself frozen to my spot on the tarmac. For, perhaps, the first time in my life when a fight broke out, I didn’t know what to do. These people are my friends; my family, I didn’t want to fight any of them. Cap threw his shield at T’Challa to stop him in his pursuit of Barnes and Rhoadey flew in to join the fight. I didn’t think I just moved, slipping in in front of Steve to block T’Challa’s punch with my arm.

“What are you doing?” He asked me angrily.

“I’m sorry, please, don’t take this personally.” I offered before swiftly moving to knock him off of his feet. I sent a high kick toward his head, but he ducked to avoid it, attempting to punch me in the ribs but I twisted and caught his wrist, using the momentum to flip him over. He managed to land on his feet, taking a swipe at me with his claws which I avoided by flipping backwards and kicking him in the chest on my way causing him to fall onto his back.

I turned over my shoulder to see a tiny truck morph into a massive full-sized truck that was hurdling toward Rhoadey, the explosion of the crash sent me tumbling. A hand extended toward me and when I looked up my eyes met Steve’s. “So maybe you’re not so sure about the accords after all?”

“Well, you don’t have to be annoying about it.” I grumbled as I took his hand and moved back to my feet.

A man in a red and silver suit stepped forward. “I just have to say I’m a really big fan, this is a huge moment for me.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You were small before, like a strange little bug.”

He nodded, shrugging sheepishly. “Choosing to see that as a compliment.”

Despite the situation my lips curved upward. “We need to go.” Cap said, gesturing for us to follow as he began to run down the tarmac. I followed hesitantly, not long after Wanda and Clint appeared, joining us, followed by Sam and Barnes.

The Quinjet was in sight when a blinding light appeared before us, searing into the concrete in a thick line, narrowly avoiding my toes. I looked up to see Vision hovering above us the stone on his forehead glowing. “Captain Rogers. I know you believe what you're doing is right. But for the collective good you must surrender now.”

Tony arrived then, flanked by Natasha, Rhoadey, Spider-boy, T’Challa and Pietro who watched me intently. A glance down revealed that my feet were straddling the line in the concrete, one foot on either side. All eyes were on me now. I swallowed heavily meeting Pietro’s eyes, hoping that he could see the remorse in them as I stepped over completely, taking a few steps toward Steve who nodded at me.

Tony raised his arms questioningly. “Seriously?”

“What do we do Cap?” Sam asked.

“We fight.”

Both sides began to approach and within moments the fighting had begun all over again but now it was everyone and the hits were much harder.

When I came face to face with Pietro it seemed surreal, unfathomable that we could be at such odds again. It reminded me of a time before, a time that now felt like a lifetime ago, before he knew me, before I knew him. His eyes were frantic as he approached slowly. “I guess we are supposed to be fighting.” I spoke.

I could see the violence from my peripheral, people who’d once been friends; family even, throwing punches and leaving bruises. “I’m not going to fight you, Nadia. Just listen to me.”

“Pietro, I don’t want to fight anymore either, but I’m not going to change my mind… I’m sorry I can’t go along with the accords… I can’t.”

He clutched his head for a moment before running a hand through his messy hair. “I understand. I get why you have reservations about authority and being controlled but…” I narrowed my eyes at him as he seemingly searched for the words. “Sokovia was destroyed… mine and Wanda’s home, obliterated. We did that. Our enhancements, this unimaginable power, cannot go unmanaged. It’s too dangerous.”

“Okay. You feel responsible for what happened, I get that. I’m not saying we should opt out of the fault; we were all involved, but this is not the solution. What happens when there’s a conflict that our intervention can help but the government disagrees? What happened in Sokovia was a tragedy, but a lot of people’s lives were saved by what we did as well what would have happened if we didn’t step in. I see your point, but my mind is made up, I’m not going to be something harbored by the government for their use whenever they see fit. I’ve done that. I won’t do it again.” I tried to be gentle, to keep a level-head, to preserve this thing between us but when I looked into his eyes it was different, there was still this strange feeling settled deep within my chest that something was inherently broken here. Whether it was our fate all along or whether the cracks began to form when I read the documents Zemo had sent, I wasn’t entirely sure.

His voice was filled with frustration as he spoke, so much so that it almost made me flinch. “You don’t want to be used as a weapon. That much I get, but do you really not see that this is exactly what we are? Weapons… Nadia, what was done to you in the Red Room was monstrous but there was a method to that madness, they controlled you because they knew what they were creating, and that kind of power could not go unchecked. They instilled a killing instinct in you so of course they had to manage you. That is what Ross is trying to do, they just want to oversee us because they know it’s too dangerous to let us roam free. It is for the greater good.”

It was worse than taking a bullet. So painful it nearly knocked me over. There was a searing ache in my chest as he spoke, I barely even heard him now. I took a step back from him, eyes dropping to study the cracked concrete by my feet. “You think that what was done to me was for the greater good?” It sounded nothing like me and suddenly there was a thin papery feeling filling my limbs. I hadn’t felt this way since I was a child, since I was trapped in those walls, blood all over my hands, scars littering me like reminders. The sound of a trigger being pulled, again and again, cold gunmetal against my forehead. I felt it all over again.

He opened his mouth to respond but never got the chance as a beam of red threw him backwards. My head shot over to see Wanda glaring at me. “You’re pulling punches, Nadia.”

“So, you fight him, he’s your brother.” I managed, turning quickly to walk away. My chest ached and each breath was a struggle to swallow.

As much as I tried to delude myself that maybe things would be fine, maybe everything could go back to the way it was, there was no denying that things had irreversibly shifted.

“Not exactly the most opportune time to switch sides.” Natasha’s voice called from behind me. I caught her punch as I turned swiftly but she was expecting in and twisted her hand around to overtake my hold on her wrist and pulled me forward to trip me over her leg, dropping me down onto my back and pinning me with her arm. She smiled at me. “We’re still friends, right?”

“Depends how hard you hit me.” I taunted, pulling her down and locking my legs her arm and shoulder before twisting around rapidly to flip her over onto her stomach on the ground while I swiveled around to my feet once more.

Nat moved to her feet as well, watching me carefully. “You really aren’t on our side anymore?”

I swallowed heavily, glancing out at the wreckage around us, the punches being thrown, the friendships being torn apart. “I can’t do it, Natasha. You know I can’t.”

She nodded, once, twice. “Yeah. I guess it just feels different now that it’s really happening.”

I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off by Barnes’ words. “We gotta go, that guys probably in Siberia by now.”

An orb of red threw Natasha back as Wanda landed beside me, narrowly avoiding Rhoadey’s line of fire.

Steve spoke up next. “We gotta draw out the flyers. I'll take Vision. You get to the jet.” He gestured for me to follow Sam.

“No, you and Barnes get to the jet!” Sam responded, taking off to evade Rhoadey. “The rest of us aren't getting out of here.”

Clint nodded, fire several arrows to cover us. “As much as I hate to admit it, if we're gonna win this one, some of us might have to lose it.”

Cap looked back at me looked at me for a long moment, before glancing at the chaos behind us once again. “Nadia…” He trailed off, clearly unconvinced by this plan.

“I’ve gotten myself out of worse situations. It’ll be fine, you have to go, you cannot let that maniac doctor activate the other Winter Soldiers. You need to shut it down. We’ll cover you.”

“Alright, what's the play?”

“We need a diversion, something big.” Sam responded.

The shrinking man was the first to offer something. “I got something kind of big, but I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell. And if I tear myself in half . . . don't come back for me.”

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Are you actually going to tear yourself if half?” I spoke, hearing Barnes offer a similar sentiment in unison.

“I do it all the time. I mean once . . . in a lab. Then I passed out.”

“You're sure about this, Scott?” Steve asked.

After hearing Scott’s reassurances, we all agreed and the man set off, leaping from the mobile stairs to grab onto Rhoadey’s back. I narrowed my eyes, wondering how this was an effective diversion. My question was answered almost immediately when Scott suddenly morphed into a towering behemoth and grabbed a hold of Rhoadey’s leg. My mouth fell open, as I watched the scene unfold before me.

“Okay, tiny dude is big now. He's big now.” Rhoadey panicked over the comms.

“I guess that’s the signal.” Steve said glancing back at me one final time.

My shock at Scott’s display became secondary as I spotted a streak of blue and silver beelining for Cap. Pietro knocked him off his feet but the moment, he was stationary long enough I grabbed him, vaulting up to wrap my legs ran for him jumping onto one of the luggage shuttles before leaping off of it to tackle him to the ground. He groaned at the impact rolling away quickly and moving back to his feet. “Go!” I shouted to Cap and Barnes. “But if I find out this whole come-to-conscience remorse act is bullshit…” I looked Barnes directly in the eye then. “I’ll kill you myself.” He nodded once, meeting my eyes for a fleeting moment before turning away and following after Steve.

When Pietro was on his feet again, he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Really?”

I moved into a defensive position despite the way it killed me to do it. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Oh? But you seem ready to.” He muttered.

He lurched forward, but I evaded his attack and blocked the next jab as well. For a while I stuck to this, merely blocking and dodging, realistically, there was no real force or skill behind his hits anyway. There was anger sure, but these were strikes meant to hurt. “You’re holding back.” I said.

“So are you.”

The sound of a building crumbling and crashing caught my attention. Both Pietro and I looked over to see the control tower collapsing over the entrance of the hangar that Steve and Barnes were headed for. Wanda was barely managing to keep the tower afloat when Rhoadey emitted some kind of frequency that had her grasping her ears and the building crashing down around the two men. The distraction was enough for Pietro to tackle me backward pinning me to the ground. “Stay down, Nadia, don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Sorry, but you know it’s not in my nature to make things easy for you.” I slid my arm to press across his chest while my right leg shifted upward to push my knee into his stomach as I flipped us over swiftly, planting his back into the ground.

Another crash sounded, this time it was Scott toppling over, taking the spider-kid with him followed by the Quinjet soaring through the air. I stood quickly but was tripped by Pietro just as soon as my feet were on the ground. He’d used my classic move against me, hooking his ankle around mine and sweeping my feet. Now, I was pissed. I evaded his grip, rolling over him and situation my body behind his on the cold ground. I wrapped him into a chokehold, legs locked around him from behind. I had control of his movements, but my grip was loose over his airways, still allowing him to breath easily. “Stop fighting me!” I managed to get out.

“No! Not when you are this out of control.” I held onto him tighter as he thrashed against me. “This isn’t right, you know that the accords will protect people… but you don’t even care.” That stung, I’d admit. “This is bad, Nadia, even for you.” That cut deep, just like he knew it would.

All at once I let go of him, shoving him away from me and moving quickly to my feet. “Fuck you!” I spat, eyes stinging, stomach churning.

“Sorry, I don’t mean it like that… this… it’s just…” He couldn’t find the words because it is what he’d meant. Even if it wasn’t he never got to finish the sentence because before he managed to spit out what he was saying because out attention was pulled by a beam of light emanating from Vision that soared right up toward the Quinjet, no doubt aimed at Sam who was tailing Rhoadey but when the former diverted courses to evade the beam it hit Rhoadey in the chest, searing through the heart of the suit. The lights shut off and suddenly he was plummeting rapidly toward the ground.

“No.” I muttered, taking off into a sprint toward the field that he was headed for. Tony was hurtling toward him from above, but he was too far behind, there was no way he would catch up. For some reason his distressed calls, over the comms for Rhoadey had my heart stuttering anxiously and made me sick to my stomach, more so than anything else had today.

Grass and dirt sprayed toward me as the War Machine suit collided with the ground. Tony landed a moment later, ripping the face plate from Rhoadey I slowed when I reached them, surveying the face of my unconscious friend, blood spattered across it. I came to a momentary halt looking between him and Tony before moving to crouch beside them and examine the injured man, but a burst of energy hit me directly in the chest causing me to tumble backward onto the grass. I pressed a hand to the sore spot where Tony’s ray had hit me, eyebrows furrowing as I looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“DON’T!” I wasn’t sure he’d ever shouted at me like that before. “Just stay the hell away, Pimenova.” The venom dripping from his words made my heart stutter again, it shattered me completely. I did not understand why it was so devastating. “You can act like double-crossing us was some moral dilemma all you want; I don’t care you made your bed and now you can lay in it. Ross is going to be hunting you; I can’t protect you from that and to be honest, right now, I don’t want to.”

My eyes stung and I turned my head away before he saw the glistening in them. “I didn’t double cross you, I tried to do this your way, I couldn’t.” I swallowed heavily, moving to my feet once more and turning away from him. Before I left, I tilted my head to the side, toward him. “And I don’t need you to protect me from anything, Tony.”

With that I walked away.

I walked out of the field and back through the airstrip, moving quickly, scanning the area as I went to ensure I didn’t bump into any of Ross’ men on my way. Unfortunately, the person who stepped in front of me just before I reached the exit was much worse than a firing squad.

Pietro watched me, chest rising and falling rapidly, frantic eyes darting across my face. “Get out of my way, Pietro.” The words were glacial, a tone I’d not taken with him in a long time.

He shook his head. “No, Nadia, I’m not moving until we talk about this.”

“We already talked about it. That’s not what you really want, what you want is for me to agree with you and that isn’t going to happen so there’s nothing left to talk about.”

“There’s nothing left to talk about?” His eyes narrowed slightly; jaw clenched but the expression on his face did not resemble anger. “That’s it then? You’re done and we aren’t even going to talk about it.”

I shrugged, there was a lump in my throat and my eyes were stinging but I swallowed it down. “You’ve made it very clear where you stand, I see now, what you really think. What more could you possibly have to say?” He ran a frantic hand through his hair, shaking his head, eyes shut tightly as he seemed to search for the correct words. “I mean that is why you were so willing to help Hydra, no? Why you kept all of those notes, you didn’t send them… but you kept them. They were a reminder, weren’t they? Of the person I really am.” I’d never seen him look so pale, like he’d seen a ghost. I told him to move once more, he just kept shaking his head.

“No. No, you’re not walking away like this, we’re not done talking.” He swallowed heavily. “If you really cared about me… about this.” He gestured between us. “If this mattered to you, you wouldn’t do this.”

“Don’t.” I blinked rapidly, desperately fighting the stinging in my eyes. “Don’t do that, that isn’t fair, you can’t just use us against me. Our relationship can’t the deciding factor in which side I choose, and I don’t think you actually want it to be.”

He shrugged. “So maybe you don’t know me that well. It shouldn’t be such a hard decision for you, the Accords are the only way forward, the right choice. I would have thought that doing what is right for the greater good mattered enough to you that I wouldn’t have to use our relationship to sweeten the deal, but maybe I don’t know you either.” It was facetious and sounded nothing like him.

“Pietro, get out of my way now.” I gritted my teeth, forcing down the emotions that were bubbling within me, focusing on the anger, that was where my strength was. It’s what I was good at. He needed me to be the villain, maybe that’s how he’d always seen me anyway. “Move, or I will make you.”

“Is that what you’re going to do? Well, go ahead, Nadia, because that’s the only way I’m going anywhere.” He moved forward until he was standing right in front of me. “Go on then, hurt me.” I didn’t move an inch. My stomach churned and I felt ill.

I clenched my hands into fists, heart racing against my chest. All I wanted was for this to be over. In that moment, looking at his face, his beautiful, frantic blue eyes, was unbearable. “Move.” It was barely a whisper, a breath that tapered off at the end, desperate and tired. My eyes were still stinging but I ignored it, swallowing all of it down and steeling myself; just as I always had before. He refused to budge, only staring at me with an expression that made me feel small. I didn’t think I could bare another second of that look, but then I did what I warned him I would. I ducked and weaved around him and when he managed to grab me, I pressed the control on my suit that activated the red and shocked him backward. A hard hit to the side of his ribs and a kick in the back of his knee sent him to the ground. The look he gave me then, accompanied by the pained breath passing his lips as he cradled his side, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from. I turned away; knowing that if I stayed now, I might not be able to leave at all. His next words had me stopping dead in my tracks for a moment.

“I guess it’s true what they say. Once a double agent…” I closed my eyes tightly, stilling my body and holding my breath, forcing myself to remain strong, to be indifferent. I’d done it a million times before, why was it so hard now? Just when I felt like I might have control Pietro spoke again. “I’m glad you didn’t say it back. It would’ve been just another lie.”

It didn’t matter how hard I tried, the stinging in my eyes wouldn’t let up but this time it didn’t stop at that. He didn’t need to add any more context than that; didn’t need to spell it out. A hot tear streamed down my cheek, burning the whole way down. I quickly wiped it, glancing back at him over my shoulder. The cold, dismayed expression that he wore faltered ever so slightly when our eyes met, his lips parting slightly as he gazed at me.

“For the record, I didn’t want it to end like this.” His eyes softened ever so slightly but I turned away before I could change my mind.

He’d be fine, maybe a little bruised but nothing beyond that, because the truth was even in the end, I’d still pulled my punches. Because when it was him, I couldn’t bring myself to put any real force into it.

He had repeatedly told me that there was no point in my incessant efforts to push him away. It wouldn’t work. I couldn’t make him hate me.

I guess he was wrong.

Though maybe I’d never needed to try to make him hate me, maybe this was just written in our fate from the beginning.

All along, solitude was the only plausible ending for me.

39 notes · View notes

mencantaleer · 5 months ago

Text

Feliz Halloween

Línea alternativa donde el mandarín no muere.

Set after defeating white death.

Synopsis: Just tangerine being a good boy.

Reader over 18, 2000 words. mdni!

Warnings : rough sex, Sub!Tangerine, Dom! reader some degradation, compliments, mild humiliation, a little tangerine fluff.

You are so excited to see your boyfriend after weeks without seeing him, to the point that when he comes home you jump on him to kiss him, and little by little the situation escalates to the point of having him in your bed, you sitting on his lap and when tangerine wants to undo the buttons of your jeans you stop him.

-When he comes back I want to see you naked and on your knees,” you mention as you start to walk away lifting a bag from your closet as you make your way to your bathroom.

-And if I don't listen what will you do, will you punish me mommy,” she challenges you.

Your eyes darken with desire at Tangerine's provocative words. You can't deny that it turns you on that he behaves like a spoiled brat, you know you'll soon give him what he deserves. A slow, mischievous smile spreads across your face as you lean in close to his ear, your hot breath against his neck sending ripples that create a tent in your boy's pants.

-Oh, I think you'll find that disobedience has its consequences, sweetheart,” you purr, sliding your hand down to rest on his penis that still remains covered by the fabric of his pants threatening to pop out. And believe me, you'll enjoy the punishment I have in mind.

You bite her earlobe and then whisper: “But if you're a good boy for mommy and you listen to everything I tell you now, maybe I'll show you how rewarding obedience can be,” and without further ado you go into the bathroom to change into what you had bought a few days before, taking care of every detail meticulously. When you get ready to leave the bathroom you see Tangerine sitting on the bed with a challenging look and with her clothes still on.

-Oh, you want me to punish you, don't you? -you tease him, you watch his eyes that have a hint of mischief in them as he tries to reach out to feel the lingerie you are wearing and when he is about to touch you, you firmly grab his hands, forcing him to look at you- Not so fast, only nice boys can touch and today you are just a little rebellious brat that needs to be disciplined.

-Come on, come on, let me touch you,” he purrs, as he watches you.

-Good boys earn their rewards, remember?” you mention as you stare at him.

-Don't be like that, let me touch you, I know you're excited,” he mentions while he tries to change your mind, but he doesn't succeed. You bite her earlobe and then whisper: “But if you're a good boy for mommy and you listen to everything I tell you now, maybe I'll show you how rewarding obedience can be,” and without further ado you go into the bathroom to change into what you had bought a few days before, taking care of every detail meticulously. When you get ready to leave the bathroom you see Tangerine sitting on the bed with a challenging look and with her clothes still on.

-Come on, come on, let me touch you,” he purrs, as he watches you.

-Good boys earn their rewards, remember?” you mention as you stare at him.

-Don't be like that, let me touch you, I know you're excited,” he mentions while he tries to change your mind, but he doesn't succeed.

-If only you had been a good boy everything would be different, now you can only see me but not touch,” you reply as you tie him to your dresser chair and move it so he can see your bed. You stop to watch as you walk to the bed and sit down so he has a privileged view of what is about to happen. One of your hands slides up your thigh, playfully brushing against the thong you're wearing.

-Well, I guess I can show you what I'm feeling-you lean back a little so you can see better as you slowly unbutton your corset. Your pale skin and toned abdomen are revealed inch by inch. You squeeze your breasts through the thin fabric of your bra, squeezing them as you begin to move in circles. Your hips begin to move, rubbing together to seek friction as you stroke faster. Pinching your nipples through the bra, biting your lip to hold back a moan. The sensations are intense, raising your libido to 100%, not only are you enjoying yourself but you are punishing your bitch as she watches you get pleasure without her help, we gauge her reaction as you play with your tits. Her eyes are glued to your body, her breathing is agitated and the bulge in her pants is a case, she only needed to see you touching yourself to reach orgasm and she demonstrated that by staining her pants with semen, creating a whitish stain. That doesn't stop you from sliding your panties down your legs.

-Mmm, you like watching me touch myself, don't you, brat? See how wet you make me, how much I need this. -You slide a finger under the wet fabric, circling my entrance provocatively. I bet you wish you could fuck me right here, don't you? Bend me over this bed and take me real hard so everyone can hear me screaming your name.

You stick a finger in your dripping pussy and pump it slowly as you slide your hand down his pants caressing his member. Your free hand moves to caress your breast, pinching and pulling your nipple through the thin bra. Waves of pleasure radiate through me as you shamelessly touch yourself in front of Tan.

Your breathing becomes ragged, your hips jerk as you feel yourself close. You can feel yourself throbbing, your orgasm building. You want to cum, and you feel a wave of pleasure run through your whole body making you shudder.

-That's it, you were very good. You could have got rid of the ropes but you controlled yourself not to do it, you deserve a reward, pretty boy. - You deserve a reward, pretty boy.

-Please, please,” he says in a husky voice full of need. Please let me fuck you. I need to be inside you, to feel your heat tight around my cock. -Get undressed and get on your knees now,” you order as you see how he hurries to comply with what you ordered, and you can not help but smile as you see him like a puppy all eager to receive his prize, too bad you will not make it so easy, when he finally gets rid of his clothes and kneels before you, you order him to look up.

-You see it wasn't that hard to follow orders sweetie, but I need to make sure it's clear to you,” you say as you bring your fingers to his mouth, ”Tell me how much you want to fuck me, beg for it.

-I beg you mommy,” she moans as she pushes your fingers into her mouth, sucking on them as if her life depended on it, ”I need to be buried deep in your sweet pussy. I need you to mark me as yours, I need you to make me feel like your slave.

He tilts his head up as he continues to lick your fingers, “Please, my queen,” he whispers softly and seductively, “Let me worship your body. Let me serve you as your sex toy to soothe your desire,” he moans softly.

-Mmmm… good boy-your hands run over your pet's body while you kiss him possessively, making it clear who is the owner here-you can fuck me, but never forget that I am the one in charge. Tangerine's eyes light up as you give her permission, a mixture of relief and excitement flooding her features. She rises from the floor and begins to kiss you desperately.

-Thank you, Mommy,” she growls, her voice hoarse with desire. I promise to be your good boy and do everything you tell me.

He rolls you onto your back, his body covering yours. Tangerine's hands slide down your sides, gripping your hips tightly. He positions himself at your entrance, the head of his cock pressing against your slick heat.

-Remember that you are mine and that will never change,” you promise in a low, husky voice. You'll never forget who's in charge of the relationship, now just make me feel good pet.

With a powerful thrust of her hips, Tangerine thrusts inside you. He moans as he feels your tight walls surround him and rolls his eyes in pleasure.

-Fuck, don't stop Tangerine or I swear I'll punish you,” you say.

Tangerine moves her hips forward and plunges his cock deeper into your tight, warm clit. She moans at the sensation and drops her head back in ecstasy.

-God, Mistress,” he gasps, his voice strained with pleasure. You feel so good, as if you were created just for me.

He begins to move, his hips moving in a steady rhythm. Each thrust sends sparks of pleasure through your body, increasing the heat between your legs. Tangerine's hands roam your body, caressing every curve and valley. She leans in and captures your lips in a searing kiss. Her tongue delves into your mouth and claims you completely.

-I can't get enough of you,” he murmurs against your lips, his hips never ceasing their relentless rhythm, ‘I need more, always more,’ he moans in your ear as he continues to penetrate your aching pussy.

He moves slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts. You cry out when he hits a particularly sensitive spot, your nails digging into his back.

-That's it, my love,” you encourage him, your voice low and rough. Let me feel how much you want your mommy, how much you need me.

He reaches between your bodies and finds your clitoris with his fingers. He slowly rubs the sensitive bud, sending waves of pleasure through your center.

-Make me reach my orgasm Tan,” you order him, your voice brooking no argument. Make me cum until I feel dizzy,” you arch as you feel your impending orgasm.

Tangerine's thrusts become more erratic, her breathing ragged. She's close, teetering on the brink of release. But he's not stopping, not giving up, at least not until he makes you come. He's determined to take you to the edge with him, to share the ultimate pleasure. Suddenly, the climax overcomes you and your pussy contracts around his cock as you stifle a cry of ecstasy. Your hand milks his cock furiously, determined to make him come with you.

-Come on, pretty boy, cum for me, let me feel you, cum with me,” you scream as you feel one last powerful thrust, Tangerine sinking all the way in. She throws her head back and lets out a primal roar as she spills inside you. His hips jerk erratically and his cock throbs as he fills you with his seed. He falls in surrender as he embraces you, pressing his foreheads together.

-That was intense, wasn't it,” you murmur as you try to catch your breath.

-My God,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse with emotion. It was… indescribable. The way you took control, the way you dominated me… it was like nothing I've ever experienced before,” she says as she runs her fingers along the line of your jaw, her touch as light as a feather. Tangerine's eyes search you with a mixture of admiration and adoration in their depths. -You brought out a side of me I didn't even know existed. A side that craved submission, that needed to relinquish control-She leans in and places a soft kiss on your lips. “And the pleasure… my love, the pleasure was intense. Every touch, every command…it was like a high tension wire sparking through my veins.” -I thought you wouldn't like me, I thought you would hate me after this,” you reply as you snuggle into his chest.

-I could never hate you, I just want to say… Thank you.

-What are you thanking me for?” you ask, still a little unsure of his reaction. -For showing me this side of myself. For making me feel things I never thought I could feel,” Tangerine's hand slides down your side and her fingers intertwine with yours, ‘I love you,’ she mentions before falling asleep.

-I love you too Tangerine,” you reply as you cover him with the blanket and then lay down and hug him.

I have to thank @tangerinesmommy who is the great creator of Sub!Tangerine, she inspired me to create this one shot, thank you <3.

Happy halloween to all.

Comenta, rebloguea, te leo.

(Contenido resubido) Lo subí de nuevo porque el post anterior estaba en español, olvidé traducirlo ;).

My requests are open if you want to ask for something <3.

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mencantaleer · 5 months ago

Text

Feliz Halloween

Línea alternativa donde mandarina no muere.

Ambientada después de vencer a muerte blanca.

Sinopsis: Simplemente tangerine siendo un buen chico

Lectora mayor de 18 años, 2000 palabras. ¡mdni!

Advertencias : sexo duro, Sub!Tangerine, algo de degradacion, piropos, humillacion leve, un poco de pelusa mandarina.

Estás tan excitada de ver a tu novio despues de semanas sin verlo, a tal punto de que cuando vuelve a casa te lanzas encima para besarlo, y poco a poco la situacion escala de nivel al punto de tenerlo en tu cama , tu sentada en su regazo y cuando tangerine quiere desabrochar los botones de tu jean tu lo detienes.

—Tan para —gimes en voz baja mientras te liberas de su agarre —Cuando vuelva quiero verte desnudo y arrodillado —mencionas mientras empiezas a caminar alzando una bolsa de tu closet mientras te encaminas a tu baño—

—Y si no hago caso qué harás,¿me castigaras mami?— te reta

Tus ojos se oscurecen de deseo ante las provocativas palabras de Tangerine. No puedes negar que te excita que se comporte como un mocoso malcriado, sabes que pronto le daras su merecido. Una lenta y maliciosa sonrisa se extiende por tu rostro mientras te inclinas cerca de su oido, tu aliento caliente contra su cuello envia ondas que crean una carpa en los pantalones de tu chico.

—Oh, creo que descubrirás que la desobediencia tiene sus consecuencias, cariño—ronroneas, deslizando tu mano hacia abajo para posarla sobre su pene que aun se mantiene cubierto por la tela de su pantalón amenazando con salir—. Y créeme, disfrutarás del castigo que tengo en mente.

Le muerdes el lóbulo de la oreja y luego susurras: "Pero si eres un buen chico para mami y haces caso a todo lo que te digo ahora, tal vez te muestre lo gratificante que puede ser la obediencia.— y sin mas terminas por meterte al baño para cambiarte con lo que habías comprado días anteriores, cuidando cada detalle de manera minuciosa.

Cuando te dispones a salir del baño ves a tangerine sentado sobre la cama con una mirada retadora y con la ropa todavía puesta

—Oh, quieres que te castigue, ¿no? —te burlas de el, observas sus ojos que tienen un toque de picardía mientras intenta extender la mano para sentir la lencería que llevas puesta y cuando esta apunto de tocarte, agarras con firmeza sus manos, obligándolo a mirarte—. No tan rápido, solo pueden tocar los chicos buenos y hoy tu solo eres un pequeño mocoso rebelde que necesita que lo disciplinen

—Vamos, vamos, dejame tocarte —ronronea, mientras te observa

—Los chicos buenos se ganan sus recompensas, ¿recuerdas?— mencionas mientras lo miras fijamente

—No seas asi, dejame tocarte, se que estas exitada— menciona mientras intenta cambiar tu opinión, cosa que no logra

—Si tan solo hubieras sido un chico bueno todo seria distinto, ahora solo podras verme pero no tocar— respondes mientras lo atas a la silla de tu tocador moviendola para que pueda ver tu cama.

Te detienes a observar mientras caminas a la cama y te sientas para que el tenga una vista privilegiada de lo que está apunto de pasar. Una de tus manos se desliza por tu muslo, rozando juguetonamente con la tanga que llevas.

—Bien, supongo que puedo mostrarte lo que estoy sintiendo—te inclinas un poco hacia atrás para que puedas ver mejor mientras te desabrochas lentamente el corset. Tu piel pálida y tu abdomen tonificado se revelan centímetro a centímetro. Te aprietas los pechos a través de la fina tela del sujetador, apretandolos mientras empiezas a moverte haciendo circulos.

Tus caderas comienzan a moverse, frotándose para buscar fricción mientras te acaricias más rápido. Pellizcando tus pezones a través del sujetador, mordiéndote el labio para contener un gemido. Las sensaciones son intensas, subiendo tu libido al 100%, no solo estas disfrutando tu sino que estás castigando a tu perra mientras ve cómo obtienes placer sin su ayuda, evaluamos su reacción mientras juegas con tus tetas. Sus ojos están pegados a tu cuerpo, su respiración es agitada y el bulto de sus pantalones es un caso, solo necesito verte como te tocabas para llegar al orgasmo y eso lo demostro manchando de semen su pantalón, creando una mancha blanquecina.

Eso no es impedimento para que deslizes tus bragas por debajo de tus piernas.

—Mmm, te gusta verme tocarme, ¿no es así, mocoso? Ver lo mojada que me dejas, lo mucho que necesito esto. —Deslizas un dedo por debajo de la tela húmeda, haciendo círculos en mi entrada de manera provocativa—. Apuesto a que desearías poder follarme aquí mismo, ¿no? Inclinarme sobre este cama y tomarme muy duro para que todos puedan escucharme gritando tu nombre.

Metes un dedo en tu coño chorreante y lo bombeas lentamente mientras deslizas tu mano en sus pantalones acariciando su miembro. Tu mano libre se mueve para acariciar tu pecho, pellizcando y tirando de tu pezón a través del fino sujetador. Olas de placer irradian a través de mí mientras te tocas descaradamente frente a Tan.

Tu respiración se vuelve entrecortada, tus caderas se sacuden al sentirte cerca. Puedes sentirte palpitar, tu orgasmo se está gestando. Quieres correrte, y sientes como una ola de placer recorre todo tu cuerpo poniendote a temblar.

—Eso es, te portaste muy bien. Pudiste deshacerte de las cuerdas pero te controlaste para no hacerlo, mereces una recompensa niño bonito. — mencionas mientras lo desatas

—Por favor, por favor —dice con voz ronca y llena de necesidad—. Por favor, déjame follarte. Necesito estar dentro de ti, sentir tu calor apretado alrededor de mi polla.

—Desnúdate y ponte de rodillas ahora.— ordenas mientras ves como se apresura a cumplir con lo que ordenaste, y no puedes evitar esbozar una sonrisa al verlo como un cachorro todo ansioso por recibir su premio, lastima que no se lo pondrás tan fácil, cuando por fin logra deshacerse de su ropa y de rodillas ante ti lo ordenas alzar la mirada.

—Vez que no era tan difícil seguir órdenes cariño, pero necesito asegurarme que te quedó claro— dices mientras acercas tus dedos a su boca— Dime cuanto quieres follarme, ruega por ello.

—Te lo ruego mami —gime mientras empuja tus dedos dentro de su boca, chupandolos como si su vida dependiera de ello—. Necesito estar enterrado profundamente en tu dulce coño. Necesito que me marques como tuyo, necesito que me hagas sentir como tu esclavo.

Él inclina su cabeza hacia arriba mientras sigue lamiendo tus dedos —Por favor, mi reina—susurra en voz baja y seductora.— Déjame adorar tu cuerpo. Déjame servirte como tu juguete sexual para calmar tu deseo— gime en voz baja

—Mmmm... buen chico— tus manos recorren el cuerpo de tu mascota mientras lo besas posesivamente, dejando claro quién es la dueña aquí— Puedes follarme, pero nunca olvides que quien manda soy yo.

Los ojos de Tangerine se iluminan cuando le das permiso, una mezcla de alivio y emoción inunda sus rasgos. Se levanta del suelo y comienza a besarte desesperadamente

—Gracias, mami —gruñe con la voz ronca por el deseo—. Prometo ser tu chico bueno y cumplir con todo lo que me digas.

Te hace rodar sobre tu espalda, su cuerpo cubre el tuyo. Las manos de Tangerine se deslizan por tus costados, agarrando tus caderas con fuerza. Se posiciona en tu entrada, la cabeza de su pene presionando contra tu calor resbaladizo.

—Recuerda que eres mio y que eso no cambiara nunca — prometes en voz baja y ronca—. Nunca olvidaras quien lleva el mando de la relación, ahora solo hazme sentir bien mascota.

Con un poderoso impulso de caderas, Tangerine se introduce en tu interior. Gime al sentir tus estrechas paredes rodeándolo y pone los ojos en blanco de placer.

—Joder,no pares Tangerine o juro que te castigare— dijiste

Tangerine mueve las caderas hacia adelante y hunde su pene más profundamente en tu estrecho y cálido clítoris. Gime ante la sensación y deja caer la cabeza hacia atrás en éxtasis.

—Dios, ama —jadea, con la voz tensa por el placer—. Te sientes tan bien, como si hubieras sido creada solo para mí.

Él comienza a moverse, sus caderas se mueven a un ritmo constante. Cada embestida envía chispas de placer a través de tu cuerpo, aumentando el calor entre tus piernas.

Las manos de Tangerine recorren tu cuerpo, acariciando cada curva y valle. Se inclina y captura tus labios en un beso abrasador. Su lengua se adentra en tu boca y te reclama por completo.

—No puedo tener suficiente de ti— murmura contra sus labios, sus caderas nunca cesan su ritmo incesante.—Necesito más, siempre más— gime en tu oido sin dejar de penetrar tu adolorido coño

Se mueve ligeramente, modificando el ángulo de sus embestidas. Gritas cuando él golpea un punto particularmente sensible, tus uñas clavándose en su espalda.

—Eso es, mi amor —lo animas, con voz baja y áspera—. Déjame sentir cuánto deseas a tu mami, cuánto me necesitas.

Él se adentra entre vuestros cuerpos y encuentra tu clítoris con sus dedos. Frota lentamente el sensible capullo, enviando ondas de placer a través de tu centro.

—Hazme llegar a mi orgasmo Tan —le ordenas, y tu voz no admite discusión—. Hazme correrme hasta que me sienta mareada— te arqueas cuando sientes tu inminente orgasmo.

Las embestidas de Tangerine se vuelven más erráticas, su respiración entrecortada. Está cerca, tambaleándose al borde de la liberación. Pero no se detiene, no se rinde, al menos no hasta hacerte llegar. Está decidido a llevarte al límite con él, a compartir el máximo placer.

De repente, el clímax te invade y tu coño se contrae alrededor de su polla mientras reprimes un grito de éxtasis. Tu mano ordeña su polla con furia, decidida a hacerlo llegar contigo.

—¡Vamos, chico bonito, córrete para mí! ¡Déjame sentirte!¡Correte conmigo!— gritas cuando sientes una última y poderosa embestida, Tangerine se hunde hasta el fondo. Echa la cabeza hacia atrás y emite un rugido primitivo mientras se derrama dentro de ti. Sus caderas se sacuden de forma errática y su pene late mientras te llena con su semilla. Cae rendido mientras te abraza juntando sus frentes.

—Estuvo intenso, no?— murmuras mientras intentas recuperar el aire

—Dios mío—murmura, con la voz ronca por la emoción—. Fue... indescriptible. La forma en que tomaste el control, la forma en que me dominaste... no se parecía a nada que haya experimentado antes.—Dice mientras recorre con los dedos la línea de tu mandíbula, su tacto es tan ligero como una pluma. Los ojos de Tangerine te buscan con una mezcla de admiración y adoración en sus profundidades. —Hiciste surgir una faceta de mí que ni siquiera sabía que existía. Una faceta que ansiaba sumisión, que necesitaba ceder el control—Se inclina y te da un beso suave en los labios. "Y el placer... mi amor, el placer fue intenso. Cada toque, cada orden... era como un cable de alta tensión que chispeaba por mis venas".

—Pensé que no te gustaria, pense que me odiarias despues de esto— respondes mientras te acurrucas en su pecho.

—Nunca podria odiarte, solo quiero decir…Gracias.

—¿Por qué me agradeces?— preguntas aún algo insegura por su reacción

—Por mostrarme este lado de mí mismo. Por hacerme sentir cosas que nunca pensé que podría sentir— La mano de Tangerine se desliza por tu costado y sus dedos se entrelazan con los tuyos.— Te amo— menciona antes de quedarse dormido.

—Yo también te amo Tangerine— respondes mientras lo cubres con la manta para después echarte abrazandolo.

Tengo que agradecer a @tangerinesmommy que es la grandiosa creadora del Sub!Tangerine, que me inspiro a crear este one shot, gracias <3.

Feliz halloween a todos.

Comenten, reblogueen los leo :).

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