melliving

[melliving]

Don’t ask where I’ve been; you’d never believe your ears.  I’m still not sure I believe it myself.  It doesn’t matter in this moment of time.  What matters is what I write right now.

As I stand on my front steps looking to the East in the early morning hours, I am in awe.  Such beauty and peace in this vast desert land surrounded by mountains.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen a sunrise, and I don’t think there’s ever been a more perfect morning than this one to sit down, relax and enjoy my surroundings where only nature exists.

I love the feel of the cool breeze as it passes by me and the gentle sounds it plays on my wind chimes along the way. The trees are dancing to the music and the only sounds in the distance are the birds chirping along with it.

I’m intrigued at how the clouds softly lay over the mountains like a blanket keeping them warm until the sun arrives.  As the sun peeks over the hills past the valley and then rises above it, I am at peace.  I feel safe and I’m smiling.

Yes, today is the perfect day to soak in all of nature’s beauty.  This is the first day in what seems to me an eternity that I woke early and didn’t want to curl up under the covers and sleep it away.  Today, there is no sadness, no pain, no anger, no hate, no resentment or any other negative energies which have plagued me for so long.

Today, I feel hope.  I believe in myself.  I am me again; at least for this one precious moment in time.  I’ve missed me.  I will photograph, document and share this day with everyone or anyone who chooses to pause to see it.  I will save this day in my mind and in my home so as not to forget it and to look back upon it should I lose me again.

For the moment, I’m going to cherish it and hold on to it for as long as I can.

With love,

Mel

  Me Again Don't ask where I've been; you'd never believe your ears.  I'm still not sure I believe it myself.  

[melliving]

Mom nom nom #crayfishboil (at Whetstone, Arizona)

[melliving]

Capture the colors of summer. Too beautiful not to photograph and put my own spin on. #hibiscus #flowers #digitalart (at Sierra Vista, Arizona)

[melliving]

Finding Mel, Update

When we travel to places we have never been before, it’s normal to feel lost along the way. Nothing around you looks familiar and the longer you travel, the more lost you may feel.  I know when I travel to new places, I’m constantly checking the map to ensure I’m still on track.  I’d be lost without the map.

While recovering from the series of unfortunate events that plagued my life for the past…

[melliving]

Mel's Ramblings

Mel’s Ramblings

I am far from perfect. I make mistakes. I own my mistakes. I accept the consequences of my actions. I am nobody to judge anybody else. Why do those are the same as me, somehow think they’re better than me and have a right judge me? Everyone is the same. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody has the right to judge anybody else. I just wish the world would remember that. I wish certain people in my…

[melliving]

[melliving]

He is me.

I’ve been thinking you know. You can’t help who you love. As much as I love Brian he loves Heather and every time she comes around he will always go to her just as when she dumps him and he comes back to me or calls me, I would go to him every single time because I love them that much. Stuck in a twisted cycle when everybody loves everybody else. Theres somebody using somebody some  where. I hope…

[melliving]

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

That he loves me enough to sacrifice his happiness for the sake of mine and he is purposely pushing me away in hopes that my daughter and I could rebuild our relationship.

I can make up a half a dozen scenarios in which he is absolutely amazing.  I can also make up half a dozen where he is the complete opposite.  I was just a place holder, a throw-away, filling the void until Heather called him home and now he wants nothing to do with me.

I’m supposed to always remember that he loves me.

I don’t know what to think or do.  He won’t provide me any answers.

Yet, he angers if I make assumptions.

He told me never to contact him again.  He changed his number.  It hurt.  I’m a survivor.  I’m left to assume that which makes the most sense.

I wrote him a note:

Brian—

Hey there. I’m sorry. I had the wrong impression. Had I known I was just a THROW-AWAY simply filling the void until Heather whistled for you to get home; then I wouldn’t have thought we were a couple trying to live a life together. I wouldn’t have tried to get you to talk to me and tell me what was going on for so long. I wouldn’t have expected to be a priority and I wouldn’t have believed you when you said you loved me. No worries though! I know it now and I won’t let it happen again. You don’t have to worry about me. You’ll not see nor hear from me again.

I’m sorry I was foolish enough to believe we would be together and work hard at having a great long-lasting relationship. I’m sorry I believed you left because you loved me and thought you were no good for me and I was trying to get you to see that you were. You should’ve mentioned you were seeking a temporary relationship in your eHarmony profile.

It figures I’d fall in love with somebody who only needed me temporarily. I give up on love. It simply doesn’t exist for me.

Take care of yourself.

Melissa

I’m still stunned. I never seen it coming. I don’t know if he meant it when I told me never to contact him again or not.  If he’s just trying to be hard and is walking away for a reason other than not wanting to be with me or am I really to stay completely out of his life and if so then why?  I never cheated, lied, caused him harm, anything.  Why does he want me to not exist?  What did I ever do to him?  There’s just no reasoning behind it. It makes no sense and if something doesn’t make sense then the truth is missing from the something.  So, what is the truth?  I really really want to know the truth of the matter.  I cannot get closure nor move on without it.  I need Brian to answer the questions.  It’s important to me.  He refuses.  It’s unimportant to him.  I don’t know people.  Any and all advice is welcome.  Don’t be offended if I don’t take it.

Mel

I want to believe… That he loves me enough to sacrifice his happiness for the sake of mine and he is purposely pushing me away in hopes that my daughter and I could rebuild our relationship.

[melliving]

Shelter Me

He called me “Dream Girl” and said I was his shelter.

He also said….:-)  He had two songs he’d listen to that he said were for me.

We have a lot in common.  I’ll never forget the first conversation we had.  He asked me if I was a Chevy girl or a Ford girl.  I said Chevy, of course.  He said right answer.  It seemed he was always testing me to see if I had the right answer, same answer as his or…

[melliving]

COWARD

I’ll add more later, when I’ve had a chance to dry my eyes, calm my rage, and feel not as foolish and slighted as I feel right now.

After 6 months of being lead on, pushed away, pulled back in, pushed away, ignored, treated poorly, confused, looking for answers and getting silence in return….I learn from a blog of all places that “My Brian” is with his ex-girlfriend, Heather.  I learned it from…

[melliving]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Living Mel (@mel_living)

Playing with new apps.

[melliving]

Out of the ashes the phoenix rises, stronger, wiser, braver and tougher than ever.

[melliving]

#airbrush #roser

[melliving]

My children birthed from my loins. I love all three of you so very much! <3😍😍 I miss you, @xmerito #cynthex #devoncole #ralphthethird Cynthia, please call me. I would love to hear the sound of your voice right now. I have a dream that someday the four of us will be in the same room together. #unconditionallove #lovechangespeople #kidsmatter #amotherslove

[melliving]

[melliving]

Lost

I haven’t been much of a writer lately.  I have no more words to use to share my journey with the world.  Last year proved to be a most difficult year full of loss and sadness.  I continue to try to focus on the positive that comes out of the negative, but it’s becoming impossible to do so as anything left positive fades away into the background.  I’m sad every day.  I’m sick with worry.  I…

[melliving]

Nothing left in life to do but die. He was my rock; The only thing left in my life that was solid; The only thing left that kept me sane after everything else had been lost,