meggsloves

[meggsloves]

No matter how hard I love you.

No matter how much I show you that I’m here.

No matter how much I give and sacrifice for our relationship.

No matter how much I starve myself (in every sense of the word) for you.

It’s never enough. I always fuck it up.

[meggsloves]

— Jenny Slate, Little Weirds

[meggsloves]

It’s a devastating feeling when you realize the one person you love most in the world… would be much happier with someone else….

[meggsloves]

I know you don’t want to… I know it’s outside of your comfort zone….

But if you claim to love me the way you do, why is it such a problem?

It’s not like I’m asking you to rob a bank or do anything completely unreasonable. I’m asking you to talk to my parents and say “I love your daughter”….

[meggsloves]

I’m reading Magnolia Parks for the first time and it has me questioning if I’ve ever been properly in love. Bj and Magnolia are absolutely insane and Daisy and Christian break my heart constantly…. What the fuck?

[meggsloves]

I keep trying to justify your reasons but…. It doesn’t mean it’s not something I still want. Why do I always make myself small to make you comfortable?

[meggsloves]

This platform is truly my one place to just shout into the void 🫶

[meggsloves]

I want to dieeeeeee oh my god do I hate this jealous and insecure feeling

[meggsloves]

I see you every night in my sleep

Anticipating every bad dream

Like falling with a knife you cut deep

You cut deep

- Rockland , Gracie Abrams

[meggsloves]

I really try to be cool about a lot of thing…. But your childhood best friend that you always call when you’re sad and she drags you down deeper into depression and you two just spiral….. I deeply hate her. Man do I fucking hate her.

[meggsloves]

I had quite the outing this weekend. I went out for my friends birthday to some local clubs and I found myself watching. Usually I’m dancing hard scream-singing and having the time of my life. I was called to do something different this time around. I just started people watching.

I’ve been obsessed with the idea of people watching for a while. I love to listen in on people’s conversations and know whatever bit of drama I can make out. I know that seems intrusive but from how I see it, I don’t know them, they don’t know me, what the harm?? Especially if they are talking loud enough for me to hear.

So I’m at the club people watching when I see a boy look at a girl from across the way. I’m watching him as he’s watching her and he’s building the confidence to go up and talk to her. He slowly starts to make his way to the dance floor and strategically makes his way with his friends to this girl and her friends. He starts to dance near her and that quickly turned into dancing with her. He then leans down to ask what I can only assume to buy her a drink. She smiles and nods and then off they go to the bar and disappear. Leaving me with a strange feeling of excitement but also sadness because I don’t know what will come of them and this night. This could be the start of something beautiful, or something very tragic.

Later in the night I’m looking up at the top level of the club and I see a group of girls animated and talking in a way that looks like yelling over the thumping bass of the music. The longer I look the more I can see that one of them is crying while she’s yell talking to the other one who looks apologetic. Then a boy approaches the group and taps the crying girl on the shoulder pointing over his shoulder to talk to her in private. The girl turns and waves her arms around like what he just asked her was the dumbest question ever. She storms off and so do the rest of the girls except the one she was fighting with. It’s just the boy and that girl now. It’s awkward. He steps closer to her. And she keeps still looking down at the crowd that I am looking up from. They start to talk, she smiles. He grabs her hand. And they leave.

At a different club I’m dancing when I notice out of the corner of my eye a tall curly haired man with all of his tall friends dancing and having a good time. They move to a spot closer to me for more room to dance. The tall curly haired man starts to dance in a fun bouncy specific way. Just feeling himself and feeling the music. Friends are laughing and drinking and smiling. A couple go up to the bar for more drinks and this short red faced girl comes up to the tall curly haired man and starts doing his dance back at him. The tall curly haired man gets excited and takes everything up a level. The enter a back and forth of dance almost like a talk echo. The girls smile is radiant and I can hear the tall curly headed man’s voice over the loud music wooing and cheering her on when it was her turn to dance. The man’s friends came back and they join dancing in a circle with him and this red faced girl. The friends slowly move between them creating distance. The friends then make it so the red faced girl isn’t able to talk to him anymore and they sweep him and his intoxicating energy to another part of the dance floor leaving the red faced girl alone at the back of the club.

I was sitting at a table near the bar and noticed my friend grabbing a drink before heading out to dance again. At this club sometimes it takes a while to get your drink ordered since it’s so busy. I notice a girl with short black hair and manic pixie energy walk over to the same counter as my friend. I watch as she tosses her hair back, glances over at him, smiles, switches stance so she’s leaning more on the bar and is able to arch her back, and toss her hair once more. I watch as my friend starts facing the bar but then opens up his stance so his shoulders are facing her direction, focus still at the bar. The girl steps closer not looking at him. My friend doesn’t move. The girl with short black hair leaned one elbow on the bar and props her chin up with it and tilts her head to keep her eyes on the bar but can see what he does next. He then changed positions to have his back against the bar looking over his shoulder in the short haired girls direction but looking past her as if he’s watching the bartenders. The girl takes a step away from him. My friend steps closer. The girl takes this as an opening then comments on one of his tattoos starting the conversation from their body language dance.

It intrigues me to see this behavior and watch other people’s stories knowing that I am not a part of their world. I have just watched a little bit of theirs. You can tell so much by watching people, but you’ll never know the ending. These beautiful and silly moments are what we are all looking for. Building the confidence to go talk to someone cute you see. Knowing someone’s true intentions and how they treat people when no one is looking. Dancing with a fun guy and feeling a connection that will never be because your moment got taken. That strange body language dance we all do to test the waters. All the moments are what makes us human and makes humans connected. These are the moments our lives become stories of crazy nights that lead to stories we share along side crazy nights with others.

I love people watching.

[meggsloves]

[meggsloves]

I gave you a follow out of curiosity and i feel really great knowing now that you haven’t changed one bit

[meggsloves]

God damn Chad Michael Murray

[meggsloves]

All I need to hear is how much you love and miss me

[meggsloves]

Okay yeah so I do annoy you and you’re too much of a pussy to say it……

[meggsloves]

If you don’t want to hang out with me just say so…