megansaber

[megansaber]

How To Survive a Season of Unemployment

8/16/2023

Exactly three months ago, I worked my last shift at the corporate company I had been at for over two years. What started as my dream job in 2020 inevitably became a job I was forced into when the team I was on was completely removed from the company and I was placed in a role I didn't want as a means of saving me from being laid off. I'll spare the details.

I was determined to quit, but like anyone else in their right mind, I was worried about how I would financially afford not having a regular paycheck. I didn't have money saved up but I knew I couldn't stay working a job every single day that I was unhappy with. I preach every day to live with intention, like every day could be your last, because one day, that will be true and none of us get to control that, and oftentimes it comes sooner than we anticipated.

So how have I made money to survive the last three months without a job while also still being able to travel and live my best life everday?

Here are my life hacks for quitting your day job and living your best life, even if it's only for a short amount of time.

Airbnb. I live alone in a three-bedroom house and I don't always have friends staying with me. I figured I could utilize the extra space by listing a room on Airbnb for additional income. I did this back in 2015 and had an overall positive experience so I figured it couldn't hurt to do it again. I knew the money that Airbnb brings in and I don't mind sharing my space with others, so I listed the room and bookings immediately came in. Over the entire summer, my space was booked about 95% of the time, bringing in $2k-$2.2/MO. Sadly, by my own wrongdoings, I didn't get the required permit from the city of Nashville and had to recently turn off my listing for AN ENTIRE YEAR, until July 2024.

Unemployment Checks. No shame here, I pay my taxes and can use a little help when necessary. While I personally made the decision to quit my last job, I did throw out the idea to the company about them laying me off instead of quitting for the sole purpose of being able to file for unemployment. Crazy, right? No one thought I was going to be able to pull that one off, even myself. But you will never know if you don't ask, so I asked and I received. Unemployment check amounts are laughable, but something is better than nothing, and I was bringing in $1175/MO with them. No ego, amigo here. I'll take whatever help I can get.

Cash out on PTO. Simple enough, I cashed out on three weeks of PTO I hadn't used from my company. That amounted to 1.5 paychecks, which is almost a full month's pay.

Severance Checks. Okay, admittedly, one of the perks of being laid off from my last company was the severance they were providing for those that lost their jobs. It was one entire full month's pay. Truly a freaking blessing, because I know a lot of companies would not do this for their employees. This severance check helped IMMENSELY. Again, I lucked out by asking my company to lay me off as opposed to me quitting, and I believe the only reason they let me do this is because my role was eliminated from the company and I was placed in a role I was not hired to do from the start.

Brand deals. Over the last three months, I researched ways that I could make money on brands that I already used at home. This has been, and still is, the slowest burn as far as making money goes. I was making short reels on Instagram for $6-$20/reel using the Kale app. Outside of Kale, I found Cohley, where you can apply to briefs to shoot video content, product reviews, or photo content for brands, which has been way more effective. I just landed my first real brand shoot for $300! Other (free) brand deal sites outside of Kale and Cohley that I've had luck with are Influee and Popular Pays. You can also join Shopify Collabs, get free or discounted products sent to you, and post about them on your socials using your affiliate links!

Sell random shit around your house. I remember right before I listed my space on Airbnb, I changed all the doorknobs in my house and now I had three basic doorknobs I didn't need. I told my friend I was going to list them on FB Marketplace and he laughed at me. Two months later, once I had already forgotten about them, someone reached out and asked to buy them. Sold! Do this with everything in your house that you don't need. This obviously isn't going to pay your rent/mortgage or car payment, but as I say, any money is good money.

There you have it! I genuinely did not have money saved up when I quit my job but I knew the universe was going to provide for me in the ways I needed. Yes, I had to put in a little bit of work. Yes, I had to share my home with strangers for the summer (some guests turned into lifelong friends). Yes, some of the money came easy.

At the end of the day, I 100% knew I'd be okay if I just took that chance of leaving and just seeing what happens. The world is one big energetic field, and you get what you give.

If you are in the same boat that I was in three months ago but you have excuses under the sun of why you can't leave that job you hate, that is the energy you're going to receive. However, if you shift that mindset, similarly, you will still receive, just in better ways:). Positive energy attracts positive energy, and it goes both ways.

Someone once said the quote, "Whatever you think you can do, you're right." I don't even know if that's the actual quote or who said it, and I am not going to look it up, but if you truly believe that you can or cannot quit your job and live your dream life, even for a short amount of time, you're right! So...

Which truth do you want to live?

[megansaber]

When You’re Forced to Get Over a Breakup

February 22, 2021

When shit goes wrong in a relationship, do you occupy your free time by over-packing your schedule with plans? Or do you pack your bags, pack your car, and leave town for a bit to clear your mind? Or perhaps you go hiking, camping, or spend time outdoors with your dogs to help heal your heart. Or maybe you do none of the above and you just sit with your thoughts, but who the hell does that. If you’re anything like me, when a breakup happens, you’re quite literally doing anything you can to get your mind off the “what if’s” of your relationship/partner.

But what happens when you’re actually forced to deal with a breakup and you cannot do any of the things that have potentially helped you in the past? A little less than two weeks ago, a relationship I was in came to a screeching halt. Maybe the decision was a long time coming, but it didn’t hurt any less. Just because you know someone who’s about to pass from cancer doesn’t make the loss any easier, it’s just knowing that it’s coming, which is still just as sad. The timing couldn’t have been worse. 

A trip that I had planned for Florida ended up getting pushed back a couple weeks due to work and scheduling conflicts. No big deal, I thought. What’s another two weeks. This was prior to the breakup so I figured it really wasn’t a problem. And when I say prior to, I quite literally mean hours before the breakup decision. Then the talk happened, and I kept saying to myself that Florida couldn’t come soon enough. I was going to stay with strangers and skydive at a new drop zone; a time for me to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, and test my skydiving skills at spots I’m not used to. I was excited, but knowing I had to wait two weeks while in a dark depression definitely did not help. 

Well, it’s winter in Nashville, but it’s definitely no Chicago winter. Maybe I can plan a really long day hike with friends. Mother Nature said fuck you to that idea, and decided to dump more snow in this city than the blizzard of 2015. I was stuck inside my house for almost an entire week. Sure, things could be worse in life, but after a breakup, this was another sign the universe was telling me that I’m going to have to find new ways to cope that don’t include running away. Luckily, my neighbors were my saving grace. While I couldn’t spend all day with them, they occupied every night during the snow storm with tea, yoga, movies, and girl talk. 

After a week of being stuck inside the house, I was excited to go out. While the snow was still sky high, the roads didn’t seem terrible. Even doing basic things like working out in a real gym or running errands made me excited. I grabbed my keys only to realize my fucking car key had somehow fallen off my key chain. I searched high and low for days. I had Triple A come unlock my car to see if I locked it in there. It was no where to be found, and I don’t have a spare. What the actual fuck. MORE TIME ALONE TO DEAL WITH MY SORROW. Dramatic? Sure. Real life? Yes. So I sat there. I facetimed friends. I read books. I finally started Season 11 of Shameless. But most importantly, I was forced to find ways to get over a breakup that didn’t include running away.

Two weeks ago I was in an insanely dark depression. Maybe it felt worse this time around cause I had given another chance to someone that didn’t deserve it. I had wanted something to work so bad that I wanted to give it my all. There are no regrets, more so just realizations. I cried all day for an entire week straight. My eyes and face hurt, and so did my entire body. Work, eating, and sleep just weren’t in store for me. I was miserable going back and forth  between wanting nothing at all, and trying for a friendship in hopes of reconciliation. I looked desperate for the person I loved to love me back. Sad, really. The worst part is, I had to sit there, locked inside my house, and process everything in a way that I never have before. That’s really hard to do, but now, less than two weeks later, and I feel okay. 

So what really happens when you’re forced to deal with a breakup without your usual coping mechanisms? You actually end up getting over it a lot faster than you would have in the past. You take the time to process the hurt. Your sadness turns into anger, and you go through the stages of grief. You realize the person you thought you wanted is no longer a choice, and you realize that sometimes people are meant to come into your life to teach you a lesson, but not to stay for good, and as sad as that can be, it’s for the best. Losing someone will never be easy for anyone, and it always feels like the end of the world for me, but at the end of the day, we’re resilient as humans, and can get through so much if we just allow ourselves the time and space to do that. While running away and over-packing your schedule will inevitably help over time, being present and mindful is what really does the trick. 

Last night I was able to get a full night’s rest without a single dose of sleep medication. I typically heavily medicate myself before bed in hopes of getting a few hours of shut eye, and last night I slept through the entire night without anything. When outside stressors are no longer in your life, your body can finally rest again, and I woke up today excited for what’s next, and grateful for what’s now :). 

Oh, and I found my car key in my backyard after all the snow had melted.

[megansaber]

What Are Your Romantic Partners Teaching You?

February 10, 2021.

Two months into 2021 and we all had high hopes for a better year. Don’t get me wrong, 2020 was one of my best years to date, but this isn’t to discount anyone’s negative or terrible experiences that came with a shit year. But two months into the new year, and it’s really just an extended version of 2020.

Personally, 2020 was a year full of growth, excitement, adventure, friends, consistently getting out of my comfort zone, and a new relationship where I had feelings for someone as intense as I did, and do, for the first time since 2012. 

All good things come to an end though, right? In all situations, I try to find the lesson. I absolutely believe that we cannot truly appreciate the good in our lives without also experiencing the bad. Imagine if life was only good; it’d get boring and we wouldn’t be happy about anything cause we’d just come to expect it all the time. Bad experiences help maintain balance in life. Negative experiences help support finding healthier outlets, and they may just wake up a real fuckin’ demon that’s inside of you. Regardless of the experience, there is a lesson, and it’s up to you to figure out what that life experience is teaching you.

When it comes to romantic partners, there is always a lesson to be learned. I was watching a friend’s YouTube channel today of him pulling tarot cards and the two readings I watched couldn’t be more accurate to current life. Whether you’re a believer or not, I swear tarot cards really help waken your intuition up and kick it into high gear.

Imagine a situation that you’re in with someone you care about deeply, and there’s just ONE thing keeping you from forming a bond that could grow. The magic word that can, and does, resolve most things in life...you guessed it, communication. Without this one, all-encompassing word, we, as humans, cannot grow. We hold ourselves back. We hold our potential selves back. We hold love back. We hold growth back. And we hold relationships that could very well blossom into something really beautiful back. It’s really sad. 

I think in life there are situations that shape who we are. Childhood trauma shapes how we act in our adult lives, and it really shows in relationships. It’s never anyone else’s job to fix anyone in another person, but it sure is helpful to have a strong support system that allows room, support, and space for that growth to be done. Sure, it could be seen as high expectations, but at the end of the day, the basic need for love, support, and kindness is something that we all deserve, and it’s important to shape our world with people that provide this for not only us, but for everyone else in their world, too. 

A “failed” relationship has taught me to keep loving as hard as I do. To know that I will never be too much for the right person. It has taught me that kindness shouldn’t be earned, and it sure as hell shouldn’t be inconsistent. It has taught me that certain responses can trigger really negative reactions-reactions that I have worked so hard to change through years of talk therapy and sobriety. It has taught me that loving someone unconditionally does not mean having to be in their presence. It has taught me that loving someone sometimes means doing the hardest thing, which is making the heartbreaking decision to walk away from a situation that isn’t currently serving you, nor them. How do you look someone in the eyes, tell them you love them, and watch them walk away and drive off for the last time? I don’t fuckin’ know, and it’s painful, and sometimes it’s confusing knowing that your body can actually produce so.many.tears, but at the end of the day, it’s what’s ultimately right.

All I know is that we’ve all gone through intense experiences, and we’ve all come out on the other side still kicking. We find other hobbies, adventures, and people that bring joy into our lives. We understand that the hardest part is now over, and it’s time to move forward knowing that growth is ahead of us. When you’re at rock bottom with something, the only way to go is up. 

I had a dream last night that I was bitten on the hand by a zombie (watching too much Walking Dead lately). The option was to cut my hand off and survive, albeit experiencing something extremely painful, or to stay as is, and die. I woke up before I could make that decision. 

[megansaber]

Follow Your Heart But Take Your Brain With You

It’s the end of another year, which means it’s time for everyone’s 2019 New Years Resolutions that will most likely die down after a week or two. Next to 2012, this year has been the best year of my life. I learned more about life, love, relationships, boundaries, sticking up for myself following a toxic relationship that I, by the grace of God, got myself out of, and I traveled further and longer than I ever thought was possible. Throughout all the learned lessons this year and with as much as I’ve grown as a human the past 12 months alone, I still sometimes find myself in old ruts - old ruts that lead to negative behaviors and negative self-talk. 

I always find myself giving advice to others that follows the guidelines of “trust the process” or “follow your heart.” It’s SO cliche, but it’s so simple. Do what makes you happy and fuck everything else, right? Every decision I make is based purely on “following my heart.” What drives me? What makes me laugh? What makes me feel calm? What is going to challenge me the most? This way of thinking hasn’t always had my best interest in mind though because maybe what makes me happy could also be what’s terrible for me. I know we’ve all been in some sort of situation in one way or another where this applies directly to YOU, too. 

As the year comes to an end and I think back on people and places that have made me happy, I’m overjoyed with happiness having been able to meet these people or to have seen the places I was so lucky to experience. I want to enter the new year being able to fully stand up for myself and only spend time around people that have my best interest in mind. People who are healthy and are constantly working on themselves whether that’s through diet/exercise, talk therapy, 12-step meetings, etc. Positivity truly radiates and the nicer you are to those around you, including yourself, the better your surroundings become. 

I tell myself on a daily basis to just trust the process, but even I sometimes think it’s such bullshit. I wonder what sacrifices I’m making to myself because I want something or someone that makes my heart so full and happy. Sometimes the things that hurt me the most are the things that make me the happiest, but this is where an addict state of mind comes in. I become addicted to everything whether it’s drugs, love, people, exercising, health fads; quite literally just about anything else that comes my way and shows a glimpse of happiness to me I become addicted to. Pretty sad, right? 

So what is one supposed to do when you have to choose between doing what’s best for you or following your heart, especially when those two things are pulling you into two totally different directions? I’d like to think it’s as easy as “letting it be” sometimes, but when you’re a semi-highly-functioning anxious person, it ain’t ever that easy. My best guess is to coast through life and don’t force yourself to make any decision. Let the universe make these decisions for you. It’s okay to take a step back, stop trying to force what is or is not, and just let it be.

The more you overthink things the more often those same things become tangled and ruined. So, in 2019, I am neither following my heart nor making the decision of what’s best for me. I will coast and hope for the best because at the end of the day, what’s meant to happen in your life, will happen; the most important thing is that you’re happy and true to yourself.

[megansaber]

What No One Tells You When You Lose Your Best Friend

December 4, 2018

A few weeks into March of 2017, I got a phone call from my oldest/longest standing friend I have to date. Andrew Swain and I met in middle school when we were 11 years old and are still friends to this day, 20 years later. We rarely talk on the phone, if ever, and mainly keep in touch when I go back home to Colorado every year or so. I remember being at the dog park with Maya when I saw Andrew’s name come up on my phone. My mind always immediately thinks the worst and this time was no different. “Andrew’s calling me, this can’t be good” I thought to myself. And it wasn’t. 

He called me to tell me that my best friend Lindsey had been in a car accident the night before and was in a medically induced coma at the hospital and that things aren’t looking good. The news didn’t hit me right away; I had to let it sink in. I thought, well, if she’s still alive, there is a chance. I kept in touch with Andrew every day about Lindsey’s health. He would go visit her at the hospital multiple times in the next few days and didn’t ever bring me much hope when we’d talk. On March 30, 2017, I got the final phone call that Lindsey had passed away in the hospital. My heart was crushed and that was the day I lost my entire world. 

Lindsey and I met in high school. We were inseparable and spent every night together drinking coffee and smoking cigarets at Paris on the Platte, a coffee shop in Denver that was open all night. Those nights at Paris I will never forget. 

For years, Lindsey and I spent every waking moment together. She was the last person I hugged before I left Denver for a new life in Chicago. We laid on my empty bedroom floor holding each other crying our eyes out. Lindsey was the hardest person to leave behind; it was like I was leaving the best part of my world in hopes for a new beginning. Chicago was my new dream and I couldn’t let anything or anyone get in my way of following my dream of living in that city. So I left and naturally we drifted apart. But not for long. When I went back home to attend my ex-boyfriend’s wedding (yeah, that’s a thing), Lindsey and I reconnected and promised each other we would never drift apart again. We stayed in contact and little did I know until she passed that she was planning on having me be her Maid of Honor in her wedding with her boyfriend, Rob. 

When you lose your best friend, your world crumbles. You think of them in every decision you make. You laugh at memories the two of you made over the course of your time together. You find old letters the two of you wrote to one another in high school and cherish them forever. When you’re driving and see the most incredible views of mountaintops, oceans, national parks, and sunsets, they come to mind. You wish so badly that they could be around just one more day to get to see what you’re seeing. 

When you lose your best friend, you gain a whole new perspective on life. You learn to let go a little bit more. You learn that life doesn’t have to be so rigid. You learn to make the best of every single day because tomorrow isn’t promised. You learn to laugh a little more and love a lot harder. You learn the importance of reaching out to ANYONE that comes to mind to send them a “thinking of you” text message. You learn to cherish the people around, to never burn bridges with people who are good to you and willing to be by your side through thick and thin. You learn that bonds with others ultimately become the most important thing in your life. 

When you lose a best friend, all your fears you’ve had your entire life come to light. You fear for anyone’s life anytime they get into a car or travel somewhere. You become obsessed with making sure you get a text or phone call from someone to make sure they got home safe. You become obsessed with their well-being when they don't answer a phone call or get back to you within a day. You quite literally destroy your mind making sure everyone around you is okay, because when you lose your best friend, you NEVER want to experience a pain like that ever again. 

Lindsey McCray, you are the brightest shining angel I have ever met. You were the happiest and funniest person I’ll ever know. I truly can’t remember a single time when I ever saw you in a bad mood because your laughter emanated every room you were in. You always made me feel like a child. You always accepted me exactly how I was. You always went along with every bad decision I ever made. You never cared what anyone thought of you or us, together. You made my life the best life it could be. The day I lost you is the day I learned to love myself and everyone around me 100 times harder than I ever thought possible. I love you, mamambl. I hope you’re resting easy on that mountaintop overlooking Colorado.

[megansaber]

Life Hacks for Rough Patches in Life

“Whenever you’re feeling down, do something nice for someone else.” 

I was listening to an episode of My Favorite Murder when Karen quoted this. It was a reminder that even when you’re going through a tough time, someone out there is going through a lot worse, and the best way to make yourself feel better is to help another person feel better, too. 

Life always has it’s ups and downs, sometimes for people there are more ups than downs, and vice versa for others. I’d like to think of myself as a generally happy person. Life is relatively stress-free for me; I’m surrounded by a large group of loving friends, my animals show me the best affection at all hours of the day, and my job provides me with enough flexibility to go out and have the time to do things that make me even happier, like hiking and spending time outdoors, and volunteering with animals when I’m allotted a full day of free-time with no errands to run. I’ve made my life this way for a reason - stress and I have never mixed well, so I decided to change my surroundings to make a better life for myself, albeit that includes making way less money than I once thought I would be at the age of 31. Anyone that knows me knows that money is the last thing on my mind - way too many people hold themselves back from doing what they love because money. I get it, but it comes and goes and life moves on, but I digress.

That being said, this week hasn’t been the easiest. Thanksgiving turned into a major bummer and when everyone around you is asking, “how was your Thanksgiving?” all you want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up because it ended terribly and you don’t want to talk about it nor think about it anymore. But you can’t, because these are your friends who are genuinely curious about your life. So you tell them it was “okay” and you change the subject as quick as possible.  

When things change overnight for me, it’s like the end of the world. I get so used to how things are. I acclimate to every good situation immediately. I’ve never been good at letting people go, even when they’re really shitty, all because of a connection I felt like I had with them at one point, even if that connection is no longer tangible and ultimately just a daydream at that point. But they’re not all shitty - sometimes they shine so bright to everyone around them, but just don’t want to keep you as a priority. Shit happens, I suppose. So we get to this point of starting over again, learning how to adjust to life how it was before they came in and caused a hurricane in your peaceful life.

So if you, like myself, find yourself going through a rough patch in life, remind yourself what life looks like to you when you’re at your best. 

1.  Sign up for a group workout class. I recently signed up to be an Orange Theory member and signed up for my first class the first week of December. Group workouts are not my forte, but I figured it would get me out of my comfort zone and it could be a really easy way to meet more like-minded friends to add to my circle. Is there a workout you’ve been dying to try but haven’t taken the plunge, such as Cyclebar, Barre, Orange Theory, or Boxing? Now’s the time!

2. Get immersed in a really good book. For me, right now, it’s I’ll Be Gone In The Dark by Michelle McNamara. I haven’t found a great book that I cannot put down in a long time. I’m usually reading three books at a time that are so-so and I bounce back and forth, but I’ll Be Gone In The Dark is different. I literally cannot put it down. It’s the last thing I read before bed and the first thing I start when I wake up in the morning. If you can get lost in a book for even an hour each day, that’s an hour less thinking of the negative going on in your life. 

3. Do something nice for those that are less fortunate. Gather a group of neighbors or friends to get together and collect blankets they no longer use and take them to the homeless people living in tents under the freeways of your town. If you’re uncomfortable going directly to the source, drop off gently-used blankets and winter necessities to the local homeless shelter or volunteer your time if you find yourself wondering what to do with your spare days. 

4. Pick up extra shifts at work if you like your job and your coworkers. This is an easy way to commit to a schedule where you’re not only getting paid, but you’re spending time around some of your favorite people. If you don’t like your job, steer far away from this suggestion. You may find yourself a lot more stressed than before.  

It’s important to reach out to old friends and see how they’re doing on a regular basis. Make phone calls even if you have to keep them short. Find the time to do this when you’re driving or going on a walk. Experiment with meditation and deep breathing to calm your nerves, get yourself a therapist and see them weekly or bi-weekly, and lastly, take the time you need to cry every single day and let yourself feel all the emotions. Bad days are limited and they will pass in time. Trust the process <3

[megansaber]

I’d Count My Blessings but I Suck at Math

August 11, 2018

I’m in Omaha, Nebraska. It’s day 57 and there are exactly 20 days left of this trip. I’d be lying if I said I’m not completely worn out and exhausted and ready to be back in Nashville with a regular routine and a work schedule. Over the last two days I’ve driven about 18 hours - from Coeur D’Alene, ID to Omaha, NE. It was the drive I was dreading the most when I started planning a route after leaving Seattle. I felt like there was nothing in between that I cared to see and the drive, even split between two days, was going to be the two longest drives of this entire trip. I catch myself complaining and try to immediately put a stop to it or make fun of myself when/if I catch myself complaining to friends. This road trip/journey/adventure/spiritual awakening is not an opportunity that comes along for anybody and I never once want to feel like I am ungrateful, but it doesn’t make it any less exhausting, especially after almost two full months on the road by yourself.

People have been asking me what my favorite part about all of this has been so far. Oakland immediately comes to mind because it was the most eventful. It had the highest highs and it also had the lowest lows. Everything good and bad that could have happened on this trip happened right there in Oakland. I’m not mad about it though - I turned all those L’s into lessons. Besides Oakland being the most memorable, when I think back to my favorite parts about all of this, I think of all the amazing sites I get to see on interstates around the country: the waterfalls, the rivers, the lakes, the mountains, rocks, hills, and even wild stallions running through open fields. The sunsets that I get to watch every night from the open road, the friends I’ve made in the cities I’ve stopped in, the connections I’ve made all around the 12 states I’ve driven through, the friends I’m going to continue to make in the next six states that I’ll be traveling through before I get home, and most of all, the strength that I’ve gained from doing something this crazy and wild and sticking to my dreams despite EVERY single circumstance that tried to stop me.

The moment I knew that everything negative that I left behind was finally behind me was when I was in Los Angeles and the accident between my two dogs happened and a team of more than 80 friends of mine banded together to help me financially support my dog’s vet bills. I’ve always known I’ve had the most badass group of people surrounding me, filling me with so much love and warmth and strength and passion, but it shined through more than it ever has in that moment. I finally realized that people worth your time and your love and presence are in your life right this moment and will continue to be in the future. They’ll lift you up, help you when you’re down, and keep you sane. They’ll mean it when they say they love you, and they’ll show love through their words and actions. They will be there for you whether you need them or not. The ones that aren’t deserving of anything have left, hopefully for good, and they will always get what’s coming to them. When I left Los Angeles, I became a stronger person and no longer thought about the past. I was finally able to focus on the GREAT in my life and since then, I’ve been able to add even more amazing folks to my roster of support and love in my life. Y’all know who you are:)

I’m staying in Omaha for a few more days. It’s been nice to be in one place for longer than a day or two. I’m visiting two of my close friends, Liz and Neal. After Omaha, I’m making my way to Houston, TX to visit my mom by way of Oklahoma City. After almost two full months on the road, I’ve become so used to this life; it’s almost surreal that it’s coming to an end so fast. Would I do this forever if I was getting paid? Sure; I’d just have to get my packing down to a T where I wouldn’t be making six trips in and out to the car to grab my shit.

In all honesty, I hope at least ONE person out there is inspired to do something similar - to take a risk so great and scary and powerful and realize the person you always knew you were. To become the greatest and strongest version of yourself that you never even thought was possible, because you won’t find that sitting around the house. Be inspired to go out there, make new memories, form new bonds with the amazing humans of the world, turn your frowns upside down, and experience life. It’s crazy what happens when you put your mind to something. I’d count my blessings but I suck at math.

[megansaber]

Broken Heart to Free Spirit

July 22, 2018

When I began this journey, I never thought my heart would heal. I was physically hurting because of a shattered relationship. I knew I needed to leave Nashville, but I didn’t want to go alone. The first drive from Nashville to Kentucky was filled with tears. In fact, for 10 whole days, all I did was cry. I thought to myself, “will this ever get fun?” Even when I got to Denver and sat down with my good friend Emily for my first meal in town, I teared up just trying to have a conversation. I thought about the love I had for a person and wondered if it would ever just go away. Do feelings that are so strong just fade? 

I’ll be the first to tell you YES THEY DO, 1,000,000%! Traveling is the cure for everything bad going on in your life. I can’t say that leaving for a week will be the end all be all. I can’t even tell you if two weeks would help, because at the end of the day, you return to the same spot where you and your ex-partner created memories. Two weeks away would’ve never helped nor healed me. I needed much longer. As my lovely and beautiful friend Miranda told me recently, “it’s not time that heals all, it’s distance and new experiences.” I never thought of it this way, but after experiencing the last 37 days on the road, all the highs and the lows, the cities and the state parks, the grueling hikes and the lazy lounge around days, and to all the friends I’ve seen and created along the way, I can say that what Miranda said is, without a doubt, spot on. 

Last night I cried on my way home from hanging out with two friends I had met in Oakland just three days prior. The Bay Area is cold; I wasn’t prepared. I love to shop local and I came across a clothing store called Oaklandish. Admittedly, I originally went in there looking for Warriors themed clothing (they had some, just not in my size). I didn’t realize that I was walking into the start of new friendships that would show me the human decency and love that I needed in that moment. 

Lamar, Maurice and I instantly bonded. Within 10 minutes of me being in the shop, we all exchanged numbers and planned to hang out before I left town, which leads us to last night. After dinner and chatting about life and beliefs, morals and politics, they walked me to my car only to find that it had been broken into, glass shattered all over the street. I started laughing. There was nothing else that I could do. Lamar pointed out how I had such a good attitude about the entire thing. For hours, these two stood by my side after an extremely long night, helped me clean glass out of the car, tried to chase people that stole my purse, and waited with me for the police to show up (they never did). Just two random dudes I met from The Town that probably had better stuff to be doing at midnight on a Saturday than standing in broken glass with me. We parted ways and I decided fuck the police, as usual, and headed back to Orinda, where I was staying, with no back windows. I was thankful. Thankful that I wasn’t alone when I found my car; thankful that 99% of everything I owned was not stolen from me, and thankful that I had these badass dudes helping me out when I needed it, and without hesitation. Instead of crying over a broken heart and a bad boyfriend, I was crying because I became thankful of my situation. This entire thing played out the exact way it was meant to.

What would’ve happened if I never took this trip alone? Who would I have had the missed opportunity of meeting? Instead of waking up and thinking about someone who never should’ve mattered, I wake up and think about the people I’ve met along this journey. The three friends specifically who I’ll stay in touch with for as long as they’ll allow me to. The ones who make an effort, the ones that want to visit you along your journey and explore with you, the ones that want to come see you back home in Nashville when all is said and done. These are the people I was making room for when I cut out the manipulators and liars. 

When all is said and done, it took me a hell of a long time to get where I am today mentally. But it wasn’t time that healed me, it was the experiences and the people. I’ll never get these moments back, but you can sure as hell find me driving and laughing out loud, by myself behind the wheel like a crazy person, reminiscing about all the shit that has gone down in the last month, specifically the last two weeks. California, you’ve really done a number on me, and I’m loving EVERY single second.

Tahoe, let’s see what you’ve got in store for me!

[megansaber]

Dog Friendly San Francisco

July 20, 2018

San Francisco is by far one of the coolest cities I’ve ever been to. I always knew it would be. I’ve dreamt about coming to this city for so long and never knew when I’d have a chance to be able to and it was well worth the wait.

Since I have both my pups with me, and for anyone else traveling to San Francisco with their dog(s), the easiest mode of transportation is having your own vehicle. It’s a lot more convenient especially when traveling through a huge city with 20 things on your to-do list. Also, parking is free almost everywhere you go! I couldn’t believe it; the only time I paid for parking was when I went to Mr. Holmes’ Bakery downtown. Everywhere else was just a two hour time limit, which gives you just enough time to walk and explore one part of town before heading off to the next.

Day 1 - Yesterday I drove into SF from Oakland, close to where my Airbnb is. It’s a $4 cash-only entrance into the city, no big deal. My first stop yesterday was the Grand Lake Kitchen (This spot is IN Oakland just before the bridge). They have a dog-friendly patio and gluten-free, vegetarian options. Just across the street is Lake Merritt, which is great for people watching, mainly if you’re just trying to watch really good-looking people go for a run. HELLO, OAKLAND MEN.

Stop no.2 yesterday was Lombard Street in Russian Hill. It’s San Francisco’s crookedest street. It’s incredible. I’d hate to be someone who lives on this road because it was PACKED full of tourists. I was one of them. I wouldn’t suggest driving down this road; people make sudden stops to take photos and there are so many people everywhere that hitting someone just seems inevitable. Besides the masses of people, walking your dog down the street was pretty cool. There are views of the city that show just how massive and beautiful SF really is. And you’re not actually walking down the crooked street; there are sidewalks/stairs going up and down Lombard St so you can avoid being struck by someone’s car.

Stop no.3 - Fisherman’s Wharf. Holy shit, do NOT come here unless you like crowds as big as one’s you’d see downtown in any major city on NYE. This is by far one of the most touristy spots I’d ever been to. It was nearly impossible for me to walk the dogs without someone stepping on them or barking at them. People are true freaks down here and unless you want a shot glass or a sweater that was made in a children’s sweat shop representing San Francisco, I’d avoid this place at all costs. The only nice thing I saw was a young, homeless man holding a sign who smiled at me. I wanted to sit down with him and get to know his story, but at that point I would’ve felt like a salmon swimming upstream trying to get back to him so I continued on. If you DO decide this is a place you’d like to see, rest assured that almost every non-food establishment on this street is dog-friendly, so that’s a major plus.

Stop no.4 - The Golden Gate Bridge! The motherland of all things great in life! What a SPECTACULAR place! There are a few great viewing spots around the city. I chose to go under it as opposed to being level with it. I drove into The Warming Hut, which is a gift shop and cafe underneath the bridge. Again, parking is free and everything is dog friendly. The views of the bridge will make you cry. I decided to hike up to Fort Point to see other views. It was about one mile up from the bottom. It’s a nice walk, but there are so many people on the trail that might run you and your dog over with their bike, and they’ll ring their little bells as they’re inches away from plummeting you to your death. Hike with caution! (This was the last of day one. Just these four spots took me about 10 hours in total).

Day 2 - The night before I set out on my second day of exploring the city, I sat down and actually planned out a route that would take me everywhere I want to see in order of where they are so that I’m not wasting any time driving back and forth and missing spots along the way. Facebook has this new feature that if you ask for recommendations in a new city, they will all show up on a map. There is also a button for you to add your own recommendations in, too so that they appear in the map and you can plan your route out that way. Let me tell you, it’s a GAME CHANGER. I spent nine hours in the city yesterday and I was able to cross off 6/9 things that were on my list! Had I done this for day one I’m sure I could’ve seen a lot more, but hey, the more you know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

Stop no.5 - Mr. Holmes Bakehouse - I had to stop by here since this bakery is similar to the bakery I work at back home (Five Daughters Bakery). The neon lighting, the croissant donuts, white tiled floors...I’m not the biggest sweets person, mainly because I feel so guilty when I eat sweets, but I decided why not give it a try. Parking was extremely hard to come by and I went midday on a Friday (this was the only time I was in SF that I had to pay for parking). Super small interior, not dog friendly which is obviously understandable, and the treats were great. Get there early because they sell out fast!

Stop no.6 - Alamo Square/Painted Ladies - Such a cute area, easy parking, dog friendly, and you get to see the row of houses rightfully named the Painted Ladies. Bring a blanket and some snacks and enjoy lunch with a view! There weren’t as many people here as there have been at other touristy spots but maybe this one wasn’t as high on their list as it was on mine. It’s adorable and worth the drive over. It’s also a great park to workout in or jog around and you don’t quite feel all the coldness in the air you feel when you’re along the actual coast.

Stop no.7 - The Full House house! Of course this was a must-do when you’re in SF. If you were born in the 80′s, then you know how much this show meant to you growing up because it’s ALL you watched. Hell, it’s still on TV these days and it’s runner up for anything else I’d want to watch. Parking is hard to come by in this area; I had to park about three blocks away and walk over, but it made more sense this way because traffic congestion stresses me out real bad and I’d rather walk and take in the sights than park right at the spot and not experience the neighborhood. I read online that up to 1,500 people come see the Full House house EVERY day, so i’d suggest going on a weekday either early or midday. When I got there, there were no more than 15 people there so I think I got pretty lucky. Cute neighborhood and just a few blocks away are cute coffee/tea shops and lunch spots, too.

Stop no.8 - Hayes Valley for shopping. This was one of the best suggestions my friend gave me. Such an incredible, local area that wasn’t packed full of people not knowing what they’re doing or where they’re going. People won’t just stop in the middle of the sidewalk mid-walk and have you bump into them, which is a huge plus. Amazing coffee shops (I went to Ritual Coffee, a little hut inside the small park area that allows dogs inside), a cute park with tables and benches, dogs everywhere (leashed, thank god), and lots of shopping. I’m more of a window shopper but the area is adorable, parking wasn’t too bad (again, parked a few blocks away for free and walked over), and there are a lot of locals to talk to in that area.

Stop no.9 - Sutro Baths. Holy cow what an amazing place! It was built in 1896 and was considered the largest, indoor public pool in the world. It was burned down in 1966 and is now in ruins. To think of what this place must have been like when it was open is crazy. It’s right along the coast, as close to the ocean as you can get. It’s cold AF here so make sure you bring a jacket or sweater. Summer in SF feels more like spring in Chicago, cold and confusing with cloudy skies. There’s a path that leads you from the parking lot (free) all the way down to the ocean where the ruins are. Be prepared because there are a lot of steps but the views down there make up for the leg/glutes workout! This place is dog friendly as well, just not inside the visitor center.

Stop no.10- Mission Burrito. There’s SO many to choose from. I googled “best burrito in the mission” and went from there. I ended up choosing a spot called El Metate. There’s a dog friendly patio, parking was way too easy (and free), and the burrito was SO worth the gluten. Their burritos are long and skinny but packed full and they have an entire salsa bar for you to choose from. Either I was just starved or this place really killed it with the burrito game, but I’d highly recommend this spot as your go-to when you’re in the Mission and want to get your burrito fix! 

There’s clearly a lot to do in this beautiful city and I’m sure I missed out on everything I could’ve seen while here, but alas, it’s time to spend my last day in the area in Oakland, where I know my future NBA player husband is just waiting for me around the corner. When visiting the Bay Area, just be prepared for a lot of walking, being stuck in traffic, and pack extra water for you and your dogs. Luckily it’s always cold so you don’t have to worry about leaving the dogs in your car for a second while you run in to a store and you don’t have to be worried about their feet burning on hot pavement, which has been an issue in every place I’ve stopped before Los Angeles. 

Now go out and explore!!

[megansaber]

Brians, Bobcats, and Being Alone

Earlier this week at a dinner party I met a guy named Brian. He travels often and camps alone. We discussed a route for me to take up California that took me through National Parks instead of up the coast. We’ve hiked twice since we’ve met, our second hike being last night at sunset. We may have gone way later than we should’ve because it got dark, fast. At the trailhead there were signs for bobcats and rattlesnakes, animals that most people hiking don’t see, but they still need to warn you. Brian told me that in all of his California hiking, he’s never seen a bobcat. If I can remember correctly, I don’t think he’s seen one in any state he’s hiked in. I, being the paranoid but psychic person that I am, had a feeling that something was going to go wrong. Although I was leaning more towards serial killer in the woods vibes, something crazier happened. We came head-to-head with a BOBCAT, IN THE PITCH BLACK. All we could see were two glowing eyes and all we could hear were the sounds of a bobcat ready to destroy us all. Although Brian tried to chase it off with loud sounds and stomps, this little guy/girl was not going away; stayed there and stood his/her ground. That’s when I got really scared and Brian told me to take the dogs and head the opposite direction. I mean, what if I died in the woods by a bobcat with my dogs in the dead of the night? Luckily we made it out. Brian couldn’t believe that in all his life he’s never seen a bobcat, and the one time he does is when he’s telling me that we’re fine, not to be worried, and one that wouldn’t let us by. 

When I was leaving Nashville for this trip 25 days ago, I was scared shitless about it. I was scared to go alone. I had never done something quite this intense by myself. I thought about all these fun things that I had planned and how much better they’d be with someone else by my side. Looking back just over three weeks ago, I wouldn’t change a thing. When you travel alone, 100% of the plans are up to you. You get to eat wherever you want, sleep and wake up whenever you want, and choose everyday what YOU want to do without consulting with someone else about their needs and wants. Some of the best conversations I’ve been able to have are the ones with the random folks I find to ask to get a photo of me and my dogs. Even when you’re alone, you’re really never alone. Look around you - if you’re willing to open up to others, you may find yourself learning about them in return. Today, in Compton, I met a man named Jorge, who talked to me for a solid five minutes about his mom’s chihuahua and how much the family loved that dog. I promise you, these little instances are forever memories.

I started to reflect on my relationship. I was always anxious in it. I never felt like him and my group of friends would understand each other, so I kept them separate. I always felt belittled and somewhat uncomfortable. My feelings were so deep at the time that I looked past all those things. Now, with a clear mind, I have really started to understand that this trip was meant to be taken alone. So many things would’ve been different had I not gone alone. I wouldn’t have met some of the people I’ve met, I wouldn’t have been able to stay with some of the amazing friends I’ve stayed with along the way, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to spend a day in Compton like I decided to do today. 

So here’s the cliche part to all of this. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. The way things go down are the way they’re supposed to. The people that come into your life, and also those that exit your life for whatever reason, did so for a reason. You start to learn these lessons when you take the time to reflect on past and present events/people and know that everything is truly a learning experience to grow from. 

This road trip has been one of the most eye opening, crazy, fun, spectacular, beautiful, and exhausting things I’ve ever done. It’s crazy to see some parts of the US that you’d never think actually existed beyond photos. The drives through national parks are some of the most breathtaking views I’ll ever experience in my lifetime. The people I’ve met along the way have encouraged me, motivated me, and inspired me to keep going. As tired as I’ve been, I wish I could continue doing this sort of thing for years. I want to inspire others to get out, travel, and experience what life has to offer. We’re only here for a short amount of time and if you stay in your comfort zone long enough, you’ll soon realize you’re too old to even consider doing something this crazy. So get up, get out, go for a drive, “quit life”, and experience real life beyond the cities you’ve lived in! I promise the debt will be 100% worth it!

As per some folks’ requests, my next blog will be a breakdown of each city, state, and parks I’ve been to that are dog friendly, places I’ve loved or disliked, restaurants, and fun/cheap things to do in those places. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such inspiring people all the time that I can only hope my journey inspires others around me to do the same. 

[megansaber]

The Importance of Being Vulnerable

July 3, 2018

I arrived in Palm Springs, CA today. The forecast for the rest of this week is 115-118 degrees. I’m staying with my “dad.” I met him just a few months ago in Nashville when he was visiting his son, who happens to be one of my neighbors and who is living in my apartment while I travel. Dad’s name is Craig. I asked if he’d adopt me and he gladly said, “yes.” So here we are in Palm Springs enjoying the desert, together. It’s not a coincidence the way the universe has events play out. It’s not a coincidence when people enter and/or leave your life. There is a reason for everything, and if you dig deep enough, and maybe you won’t have to dig far, you’ll find those reasons. Sometimes those reasons are surface level, too and everything is laid out right in front of you. Accept everything for what it is, embrace it, and move forward with positive thoughts. You’ve made it this far, right?!

Yesterday I spent the day in Sedona, AZ. I had no clue that I’d fall in love with every city in Arizona - Flagstaff, Williams, and Sedona. They’re such small towns, which I’ve grown to love the older I get, and they're surrounded by mountains and rocks and cliffs and I was definitely in my natural element there, which is why I stayed for as long as I did. Since I was surrounded by nature, good people, and had my dogs by my side, I felt like it was a good time to get my tarot cards read. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a big fan of understanding the universe and what it has to offer us on our life path and I find spiritual healing extremely important. I haven’t seen a psychic in about five years but something was calling me towards making it happen. Sometimes it’s nice to let someone else read off the vibes they’re getting from you and let you know what they feel is in your path. Oddly enough, the three main cards that I pulled were all traveling cards. Without giving too much away, I left Mystical Bazaar in Sedona feeling relieved, happy, and at ease, things that I’ve been feeling more and more with every drive I take and every new city I arrive in and get to explore. 

I have always been extremely open with most things in my life. For me, what’s always helped me with situations is reading/hearing about it from other people’s experiences. It helps me know that I’m not alone in my feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It helps to say, “I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this!” What everyone needs is a bit of company that truly understands and I feel like since I was given that info to help me through addiction, loss of friends, and breakups that I can give back, too. Since I’ve left Nashville, I’ve had numerous people message me about their relationships and breakups and how much they can relate to things I’ve posted. I’ve had random people tell me that I’m inspiring them to travel and get out of their comfort zone, and just today, I had a very old friend that I haven’t spoke with in years tell me that just from watching my life unfold on social media that I inspired her to go to the doctor and check up on her health. These kinds of messages are seriously what I live for. I LOVE knowing that something I did helps others. I haven an innate passion in me for helping others, even if it ends up hurting me in the end. I love watching those around me succeed and I love building up people that are deserving of love and motivation. I also know when things get taken for granted and I enjoy putting people in their place, too. The important thing to being the best person you can be is never taking advantage of others, and never letting others take advantage of you. 

So while some people might think being extremely open with their life, their health, their friends and family, and blasting it all over social media is a bad thing, you’re entitled to your own opinion. In my experiences, it’s only helped others and I get an overwhelming sense of joy when I read messages from friends, neighbors, acquaintances, family members, etc. And to all the people that are willing to be so raw and open about their life, you are helping me and so many others understand we’re not alone - we never really are. 

“Everybody, come take my hand. We’ll walk this road together, through the storm, whatever weather, cold or warm. Just letting you know that, you’re not alone. Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road.” - Eminem. 

Palm Springs, you’ve got me for the next four days. Let’s see what you’ve got to offer!

[megansaber]

Day 16 of 70

July 1, 2018

I talked to my cousin, Christine, today for about an hour while driving to my hotel from the Grand Canyon. She asked me how I’m feeling now that I’m “halfway through my road trip.” I realized that I’m only 16 days into a 70 day road trip. It’s insane, really. Everyday I wake up feeling so lucky that I’m able to do this. I get to live with absolutely no agenda, on my own terms, and I get to see so many parts of the United States I’ve been wanting to see for years with my two best buds by my side! 

People keep asking, “how do you afford it?” Well here’s the answer, I don’t. I didn’t have much money saved up at all and I planned on using a credit card for most of my travels and paying it off when I come back home and back to work. But here’s the thing, something I really never thought would happen: I’ve had people buy me meals, give me free places to stay, and I’ve had relatives give me money because they support this trip to the end. Even Maya’s dog food company gave me free food coupons so she can eat her pretentious, grain free food on the road (shout out to Zignature dog food)! What I thought would be a huge credit card bill at the end of this has been paying itself off on its own. This isn’t to brag, but to inspire people that when you get out of your comfort zone and take a huge leap of faith like traveling the United States alone with no income the entire time, that people WANT to help. They WANT to watch you succeed and they want to be a part of it any way they can! So trust me when I say that if you’re broke and thinking you can’t do something like this, you absolutely can and should. Karma doesn’t always have to be a bitch; sometimes it pays for your summer travels, too. 

My friend Leslie, who just traveled the US solo earlier this year, told me that some parts of the states are so beautiful that I’d cry feeling so grateful that I get to witness what so many people could only dream of, and she is absolutely right - the mountains in Colorado, the entire drive from Colorado to Utah, Moab/The Arches, and as of today, the Grand Canyon. Seeing land untouched by humans is something we don’t get to see often, and goddamn is it beautiful. Along my journey I’ve met some badass folks to exchange stories with, seen/stayed in some really interesting parts of the states I’ve passed through, and also got my car stuck inches deep in sand at Lake Powell, probably the most stressed I’ve been in the past 16 days. I guess things could be worse, right?

Being on the road for 2.5 months isn’t the easiest. You’re living out of your car, you’ve got shit packed in so many different bags that you end up carrying 10,000 loads of things into every place you stay, and you’re constantly on the move, never staying anywhere for longer than two days at a time. It’s fun, but also extremely exhausting. Everything you know about yourself? Yeah, you can throw it out the window. The stores in the middle of nowhere don’t carry my long list of diet foods - hello gluten and dairy, I see we’ve met again (barf). The gyms are few and far between; I have memberships at both the Y and Planet Fitness and sometimes they’re just nowhere to be found, unfortunately. Hello, hotel room floor workouts on a towel instead of a yoga mat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  You don’t eat full meals ever anymore, only snacks most days until you find a restaurant worth sending money on. Everything I got so used to doing by routine back home in Nashville I’ve had to tweak and work around. These little things are teaching me that it’s okay to just let go sometimes, to not be so damn rigid ALL the time, and to know that I can hop back into routine when my surroundings allow me to. I’ve also learned to never pass up an opportunity to do laundry, even if it’s just a small load; you realize how fast you run out of socks and underwear when you only pack so many!

Given I had two days to prepare for a solo road trip, I wasn’t able to really fully prepare what I did or didn’t need but I promise you, you learn fast. Every part of this journey is a lesson for the next few days, weeks, months, and future trips. Nashville friends, I’m missing the heck outta y’all and future friends I’m about to see, I AM SO EXCITED. 

Side note - Eminem, where you at? I’d still like to marry you. 

[megansaber]

I’m The Crazy One - The Story of Manipulation

June 27, 2018

I’ll get straight to the point here. When someone says they have a crazy ex, you want to believe them, and sure, maybe they do. But when someone says all their exes are crazy, that’s gotta be a red flag, right? I mean, surely, if EVERYONE you’ve dated is “crazy,” maybe the problem is you? Now let’s dig a litter deeper here.

As i continue in life and on this incredible journey I’m on, I’m learning more and more about narcissism and gas-lighters. These are terms people have brought to my attention weeks before I even took off. I couldn’t believe what I was reading because so much of it related to my then-relationship. I was in the feels, though and was swimming in that Egyptian river; I didn’t want to truly believe anything negative about my partner. Pure denial.

I kept hearing, “this ex is crazy; lemme tell you what SHE did...” and “this ex is crazy because of THIS...” well folks, I’m here to tell you the story of how I was the crazy one in my relationship and how, in that moment, I realized that these exes maybe weren’t so crazy after all. Narcissism in the male mind will lead someone to believe nothing is their fault, I mean, how could it be when you’re so god damn perfect all the time, AMIRITE.

June 12, 2018 - Three days before the summer road trip with my partner. While I’m preparing for a long trip and planning the last of my 12 step meetings in Nashville, my boyfriend is attending a Fireball Whiskey event, a pool party, details of which he left out, but that’s besides the point, that he was at. I thought, “go have fun with your friends since it’ll be awhile till you see them again.”

Hours go by when I receive a text from an old friend: “Hey. I don’t mean to butt in where I’m not welcome or anything. Idk if you and Matt are still together but I’m at this fireball event and he’s here with some girl. I know y’all are supposed to leave in a couple days, and I know this sucks, and I toyed with the idea of just leaving it be, but I figured it was better to be straight with you and tell you what I’m seeing as it’s happening.” I asked for more details before I decided I’d just see for myself, in person.

With a history of deceitfulness that I was able to look past before, I decided to take matters into my own hands this time. I showed up and confronted the man that I love. With his hand on a girl’s ass as I walk up to him, I calmly said, “you just cheated on me in front of all my friends, all your friends, and in front of me.” The response I get? “You fucking psychotic whore. How dare you show up where I am to spy on me. Fuck you and your hyena pack of friends that have nothing better to do than watch me and report back to you.” So, someone cheats but it’s their partners fault? Narcissism and gaslighting at its finest. IM the crazy one for catching my boyfriend cheat. Makes TOTAL sense...and a man who can talk to anyone that way, let alone a woman he says he loves, is beyond me. But who am I to try to tell a racist, white male how to treat a woman?

Over the following days, I thought long and hard about everything. I thought about my boyfriend’s “crazy ex” reaching out to me, warning me about him, saying things like “this poor girl has no clue what’s coming for her.” I brushed these red flags off because I love to learn the hard way, by my own personal experience and never by what others have gone through themselves. I mean, I can be the one to change someone for the better...right? As his favorite, racist president would say, “WRONG.”

So ladies (and maybe gents), if your newly acquired love interest is telling you stories about one crazy ex after the other, try to get to the bottom of the real reason as to why they’re crazy. Ask questions, lots of them. Try to see it from other perspectives. Research narcissism and gaslighting. Listen to them when they state reasons they absolutely love Trump and hate black people. Run for your fucking life. Because I promise you one day, if you don’t, you will feel mentally insane because you’ve done everything you could’ve to make the wrong relationship try to work. But let me tell you one thing, you are not the crazy one here.

Sure, you can write blogs and call people out the way Taylor Swift does in old songs and people could say you’re crazy, but if there’s one thing I’ve always been good at, it’s publicly shaming those that deserve to be ousted. When and if you’re an asshole, the world deserves to hear about it and I will 100% be the one to talk about it.

Here’s my warning signs to all the future lovers of my ex: his exes aren’t crazy, he is. You can learn the hard way like I did, I support you.

[megansaber]

Send it off Into the Universe

June 23, 2018

When I went to bed last night and reflected back on my day, I realized I didn’t cry the entire day, at least over my failed relationship. I did, however, shed some tears with my buddy Rob when we went to visit Lindsey’s grave. We hugged and talked about how much we missed her, and we overlooked the incredible views from the top of the mountain that she’s resting at. It was the first time in a full week that I didn’t cry about my ex, which is a relatively short amount of time, all things considered.

I wake up everyday with this amazing opportunity to travel the United States and see every national park I’ve been wanting to see for years. I get to travel with my two best buds and show them places most dogs would never see in their entire lives. I get to live out some of the best days of my life with old friends, while meeting new ones along the way. I’ve already stayed with some amazing Airbnb hosts who have become a part of this journey with me. And now as I sit in my friend’s house in Denver, I am filled with happiness, not that anxious kind of happiness I’ve been feeling for the past few months. I’m with people that are accepting, loving, caring, truthful, honest, and who haven’t ever turned their backs on me for as long as I’ve known them, most of them over 10 years at this point. I’ve been meeting new friends that don’t have ulterior motives; they just want good conversation and a few laughs for the short time I’m around.

I downloaded Tinder in St. Louis a few days ago for the first time in over three years. A relationship is the last thing I’m looking for, so I have it set to friend mode - people to keep me company while I travel in places I’ve never been before, people to explore with me or give me recommendations on places to go and other people to see. Sure, there may be easier ways of meeting people with like minded interests such as traveling, hiking, backpacking, camping, etc., but so far Tinder’s been a great tool for helping me talk to and/or meet some awesome people out there who are doing the same thing!

Today I woke up accepting everything about myself that has been shot down the last six months on a constant basis. My love and acceptance of everyone around me. My love for black culture, NBA, and rap music. My high-waisted workout pants. My cornrows. My gray hairs. My fucked up vision. My cancer. For the first time in months, I’m starting to realize that when people around you subtly make fun of the things you are/do/love, those aren’t the supportive people that deserve a spot in your life. Those are people that are hurting and want others to hurt with them. Those are people that only accept their truth as 100% correct and can’t see another person’s point of view. Those are people that I’ve let into my life all too often because I want to see everyone’s best assets shine through, but sometimes their lights are way too dim to ever reach that point, and it’s not my job to light it for them, I just wish they were able to do it for themselves.

Cheers to better days ahead. Cheers to this amazing road trip, being home in Colorado, seeing all my friends, and waking up in a new state every few days. How truly #blessed I am to be able to do this in my lifetime. Lastly, cheers to feeling every fucking emotion possible in seven days and waking up on the eighth day feeling like a god damn new person. Let that shit out and send it off into the universe <3

[megansaber]

Braving the Storm, One Drive at a Time

June 19, 2018

I left St. Louis this morning. 

The second I got on the highway, I heard and felt what sounded like a helicopter inside my car. The noise was insanely loud, to the point where I thought there was legitimately a helicopter hovering above my car. I even checked. Nope, of course there wasn't. My car was shaking so bad so I pulled off into a gas station to check...for what? I know nothing about cars but I didn’t have a flat tire and there was nothing stuck underneath. My brain said, “get back on the highway, whatever it is will fix itself” because that’s how cars typically work, right? Long story short, I took my car to get serviced and was told that my front right wheel was barely hanging on, that if I had driven any longer than I did, it would’ve flown off my car while on the road. Needless to say, the universe is on my side and this was a surefire sign of that. 

Last week an old friend reached out to me. We haven’t spoke in about a year and our friendship didn’t end on the best terms, but we were great friends and spent most days of the week together at the park with our dogs. We’re both scorpios, so we had a ton in common and were always 100% honest with one another, especially when it came to the relationships we were either in at the time, or with people we were interested in. He couldn’t have reached out at a better time; him having gone through a toxic relationship last year and me having just gotten out of one, his advice couldn’t be more spot on. 

“You say this person is your best friend, but you have a lot of best friends. Best friends don’t let you down. At the end of the day, he isn’t your best friend, he was your boyfriend and now he’s your ex, and that’s what he’s going to be from now on.”

“My step mom once told me that however long you were dating someone for, cut that time in half and that’s how long it’ll take to get over that person. That’s basically the entirety of your trip.”

“I used to think, even after all the bullshit with my ex, that one day we’d figure our shit out and get back together. I came up with all these scenarios in my head of a future working out for us, and now that I’ve left town and figured my shit out, there’s no way in hell I’d ever go back to her.” 

I had a seven hour drive today and we spent about an hour on the phone laughing like the good old days. He agreed to meet me in LA when I’m there. He said he pictured us drinking coffee on the Venice boardwalk laughing and talking shit like we always did. What’s meant to come back will find a way, and what’s meant to stay far away, will do just that.

I’m currently on a cattle farm in Geneseo, Kansas. I drove off the main road for over an hour, and then took a dirt road for about 25 minutes to arrive at the house. I’m pretty sure the place is haunted because Maya won’t stop staring at the closet door. She even convinced me to open a suitcase that was in there because I feared there might be a body in it, dead or alive. 

Today I’m thankful for my car not totally shitting out on me just yet. I’m thankful that I was able to hear the voices of a few of my closest friends to keep me company on the long drive (Daniel, Scottie, Allie, Gina, Klint, Ashton, and Jackson). I’m thankful for this opportunity to brave the storms, literally and figuratively, and I’m thankful for the ability to cry everyday and embrace the bullshit because the future is looking so bright. 

[megansaber]

Attached.

June 18, 2017

Day 4 of my 70 day road trip. I’m at an Airbnb in St. Louis, Missouri. I was so bitter about driving to this place because it was the first place my ex and I had booked for the beginning of our trip. It was going to be the first place we stayed at on our way to Colorado. It’s huge and I didn’t want to be alone here, and since the timing was so close, I couldn’t cancel for a full refund. So I stuck it out (getting out of my comfort zone). I asked my friend Scottie, who I haven’t seen in two years, to spend every waking moment with me because I’m needy AF, and he did, without hesitation. We got tattoos, we did patio lunch at Wildflower Cafe with the dogs, and last night he had his buddy Andy come over to hang at my Airbnb with us. When Scottie got home last night, he sent me a slew of the most positive and heartfelt text messages about how happy he is that I’m in town. Sure, he was drunk, but it didn't effect me any less reading those kind words.

Over the last five days, I have gotten more positive, reinforcing, powerful, and kind messages than I ever thought was possible, some even from old friends I haven’t been in contact with for years. Messages about how strong I am, how brave I am for going through with this, and how jealous people are. I cry hysterically when I see them. This isn’t to brag, but more so to let others know the impact of sending positive vibes and kind words to those around them. I have so many amazing people in my life. I keep thinking to myself, am I really as strong as people think? Am I brave? I’ve cried more on the road than I have spent happy. But what Ive learned is that I need to get it all out. I need to spend my days crying so that when the one day comes along and I finally rest my head at night and reflect back on my day and say, “holy shit I didn't cry today,” I will know that I am getting stronger.

As I’m sitting alone in this apartment drinking coffee and reading self-help books (currently reading the book Attached.), I’m coming to terms with things. I’m learning about the three different attachment styles in relationships. I’m learning that codependency isn’t fully the truth. I’m learning about brain changes people face when they enter a new relationship. I’m learning that if your partner isn’t a secure attachment style, your anxious mechanisms will always be on high alert if you have an anxious attachment like I do. I’m learning that there is a method to the madness and when your partner activates those anxious attachment thoughts, they may not be the one for you. I’m learning that some people just aren't meant to be together even if there is a strong connection that bonds the two of you together. I’m learning that trying to stop loving someone is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been faced with.

As much as I wanted to rush to get to Denver to be with my friends, I think I’m realizing I needed to make all these random pit stops in various cities before I get there to be alone with my thoughts, to make random memories with random people, and to make peace with myself by being alone.

Today I’m going to take the pups to the Arch, attend a meeting, go on a blind-friend date that my friend Cori set me up on, and spend the evening celebrating Scottie’s 36th birthday. Cheers, St. Louis!  

Salina, Kansas...See you tomorrow!

[megansaber]

Traveling Alone With a Broken Heart

June 16, 2018

Sure, it sounds dramatic. Maybe it is. For six months now, my partner and I had this amazing 10-week road trip across the United States planned out. We wanted to see as many National Parks as we could, and we both wanted our fur babies to see the same. We had the same ideas about traveling and getting out of our comfort zone, and figuring things out as they came along. It all came to a sudden halt just five days before we were supposed to take off. I’m trying to learn quickly to not play the blame game, but what was supposed to be an incredible summer with my boyfriend ended up with me scrambling to figure out everything I’d need to know for a solo adventure for an entire summer across the US. 

Let me tell you, it sucks. It’s sad and it’s lonely and I cry a whole lot. I’ve spent most of my alone time crying and reflecting on my relationship wishing things could’ve just been different. Wishing we could’ve worked out. Wishing we were meant for each other. At the end of the day, some people just aren’t good for one another. It doesn’t hurt any less. How do you move on from someone that you loved with your whole heart? How do you just cut off connection from your best friend? How do you learn to enjoy a vacation you were supposed to be on together, alone? There are no right answers and only time will heal everything, but god damn, as much as I always want time to slow down, right now I really wished it would speed the fuck up. **Cue Eminem’s new song about Kim, “Bad Husband” up**

As I look forward to the amazing places I’m about to venture off to and the amazing people I’m going to meet, and knowing I get to see and spend time with all my oldest and closest friends, I carry around this weight of hurt and pain. I am a firm believer of everything happening for a reason and I know when I return back to Nashville in August I will be a changed person. I will continue to work the 12-step program that I began two months ago. I will find meetings and find my people. I will be so forced out of my comfort zone unlike anything i’ve ever faced before, and I will grow the fuck up and learn what I deserve in myself and in a relationship, something I thought I knew but quickly learned that I had no fucking clue about. Love is truly blinding.

I’m sitting in an Airbnb in Paducah, Kentucky. I’ve spend the majority of my time here so far with the wife, Karen. She’s a woman in her 60s that has surpassed three different types of cancer, calls herself the “surgery queen”, and talks to her dogs as much as I talk to mine. In the past I would never book an Airbnb in a private room, rather I’d book an entire place to myself where I don’t have to deal with people. I now know that people is what I need to be around, good people with good hearts who want to be a part of this journey, whether they realize it or not. 

To anyone else who’s going through the same situation currently or in the future, let’s metaphorically hold each others hands knowing that at the end of this path will be an incredible outpouring of love, new friendships, new relationships, and most of all, a better outlook on the joys of life. Float on, fellow travelers <3