mayachims

[mayachims]

in your 20’s find a balance between hustle & rest. you don’t need to have a love life or a soulmate figured out. go travel the world. battle your demons. set up a business, find people who value your heart & yours will attract. don’t live in the past, you have so much more to see

[mayachims]

ii. January 08, 2020

I am super thankful for this two beautiful ladies who have always supported me when it comes to my decisions in life. I know that some people might think that you guys spoiled me too much. When in reality, di naman kayo nagkukulang na pagsabihan ako everytime I do something stupid.

I hope this friendship lasts forever. I miss you both. See you soon nurses!

- End -

[mayachims]

2019

this year broke me

at the same time

made me stronger—

i can't seem to count though

the amount of times

i've cried myself everynight,

i wanted to sleep

forever

but i didn't,

instead i let myself

succumb this sadness

and let it fade in time

and now i'm growing

slowly but surely

i'll be able to stand

and be happy once again

[mayachims]

what’s the cheat code for stable mental health

[mayachims]

PAG NAKASAKAY KAYO SA PUBLIC TRANSPO WAG KAYO NAGLALANDIAN MAGJOWA KONTING RESPETO NAMAN SA MGA SINGLE NA TIGANG SALAMAT

[mayachims]

9:20 pm

I see no reason to keep going except that I’ll hurt my friends and family if I kill myself. It’s funny really. I’m only alive because I’m still thinking of others instead of trying to live for myself. This life I have is beautiful I keep telling myself. Sometimes I can pretend I’m happy. I can fool myself into thinking that I want to live and not just exist. But every night when all lights are out when even the moon is not there to offer solace, I find myself wishing to reach out to someone else’s hands and try to ground myself with the stability of their warmth. Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs because I can’t tell anyone what’s bothering me, and yet my friends come to me when they struggle with their lives. I always pushed aside my problems to be there for them but sometimes I just want to be a girl who needs a bestfriend who will listen, who will stay by my side. Sometimes I just need to not be the strong girl that’s always willing to listen. Sometimes I just want to be the girl who needs help from others the most. Who craves being embraced because that’s the only physical contact that really brings comfort instead of making me uncomfortable. Sometimes I just need someone who will take my mind off my problems even if it’s just for a little while. Sometimes I just need someone who knows something’s wrong with me when I message them I’m fine. Sometimes I just need someone to ask how I’m doing instead of me asking about their well being all the time but they never seem to care if I’m dying as long as I still listen to their problems. I know that’s not the case but sometimes when self doubt strikes I can’t help but feel as if I’m just a pretty thing they keep by their side to make them feel better about themselves because I never wanted anyone to feel the emptiness I feel inside. I struggle at times to remember why I even cared for anyone. It scares me how easily I could detach myself from a situation to deal with my friends’ problems. Stop feeling anything to make sure I can help them. When I can’t take it anymore I read tons of angst fanfics to make myself cry because I can’t cry on my own. I can’t shed tears for myself so I used literature to help me. Help me in making sure I won’t become a monster or worse. Most of the time though I write. I write as if I could simply wish for this emptiness to disappear just as easily I can erase the words I type. Maybe I’m not making sense now. I just can’t stop the words once it flow because I only allow them to run loose once in a while. They are always lost in the blackhole that is my chest or the abyss that is my mind or maybe it’s the other way around, maybe it’s my chest that is the abyss and my mind is the blackhole. I can’t remember the difference. These words didn’t even make sense. Huh I really suck at this. I suck at doing the only thing I’m proud of. Stop. Don’t. Please. I just want to make it stop. Will it stop if I write enough words?

[mayachims]

wala naman akong choice kundi ang maging okay para sa inyo

[mayachims]

i. January 06, 2019

It was our town's fiesta and so I invited my college and hs friends to our house para kumain samin

We went to the carnival and rode the caterpillar, only to regret it. The ride was super fast, akala ko tatalsik na ako sa lakas. It was super fun though.

Noong gumabi na, some of my friends went home dahil malayo pa ang ibabyahe nila. While the rest, Marvin, Ae, Krish, Gab, Raymark and Dani stayed. Napagplanuhan na kasi namin na magoovernight sila sa bahay just so they can watch december ave live.

Pagsapit ng 9pm, nagpunta na kami sa basketball court sa bayan. There some minor problems sa speakers and instruments kaya medyo natagalan bago makapagperform yung iba.

The court was so suffocating dahil sa dami ng tao but it was worth the wait, quarter to midnight, december avenue finally performed. They sang "Sa Ngalan Ng Pagibig", "Kung Di Rin Lang Ikaw", "Sleep Tonight", "Bulong" and "Eroplanong Papel" and it was just too heart breaking.

I once saw a tweet na paano kung nanood ka ng concert ng december avenue tapos kasama mo yung taong nanakit sayo? Ang masasabi ko lang it was torture, why? Those songs were all for him pero yoon din yung mga kanta niya para sa kanya.

Hay nako why do I have to suffer unrequited love every damn time?

— End —

[mayachims]

somebody stop yoongi

[mayachims]

my heart longs for you.

and only you. (via uhnsaids)