marriagecounselingfranklintn

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Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in Franklin, TN | A Q&A With Barbara Wyer Pt. 2

In a recent post, Barbara Wyer, LMFT, discussed premarital counseling and reasons that couples might enter marriage counseling.  Today, the Franklin, TN-based therapist dives deeper into questions often asked by couples on the brink of ending their relationship.

What are the different types of external stressors that correlate with significant distress in a relationship?

Relationships are stressed each day. However, major events, such as the loss of a job, the death of a close family member, or a major illness, can pose significant challenges to otherwise healthy relationships. When these issues are ignored or left unresolved, one or both partners may become emotionally detached and withdraw into their own unhealthy coping mechanisms.

How do you approach marriages where the couple has grown apart?

People change with time, and it is not uncommon for individuals to find they are not the same person they were 10 or 15 years prior. One thing we often notice in marriage counseling is couples who no longer share the same ideals and values. One partner might prioritize family, while the other is highly focused on their career. Often, they essentially live separate lives. During therapy, it can be beneficial to find common ground to discuss their “side of the story” and how their priorities and values have changed based on their experience in the marriage.

Is marriage counseling a guarantee that couples will work things out and live happily ever after?

Absolutely not. Marriage counseling is simply a tool that couples can use to help mend their relationship. But they have to put in the work together and individually. For a marriage to thrive, each partner has to commit to the other, themselves, and the life they have built.

How important is communication in a marriage, and can marriage counseling help one or both partners find their voice?

How well a couple communicates with one another is essential to maintaining the strength and integrity of their relationship as a whole. Unfortunately, relationship connections can disintegrate due to new changes in a relationship that get in the way of communication and secure connection. Anything from long hours at work to a different bedtime can change how couples interact with one another.

Does a lack of communication always result in the breakdown of the marriage?

Things are not always so black-and-white in marriage counseling. However, many Franklin, TN, couples that fail to prioritize communication begin to notice over time that their bond is not as strong or secure as it once was. I think that communication is just as important as mutual respect in any relationship.

How can a couple begin the search for marriage counseling?

As with most things, I recommend doing a search online for marriage counseling in Franklin, TN. This can help prospective clients learn more about the different types of therapists, their availability, fees, and whether or not they take insurance. I would also recommend that couples confirm their chosen therapist’s qualifications or ask for recommendations and friends or family.

Ultimately, no two relationships are the same. Whether a marriage ends in divorce, or lasts until “death do us part,” marriage counseling can be helpful during times of distress or as a periodic check-in. Couples owe it to themselves and to each other to prioritize their secure relationship bonds.

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Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in Franklin, TN | A Q&A With Barbara Wyer Pt. 1

All couples face problems, and these issues can be tackled together with love, compassion, and mutual respect. Sometimes, outside support can be extremely helpful as well. Enter marriage counseling. Couples in Franklin, TN, have plenty of options when looking for an advocate and partner in their journey toward creating (or strengthening) a healthy, secure relationship.

Read on, as Barbara Wyer, LMFT, shares part one of a two-part FAQ that covers a range of topics relating to marriage counseling.

What is premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling is a type of marriage counseling available to couples in Franklin, TN, who seek to examine potential challenges before they exchange vows. It’s an opportunity for partners to explore relationship patterns, the impact of their family of origin, and to have a safe place to openly express their expectations about how their relationship dynamic will work.

What types of things are discussed in premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling may cover everything from how you will handle salary differences, gender roles, and child-rearing. During your sessions, you may be surprised to find out where you and your partner disagree. This is an excellent opportunity to explore how to get on the same page as you begin to create your story.

You mentioned salary differences. What types of issues might arise because of this?

While not always, many families have a primary earner. Often, this is the partner entering the relationship with the highest salary. One of the issues arising from disparity in salary is that the primary breadwinner feels more empowered to choose where to live based on where they can make the most money. But this may create challenges for the other partner who feels minimized in the conversation. Premarital counseling helps couples lay the groundwork for decisions like this before one assumes the other will simply go along with their plan because they make the most money.

Does premarital counseling in Franklin, TN, open up a conversation about sex?

It can, yes. Having an open conversation about sexual expectations is a healthy way to begin to grow a secure bond and facilitate healthy connection as married partners. Premarital counseling offers a safe place for each partner to share previous trauma that might interfere with intimacy.

How do you approach conflict resolution, whether in premarital or marital counseling?

The vast majority of individuals confront conflict in the way that they were taught by example as children. This is not always the same between two individuals, and premarital counseling helps Franklin, TN couples learn conflict resolution tactics that more closely align with healthy, vulnerable connection.

What are some reasons people might enter marriage counseling after being married for any length of time?

The reasons for marriage counseling are as vast as the number of couples out there. Infidelity, growing apart, and disagreements about money are all common. Some couples just want to "check in" and carve out space from their busy lives to talk intentionally about issues that are concerning them personally or together.

Can a marriage be saved after one or both partners has an affair?

Yes, absolutely. Forgiveness is always a challenge, but it is possible for both partners to heal from the betrayal and rebuild trust. Just as it takes time for a relationship to wear down, it takes time to build it back up. A marriage counselor can help support both the injured partner and the one who stepped outside the marriage.

Should couples enter marriage counseling just to save their marriage for the kids?

That’s a difficult question to answer. Many studies indicate that children who live in high conflict homes frequently experience higher levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. Children learn by example, and living in a home with a pattern of high conflict or emotional/physical abuse may result in the child considering that type of behavior "normal," tolerating an abusive relationship when they begin dating, For these reasons and others, it may be better to end a marriage for the sake of the child's mental and emotional health.

Bookmark this page for part two, as Barbara Wyer continues to explore couples therapy and marriage counseling for Franklin, TN, families seeking to heal from hurt and turmoil.

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Marriage Counseling and EFT: A Tool For Healthy Relationships

Barbara Wyer, MMFT, LMFT, EMDR, is a licensed therapist who provides marriage counseling in Franklin, TN. Her work with individuals and couples is highly informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In this brief Q&A, Wyer shares some information about EFT.

Q: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Barbara Wyer: Simply put, EFT is a therapeutic framework based on attachment therapy to help individuals and couples understand the vulnerable emotions that often hide "below the surface" in moments of conflict. The goal of EFT is to strengthen the relationship bonds and build a more secure attachment between partners.

Q: What is attachment theory? Is this a term familiar to clients seeking marriage counseling in Franklin, TN?

BW: Attachment theory is a psychological concept that theorizes how individuals form attachment bonds with one another, both as children with caregivers, and later in life between adult partners. There are several different styles of attachment, including secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized. Attachment theory explains how each style develops during the formative years in a person’s childhood.

Q: What are the core concepts of EFT?

BW: Again, EFT is rooted in attachment theory. This theory also holds that a fundamental need for connection and attachment is shared by all humans. EFT teaches clients to the importance of noticing and identifying their underlying emotions, how to better understand their unique emotional needs, and develop a secure attachment style.

Q: How does the EFT process evolve throughout marriage counseling in Franklin, TN?

BW: While no two couples are alike, a typical EFT session might involve identifying negative cycles, accessing the underlying emotions involved with these cycles, and learning how to restructure an emotional response. Clients are then offered insight into how to form new and positive patterns to strengthen their emotional connection and build secure bonds. This is accomplished through the stages of assessment/de-escalation, restructuring interactions (the bond), and consolidation.

Q: EFT is more than just marriage counseling. Can you explain a few of the other benefits associated with Emotionally Focused Therapy?

BW: In addition to helping couples work through issues together, EFT is useful on an individual level as each partner increases their level of self-awareness. Clients in EFT therapy may find that they have enhanced communication skills and develop healthier emotional responses to external triggers for greater emotional resilience.

Q: How can someone get started with EFT?

BW: Look for a licensed therapist that has experience, training, and certification in EFT. Finding a therapist is not always easy, so I recommend doing your research on marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, and choosing a provider whose beliefs and methods align with your own.

For more information about marriage counseling in Franklin, TN or to connect with Barbara Wyer, email barbara@barbarawyer.com.

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What Types Of Marriage Counseling Are Available In Franklin, TN?

If you are one of the couples in the Franklin, TN area seeking marriage counseling, one of the first things you may have noticed are the sheer numbers of therapists offering services. It can be overwhelming to sift through the many options to find the right fit. The reality is, not every therapist (or form of therapy) will be right for your personal situation. Here are several types of therapy explained, to help you get started in the search.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples learn how to communicate vulnerably with one another while forging stronger, more secure attachments. EFT is beneficial for couples who find themselves caught in a recurring cycle of miscommunication and hurt.

Gottman Method

Another modality of marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, the Gottman method is useful for couples experiencing sexual difficulties, dysfunctional communication, and emotional distance. It involves tools to identify relationship red flags, and to build trust and commitment through creating love maps and learning how to manage conflict.

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)

Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples identify patterns that may be harmful to themselves and their relationship. It helps to explore childhood experiences so that each partner can begin to improve their understanding of themselves and one another.

Sex Therapy

When couples have different sex drives or feel stuck in dysfunction or differing expectations, sex therapy can help return the intimacy to a relationship. Marriage counselors in Franklin, TN, specializing in sex therapy help couples overcome everything from low confidence and past sexual trauma to low libido and communication issues that have harmed their intimacy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors all affect how we apply ourselves within our relationships. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps us identify these negative patterns so that we can more consistently recognize and overcome relationship challenges. CBT is a science-backed approach that helps couples learn how to challenge negative thoughts to improve communication, reduce stress, and enhance overall emotional well-being.

Narrative Therapy

During narrative therapy marriage counseling, couples in Franklin, TN, literally write their side of the story. It is an exceptional way to illustrate how a singular view doesn’t always provide a comprehensive picture of a situation. Narrative therapy offers an opportunity to build empathy and open up space to really listen to the other's perspective.

The Benefits Of Marriage Counseling In Franklin, TN

Marriage counseling can help couples "treading water" to regain solid footing. It can help each partner learn to identify negative feelings and patterns and begin to express their more vulnerable feelings to one another. Marriage counseling can also teach each partner how to speak in the other's love language, whether that’s affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, or physical touch.

Ultimately, there is no one choice of marriage counseling in Franklin, TN that’s right for everyone. All forms of marriage counseling serve to remind us that hope is almost always appropriate, even on those days when the relationship feels hopeless.

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Indicators You May Benefit From Marriage Counseling

If you found this page, chances are you’re already looking for marriage counseling in Franklin, TN. But you may also be curious about whether or not the red flags that you see are truly cause for pause. Today, we’ll cover several significant signs that your marriage may be in distress.

Apathy

Apathy is essentially when one partner decides they no longer care what happens in the marriage. This type of indifference or disaffection can show up in different ways – maybe it's a lack of enthusiasm for once-prioritized togetherness, or no longer asking (or caring) about the details of a partner's day. An apathetic spouse may seem detached, distant or no longer show any concern where there may have once been an argument or conversation. 

Physical And Emotional Withdrawal

Physical and emotional withdrawal often happens slowly, over time. Unfortunately, many clients seeking marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, report failing to notice the subtle signs sooner. Distancing in a relationship is not simply removing oneself physically from the other person’s presence. It can manifest as emotional distance and failure to connect through sharing thoughts and feelings. Partners who begin to physically and emotionally detach may also begin to communicate only in the most vague and superficial way.

Chronic Irritability

No relationship is perfect, and sooner or later, we've all gotten annoyed or irritated by our partner. But when most everything they do gets under our skin, this can point to deep-seated issues that need immediate attention. An ever-shortening temper and a continually tense atmosphere is a sure sign that it’s time to look into marriage counseling. Franklin, TN has many therapists that can help identify the underlying "big" issues so that the little things no longer create such tension.

Lack Of Future Planning

One of the most enjoyable aspects of a relationship is planning for the future. This could be planning for a wedding or a vacation for just the two of you, or perhaps carving out time to write down goals for the coming year on December 31st. If these types of forward-thinking activities cease, that may indicate the relationship is headed in the way of permanent disconnection.

This is in no way a comprehensive list of issues that might take place within a marriage. However, marriage counseling professionals often cite apathy, withdrawal, irritability, and lack of future planning as four indicators that a relationship is troubled.

If you’re looking for marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, contact Barbara Wyer, LFMT, to schedule a consultation.

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How To Choose The Right Marriage Counseling Professional In Franklin, Tn

If you and your partner are looking for marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, you have many options. However, no two providers are alike, and the choice of therapist is deeply personal. Today, we take a look at a few things you should consider before making such a monumental decision.

What’s Most Important?

First and foremost, you and your partner must answer the question of what’s most important to you and your relationship. For example, if religion is a cornerstone of your life, you might want to consider a therapist who shares your same beliefs and values.

Training

In the world of marriage counseling, Franklin, TN has many different options, and they all have a different set of credentials and experience. However, there are four primary categories that your counseling professional may fall under. These are licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), clinical psychologist (CP), licensed mental health counselor (LMHC), and licensed clinical social worker (LCSW).

An LMFT specializes in couples and family therapy. Their primary goal is to help people learn how to repair themselves and their relationships and develop the skills necessary for a successful union. An LMFT will have a Master’s degree in their field.

A CP may offer a much broader level of service with a focus on mental health. A clinical psychologist has a doctoral degree in psychology and can work with couples facing known or undiagnosed mental health conditions.

An LMHC is specialized in the field of counseling and likely has an advanced degree in psychology.

An LCSW will most often work with individuals. This might be a great option for those looking for social support and to help assess and/or diagnose mental health concerns that might be affecting their relationship.

How To Find Marriage Counseling In Franklin, TN

There is no secret trick to finding marriage counseling in Franklin, TN or the surrounding areas. Begin by asking friends and family for recommendations. Online search directories are also a great way to do research on a professional without making an appointment. When it’s time to choose, couples might wish to interview multiple candidates to find out if they are a good fit for their unique situation and personalities.

Many couples also find that it’s helpful to have a checklist of questions during the initial consultation. This could include questions about the typical length of sessions, how progress is measured, and what, if any, therapy modality the clinician specializes in.

The decision to seek marriage counseling in Franklin, TN, may be the first step that a couple needs to take to rectify their relationship. However, it’s not as simple as choosing the first name on Google page 1. Couples should consider their wants, needs, and goals before working with someone who will no doubt have a significant impact on their lives for many years to come.