mandii-morbid

[mandii-morbid]

I am currently working my way through the fourth book in the Plated Prisoner Series by Raven Kennedy, "Glow". I cannot believe how pulled in I was by Auren's character, and really all the characters but I felt a kinship with Auren specifically. I found myself crying and raging with her throughout the books at every turn of the page.

I know this is going to be yet another series I will feel lost and sad over once it is finished. The rise of each of these characters through their hardships, abuses, and pain is a somewhat triggering journey of heart and growth and truly resonates with those who have been broken, beaten, and on the verge of giving up. It may be a fantasy series but it touches on some truly real subjects and problems if you take away the fae magic and the monarchies. Manipulation, abuse, gaslighting. Toxic relationships. The characters really had a feel of someone who truly knows those experiences and reflects them like a mirror. One that can be hard to read through especially if you catch yourself in that reflection. But the realness of it made it hit that much harder. Although I personally enjoy those fantastical touches, the fae, the magic, and the unreality of reality dappled in with the real and raw emotion. I revelled in the moment where Auren enacted such a poetic end to her suffering at the hands of her abuser. It was somehow cathartic. It brought a wholly dark and sadistic smile to my face as the narrators described the scene unfolding. But I felt sorrow about it too. Knowing that this was also a symbolic death of a part of her too. Even if it was possibly necessary and maybe deserved for that specific person.

A very touching story of regaining your sense of self, your freedom, finding strength in yourself, finding your love for yourself aside from just the romance of another. Not that I am complaining about that, no, not at all. I definitely ship Auren and Slade and the spicy details that are all involved with them were just delicious icing on the cake.

I cannot wait for the 5th book to come out. ✨

I mean Raven Kennedy's writing was just, words are hard right now, just YES. Also she really has a lot of verbiage that stokes my inner feminist too.

Here are some quotes that really got me:

"There comes a point in your life when you have to choose between having regrets and the possibility of making mistakes. I’d rather make those mistakes than live without ever taking a chance, because I’ve missed out on too much already. Taking chances can be like walking through a mudslide, where every inch of you gets stained, but regrets are the stagnant pools of deprivation, and I’ve been wading in them for far too long."

"I kept taking it and taking it, convincing myself that this was the way it needed to be. Lying to myself because I loved him, because he manipulated me. I’ve been bending over backwards for so long that I forgot I even had a spine."

"That’s the thing with trauma to the body—it shows up instantly. In breaks and bruises, in burns and in blood. But the trauma on the inside, that’s harder to see. It creeps around your mind, poisons you with disquiet. It can hit you out of nowhere, debilitating and ruinous. There are no marks visible for those. None, save the shadows in your eyes."

"One person's pain doesn't negate another's. Our heartaches are not competition, but the bridge to empathy. So that we can look at one another and know that on some level, we understand. That's one beautiful thing about grief, I think. That sometimes, we can find someone in the world to look at from the other side of the bridge of our torments and know that we are not alone."

"Time changes with torment. It stretches on, lengthening seconds, extending minutes. I’ve learned that pain and fear have a way of prolonging. And as if that weren’t cruel enough, our minds make sure we relive those moments again and again and again, long after they’ve passed. What a bastard, time is."

[mandii-morbid]

✨Tea Time✨

A personal favorite of mine lately. Ginger Aid from Traditional Medicinals. A lovely blend of ginger root, turmeric, caraway fruit, cinnamon bark & moringa leaf. It's packed with immune boosting, antioxidant heavy, and anti inflammatory ingredients. I also deal with a lot of daily nausea due to my medical issues and it's good at lessening the nausea and can help upset stomachs. I would say it's a bit of a mood lifting tea too. 🫖🌞

It's a lovely reminder that I have such amazing friends on this mortal plane who are there for me, who love me as I am and would do almost anything for me. I hope they know I am there for them too. If I could spend every moment of everyday to remind them they are loved and they are worth the entire world then I would do so. I hope this year they are healing from their past traumas, finding solace in the arms and support of their loved ones (myself included), and always growing from the person they were yesterday.

I love you all very much. As I love the moon and stars. As I love the timeless expanse of sky and earth. As I love your light within, I also love your shadows. Your smiles and frowns. You are magic made real. The closest to it that I feel. In this time and place. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for being you.

[mandii-morbid]

Everybody needs some comfy, cozy, aromatic and delicious drinks to add to their self care routines. I wanna share my Mulled Apple Cider recipe for the lazy fae and witches out there or seriously just anyone who wants a good immunity boosting warm bevvy. I hope you love it. I definitely recommend the luster dust, it looks so shimmery and magical when you add it to your brew. ✨🍎☕

[mandii-morbid]

This is a planet of accelerated

Terror— mass extinction a

Forgone conclusion, wrapped

As we are in air full of

Fire and fear and disease

Disaster is the new normal

Now and every morning

Is a mouth full of hunger

Every day the world is ending

And we wander down aisles

Fluorescent—

Gambolling toward our doom

Like half-broken horses

Our delicate necks snap

Like gladiolus in high wind

Remains flutter to

The blackened earth

[mandii-morbid]

2023

LOCATE THE WHIMSY

IF NONE, CREATE THE WHIMSY

MAINTAIN THE WHIMSY

[mandii-morbid]

This year I want to invest in more reading and more writing, it is time I invested in sharing and exploring my own stories, experiences, and fantasy novels. I hope to get them out in the world one day before I die. Time for those stories to stop collecting dust. I love when I read a series so well done, it reignites my passion for writing.

I just completed the Folk of The Air series by Holly Black and I am reeling that it is over. The misadventure, scheming, and heartbreak I invested with Jude Duarte over the course of those books was both thrilling, enchanting, and I could not recommend them more. Thank you Holly Black and all those fantasy novel readers that have reviewed and recommended The Cruel Prince. 🍃

This quote in particular resonates with me because I am tired of walking this world so shielded, so guarded, so armored even with those I love dearly. I need to learn to remove it, piece by piece. How can I be open to the love I desire or crave if I keep people at such a distance if I wrap myself up in my armor for fear? In the end I hope love can outweigh fear and I can let go of the weight.

"We have lived in our armor for so long, you and I. And now I am not sure if either of us knows how to remove it.” - Cardan (Holly Black, The Queen of Nothing)