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making-more-sense-than-google · 5 years ago

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Map Of The Soul: 7 (Ver. 4)

The Notes: English Translation

Seokjin 11 April YEAR 22

I opened my eyes once again in the pouring sunlight. Beyond my eyelids, I could still see the burning flames in the container, as well as Namjoon’s dead body. I failed again this time. I raised my arm to cover my eyes and I thought, “Is there any way that I can save Namjoon?” I looked back on the events of September 30th. I didn’t feel anything in particular. I wasn’t impatient, nor afraid. Ever since the first incident, I’ve been sent through countless loops. However, I still don’t know why I’m going through these loops, or what I can do to fix this mess. No—even more than that—I couldn’t even find that ‘Map Of The Soul’, the clue that’s supposed to end all this. Map Of The Soul. The first time I heard of it was after several failures. “You need to find the Map Of The Soul. It will put an end to all of this.” Map Of The Soul? What even is that? I kept asking that, but I never got any answers. Instead, I was left with these words. “Hints always come at a price.” I could see Namjoon’s gas station in the distance. I flipped on my blinker and changed lanes. I could only think of one thing. I had to stop the incident of September 30th—I had to close the loop. I was moving toward that singular goal. Even if there was a problem with that process, even if someone was hurt or alienated, there was nothing I could do about it. If I let myself dwell on those things or I get overwhelmed, I’ll never be able to achieve my goal. What was even more important than saving everyone was making sure that I myself was able to survive and escape. That was the lesson that those endless loops had taught me.

1 February YEAR 22

There was an announcement that we’d be landing soon. I couldn’t see the clouds outside the window yet. I thought back to my time in LA. The ocean was lovely. Not much else came to mind. The plane made a big turn and the city caught my eye. Returning to Songju was so sudden. My father had called me. “Come back,” he said. Of course, there must’ve been a reason for it. My father isn’t the type of person to make a move without reason. But he wouldn’t bother telling me what that reason was. I didn’t ask either, since I knew I’d realize when I arrived. But then again, maybe coming back to Songju hadn’t been so sudden after all. Maybe everything had already been decided, and I was the only one left in the dark. “Is that our house?” I heard the kid sitting in front of me ask. I looked out the window. “No, silly, our house is across the river,” a father-like voice responded. “Home,” I thought to myself. It didn’t feel like I was going home. Then again, LA didn’t feel like home either. LA and Songju. Those two places were where my address was posted, but they weren’t my home.

Yoongi 13 June YEAR 22

Jungkook’s words sprung to my mind. “It’s because I like your music, hyung,” he had said. “It’s because when I hear you play piano, I start crying. I’ve wanted to die several times a day, but when I heard you play piano... I want to live. So, yeah. That’s why. I’m telling you, your music reminds me of my own heart.” Drunk and sprawled out on the floor, I thought of Jungkook’s expression as he repeated those words, over and over.

2 August YEAR 22

I sent the music file to Seokjin, laying down immediately afterwards. I had found something written on the border of my sheet music from the old classroom. “If we’re together, we can smile,” it said. It wasn’t my handwriting. I remembered something from a long time ago. A day filled with fog. For whatever reason, Seokjin and I found ourselves crossing the playing field together. We were awkward with each other. I shoved my hands in my pockets, purposefully walking slow. I was hoping he’d leave me behind, but he’s not that kind of person. Instead, he tried to make clumsy small-talk with me, but every time he did, it made everything that much more awkward. I’m not quite sure why, but I ended up asking, “Hyung, when was the last time you truly smiled?” He didn’t answer, I didn’t ask anymore. “If we’re together, we can smile.” This sentence was most likely the answer to all my questions. I wasn’t sure if Seokjin had written it or not. But in the end, I didn’t need to be sure. The melody on the music sheet was childish. It was only two years ago, but my music from back then was insufficient and overly-aggressive. It didn’t flow smoothly, nor sound beautiful. When I think back to highschool, I only think of getting drunk and stumbling around, but it wasn’t like every single day had been like that. I stayed up all night polishing up my music from back then, and I finally gave it a name. “If we’re together, we can smile.”

Namjoon 25 August YEAR 22

I collapsed to the floor. The inside of the steel-plated container was already so hot, I could barely open my eyes. I looked at my surrounding, a frown on my face. It had been 10 minutes since I told him to wait up, saying I’d be going out to buy some ramen. I heard a cough. When I turned around, I saw Woo-chang crouched further inside. I doused a blanket in water, wrapping it around his body. I pointed out the window. “We’re gonna have to jump out of there,” I said. “Woo-chang. You can do it, right?” Outside the door, the crimson flames were growing stronger. I grabbed Woo-chang’s hand tightly. “We’re gonna jump on three,” I told him. “One, two—” At that moment, something fell in front of the door. The materials piled next to the container seemed to be collapsing in the flames. Sparks and dirt flew around in the dust. Woo-chang and I stumbled back, shocked. In less than an instant, our exit was blocked.

18 July YEAR 22

I stared up at the building. They had a few lights on, scattered about here and there. Maybe it was because it was near city hall, but there were lots of signs for accounting firms and offices. On the highest floor of the building—the 5th one—all the lights were turned on. For the past few weeks, Taehyung and I have climbed all of Songju’s tallest buildings, looking out from the tops. We weren’t even sure what we were looking for. Our only clue was Taehyung’s dream. In that dream, he saw canned coffee and a four leaf clover. With those two clues, we went up and down buildings all night long. Some days, it rained. We brought umbrellas in the beginning, but these days, we just let it come. We’d found ourselves caught up in some disputes because of it. One time, while we were soaking wet and walking up the stairs, we were mistaken for ruffians and kicked out of the building. The fence on the roof was usually locked up tight, and we couldn’t see anything from the landing of the staircase. I looked up at the building again. “Will this be what we’re looking for in the end?” I wondered. There was a familiar name etched onto the door. Office of Congressman Kim Chang-jun. “Who’s that?” Taehyung asked. I looked back at him. “You don’t know?” Taehyung looked back at me, his gaze pure and innocent, completely unknowing. Sometimes, I feel at a loss when it comes to Kim Taehyung. There are some things that seem impossible not to know, yet Kim Taehyung boldly stated that he didn’t know them. Without hesitation, Kim Taehyung would look at the things that I was too scared to look at. He would also willingly reach out to grab someone’s hand, even when no one else would. “It’s Seokjin’s father,” I answered him.

Hoseok 24 July YEAR 22

“Seokjin, can’t you say something to your dad? You know, hyung. You know what that place means to me. That orphanage is like a home to me. And if the orphanage isn’t there, all the kids that live there will end up getting separated. Even if they redevelop the area, they should leave the orphanage out of it.” Words just slipped out of my mouth without explanation as I walked into the container. Everyone was looking at me with shocked eyes. Seokjin hyung was the only one whose expression remained unchanged. I was nearly crying, but hyung just looked at me as if it were nothing. “Everything’s already been decided. There’s nothing I can do.” Every word that my hyung was saying reached me very slowly. I could see that each of those words drew a precise line between me and Seokjin. Hyung belonged to a decisive world, and I belonged to a world where I couldn’t even stand up against those decisions. I thought that I was Seokjin’s friend, but now the thought occurred to me that maybe people like us couldn’t be friends in the real world. I was angry at him. I shouted at him, asking how he could be like this, and I begged him to help. But I guess I already knew. All of that was just noise. There was nothing I could do. The words that I said, the anger I showed—it wasn’t meant for hyung. It was meant for myself. It was for me, who could do nothing. For me, who was nothing.

31 July YEAR 2

My first impression of Hagok was that it was similar to Songju, just a little more lively. I fell behind the people rushing to get off the platform, walking leisurely. It was unlike me to move all slowly like that. But I was so slow that I was almost a burden to the flow of people around me. I was acting like someone who had promised to not do anything that felt like Jung Hoseok. I didn’t pay attention to the people around me, I just went on my way. I ate all the spicy foods that I didn’t usually eat, and when I paid, I didn’t tell the the cashier that the food was delicious. When there was no one around me, I even spat on the road. I followed the map on the internet to the location that the store was supposed to be opened. It was the first floor of a strip mall near a highschool. Next to it, there was a stationary shop and a 24 hour kimbap joint. It was almost funny how similar it was to the two star burger place in Songju. I looked around, wondering where I should be looking for a house if I was really going to move here. As I was glancing around, I bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry—” I started to say automatically, but I stopped myself. I didn’t really need to, but I hardened my gaze, looking at the person critically. “Look where you’re going,” I said. The Jung Hoseok of Hagok was a ruthless jerk and a crazy person, as well as a fool who did whatever he wanted 24 hours a day. That illusion lasted for all of five seconds. “Hoseok hyung, that’s you, right?” That’s when I realized I knew that face.

Jimin 18 July YEAR 22

I killed my time by wandering around the nearby convenience store. It was at the tail-end of the Songju Middle School. I used to ditch school and secretly head over this way, and I would wait for my hyungs in a small park across from the shop. I checked my surroundings. It had been a while since I’d found myself in this neighborhood, but not much had changed. I recalled that Yoongi hyung’s and Jungkook’s house was nearby. As I glanced around, I saw some graffiti-looking artwork on the wall of an alleyway to my right. It looked like something Taehyung might’ve done. I walked toward it. Without really realizing it, I stopped in front of the drawing. It was someone’s face, devoid of warmth and scribbled out with rough, black lines. I say ‘someone’, but I knew exactly whose face it was. I knew that face’s owner. It was Seokjin hyung. As soon as I thought of hyung, another person’s face overlapped it. No matter how I looked at it, they weren’t alike at all. Yet, they were. They had the same eyes. Soulless eyes. That was when I realized. I knew who I needed to find.

12 August YEAR 22

I hugged the trembling younger me. I could feel my damp body and my heart that was beating too quickly. I spoke while stuttering, “Wait just a little longer. When you get a little older, you’ll meet some good friends. With those friends, you’ll become a better person. If you can wait until then, everything could be okay. So, just have a tiny, miniscule bit more strength.” When I finished speaking, I hugged myself tighter. I was crying. I couldn’t hold it anymore, so I just cried. I wondered how much time passed. When I opened my eyes, the younger me had disappeared. I stood up, rubbing my eyes and looking up at the sky. There wasn’t a single cloud in the clear afternoon sky, and everything around me was quiet. I saw the arboretum’s exit in the distance. There wasn’t a single trace of rain.

Taehyung 23 July YEAR 22

We went to the middle of the classroom. I shined my phone flashlight on the old desks, chairs and rolled up event placards. The classroom that no one entered anymore seemed older than ever. I checked my surroundings. I wonder what happened here. Jimin was crouching by the far wall, and Yoongi hyung was perched on the piano bench. Namjoon hyung was writing something on the window with his finger. “Reminds me of highschool. Since we’re here in the middle of the night and all,” Namjoon spoke after a long time. “Highschool?” Yoongi said, sneering a bit. “No thanks, I’ll pass.” Namjoon started talking. “Why does the world look like this? This world... It isn’t something we created. It was already like this when we got here. But why do we get thrown into this world without any means to survive?” Just then, Jimin sat up a little. “Yo, look over here,” he said. “This is Seokjin hyung’s dad’s name.” We walked to where Jimin was pointing. Hidden among the scribbles on the wall, there was a few names. Everyone’s flashlights illuminated one particular name. Jimin pointed again, saying that there was another one. “It’s the guy from the psyche ward,” he said. “I don’t know the others, though.” Yoongi pointed to another name. “Choi Gyu-ho. That’s the guy from the missing person’s case, right?” Underneath the names, there was a message that Namjoon had written. ‘Everything started here.’

24 July YEAR 22

I wonder how long I’d been sitting there. I saw someone walking out into the 3rd floor hallway. They were pretty far away, so I couldn’t see their face very well, but I could tell that it was a slim, middle-aged woman. She rested her arms on the handrail, gazing down at the playground. Then she lit up a cigarette. The lighter’s flame flashed brightly and then disappeared. Cigarette smoke floated up into the blue, early morning air. I looked up at her without moving an inch. Everything around us grew brighter, probably because of the rising sun. The woman was still leaning against the handrail, her posture staying the same. One cigarette was already burnt to the tip, so she pulled out one more. I wondered if she had seen me. I was far enough away that she wouldn’t have been able to see me very well, but I still wondered what she might’ve thought about seeing a guy sitting on a playground swing at this hour. I supported the swing with all the strength in my arms and legs so that it wouldn’t creak. I kept seeing the cigarette light flare and wane, over and over again. The sun was rising. The woman lit her last cigarette, as if to greet the sunrise. Then she turned around and disappeared back inside. I counted all the doors in the hallway one-by-one, starting from the left. 304, 305, 306. That was the door to my mom’s house.

Jungkook 13 June YEAR 22

I had a dream. In that dream, I was floating in the air above my hospital bed, looking down at a different me lying there. The me in the bed seemed to be sleeping. I wondered what kind of dream the sleeping me was having, seeing as his eyelids were twitching erratically. All of a sudden, his eyes flew open. Our gazes met. The next thing I knew, I was laying the the bed. I dreamed of the night of the accident. The headlights formed into a moon, and then they changed suddenly into marble-like green and blue lights. I opened my eyes and saw another version of myself floating in the air above. I met eyes with the floating me. Our gazes overlapped and our consciousness reversed. I was the me floating in the air, and then the one lying in bed, switching back and forth over and over again. The speed of the overlap and reversal was getting faster. I got dizzy and felt like vomiting. I woke with a scream. The sheets were soaked in sweat. I tried to catch my breath, still feeling nauseous. Suddenly, something that I’d forgotten sprung to mind. Someone’s voice. Living will be more painful than dying. Is that okay with you? Mom called in the doctor to check my condition. The doctor said that since I was recovering so quickly, it was nothing to worry about. I had bruises and fractures, but almost no internal bleeding. He told me that I had been very lucky in that crash. I looked at the doctor and asked him, “Who was it that hit me?”

3 August YEAR 22

“What’re you doing—not killing anyone?!” At the sound of that urgent shout, I pulled myself out of my thoughts. On the screen, there was a shooting game going on. Someone yelled in my headset that the enemy team was approaching. I immediately gripped the mouse. I shot like crazy. The opponents I shot felt like dolls without stuffing. I moved the mouse and pulled up the map. There was a railroad crossing through the middle of it. Next to the tracks, there were huge containers stacked all around. It felt like seeing the container village at Songju Station. I switched my weapon. There was a machine gun that could shoot nonstop. Someone wearing a black bandanna appeared in the distance. I aimed my gun, but for just a second, he looked like someone I knew. I took him out in one shot. Enemies came in one after another, but I shot them without a second thought. I didn’t know why, but my hyungs were coming to mind. I let out a giggle. When I really thought about it, they were a little similar. I took them out one by one and advanced. I shot the opposition that came from the containers. For a moment, I looked down at one of the ones that had collapsed on the ground. “Is that Namjoon hyung?” I thought. Someone fired their gun, hitting me in the shoulder. I used my mouse to look up, and I saw an enemy carrying a gun. It was Seokjin hyung. In an instant, my rage boiled over.

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