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lyiss016 · 4 years ago

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so harry styles wore a dress..

so harrys vogue came out. and people were mad. idk why. but, it did start an interesting discussion w my mom because she doesn't think boys should wear dresses cuz they are “for girls”. this discussion happened:

she first said:

“I also don’t think there is anything wrong with being a “manly man”. And, there IS such a thing as being feminine and I think that is okay too. Girls shouldn’t be made to feel bad because they like “girly” things. Men and women were MADE different. That is good. We fit together. I personally don’t find anything attractive about men who are feminine or wear dresses/skirts/wear makeup, etc. But, that is my personal preference. I like that there are two different sexes and we were made to be different and compliment each other.”

and then I answered w:

“i think my thing is i don’t get why clothes have gender... like wear what u want and leave it at that. wearing more “feminine” clothes does not make you any less of a man or less masculine, because clothes don’t define that.”

and then she said:

“I understand what you are saying. However, for myself there are some clothes that are clearly more feminine than masculiine. Again, that is my opinion and doesn’t have to be anyone else’s. Like, I wouldn’t want to see your father in a dress. No thank you!”

which I responded:

“but wouldn’t that be his choice??? (like if we r going w this example haha) and idk... i think that’s it’s good. why should there be so many “boundaries” in something fun like clothes?? like wear want u want and what makes u happy the end. i think that clothes can be such a good way to express yourself and that putting up barriers cuz it’s too masculine or too feminine is stupid. like why limit yourself?? and why be so upset that someone else is doing and wearing what makes them happy? idk... i think that harry or men in general wearing dresses and more “feminine” clothes and that being represented (not just by harry and not just by white cis men) is good, because there are going to be kids out there who prob feel weird for thinking or wanting different than what is “normal” (which needs to be changed within itself) and it’s good that there is representation, because clothes shouldn’t have gender because it’s just pointless boundaries that can in some situations make people feel trapped or different for wanting/liking something else. and i also think that clothes can inspire so much confidence in people, and that wearing certain things makes people feel more confident, and we shouldn’t limit it. if a man wearing a dress makes them feel confident, or a woman wearing a suit makes them feel confident, then do it!! what about people who don’t associate w a gender? what would they wear if clothes really were assigned to male or female? idk, just why are pieces of fabric needing to be assigned to a certain gender? it makes no sense. wear what makes u feel happy n confident. the end”

“First, I’m not *upset* if a man wants to wear a dress. I personally find it weird. Isn’t that my choice too??? To think that it is unattractive? As well as your choice to find it attractive??? I’m not advocating taking people’s choices away to wear whatever they want. I personally don’t like to see men in women’s clothes. You might not care , or not find it unattractive, but I do. You are also entitled to your opinion, of course. And, as far as clothes not being gender specific, that is also another opinion. That is not a fact. That is your personal view. My view is that a dress is for girls. If a male wants to wear a dress, of course, that is their choice, as it is mine to think that it is weird. I mean, you got to allow people to have their own opinions, right?? Otherwise, that defeats what you are fighting for for all people, doesn’t it?”

“can a woman wear a suit tho? is that in your opinion? cuz it’s the same thing, just reversed. and it’s not about weather i find it “attractive” or not. it’s about people being comfortable in what their wearing no matter what. it’s people not feeling bad or wrong or different for wearing something that doesn’t “typically fit” with their gender. and yes of course people can have their own opinions. i just don’t understand why you would want to be close minded. what does it matter if people wear clothes. why can it only be one way? why all the boundaries? harry can wear whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter what other people think. but the thing is is that him wearing a dress is kind of a big deal. he’s the first solo male ever on the cover of vouge. and he wore a dress. i mean for some people that means a whole lot. but his cover means something to a lot of people, and it’s good! it wasn’t just harry behind it all, you know? there was his stylist (who’s non binary) and his photographer (poc) that were all part of this. it wasn’t just him that was in this and meant something to people. harry doesn’t have to defend himself because he’s doing what makes him happy. which is kinda the whole point right? like why do people need to have an (negative) opinion on what makes someone happy? and why are there even boundaries in the first place that would make some people think that way?”

“But, I don’t make them feel bad. It is their choice. I just don’t agree with boys wearing dresses. So what??!! I don’t have to agree with that, right? I don’t like women wearing boys ties and dressing like men. I think you assume that people who disagree with you are closed minded. That is not a good position to take. People will disagree with you your whole life, that doesn’t make them wrong or you right. Your friend wants to wear a dress?? Go ahead. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though. Also doesn’t mean I will tell them I think they are wrong and they are terrible. I’m not saying it is wrong for them, I’m saying that I don’t like it. There is a difference. And, I think it’s a BIG difference that you are refusing to see. Harry wanted to wear a dress, so he did. That is great for Harry, really it is. I personally don’t like it. So what??!!”

“i’m not saying that u make anyone feel terrible or bad for thinking or doing different than u. and i’m not saying that my way of thinking is the only way. i’m saying why would u close yourself off? it is close minded because your putting up walls of what’s for girls and what’s for boys when it doesn’t have to be like that/isn’t anymore. that’s what i was saying. and i’m not saying u have to like it or not. i don’t care. i was just wondering WHY which is why i started this discussion. as u are not the only one who doesn’t like it. but the other peoples reasons are because it’s not ‘manly’ and i was wondering if that’s why u didn’t like it either. and if so, how and why does clothes determine if your “manly” or not?? and if clothes can take or add to that, being a man and “manly” is pretty fragile .”

“I’m not closing myself off, I just have an opinion that differs from yours. I think people should and can wear what they want. It is their choice. I understand your point, and it is taken. I don’t think all gender roles are necessarily wrong though. I think it is okay to have a separateness between what men and women like/wear/are/enjoy etc. We are made differently. But, to each their own. I have no problem with that.”

“and i think what i am trying to say, is that we are trying to get rid of there being things that women can like/wear/want/are/enjoy and things that men can like/wear/want/are/enjoy. but i guess we will just have to disagree on that”

“I feel like that is a slap to the face for people who ARE female and ARE male who are okay with being who they are.”

“but HOW? like we still have those things? i’m a girl. i like being a girl. i like doing typically “girl” things. and i would still like and have them even if a boy or nb person likes or did them too. i would still like/do/have them even if we didn’t refer to them as a “girl” thing. i’m not understanding ur point.”

“Of course that doesn’t take them away from you. But, saying everything has to be non gender based does take that away. Why can’t people just like what they like?”

“they can. so why does it have to be gender specific?”

“Why can’t it be? Why do we have to change the way it is? Just like what you like and let it be!”

“then why can’t men wear dresses without society breaking? it can’t just be what it is because people are close minded. not everyone disagrees like u do and just let’s them be. some people disagree like u so but also take that out on the person. that’s why it can’t just be as it is”

“I don’t think society is breaking because of that. I think society is breaking because people are insisting on having their own way of thinking ALL OF THE TIME. There is no agreeing to disagree anymore. It’s you MUST think they way I do. Be kind. Be tolerant. Let people be themselves. That’s it.”

“i agree with that. be kind. let people live how they want. support people. try not to judge. be open to listening and understanding both sides. love. i think it’s that easy and i wish everyone would see it that way.”

-end-

so I don't really know how I feel about it. because, I agree that we should all let people do what they want and wear what they want. and like, my mom does disagree but like she wouldn't say that our be outright hateful if someone went against what she thinks. but I just don't get why she doesn't understand I guess. I don't understand why she needs there to be gender roles and won't budge about it. but then she says that we should be kind and let people do what they want. which yes. but she just doesn't agree w it?? idk. I think im confused because she's like just being ok w it, saying its wrong, but letting them do what they want? idk.... its like only half way “right” I feel like.

but idk... I support harry. I think people should wear what they want and that gender roles shouldn't be so strong, or there at all really. wear what you want. be kind. love everyone. the end.

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