dontaskmeagain

[dontaskmeagain]

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”

— Unknown

[dontaskmeagain]

Seeing beautiful things like this.. I know it's supposed to make you feel good and all.. like remind you that youre problems aren't really that big compared to the earth/universe. But, sometimes your problem is that youre alone. and being reminded of how big the universe is.. makes me feel more alone.

by Evgeny Smolsky

[dontaskmeagain]

“Some people have been hurt in their past. So don’t just tell them you love them, show them why they should believe.”

— Charles Orlando

[dontaskmeagain]

“I’m still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.”

— Rudy Francisco

[dontaskmeagain]

1.) Become attractive by your own standards 2.) Integrate pain into your identity. Don't dissociate from it 3.) Get outside and do something you love. Foster relationships with the people you're in alignment 4.) When you make a mistake, take the time to understand yourself deeply without judgement 5.) Stop waiting for anyone to come and save you 6.) Start telling the truth as often as humanly possible, with yourself and with others 7.) Focus WAY LESS on what you want to take from the world and WAY MORE on what you wanna give to the world 8.) Remember that you're gonna die 9.) Stop crapfitting. Stop tryna be who others want you to be. Know what you want, genuinely. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 10.) Only focus on what you can control, right here and right now.

[dontaskmeagain]

[dontaskmeagain]

i felt a huge wave of peace like a couple weeks ago, right after my lowest point of missing him. Then not long after, he texts me more frequently and even send me snaps. I try not to get excited but I do eventually without realizing because then when he's cold it hurts. so now im back again to being in constant pain waiting for some text/snap back. This time im left of read since yesterday around 5. I snapped him after he snapped me but damn his snap score went up like 20-40 and i swear like 100 next day. Like how? youre supposed to be at drill and who are you talking to so much? I used to be the one to give you the moral support and you just dump me. You used me. And you know what? I may be hurt and in pain rn, but I will get over it because I will work on myself. I have some big plans and when I'm where I want to be, you will be so sorry. With your kind of personality, you will eventually attract someone that will only use you. And you will come crawling back like they always do.

[dontaskmeagain]

i texted him to talk, he called like 45 min later and i just explained how i didnt remove him off snap to be mean, i just rlly needed to for like the sake of not constantly checking my phone because that was our main form of communication and he said he completely understands and is not mad at it. he caught me up on his day and everything and so did i. I told him i picked up 3 shifts today so wed night, thur fri mornings and i was already working sat night and sunday morning. So today he had his 8 am then at 2 when to the library to study work on labs rewatch lectures for 10/15 q's done for his python class then 6:30 left to go to his self defense class then went home like 9 and started his rowing piece which was 4 sets of 12 min rowing w like 2 min break in between, so that why he took a while to call me cause i texted him like 9:55 and he called like 10:40. still doesnt know if he's gonna be on a boat for a race this weekend in newport cause his dad wants to know if he should fly out to santa ana for the night to watch him row, cause could be his last race to watch him because he cant make it to the two other major races. but he's got sat and sunday off and isnt gonna go to a fire thing so he'll be there regardless if he's racing. but yeah i told him that not texting today was good cause it helped me see things more clear and that as much as i want a relationship, i know its not the best time right now cause i need to focus on school work and finding an internship and basically get my life together lol i wonder if he smiled at that. and i asked him what was his idea on the frequency of us talking/texting and he said whatever is comfortable for me, could be less, could be as much as i want. So i said that checking in once in a while would be good, and i said that maybe not texting all day everyday like we were before. because i kinda liked not texting all day today. i realized i lost myself trying to prioritize our relationship i started to fall off on everything else. but it was a good talk and i wonder when he's gonna text me first.

[dontaskmeagain]

i knew everything will still be fine, but now i feel it.

[dontaskmeagain]

and by "out" i mean anything outside the apartment. like how we went to the mall, or went to get ramen.

[dontaskmeagain]

but i think i would like two nights in and one day/night out

[dontaskmeagain]

i guess waiting until we're more serious to spend more time together. I like the twice a week thing someone said, one night in, and one night out. That sounds perfect.

[dontaskmeagain]

i might be in love.

[dontaskmeagain]

Yesterday, we went to eat at Menya Ultr in Clairmont/Convoy and we got soo much food. but it was delicious. and then we went to my place and attempted to do the clone-a-willy kit and we did mess up but it was fun nonetheless. And then we got comfy and layed down ready to pick something on netflix to watch but i was soooo horny like we sexted the night before w pics and videos it was soo hot then we did the clone a willy and i was kinda flustered while holding the tube to his dick cause i could feel the warmth and his dick moving from getting harder.. and he cuddled me soo close so i kissed him and then we made out and he was sucking on my tits and rubbing the other then he put his hand in my shorts and was fingering me soooooo good i took off my shorts and panties while he was still fingering me fucck lol then i rubbed his dick and feeling the precum on his underwear uuuuuggggh then i went and sucked him and more precum was coming out because i could lick it up and taste it ooomg. then he like fingered me a lot more D;;;; was sooo good then we fucked a little then he ate me out and i came then he fucked me more and he came. Then cuddled after a bit and i took him home like at 8. I gave him the beef jerky i got from sprouts the night before because he's going on a mission today w cal fire to cut line/fuel and he's on a 10 hr train/bus trip there and then again back :( and he's working from march 8-11 so the 12th is tuesday when he comes back.

[dontaskmeagain]

he told me he did shrooms and he was on it while he was FACETIMING W ME

[dontaskmeagain]

i feel sick

i want him to tell me everything that's going on

why do i want that?

i dont trust that he's there

and he's going to do a stupid fckng polar plunge w her

thats some white people shit

i cant do it

[dontaskmeagain]

so yesterday, feb 5, he didnt text me first, (first time), thought he didnt like me anymore, he ended up calling me after work while walking to lab to ask me to be his valentine, i said yes and he said perfect then i ended up bringing in n out and went to his house and hanged out. I was feeling great and this morning i was so content like last night i sent him goodnight w a white heart, for the first time.