lxguz-archive-blog

[lxguz-archive-blog]

Hey I just wanted to say that I've read your rules, and I have seen what this very blatantly ignorant anon has said, and you're doing the right thing. You don't even need someone else to tell you how in the right you are. So I'm mostly here to offer what support a lame-crow-blog like me can, and encourage you to take care of yourself. You are strong and amazing, and no anon can take that from you.

                I  hope you don’t mind if I post this --- I just want to show my full appreciation for this. Whether I need to know it or not, I think every survivor needs to hear it all the same sometimes. Dealing with trauma and m/ent/al i/lln/ess, it’s easy to forget how to take care of yourself or keep walking the incredibly long road to recovery --- but people like you make it a lot easier. So thank you very much for your support; I want this in my saves tag so that not even Tumblr, in all its glitchiness, can delete this message. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

TONI.

what a fucking trashbag. they’re disgusting honestly.

             The  trashbag I used to clean my room today had more compassion and humanity tbh. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

did you seriously just say you don't care about freedom of expression on a roleplaying website? Blacklist exists for a reason, so does the unfollow button, so use those before you throw a tantrum over something in an entirely different fandom.

I’ll  be honest with you, I’ve been staring at this for a while now. I can’t decide if I’m furious with this or borderline eager that you actually  dared  to come into my inbox, even on anon, and say that to me. 

Freedom of expression ? Really ? Is that what you’re calling it now ? 

I’m guessing you didn’t bother to check the short,  clean  summary in my rules, so you know what ? I think I’ll treat you to a crash course in why you’re everything wrong with the world.  The world.  Because this isn’t a “tantrum,” and it excels far beyond fandoms and an online website. 

My cousin, my abuser, began grooming me when I was five years old --- at least, due to my PTSD, that’s as far back as my recovered memories can reach. It stopped when he was eighteen and went off to train for the M/arines. I was eight. He eventually got dishonorably discharged, and within a couple of years, he was back to being my pseudo-brother. Because that’s how I saw him: a brother. The memories of what he did to me were quite literally so traumatic that I blocked them out, and I was close to him for many, many years. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I finally got a grasp on what had happened, and told my best friend and boyfriend. 

I’ve only recently confessed to my family, during which time we found out he had abused my younger cousin as well --- when she was the same age I had been. That would make him, yes, a pedophile.

Since then, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and major depression. I had a Dean’s scholarship all my years in college, and I’m about to lose it unless I can win a disability exemption because my GPA went down so low. Why ? Because I was sleeping so little and having such vivid nightmares that I couldn’t trust myself behind the wheel to commute. 

I’ll be twenty-one in December, and I still have to sleep with a light on because of what he did to me while I was sleeping. Well, scratch that --- I don’t  remember  yet, because I can only remember little bits at a time. 

I’ve been triggered to the point of vomiting because of things I’ve seen on this website. Do you know why I see them ? Because despite extensively blacklisting any possible variation of my triggers regarding my abuse, so many people  SEE NOTHING WRONG  with what they’re doing that they  DON’T TAG THEM  . It doesn’t matter if you unfollow and block them afterwards, which I always do, because you’ve already seen the content. The damage is already done. I can’t avoid it any more than you can presumably avoid getting off on minors. Oh, and --- when they are tagged, Blacklist often lags out and takes quite a while to actually blacklist them. You would know that if you had any triggers yourself, but I’m guessing they’re very few, if you’re seriously in my inbox insulting  me  , a csa survivor, and defending blatant pedophilia and child abuse. 

 But you know what ? Not only is that unfair to me, and an unfortunately high number of people like me, but it’s positively vile that you (or the people you just honestly, selflessly defend, who knows) write or endorse that content in the first place. Abusers and pedophiles do not wear badges or name tags that define themselves as abusers and pedophiles. They look like you, or my cousin, or even me. Sometimes they’re charming --- like my cousin, whip-smart, and from whom I picked up a good deal of my sense of humor (at least, the version of him he allowed others to see). They’re manipulative --- like my cousin, who deprived me of his attention unless it was to take advantage of me so that I would do  ANYTHING  to hold his attention. Who treated it like a game, and continued to play the game even when I grew tired of playing. Who groomed me, meticulously and tirelessly, to assert control over someone much younger than himself. 

And because of people like you, who defend, romanticize, and endorse pedophilia and child abuse, people like my cousin know they can get away with it. He knew he could get away with it a second time, because I couldn’t protect my younger cousin and fellow survivor once she moved into the same house. He now lives carefree in another country, with a wife who conveniently doesn’t speak my first language. He comes back to the States often to renew his Visa, a constant threat that has sent me into several panic attacks in the past few months alone after he threatened me on his f/acebo/ok. 

And because of people like you, I have to sit here and write out this post because there are  STILL  people in this world who don’t understand what absolute trash they are. There are  STILL  people in this world who get off on my own trauma, and the trauma of many other survivors, and staunchly defend it under the guise of “freedom of expression”. I sure hope you aren’t offended by my calm, rational “tantrum” over a “fandom-exclusive” matter that  CLEARLY  doesn’t concern me in the slightest. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

Honestly you all should have seen this one coming with all the vagues I have been dropping, but let’s talk about something shall we? It’s a serious issue in the roleplay community and I’m really sick of seeing it. I am sick of the rampant excuses, I am tired of the blatant disregard for survivors— I am tired.

Obviously I can’t stop all of you from writing whatever you want ( even if you shouldn’t be writing it, especially in a public space ), but here is the deal: YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE TAGGING IT FOR WHAT IT IS. What do I mean by that? I mean if you are writing an adult with a minor then you best be slapping a pedophilia warning on it. I don’t care if the AoC in the country you are representing with your muse is 5 years old, I don’t care if you want to say well they are a teen so it’s technically Ephebophilia. I don’t care. 

ONE, the AoC does not constitute pedophilia vs. not pedophilia. When an adult looks at a child with sexual intent it’s pedophilia, when an adult is attracted to children it’s pedophilia— the AoC has nothing to do with that. Young AoC’s represent rape culture at it’s finest. Do you want to know WHY some places have super young AoC’s ( even some states in the US have ATROCIOUSLY young AoC laws )? It’s because they would rather say “Ok it was consenting” than hold the adult on trial because trials cost time and money, and when it’s a repeated pattern then it’s easier to change the laws than have prisons overrun on tax dollars. It strictly benefits the government and the adult in question while stripping the child of any protection and normalizing CSA under the ruse of legality. But yeah go ahead and cling to a young AoC and pretend that doesn’t make it pedophilia, by all means contribute to a disgusting culture so you can get your muses dick wet. 

SECOND if I ever hear anyone say that it’s not pedophilia it’s ephebophilia I am coming for you. I am coming for you so hard you won’t know what just dragged you across the dash by your nasty abuse apologizing ass. When you try to justify pedophilia as ephebophilia all you are saying that one group of children are more deserving of an adult sexual gaze than another. Why would you say that? Why would you even for one minute pretend that any child, regardless of age, deserves that? Is it so hard to stop sexualizing children ? Do you really need your adult character having sex with a fifteen year old kid? I’m coming up short as to why you feel the need to romanticize this in any way shape or form. It’s a slap in the face to all of us who have had to live through it, and your trying to justify it and excuse it away proves that you have no understanding of the topic beyond you wanting to write with whatever muse you feel is attractive. There is a difference between coping and straight up condoning and furthermore romanticizing— the latter of which seems to happen FAR MORE than the former on this godforsaken website. 

So here is the deal: like I said, I can’t stop you all from writing things you shouldn’t but how about instead of pretending that your muse is above moral constitution or that it’s ok for your muse to fuck a slew of young boys, or that your adult/child/teen ship is just so toxic and angsty and great you acknowledge what it is you are writing and tag it correctly. There are CHILDREN on this website the SAME AGE as some of the muses you ( who should know better ) think it’s ok to ship with grown adults. When these things are portrayed as fun and romantic all we are doing is preventing these kids from having a safe space and normalizing these relationships— which is horrifying. These things need to be treated for WHAT they are and appropriately labeled. I have said this before and I will say it again every day until I die of the bitterness seeing these things ( as a CSA survivor )brings me: IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE LABEL PEDOPHILIA  OR CSA, DESPITE IT BEING WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEARCH YOUR SOUL TO FIND OUT WHY IT IS YOU KEEP DOING IT  RATHER THAN TRYING TO EXCUSE IT AWAY.

[lxguz-archive-blog]

This is a world where people are punished for fighting back.

[lxguz-archive-blog]

ghostbusters inspired sentence meme

“Don’t cross the streams.”

“I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, ‘bad’?”

“Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.”

“We came! We saw! We kicked its ass!”

“Yes it’s true. … This man has no dick.”

“Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!”

“When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say ’Yes!’”

“I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.”

“I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it. Let’s do it!”

“Back off, man! I’m a scientist!”

“Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.”

“Ah, if there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.”

“Listen… do you smell something?”

“That would have worked if you hadn’t stopped me.”

“This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.”

“Nice shootin’, Tex!”

“I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.”

“Okay, who brought the dog?”

“I’ve quit better jobs than this.”

“I don’t have to take this abuse from you, I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”

“Wow. I got to get some sleep, I’m dying.”

“I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.”

“They hate this. I like to torture them.”

“I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?”

“Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.”

“Well, he was borderline for a while… then he crossed the border.”

“Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.”

“You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal!”

“Ungrateful little yuppie larva.”

“I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year’s Eve.”

“Aren’t you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?”

“You’re much better than you realize. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!”

“Wow, that is one ugly dude.”

“You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.”

“Everything you are doing is bad. I want you to know this.”

“Important safety tip. Thanks.”

“Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.”

“He slimed me!”

“As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.”

[lxguz-archive-blog]

deathless ♚ sentence meme

indiemitchell:

You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast.

You are going to break your promise. I understand.

You’re lonely too.

It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be.

I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable.

I am your servant.

I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased.

For you alone I will be weak.

I belong here, and you will not deny me.

I say these things, and the world listens.

I do not tolerate a world emptied of you. I have tried.

In the dark, I have pored over the loss of you like pale gold.

I will not let her speak because I love her, and when you love someone, you do not make them tell war stories.

I moved the earth and the water for you.

You will always run away with her.

You will always lose her.

You will always be a fool.

You will always be dead, in a city of ice, snow falling into your ear.

You have already done all of this and will do it again.

No one should be judged for loving more than they ought, only for loving not enough.

We look terrible to you, and severe, and you see our blood flying.

What we carry between us is hard-won, and we made it just as we wished it to be, just the color, just the shape.

There need never be any rules between us.

Let us be greedy together; let us hoard.

Do not leave me, swear that you will never leave me.

I am selfish. I am cruel. My mate cannot be less than I.

Sleep with fists closed and shoot straight.

I can’t abide a poor liar.

You look like a winter’s night. I could sleep inside the cold of you.

Oh, quit that. Blushing is for virgins and Christians.

Scold me; deny me. Tell me you want what you want and damn me forever. But don’t leave me.

Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing.

In his own country, Death can be kind.

What is the world but a boxing ring where fools and devils put up their fists?

Men die. It’s practically what they’re for.

I am no one; I am nothing.

Nothing in me was not made by you.

A revelation is always the end of something. It might even be cause for grief.

Just tell yourself a story that’ll satisfy you and pretend he told it.

Forever isn’t bright; it isn’t like that. Forever is cold and hard and final.

I savor bitterness - it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived.

If you want to kill yourself, do not use us as your knife.

What did I do wrong? Was I boring? Did I ignore you?

Don’t you dare speak to me like that.

I have worn nothing but blood and death for years.

I have fought all your battles for you, just as you asked me.

I have learned not to cry when I strangle a man.

I have learned to watch everything die.

I am not a little girl anymore, dazzled by your magic. It is my magic, now, too.

Are we not devils?

No one is now what they were before the war.

I have not seen you without your skin on.

Close up your head; your brain is getting loose.

We obsess. It’s in our nature.

I’ve a devil of a habit for being right.

In war you must always choose sides.

If you try to be a bridge laid down between them, they will tear you in half.

We are all dead. All equal. Broken and aimless and believing we are alive.

My old bones will follow yours soon enough.

It is better to be strong and cruel than to be fair.

I will see him with his skin off before I agree to fall in love.

After love, no one is what they were before.

I have survived, but I have not been spared.

In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you.

Frighten me, make me cry, only come back.

It’s not so bad, my darling. Being dead. It’s like being alive, only colder.

You’ll think it’s love, while he dines on your heart.

You will be so beautiful when you are old.

I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go.

You will live as you live in any world…with difficulty, and grief.

I look at you and it is like my throat being cut.

She said you’d come and I swore to eat your heart.

I still want to kiss you.

My heart is being cut in two. I cannot bear it.

What happens to anything beautiful?

I have to know, I have to or else you will just rule me until the end of everything because you know and I do not.

[lxguz-archive-blog]

               So  my sister graduated from middle to high school, & I cried a lot. Then I saw A/lic/e T/hrough the L/ooking G/lass & cried a lot. Then I ate too much & cried a lot. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

He's going to be that guy and reach over to let his metal clad fingers touch at the pointed ears on the woman's head. Poking and prodding at them before smoothing his fingers in a gentle grip on the appendage. "Are these real?" The question leaves him, eyebrow lifted up.

                She  retracts from his touch as if she were burned by it, an instinctive hiss quick to leave lips that were otherwise turned up into a disapproving scowl (as a matter of fact, disapproving would be a vast understatement). This was both typical and atypical of a human, in her mind --- typical to assume a Laguz had no need for personal space, being  subhuman  anyway, but atypical to push past their disgust to actually want to touch one. Eyes narrowed and sharper than any human weapon, he was lucky looks alone couldn’t yet kill a man.

                     ❝ Are you soft in the head, human ??                         Of course they are !  Touch me again,                        I’ll let you inspect my  claws  as they                         MAUL  you --- !    ❞

[lxguz-archive-blog]

                      THE SCARLET-HAIRED MAIDEN

     A lady of honor and pride, a lady of maternal love and an undying will. She is a lover and a fighter, she is the warmth of a mother’s protection. Fiery red hair in the winds upon the back of a valiant beast. She will risk her life till the very end, (I must TRAIN everyday, my skills must NOT become rusty. If I were to let go, ALL WHO I FIGHT FOR WILL TOO.) Do not push her around, YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, you will not see the DAYLIGHT, you will never feel the LIGHT’S WARMTH again.

                        She is the Vice-Commander of the GREIL MERCENARIES.                             AND SHE WILL NOT BACK DOWN.

[lxguz-archive-blog]

worried starters

trigger warnings apply! ( mental illness, drugs and alcohol use, self-destructive behaviours, and vomiting )

“You haven’t slept for days, have you?” “Are you eating properly? You don’t look it.” “Why do you keep stumbling over your words? Just how tired are you?” “You need to think about yourself every once in a while.” “I know your work is important, but you’re going to end up in hospital if you go on like this!” “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” “You look so… empty. I’m worried for you, please talk to me.” “Are you alright in there? You’re so quiet.” “How did you get these bruises? Please don’t lie to me.” “There’s something bothering you that you’re not telling me and I can see it slowly destroying you. What happened?” “You’re sleep deprived and you haven’t been eating. Why do you think you’re feeling dizzy?” “I can give you some pills to help you sleep. They aren’t healthy, but this is even less healthy.” “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” “Have you drank all of these bottles in one weekend?!” “I know you don’t want this, but it’s for your own good. Sign the papers so they can pick you up tomorrow and you can get clean.” “What the hell are you doing?! Did you do that to yourself?!” “When was the last time you left the house? Or opened the curtains for that matter.” “Here, just keep breathing. It’ll be okay. Better out than in…” “This can’t go on like this! You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you barely talk!” “I’m sorry. I went through your room and found this. Explain what the hell this is doing in your room!” “I thought you’d quit! How long have you been lying to me?” “I’m only trying to help and right now I think I have a much better idea of what you need than you do.” “Did you take anything? Why are you passing out? Hey! Stay with me!”

[lxguz-archive-blog]

[ ✘: What are your muses pet peeves? ]

✧   HEADCANONS .   ✧

       — Accepting !

                      ✘ . What are your muse’s pet peeves ?

                With  Lethe, her blood runs incredibly  hot  . It’s amazing that she manages to keep her cool at all when in battle, & one would argue that perhaps that’s the only form of stress relief she knows or allows herself, but she is an incredibly... Shall we say --- passionate person. It would be more accurate to say there are things she hates, & things she hates more  strongly  . 

                 For instance, she hates: the smell of iron, the bulky armor humans insist on wearing, dishonesty, cleaning up other people’s messes (especially forgetful men, of which there are many), sweets, thunder & lightning, harsh treatment of her tail (or any unwelcome treatment for that matter) --- 

                 But there are some things that transcend even that harshly negative term. She  strongly  hates disrespect, because she has worked too hard & sacrificed too much in her short years to have her accomplishments so recklessly discarded & you  WILL  acknowledge her, your equal. She  strongly  hates those fresh-faced new recruits that think the life of a warrior is nothing but fame & glory, because it becomes her duty to help them sober up before their arrogance costs them too much (she’s seen it so many times, too many...). She  strongly  hates humans --- although that pool has considerably lessened to those she does not know --- because they still don’t know their history, they still don’t know a thing about her or her culture & who are they to square their shoulders & block her way, & how dare they still make her feel so small with their withering stares & their jeers & why does this still happen she’s pushed past these feelings she’s better than this --- 

                 The short answer, of course, would be that she has a few. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

✿ here, kitty-kitty.

✧   HEADCANONS .   ✧

        — Accepting !

                       ✿ . What is your muse’s favorite scent ?

              There  are two distinct scents that stand out to her. As a Laguz, her senses --- particularly her sense of smell --- are so incredibly heightened that stronger scents, be they floral or “artificially natural” (scents meant to  imitate  a natural scent, such as certain incenses), only cause confusion & displeasure --- & in some cases, instinctive distress. 

              So, it should come as no surprise that one of those scents is earthen --- not so much the fresh grass or the tall, majestic pines. It is moreso the smell of nature working in tandem, dirt & weeds & aged bark that fills one’s lungs as they take in a steady breath (a warrior should have  perfect  control over their breathing, maintaining that biorhythm, pushing past wounds & worries that could cloud one’s judgment... ). 

              Being a Laguz, one who has boasted in supports about her ability to sense a trap both from miles away & in the dark --- & has many a complaint about Beorcs’ reliance on iron & armor for their foul stench, catching wind of a change in weather is child’s play. Because of this, Lethe has a fondness for the smell of imminent rain; the entire earth seems to respond to this change, eager for moisture so that it can properly flourish & grow. Granted, the static that settles into the atmosphere with an oncoming storm is far from pleasurable for her or her kind --- but pure rain, by contrast, is (to her) as close to beauty as one can get. 

[lxguz-archive-blog]

When I  FIGHT , it’s with  CLAWS  OUT  . 

                     ind.  ✧  sel.  ✧ revamped 2016.

[lxguz-archive-blog]

A fine line separates a fighter from a warrior: One is motivated by reason, the other by purpose. One fights to live, while the other lives to fight.

Stephen C. Hogan

[lxguz-archive-blog]

Librarian + 87?

✧   LIBARIAN.   ✧

         — Accepting !

                It  had slipped out entirely by accident, a brief mention of her younger sister. A relationship that was strained at best, Lethe found it difficult to control her somewhat irrational frustration with the Beorc boy --- after all, she relented, it was only natural to promptly ask about her (perhaps meant as a cultural courtesy --- humans did love to ask trivial, pointless questions meant to be niceties, didn’t they ?  ). 

                    ❝ There had been something...                        Different  about her from the beginning. ❞

[lxguz-archive-blog]

HEADCANON QUESTIONS:

✿: What is your muses favourite scent?

☼: What is your muses favourite kind of weather?

☤: Is your muse allergic to anything?

♫: Does your muse like music? What kind?

✉: What is something your muse would write about?

✈: How far has your muse travelled away from their home?

💕: Does your muse have any crushes?

★: What is your muse’s zodiac?

✞: Does your muse have an religious beliefs? What are they?

∞: Is there something about your muse that has been constant throughout their life?

✘: What are your muses pet peeves?

💲: What is your muse like with their money? What’s their financial situation?

⚽: What’s your muse’s favourite sport?

✔: What is your muse’s sexuality?

✋: Is your muse left or right handed?

👓: Does your muse need reading aids? Contacts or glasses?

🎒: What does your muse normally keep in their bag?

🚑: Does your muse have any disabilities/impairments?

👕: What is your muse’s fashion sense like?

🎲: Does your muse like to gamble?

🍕: What’s your muses favourite food?

🍸: Does your muse like to consume alcohol? What’s their favourite kind?

💉: Does your muse have a substance addiction? To what?