lucianyx

[lucianyx]

“I laugh when I talk about fucked up stuff that happened to me because showing emotion makes me want to tear my skin off”

—

[lucianyx]

“What scares me the most is how much I think of suicide, and how I never talk about it.”

—

[lucianyx]

“Do you ever lay in bed and realise how not okay you are?”

— Unknown

[lucianyx]

Now I’m empty. I have nothing to give to anyone. Except for talking about my pain. And since I realize that’s toxic, I’ve simply isolated.

[lucianyx]

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

[lucianyx]

“I break my own heart by expecting people to be as attached to me as I am to them.”

— Unknown

[lucianyx]

Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

[lucianyx]

[lucianyx]

i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.

[lucianyx]

i always feel like i don’t deserve something and then i ruin it myself

[lucianyx]

via weheartit

[lucianyx]

[lucianyx]

[lucianyx]

~ Aqua and Brown ~

[lucianyx]

INFJ Hufflepuff Gemini Sun Capricorn Moon Scorpio Rising for @thelifeofafuturewriter

[lucianyx]

[lucianyx]

As for the rest of you, remember this: YOU ARE WANTED. Big, small, tall, short, pretty, plain, friendly, shy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even yourself. Especially yourself.