lovesomepoems

[lovesomepoems]

time to remember that this is Not an attack and I do Not need to get defensive (part of me will always need to fight back)

[lovesomepoems]

I don’t know who I am, anymore. I was once so certain.

[lovesomepoems]

maybe if I peel my heart apart

bit by bloody bit

you’ll tell me how much I really mean to you

[lovesomepoems]

I don't want to ask AI a question. I don't want AI to write my sentences for me, at all ever. I don't want AI search bars to be the default and I don't want them to be in such a way that I can't opt out. I don't want this kind of AI in my life and there is no such thing as AI art, there is only theft of art from human artists by AI scrappers. I don't want any of this, I hate it. Maybe in a world that isn't driven by tech bro capitalism we can see machines doing all the dangerous inane things so humans can be free to pursue life and creativity. But that's not what's happening right now and I hate it.

[lovesomepoems]

We have a server now!

@lovesomesys and I (mostly Lovesome) spent the last six hours on this server!

If the invite doesn’t work dm me or Lovesome so we can get an invite that works!

Tag list: @404-systemnotfound @collective-stupidity @lovesomesys @constellation-sys @wretchedlittlebug

[lovesomepoems]

The little kid urge to go cry in your mother’s arms whole she just holds you and promises that you’ll be okay

When did I let the world break me to the point I didnt want to hug my mom?

When did I get too tall to even fit on her lap?

When did everything change, and why?

I’ll always be her baby, she said, but what about now that I’m an adult? Am I too big, too grown, to need her comfort?

[lovesomepoems]

btw the thing she couldn’t ignore was someone calling her out for saying anti-depressants/hormone therapy are only perscribed by lazy doctors

[lovesomepoems]

being human is overrated

i wish to return to my roots

[lovesomepoems]

I’m the oldest I’ve ever been

I’ve never felt so small

[lovesomepoems]

The person is still not me

My hair is lighter now- blues and pinks and purples. It contrasts my own blond. Or, maybe my own is red, or perhaps it doesnt matter at all.

My eyes are blue again, cold and calculating. They stare with criticism that has died on my tongue. “Too many scars,” they say, “or maybe not enough”.

My height is the same- 5’3” suddenly fits. Or maybe it doesn’t. How am I to know?

(I look back at our hair. We dyed it to feel more like “me”, but somehow it feels worse. Or better. My opinions seem to shift)

I yearn for the understanding I once pushed away. Where the soft grey once was is now liquid, tears threatening to spill. “we dont deserve it, to cry. It could be worse”.

It could also be better.

The person in the mirror is not me

I’ve got dark hair- darker than the images’ own, shorter. More manageable than this curled mess.

I’ve got brown eyes- much darker than the blue eyes blinking back. The blue eyes judge me, point out everything that’s different.

The image in the mirror is shorter, a mere 5’3” compared to my height. Yet, I can stare into those light blue eyes.

(or maybe the eyes are grey- they’ve changed, I realise, they changed at some point from a critical glare to a soft understanding. I dont like it. Go back)

I am not me

And yet,

here I am.

Existing.

[lovesomepoems]

reblog this if your blog is a safe space on april fools and won’t have any jumpers, screamers, or anything scary or anxiety inducing

[lovesomepoems]

Louise never heard about puppy love, cause they don't know that term in France 💔

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Lyrics are from Louise by TV Girl ! I was listening to it yesterday and that specific line on the second page screamed Alastor I just had to draw something about it

[lovesomepoems]

self care poll tome cuz I need it and maybe you do too

[lovesomepoems]

[lovesomepoems]

The box of gifts is still sitting on the corner of my bed

I loved you once-

Maybe, in some sick way, I still do.

I'm unsure of what to do with your presents.

You've replaced me-

Maybe he buys you Snocaps now

Maybe he's got some Pokemon cards to get excited with you over.

Maybe he's better than me in a way I can't understand.

I don't miss being yours-

You were like fire being held to ice,

Melting away the soft parts of me and turning me rough.

We always did joke that you were a walking red flag.

I guess I can open that pack of cards.

I'll give the candy to the kids I babysit.

But for now?

I'll stare at the box on the corner of my bed and wonder why I wasn't enough for you to truly love.

[lovesomepoems]

If I ever kill myself just know I tried my fucking best and please forgive me

[lovesomepoems]

Please just let me sleep my life away....

I don't want to live another day....