loveafatboy - Tumblr blog

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

Do we really need someone?

Its been a whole while since I've written something on Tumblr and since this platform has died I don't know if I should do it but I still do it for the cathartic and therapeutic value of it. A few weeks ago I ended something very special with a man who was a bit older than me, he was a sweetheart.  I couldn't give him what he was expecting: a serious relationship.  Don't get me wrong I love monogamy and someone by my side.  Someone that loves me and cares for me but somehow I got overwhelmed by the idea, got scared and ran.  Not the best move from my part but in the end, it actually answered one of the questions that I had for a while:  Can someone fall in love with me? In retrospect and after long and profound self-analysis I not only found out that of course I'm deserving of love but what was mind-blowing to me also is that if love doesn't happen  I'm going to be fine with it.  

At this point in my life, I feel like I do not need a man in my life.  I feel like it's time to stop searching, get off dating apps and concentrate on something creative or career-driven.  This is the first time it happens.  It feels like I have a complete mind shift on what I want in life and what I want for myself.  I spent countless nights doubting myself, asking myself if one day I will be enough for someone or if someone would see value in me.  Now I look at it this way:  “I will live my life, be happy with myself and stop looking but there's no problem with flirting or texting once in a while.” In the end, all I'm saying is be comfortable with yourself,  do you and find a support system of friends that will help out through loneliness and it's completely normal to feel left out by friends and family members when you see them getting married or in serious relationships. Fuck that, you have to see yourself as a whole person. A person that can be alone without looking like a bitter, attention-seeking, sex repressed beast.  Go out meet at least one new person weekly,  practice flirting with strangers to build confidence and always remember that self esteems always comes from knowing who the fuck you are and what the fuck you bring to the table.  Laugh at your own jokes, buy your own drinks and go out with yourself.  YOU are the longest relationship you will have. 

[loveafatboy]

“The United States Government is offering you a piece of land of your own.”

“We have our own land.”

“No, it’s not yours. It’s the US Government’s.”

S1E6 - “Pride, Pomp and Circumstance”

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

Wilder hit Breazeale so hard, they are feeling it in Brazil…

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[loveafatboy]

there can be only one (1) Queen Bee

[loveafatboy]

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💙✨💙✨💙 👑SHOOKETH!😭 💙✨💙✨💙

[loveafatboy]

ITS.. ..ITS FROM HIS HAT!! ITS THE SKULL FROM HIS HAT. HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE THIS BEFORE OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING.

[loveafatboy]

Your size does not determine your sexiness.

I been fat my whole life,  I mean my whole life and yeah there's been times where I wanted to be thin of course.  I did everything from pills to diets.  One different every month and one time I did lost a lot of weight but I wasn't happy. Somehow I still saw myself fat in the mirror. Now in the present day over and over again I have to listen to the whole you'll find someone when you are thinner or you are cute you just need to trim down weight. Which is total bullshit because every woman in My 600 lbs got a man and they always fight because they don't want these women to lose weight.  To me that’s wild because it's okay to be bigger but if the last time you saw your genitals was in a dream or a memory because your belly is covering them I think its time to go to the gym and I get it ‘fatness’ is not something that is only about laziness there’s a lot of factors why people are fat even sexual abuse.  People that were molested when they were kids eat because they are trying to protect themselves from something. I don't know if that's true I just hear it.

  Now let me get this straight your health is important and you should do conscious decisions to be better but don't let anyone say that you don't deserve love because your fat.  That logic would apply if very thin person in the world suddenly was married and we know that is simply not true.  The ability to be loved has a lot to do with how you present yourself, how you carry yourself and how approachable you are and anyone can be approachable.  You can be confident even if your scale reads:  Bitch part two next summer. In my case I love a big man I just find chubbier men beautiful. I don't have too much reason other than that I am a big fan of size and to me men that are bigger look cute. Knowing who you are and your body to me is a big has a big part on being sexy. There's tons and tons of ideas on how to dress well if you're bigger.  You don’t have to hide your body or who you are with the necessary layers anyone can look really good or decent. Insecurities people. Insecurities are a big turn off.  Do not come to me with your insecurities forward, is distracting and makes me lose focus on beautiful things about you that now I cannot see because you talk to me for half an hour how you don’t like how your belly hangs or how long are your stretch marks.  Compliment yourself.  Go in the mirror every morning and smile and maybe say something nice about yourself.  

It’s good to have perspective but also a lot of people love to say negative stuff so they can feel better about themselves and also if someone is just saying negative stuff to you that person probably doesn't want the best for you and you should probably try to move on from their life.  Being sexy is all about practice no one is born sexy we as men and women slowly develop confidence as we grow and of course for attractive people is ten times better but that doesn't mean that attractive people don't have insecurities too. My last advice is have perspective on who you are and what you do for others.  There’s a lot of confidence in being yourself and following your passions and or even getting good in a craft. Don't forget that you're special.

[loveafatboy]

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[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

It's okay to have a preference just don't be an asshole about it.

Hey I'm back again.  unloved by most but read by the bests.  As race,  ethnicity and cultures are diverse also are we.  Gays come in different flavors, sizes and gender manifestations.  Yet,  the community being so sexualized I think in most cases we are reduced to our looks or our the percentage of fat or muscle tissue in our bodies.  For example here we go: The Media.   Things are getting so much better thank God (or your favorite deity if you're into that or not) that we see more and more representation in media about gay relationships and gay love and I think that is wonderful. But here's where my gears get ground the fact that our life is reduced to only the sex part and of course that is part of every relationship but examples on TV are only two:  Boy meets Boy, Boy is conflicted with sexuality and Boy helps him out of the closet or Boy meets Boy they have an affair and something tragic happens or someone gets heartbroken.  What this has to do with preference? A lot.  Art represent us in every way not only because historically a lot of the biggest artist were flaming homosexuals but because art can tell a story.  A story that for generations and generations will reflect a timeline and will be used as an example for how to live.  Movies impact us in powerful ways and they change our  ideas every time in society.  Love, Simon is what Moonlight should be not only Chiron should've leave that poor neighborhood but I've would have like to see him happy with Kevin and maybe adopting a child.  Why?  Because the media is lacking in content where people of color express their love and affection without being naked,  hidden or conflicted. Which brings the questions: only white gays have the right to express who they are? When can we see change in other cultures if we only portray the same people in the same roles again and again?  In other countries being gay is still a death penalty and these movies gave them hope or at least the dream that one day they can fall in love and be who they are freely.  But seeing only one type of men conditions us to see that "type” of men as deserving of love and companionship and not ourselves. Creating a "toxic preference”. 

          Which brings me to my second point.  We all should have standards and we all should have preference but men, stop acting like going to the gym or having facial hair is a personality I'm sorry to burst your bubble it's not.  Learn how to be a fucking decent human and start acting like it and treat people with respect; be mature enough to say what you're thinking without having to act like a complete asshole why? Because even though you're not in charge of someone else's feelings that does not give you the sovereign right to make other people feel like garbage.  Rejection hurts enough in itself to add the fact that now I have to listen to you blabbering about how you don't date fat, asian, blacks or fems. We need to act a little bit more mature than that and maybe think that we aren't high school girls.  We're grown men capable of doing what we want with our bodies and  fully able to articulate and express what we want with who we want.  We are so much more than our bodies and sexuality.  We are capable of being good at music, engineering, law, computer science or sports because being gay it's just liking men it's not the over sexualized, hookup having, promiscuous acting life idea that have been forcefully sold to us being gay it's just being human. So please have a preference, have a standard but please don't be an asshole about it. 

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]

[loveafatboy]