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still kind of obsessed with @my-gf-timothy-jackson-drake 's office romance au. im so sorry

alts without the captions under the cut :3

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Bernard gets a job at Drake Industries basically being a gopher. He's making coffee but the coffee maker in the break room is busted. Luckily DI's local nepo baby usually doesn't mind if someone comes in and makes a cup at his stupid fancy espresso bar as long as he isn't in a meeting or something.

So Bernard comes in, asks to make coffee politely and gets going on the orders and Tim is just staring at this boy. There is a very hot boy in his office in very tight clothes. Oh pretty boy that shirt button is hanging on for dear life. Tim knows he is looking at this boy so disrespectfully right now.

So Bernard wraps up and he's like "oh no I accidentally made an extra drink, would you like it Mister Drake?" And Tim is like "ᵒᵏᵃʸ" and drinks drink.

And Bernard comes by every day, conveniently making an extra coffee on accident for the pretty boy who he thinks might have barked once when he dropped a spoon and had to bend over to grab it. He likes torturing this guy.

And then one day it happens when Tim has a guest, Bernard says he'll come later but Tim assures him that Kon is there to hang out and that they don't do business with Luthors. So Bernard makes that extra coffee and Tim so graciously picks it up, smile on his face as the sweet sunshine pretty boy gently sets it down for him and

Kon's like "I thought you weren't really into coffee" and Tim is like "fuck off I can drink bean juice if I want" to which Bernard looks back at the stupidly fancy coffee machine and then back at Tim and his homie. Now that he thinks about it. He's never seen Tim use the coffee maker. And his trash can is suspiciously full of energy drink cans. Is Bernard the only one using that thing??

"why do you have the artisanal barista's wet dream if you're not into coffee?" Bernard asks and Tim, knowing he's been caught is like "my mom and I share this office, it's mostly for her"

So Bernard is like "so why do you keep letting me serve you nasty bean juice if you're not into it?" And Kon's like "oh he's into something alright" and Tim is like "I am going to go to Metropolis and I'm going to clone Lex a better son" and Kon is like "good luck, my ass is designer"

So the weekend goes by and Bernard is back making coffees and he sets a cup on Tim's desk and

"this isn't a coffee"

"nope, this is a twisted sister. The vending machine has orange juice, and you have a stupid amount of flavored drink syrups and a fridge full of energy drinks. I had to look up recipes for you, I hope you feel special"

"so how do you feel about a fall wedding?"

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Thinking of Billy and Damian being soulmates but no one knows Captain Marvel is a child yet, especially Batman

It would be so fucking funny

Bonus point if Billy is younger than Damian, even (like 16 and 14)

I bet Damian would be such a little shit and say something like "My father wouldn't approve of our age gap" knowing full well the victim is the 6' tall "grown man" who is also his dad's co-worker

He's throwing Billy under the bus

And the bus driver is Batman

==> The first written based on this:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/68552591/chapters/177475886

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Jason: Stop calling me baby. I am twenty years old. I have dragged murderers from the back of my motorcycle. My scared hands smell like gunpowder. I hate you and I will never be soft again.

Bruce: Yes, of course, I understand.

Bruce, deadpan introducing Jason to literally anyone: This is my baby boy. My sweet little darling. My silly goose. Bambini. Small one. Duckling. Spider monkey. Pumpkin. Itty bitty.

Jason, deadpan, every time: Yes, hi, that's me, I'm itty bitty.

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Mad scientists will be like "I know a place" and then strap you onto the autopsy table

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Au where Wendy (trans fem kon) and Bart meet when she was during transition and she never really told Bart that she was trans but Bart absolutely knows

I want 20 000+ words of that woman stressing over telling her bf that she’s trans and him casually knowing

Maybe Wendy is a dumbass about it and doesn’t realize she had literally asked Bart to go pick up her meds before ,but she’s stressed okay!

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Alright! So I hold Damian ‘zero social awareness’ Wayne very dear to my heart.

I love him so much, speak your mind little king.

So imagine this:

Annoying business man, talking out of his ass trying to score some points with the oldest Wayne heir Richie Grayson.

“I got a new woman since last, easy enough, all they need to do is cook anyway haha!” Que uncomfortable laughing, and a vein popping on Dick’s forehead.

“Are you in need of a cook?” Damian blurts, no humor in his voice, and one eyebrow raised. “I thought people of your stature would already have a chef”

Dick instantly bursts out laughing so hard he spills his champagne flute, and has to grab onto Tim. Damian looking on confused. Jason was on coms and snorted so hard he almost fell of the roof.

~~

At another gala they’re slowly going around the room, being introduced to both old and new faces. A couple of newly rich comes up to Brucie with Damian and Tim by his side.

“Hello! It’s such an honor to meet you, we’re Mr. and Mrs. Forgetable. And this is our son Kevin.” The two step aside to reveal a tall feminine almost-adult, rolling their eyes before stepping forwards.

“Hello, I’m their daughter, Stephanie.” She smiles tightly, and is pulled back by her mother.

Bruce also smiling tightly, about to walk forward when Damian deadpans “I didn’t know your parents had difficulties with remembering which child they brought along.”

“He’s simply confused, it will pass-”

“Did you not say your name was miss Stephanie?” He pointedly interrupted and spoke directly to their daughter.

“Yup, on my drivers license and all.” She confirmed and smiled a little more calmly. Real.

“Then it seems your parents must be confused, my condolences.” Bruce had to excuse himself to go laugh. And they heartily chatted with the daughter later in the evening, the parents long forgotten, and a new business deal being struck with her as the project manager.

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Just for the record, Dick could totally beat those kids up

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I can’t believe I come outta art block for this

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Clark Kent has no idea how many kids Bruce has.

He asks once and Bruce goes “A few.” Dick says “Seven.” Tim says “Don’t worry about it.” Jason says “Too many.”

Clark just starts sending Christmas presents to “Wayne, assorted.”

(Alfred makes sure everyone gets one. Even the Batcow.)

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Alternatively:

REVERSE ROBINS!! 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

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we can still save t-shirt conner i promise just stop making him lame dc please listen to me-

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i dont quite remember my reverse robins au details but i wanted to draw them anyway

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so turns out the batfam has accidentally and unknowingly been going viral, and not in the way you’d expect. Nope, their names aren’t even attached to it. Whose fault is this, you might ask? Bruce. Bruce, who has a social media page devoted entirely to shit his children do, and no one realizes that said children are Gotham’s princes and princesses.

Damian paints his room. He spends over two weeks on the murals. Bruce, walking in to ask Damian about patrol, snatches a couple pictures before he leaves and absently posts them. Within the week they’ve gone viral and people are asking for commissions, but Bruce never answers.

Jason’s been annotating his copy of pride and prejudice so hard that there’s more handwriting in the margins than actual text. Bruce thought it was adorable, so he posted a page. There are now literary professors asking if his son has been to college and if he would like to.

Steph and Cas wrote their own song on a dare from Dick. Bruce posts a short audio clip of it and his secretary has to rush to copyright it because people are using it as audio in All The Videos

Bruce doesn’t even realize what’s happening, really. He posts is ‘cause he’s proud, then pretty much doesn’t check the page again. It’s more a blog to him than anything else. He has no idea that he’s become almost an internet celebrity/cryptid. There are Reddit forums dedicated to the “dad with way too many fucking skilled children”. Some people say that there’s no way he has this many kids who are so good at things. Some people think he’s just one really crafty person posting a bunch of his own stuff and claiming to be a proud dad.

Tim Drake, resident Reddit Addict, is LOVING it.

Jason: *lugging a body down the street* dammit, someone took a pic back there. Fuck, this is NOT what I want to go viral for Tim: so being a Jane Austen fangirl was the better option? Jason: *trips* what—

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bring his ass to a simmer

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Hey horny writer lil heads up for you guys, the “ai” google is forcing into docs to “scan for grammar errors” has been proved to also be scanning for spicy content and multiple ppl have already got notifs saying like “we’re sorry, there was a system error and some of your work was lost” and it was only the horny stuff so uh

Pleeeeease back up your files !!!! Don’t lose your horny to a robot, that’s Doc’s job, not Docs’…

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(id in alt!)

90's match from superboy 1994 for robin via @dcforgaza ! requests close on the 21st!