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Likes to charge reblogs to FUCKING cast

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ＳＴΛＲＦＵＳＩ♢Ｎ　

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YAHOO IT'S @ecto-implosion TIME!!

I got to work with the very awesome diskordcendrum for this one! I'll update this post when they have their partner fic up :) ehehe I love a good dramatic identity reveal

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Do not worry guys, the misogyny brothers are on their way!

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I love her and her cute little bib 😍💖

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flamingoose

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The problem w writing fiction is that you'll be like tee-hee I'm going to write a story about a fucked up little scenario that's got nothing to do with anything in real life, just some pure messed up nonsense, and then you finish it and take a step back and go aw rats I made a metaphor again

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confession: two weeks ago my friends got sick of me slowly cooking to death in my self-pitying emotional soup of heartbreak, took me out for drinks, and installed a dating app on my phone. we are all in the same degree at uni (i'm 25 + i promise this is relevant), in a faculty that is extremely quaint and mostly comprised of academics married to people with normal jobs. two years ago a teacher-couple joined our program's faculty, a fact that caused a minor riot within the teaching staff, who thought it was unfair to give two of four tenured jobs to a couple... unfortunately for them both of these profs are extremely beloved among the students and very good teachers at that. even if you've never taken classes from either of them, you know about this couple and probably whatever rumors are going around about them too. i've taken classes w/ both.

anyway. back to me on the dating app in the bar with my friends, pretty drunk, swiping though my bumble suggestions. for extra fun, we have set the minimum age to 30 and the gender to include "both" even though i am a lesbian. the whole table is viciously tearing down dating profiles, investigating their pictures, etc. i go to the bar to get another round for the group, am about to pay for our drinks when i hear a virtual SHRIEK from our corner. i get back, dish our drinks out. my phone is in the middle of the table, untouched by anyone like it's a cursed object. i look at the screen. it's them, our teacher couple. they have a shared dating profile, stating that they are "looking for someone to explore her bisexuality with". lesbian readers will know that this is not exactly an uncommon profile type to find, but still, seeing it from people who have taught basically everything you know about 19th century literature is... quite something. so naturally i decide to swipe right before anyone can stop me.

maia, i am so proud to report: i fucked that man's wife, she was absolutely lovely, and we will see each other again, and i am currently taking another class from her husband where the vibe is more than chill. my friends have been sworn to secrecy, but i know it's only a matter of time before someone slips up and the rumor mill starts churning... but who cares? i haven't thought about my ex since!

OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT

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Weeping at this. Frighteningly similar to how I sound

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just some ugly little drawings of my cat ophie✨

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I didn’t know Pearl’s flower bags were named women in stem that’s incredible

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Dude

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Reminder to go outside and breathe fresh air and look at the sky. This reminder has come from the corn, which has started talking to me because the midwest is haunted

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I went to Big Dick Lake and they told me to go about a half-mile west.

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just saw a single piece of paper drift past 50 feet in the air over buildings like a beautiful white bird