livingwithinfertility

[livingwithinfertility]

Due anytime after 5/25/19

Holy shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

The realization hit me this morning. At every scan my Mikey has been measuring really big. Starting next week (at 32 weeks) I will be monitored weekly.

My Dr told me that since he is a big boy they could induce me before my due date because otherwise the risks could be higher. She said I will most likely be induced by 39 weeks at the latest. And that there is a possibility for the need of a C-section if he is considered “too big”. 

I’m terrified of a c-section, BUT as long as my baby comes out healthy I’m fine with whatever has to be done.

He weighed almost 4lbs at my last anatomy scan...4 POUNDS AT 28 WEEKS!!!!

Today I am 31 +4 d, my next visit is tomorrow. We will be seeing a specialist for a echo ultrasound since he has been stubborn and has not let the techs see his heart. I feel like right now he’s weighing in at about 5.5 lbs!

My baby shower is next Saturday... ALREADY! time has just flown by. As uncomfortable as I have been the last few weeks, I’m going to miss having my little man kick the shit out of me.

[livingwithinfertility]

Life update.

I stopped posting for a while, I had seriously given up on ttc.

My husband and I had scheduled a visit with a fertility facility back in October. We stopped “trying” back in September because I miscarried again.Two weeks before our first consultation I started feeling extremely tired and then the breast pain kicked in.

I took a test and got a vfffl. I didn’t want to get my hopes up (after 5 back to back miscarriages)

I waited 2 weeks to even call a dr to schedule an appointment. 

* In the past, I would get my “BFP” and start bleeding about 3 days later. So, naturally I just expected to wipe and see blood one day.

The day I got my vffffl I decided to take a digital to be sure. Normally when I would miscarry it would always say negative. This time to my surprise.... it was positive!!!

I cried like a BABY!!! I immediately sent a photo of it to my husband, he didn’t want to get his hopes up and at that point it was just a wait and see situation.

After testing for 2 weeks (3-4 times a day lol) I noticed my lines were actually progressing. 

This is something I have never experienced!

exactly at two weeks my line was super dark, even darker than the control line. 

This was taken at the day of my first dr visit. I went to a “cheap dr” who would def do an ultrasound and see me early and could possibly prescribe progesterone for me to be able to maintain my pregnancy. 

On the day of my visit the office was full, I waited 5 hours to even be called in.

I was tired, hungry and frustrated... but most of all anxious to know if there was an actual life growing inside of me.

FINALLY they called my name, and I laid on that bed. When the Dr started the ultrasound I closed my eyes and didn't want to look at the monitor. And then he says “hmmmm”...Instantly freaked me out. Then he says “OH, There we go! Well you’re not 8 weeks, you’re 6 but baby looks good! Want to hear the heartbeat?” I nearly cried. 

I went to this visit on my own, I didn't want my husband to go through the trauma I went through with my first ultrasound ever (1st miscarriage). The doctor let me record the heartbeat and I immediately sent it to my husband via messenger. He was of course super excited because neither of us have ever even seen our angel’s heartbeats. 

After reviewing my history the dr put me on progesterone until I hit 13 weeks.

I had my first prenatal visit with my actual dr 2 weeks later, so I was excited about seeing the baby again. We were shocked at how much he had grown (at this point I strongly felt it was a boy!)

My dr told me she didn’t think I needed the progesterone but that I could take it for peace of mind. I took it anyway, just to be safe. She told us that she doesn’t know why my last 5 pregnancies ended in miscarriage but from what she could  see this baby was growing at the right pace and looked perfectly healthy. This came as a huge relief for us. 

The next 5 weeks were extremely lonnng. I just wanted to make it to the “safe point” of my pregnancy. When i finally hit 13 weeks it still felt so surreal. I would freak out because the only symptoms I had was fatigue and sore breasts...which went away at around 12 weeks. I freaked out because I had no nausea and it SUCKED that we didn’t get an ultrasound on every visit. I had read about people using home dopplers for peace of mind but I kept seeing mixed opinions... People not being able to find the heart beat and freaking out even though everything was perfectly fine... but I figured I’m already freaking out... might as well order one. We ordered one and the first 2 days we struggled to find it, after that it was easy peasy! Anytime I was freaking out, I would just pull it out and listen to my little one’s heartbeat.

*Fast forward to now....

*ultrasound picture of our little man during our gender reveal ultrasound

I am currently 27 weeks and 3 days. My intuition was right, I am indeed having a boy! He wakes me up every morning at around 6 am kicking up a storm. 

Sometimes when my back is killing me and my feet are sore and swollen I’ll complain to my husband about how uncomfortable this is but he is quick to remind be about how 1 year ago we both thought this would never happen for us. And he is so right.

A year ago, I thought I would never experience growing a life inside of me. A year ago, I considered leaving him so he could find someone who could give him children. A year ago I went through 3 miscarriages. 

To all of my ttc family, please do not give up hope. Miracles DO happen.

I only hope to be able to carry this beautiful baby boy full term and have a healthy happy baby boy.

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

UPDATE

Still not pregnant.

still not ovulating regularly.

Still hate myself for being infertile.

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

www.reprogenesis.co.uk

[livingwithinfertility]

A reminder to all of us who are trying to conceive:

You are beautiful, strong, and wonderful human beings. There is no reason you “shouldn’t” be able to get pregnant, the universe is not punishing you, and you have done nothing wrong to “deserve” fertility struggles.

You are on a longer journey than the girl on your Facebook who got pregnant on the first try, or by accident, and you are entitled to your jealousy, your anger, your sadness, and whatever helps you get through it. It is okay to grieve the fact that your womb is currently empty.

Most of all, this will be worth it. You will hold your little one someday, and while you are looking down at that sweet face, holding those impossibly tiny hands, in awe of all the possibilities ahead of this amazing little being, you will be that much more appreciative of the battles that brought them to you. You will love them even more for the tears you cried when the negative tests ripped out a piece of your heart month after month.

You will be mothers, one way or another, and You Will Be Extraordinary.

[livingwithinfertility]

Coming into the bedroom on ovulation day like

My body is literally ready hurry up now *snap snap*

[livingwithinfertility]

[livingwithinfertility]

How are you supposed to feel When you’ve carried a piece Of the universe inside you But have nothing Nothing to show for it Nothing to hold Nothing to love Nothing but a hole in your heart The shape of them How are you supposed to feel When your world comes shattering Down beside you And you have nowhere to turn Nowhere to seek comfort Nowhere to escape from the pain How are you supposed to feel When the subject is so taboo You don’t speak of what you lost What you loved What you wanted the second You saw that little line How are you supposed to feel When you carried a piece Of the universe inside you And now it’s gone

(Picture from Rupi Kaur’s The Sun and Her Flowers poem by me)

[livingwithinfertility]

I finally worked up the courage to talk to my mom about our struggles ttc.

A little background on me: both of my parents were born in Mexico, I was born in Texas. So my mother learned a lot of “home remedies” growing up. Medicine is not something we had in our household. She’s not one of those people who don’t believe in doctors lol, anytime I coughed she took me to see my doctor lmao.

Anyway, she knows her shit. And she’s passed down some of that knowledge to me. I figured, this woman knows a lot...maybe she’ll know something that can help me.

After telling her my husband and I have been having trouble getting pregnant she got in her car and went to the pulga (flea market). She brought me some products she said have worked wonders for couples who have been having issues ttc, I was a little skeptical about it but after researching it I feel extremely hopeful about it. 

Although it’s not a “natural remedy”, sometimes it helps to talk to someone with more experience in life. She knew exactly who to go to and talk to about this stuff. She didn’t just buy it off some random person either, the lady she purchased the products from had A LOT of knowledge about infertility. She went on to tell my mom that she used to be a doctor in Mexico.

I started the products Saturday, and I am hoping for the best! The product I am taking is called omnilife. 

 She bought me the following: 

FEM PLUS: 2 packs per day

POWER GAIN SUPREME: 3 packs per day 

PLEASE look up their real testimonials on youtube, some of them made me cry. 

One woman said she had been trying for 20 YEARS and she got pregnant within a month and a half! 

I have stopped taking all of the vitamins/pregnitude and other stuff i was taking.

I want to be sure whether or not this product works. Hubby and I are trying to BD everyday as well.

WISH US LUCK! & Baby dust to all of you!

** I DO NOT SELL THIS PRODUCT, It was given to me by my mom who bought it from someone else. THIS IS NOT AN AD**

[livingwithinfertility]

I took another test today, this time first response.

and it was negative.

I’m getting so tired of feeling like a failure to my husband. It breaks my heart every time.

[livingwithinfertility]

I took a test this morning with FMU and I got a vfffffffffffffffffl.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and each time I got my hopes up.

I’m gonna retest in a couple of days with a different brand.

[livingwithinfertility]

OH LOOK, yet another BFN.

I honestly feel like it’s never going to happen for us.

Meanwhile, I just learned 3 of my cousins are pregnant and my niece just had her first ultrasound.