littlewiseeyes

[littlewiseeyes]

Does anyone else remember thoughts.com? That site really made you feel like a writer. It was easy for people to find and subscribe to you. I loved my readers there. They were always so encouraging and rooted for me. I truly hope all those that followed me and could relate to what I talked about are doing good in life now.

They ever bring that back I'd be the first one on there. Even if you have to pay to use it lol

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

took me far too long to realize I really don't have to suffer and struggle the way I do

[littlewiseeyes]

when you're self accepting, you don't give a fuck about rejection

[littlewiseeyes]

when it comes to love, peace and joy

I want to feel these things in my spirit every morning I wake up, I want to have these things in my mind when I go to sleep

[littlewiseeyes]

james mccrae

[littlewiseeyes]

“Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just… start.”

— Ijeoma Umebinyuo

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

I don't know what I want to say with this post. I guess it'll just be venting? Gahhhh.

So my Dexcom is going off with the alarms right now. It's loud. I need it to be loud. A thought I had if I were laying in bed with a partner that MUST get sleep, would this annoy them? Why is my mind like this?

I feel tired. I know people are tired too, of waiting on me. I feel like a fraud, one that promised promises I can't keep. If I had known life was going to beat me down, I'd have gone into hiding and just stay away from everyone.

My cortisol test came back elevated. Surprise, surprise. Further testing is needed. It's scary. Seems like I'm just a few steps away from them finding out something that sucks. A few people that are older than me told me it was between 30-35 all kinds of shit was dis-covered about themselves. Most of which was health tingz and finding out family secrets.

I have to wait till late October to see a dentist, my teeth have been hurting since July and to see a gyno, because my clit seems to be shrinking 😬I thought maybe I was losing it. Especially since my PCP took a peek and said she didn't see any abnormalities. I get she's not the doctor for that...but I used my phone right there in the exam room to look at myself and seen what I've been seeing! My appointment was over though so no time to get her to take another look.

Just recently everything got really good and I felt like I can live much more normally again. But tonight got here, and I'm seeing things as they really are. I cannot believe this shit is actually happening to me. I just knew by now I'd be having the best and most sluttiest sex with the love of my life in our beautiful apartment, with our bank accounts looking generous and my health being fabulous. Why must things constantly get in my way of joy?

So now I sit in wait. I don't expect anyone else to wait with me. Especially since these appointments next month might change everything. That's with hoping my insurance will even cover any and every thing I need.

I just really wish I could undo the shit I did that led to all this. Wishful thinking. I know, pretty much every person in adulthood has felt this way at some point. Ugh.

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

— Silas Melvin

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

“Note to self: You’ve gotta do this for you. This is for you. This isn’t about anybody. Live for you. Honour you. Never lose sight of that.”

— Unknown

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

[littlewiseeyes]

wishing you a safe return back to yourself