lionsheartpoetssoul

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

I miss you softly all the time, I don’t think you ever think of me as I do of you. I wish I was brave enough to reach out.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“On Darker Tides”

The taste of liquor eased my pains at the start,

It soon grew to drown out any of my thoughts.

Floating in a multi-cocktail haze I drifted on,

On and on in this way till I couldn’t see shore.

I ended up alone on my little island of misery,

Like Circe but my sentence was of my own.

But there was no magic on my lonely isle,

Just the shattered remnants of dreams passed.

It never had to be as hard as I made it to be,

I couldn’t risk the vulnerability of being known.

I was afraid of being seen as I am at my core,

To turn out not to be who I thought I had to be.

I’m still on my island it’s just self imposed now,

The shards are still littered all around me.

I cast them into the sea so they may return,

Smoothed off all their edges and transformed.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Back On Neil Ave”

Sunday morning and I’m alone again,

Shuffling around my empty apartment.

I sit and think of another life of other potential,

Of grocery shopping together as it rains.

I push the cart even though it squeaks,

You read the list off in a singsong voice.

You talk about making candied jalapeños,

I groan and wonder aloud how that’ll taste.

Oh but you’re my honey hearted man you say,

You laugh so softly and I smile slowly.

In this life we have never been cruel,

And I went to therapy early and got sober.

In this life we never said anything terrible,

And on this morning I’m not alone.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Clay Covered Hands”

I’ve collected the shards of who I once was,

The cracks ran rampant till it all crumbled.

Working with my raw self I am afraid,

I want to cast myself in a new light.

To become kind and vulnerable,

No longer fighting the world around me.

I am so hopeful that I can be a better me,

Taking the chips off my shoulders is freeing.

They say that change is good for you,

That it doesn’t matter when you start.

I can’t help but mourn the hurting I caused,

The wounds inflicted by a wounded man.

This is a piss poor attempt at a sorry,

I’m not a great poet but it’s real,

And I’m still real sorry.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Gin Soaked Stagnation”

I spent so much time pretending to be tortured,

That if I drank and drank you would save me.

I thought you would come to me in the night,

Tell me to put down my bottles and cans.

That I could find solace within your arms,

A rest the likes of which I have never known.

I thought you could hear me crying out,

Tears flowing down my ruddy cheeks.

I had thought that you would come uplift me,

Clear my tears and whisper soothing words.

I wanted you to save me from destruction,

But it wasn’t your job to put me back together.

I just didn’t know any better or so I tell myself,

But I think that’s a lie I tell myself most days.

The truth is I found comfort and solace in rot,

I didn’t have energy for the hassle of suicide.

Figured I’d end up six feet down one way,

But here I am years down the road.

For what it’s worth and what it means,

I’m sorry I couldn’t bloom with you.

I’m trying my best now.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“He Who Looks”

There’s a man inside of me who screams at happiness,

Who claws at the walls when there is a hope of joy.

There’s a man inside of me sitting in a cage of anguish,

That he desperately tries to escape to show the world his scowl.

There’s a man inside of me weeping on the front porch of my soul,

In the soft light of the lamp deep into the night.

There’s a man inside of me begging for forgiveness,

From himself and from others.

There’s a man inside of me.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

Warhawk Overdrive

I am driving alone and heading up the costal highway,

A knife driven into my chest made up of the words you’ve told me.

You didn’t do it all at once but over the years it sunk into me,

So its firmly wedged between my ribs as a constant dull ach.

But I can’t keep crying all of the time because I’m a fucking man,

Gotta lace up my boots and be tough by chewing on glass.

Spitting out nails and teeth with a smile so bloody it’s nearly chromatic,

These self destructive actions are all I have left so cut me a line.

Pissed to admit it but you make me so fucking blue all the time,

These headlights are so blinding and I don’t know where I’m even going.

Just keep thinking about that A24 movie with the goofy title,

Some people aren’t born happy or some shit was the quote.

I can’t really remember but I remember how it hit me,

You said you disagreed and that it was bullshit but you just couldn’t see.

Anyways this is just another piss poor rant to the winds,

Maybe you’ll hear me in your sleep and I hope you wake up longing.

I started ashing my Backwoods on the floor of my car cause the ashtray is full,

It’s not like I was going to sell this thing anyways it’s slowly becoming tomb.

Might take a turn at 80 and just let go to see what happens,

Might eyeball that lamppost and see if I can rip her outta the ground.

Bitter,

Hurt,

Angry,

Disillusioned,

Just existing on the hate in my heart.

What a way to fucking live I guess.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Bright Lights, No Future”

this city is full of cheap worn out dimestore cowboys,

covered in rhinestones and the smell of stale beer and losing.

full of neon lights, sad souls and a false sense of bravado,

nothing but melancholy glamour to be found here.

i thought of you as I walked the strip lonesome as always,

i bet you’d think I’d fit right in with all the dreamers here.

looking for you in the endless flashes of faces moving past me,

never really figured i would see more than a glimpse of what was.

it’s weirdly cold out here in the middle of the bright lights,

it works it’s way into your bones and like a dog it won’t let go.

destroying myself here would be some kind of fabled suicide,

drink all day, tear a room up and then go out on a eight-ball high.

sounds romantic when you put in words like that,

but I reckon i’d end up dying alone like all the others.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“A Drunk Text Sent Amidst My Depression”

If I had access to coke, xanax, percs, ambian, or something that would wack me the fuck out I would

snort it,

eat it,

as long as it would let

Me not me be me.

I am so tired, why the fuck was I born not happy, I just DONT get it.

Nothing is pleasing to me anymore and

I’m.

So.

tired.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“ambrosia”

we used to drink each other in like honeyed wine.

now I drink alone on friday nights with playlist on repeat.

you had made believe in better days.

that i could be happy in this lifetime.

i want to feel more than the bones beneath my skin.

if i could write something more comforting i swear I would.

day in day out it is just the same shit on a different day.

missing the days of excitement for days to come.

awash in grey everything taste like pbr now a days.

opening my blinds for the first time in months to flood the room.

praying to the sunshine gods for a hint of serotonin.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

So It Goes

you whispered honey right in my ears,

drizzled it so casually an carefree.

i thought we’d sip tea on the rainy days,

curled up nose to nose watching movies.

it could of been real but you didn’t want it,

without notice you left as easy as you came.

i don’t make tea anymore since you went,

can’t stand how the taste brings what ifs.

so i’ll sip bitter coffee now no sugar please,

it keeps those sweet memories at bay.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Spun Out”

I have raging fire coursing through my veins,

Or maybe it’s just the ice I snorted up my nose.

Couldn’t tell you why I have need to implode,

To be a ticking human time bomb just waiting.

All of life stands before my outstretched arms,

All of my hate encasing my feet in concrete.

I have been placed on a pedestal I didn’t ask for,

The center stage lights are too bright for me.

So here I am rising with the new days sun,

With yesterday’s ghost whispering in my ears.

Tried so desperately to be brave for all of you,

To stand against the crashing tides as a shield.

I am only a man with my Bikers Coffee,

It’ll leave me plummeting like Icarus.

Leaving me with broken wings,

As the fire leaves my veins.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Days Gone By”

Sitting around and shooting the shit,

It’s almost like no time has passed.

The laughs come easy and the smiles often,

It could of been like this for the rest of time.

But now I’m going to say yeah right,

Going to go out and fuck up my life.

Travel to places unknown to feel alive,

But hey you know I don’t mind.

What could I ever know about love,

What could I have ever known about life.

You’ll be happy someday they say,

That you’ll pick a side and prosper.

Yeah right.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“No Peace”

You’ve been haunting my dreams again and I can’t sleep right,

Waking in the middle of the night with an apology on my lips.

Struggling to say the words afraid to ever whisper out loud for the fear of being heard,

So another night of staring at my alarm clock praying to a God I don’t believe in.

I’ve been stumbling lost in the darkness trying to find the light,

But it’s too late and I’m too damn tired to keep trying anyways.

I thought I would laugh my way through life as I traced that silver lining,

Unlike Theseus I’ve run out of string amidst the maze of my own making.

I’m unsure of what’s in the center of my maze nor do think I’ll find out,

Forever I’ll wander lost in this self made prison alone as I should be.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“The Next Adventure”

Life is strange when you can’t feel anything inside of yourself ,

Veins pumping blood and proverbial novacane like a disgusting cocktail.

The mystery became clear as the veil lifts away and the answers reveled,

This cosmic dance is just one joke whose punchline we just don’t get.

Haven’t been this low in awhile so I welcome my ghost,

Whispering to me in my waking hours to become the static in my head.

Everything is tinged in the hues of when I used to feel more than empty,

I can’t find my yellow paints anymore but I think that’s just fine.

The want to die is no longer a forgin thought in my mind,

Rather a comforting melody played just for me that no one can hear.

Alone in my all consuming thoughts before the dawn,

No hope in the light to come so let it swallow me whole.

I wish I could consult you before but life has rarely let me have say,

Sailing off to the ends of the world will be such a lonesome pilgrimage.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Bloom”

I want to be like the flowers I planted in May,

Full of the things I lack like beauty and life.

A kaleidoscope of colors splashed about,

Such a scene makes me feel such hope.

Life won’t always be this mundane grey,

I can overcome the chemical imbalance.

Strong like the evergreens that give me shade,

Life can find me swaying but never folding.

[lionsheartpoetssoul]

“Two Thirty-Six A.M.”

I wonder what it would be like to speak freely,

Without judgment or fear of misunderstanding.

To have someone hear me and let me be raw,

Put light to the things I’ve kept in the darkness.

How I wish I could expel this heavy weight,

Thrust it off my shoulders so I can walk tall.

Just please someone try understand me,

Even though I don’t understand myself.

Imprisoned for a life sentence with myself,

Sometimes I wish I had never been born at all.

So here I sit alone with my tea gone cold,

Phone glowing amidst a sea of black.

I keep looking for where the light is,

I’ve eaten up all of my yellow paints.

I still feel utterly alone,

I still feel incomplete.