lilyindollyland

[lilyindollyland]

Poem to the Narcissistic Ex

My heart feels shredded and shredded again,

seems like there is nothing left but the bloody mud of its remains

I wonder - should I put it in a mold and bake it?

Eat it and hope by devouring it, it might grow back again in the ripped open cage of my body?

Or shall I put it in the freezer and suck it like a lollypop once it is frozen?

I still have hope…

Maybe I won't lose myself completely

Though after all these years - I wonder what is left of me for real?

But once I mention my pain and fears - you raise your eyebrows and wrinkle your nose

as if my exposed weakness is a stench you can barely bear

And when I cry and beg you feel offended and injured

Me protecting my boundaries is the worst offense and crime one can commit against you

I wonder what kind of heart resides inside your body - or has it been ripped out too?

Long ago and there is just that hollow cave left haunted by the ghost of your humanity?

Or has it turned into stone for real?

Must be a heavy burden

But maybe that is why what you call kindness and charity weighs so heavy on my chest

I can barely breathe?

Maybe that is why I feel what you call love feels like a stone tied to my leg and - help God - I can barely stay above the water?

But well - you talk of love and sacrifice and solidarity

But have no second thoughts nailing anyone to the cross or bed - well knowing

They can never rise from the dead - no matter how many days they are given.

Dressed up selfishness posing as good will to gain my trust

A fake smile of well calculated friendliness to show the world

that your intentions are the purest shade of white

But my pain becomes words and my words become a weapon, my voice becomes my armor

and if I can not move or change you,

at least I know my core is safe from you

The spell is broken

Your pattern has no hold and is blown away

And I still stand here - whole, lovable.

At least my humanity is restored.

[lilyindollyland]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't get admit you were sexual assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[lilyindollyland]

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[lilyindollyland]

cosy cottage living 🪴

[lilyindollyland]

A coyote cools off in the drink fridge at a Quiznos in the Chicago Loop, 2007

“It did not growl. It did not make any sounds. It just tried to get in. Apparently it was scared and tried to shelter itself,” said Ray Zavalas, Quiznos employee.

[lilyindollyland]

[lilyindollyland]

My girls

[lilyindollyland]

[lilyindollyland]

I can't help my love and it kills me.

He can help me but I can't help me.

[lilyindollyland]

Let me cry every night

Let me cry myself to sleep.

Let me succumb to anxiety.

Why can't people just leave me the fuck alone?

Let me do my own fucking thing.

Cos I know what will make me feel better for a few seconds, cos that's all I can aspire to with this head of mine

[lilyindollyland]

So apparently the “Half A Press” guy got bored with completing Super Mario 64 without using the A button, and has started a side project working toward completing Super Mario 64 without using the joystick.

Here’s what the level “Bowser in the Dark World” looks like with no joystick inputs, for reference:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZQM1uKSWzQ

I know I’ve joked in the past that his ultimate goal is to beat Super Mario 64 through the power of thought alone, but it’s looking increasingly like he might actually pull it off!

[lilyindollyland]

[lilyindollyland]

[lilyindollyland]

Grandma, It’s me. Anastasia!

[lilyindollyland]

Just reminding you all that this is the best scene in cinematic history.

[lilyindollyland]

i don’t wanna reblog that gifset of kate winslet freezing her ass off in titanic but she actually got double pneumonia from filming those scenes without a wetsuit. and all bc james cameron wanted the fabric to be see through when wet. when’s the final straw when do we snap and kill every man

[lilyindollyland]

🍂✨ Magic boi ✨🍂 . . Rudy is a @littlerebeldoll Sarang on a @dollzone_dz B70-003 body. He’s wearing enchanted doll eyes and a lovely vest by @wlatian… He’s now sick in bed after parading around with his new top yesterday 🤒🤧 .