lexi-is-legendary

[lexi-is-legendary]

Meta analysis/hypothesis on what is influencing the rise of anti culture

FAIRLY LONG POST.

I feel like antis (as most commonly minors) are stuck in this vicious cycle that has been perpetuated by internet culture over the last 20 years without having the advantage of the early internet etiquette/warnings/safety education that we as millennials and older got.

Kids these days are pretty much online from birth. The internet encourages people to post their thoughts and opinions at all times, often without much thought, and this norm is perpetuated pretty strongly through sites like Twitter and TikTok. So they're posting all of their thoughts and feelings and opinions left right and centre, often without privacy settings turned on, usually on social media sites where anyone can see these posts. And because the internet is a panopticon, unless you are on a private or hidden account, everyone is also able to post their own opinion about your opinion. It's easier than ever before for someone to discuss, argue, reject, and attack other people's opinions. And it's human nature to double down and defend your position instead of coming to an agreement or neutral ground (or god forbid change your mind), especially when tone is difficult to get across via text, and even so when people are often automatically argumentative and aggressive in their initial response (I have been guilty of this many a time).

This is all tied up in what I think for minors is a fundamental misunderstanding of what the internet is. It isn't a safe space, it isn't sanitized for your comfort, and it isn't censored or controlled much outside of strictly R18 sites other than literal illegal content being reported. But there seems to be this view among minors and antis that by default the internet should be safe for them to navigate, and they should not be able to stumble across, access, or engage with adult content (not even necessarily NSFW stuff either). So when they see this, they're shocked and appalled that it exists where they can see it, and because of the above, have been encouraged by the nature of the internet to post their very strong, often underdeveloped and shallow, opinion about it! They do not understand that the internet is the wild fucking west and outside of strictly under 13 sites and parental controls put on them, that it is your individual responsibility to curate your OWN safe space on the internet. Be liberal with the block button! Make use of mute functions! Set your shit to private so people who don't know you can't interact with your posts!

But they don't do this, because they were never taught about the dangers of the internet like we were. I remember when you should never give out ANY personal information about yourself, not even your first name, hell even saying the country you were from was often frowned against. We were taught that the internet is dangerous and you are responsible for keeping yourself safe. Now kids are putting out their name, their age, their country, all of their mental illnesses and neurodivergences and triggers all over the place! (It doesn't help that so many social media sites are encouraging linking your identity on other sites as 'verification', making it very impossible to be anonymous or fully under pseudonyms anymore.) So they think the internet is a safe and fun place to spend their time and encountering any content they dislike is free real estate to have a very loud opinion on, and are conditioned to double down on this when questioned.

This leads to two things that have become pretty rampant recently:

A lack of understanding of basic fandom culture and etiquette

The rise of puritanist views from LGBT+ youth on sexual deviance / morality / kink, and the encouragement of broad censorship.

Cancel culture is so fucking rampant these days. Kids especially are terrified to be cancelled or called out, especially since cyberbullying is so fucking common now. For kids this is often tied up in their real life school interactions, but it is rapidly becoming normal to consider your online identity and interactions just as real and valid as your physical, everyday interactions. Internet friendships are just as strong - or even stronger - as those you have in real life at school, or work, or sports clubs. It's known that people spend more time on the internet now than ever, so more and more of our time and mental energy and space is taking place in the virtual sphere. Being involved in something that negatively affects you like cyberbullying, or being cancelled or called out, or even just labeled as 'problematic' is so much bigger now, and it's not as easy to "just log off" or "just turn off your phone" as it used to be, because SO MUCH of our identity is caught up in online spaces now.

There's this dichotomy where we are encouraged to post all of our thoughts and opinions on the internet where anyone can see them, but cancel culture is also making people - especially kids - terrified to make mistakes or withhold opinions for fear of being labeled 'problematic' or 'siding with xyz if you don't post an opinion that disagrees with it'. There's a hyperawareness of what could be considered problematic behaviour, this strong need to be performatively moral, even if it means throwing someone else under the bus to prove that you're unproblematic!

This all links back to my previous two points. It means that common historical fandom etiquette - things like "don't like, don't read", the term "squick", "YKINMK - your kink is not my kink (and that's okay)" have all but disappeared from lexicon and culture. Where in the past we used to scroll past things we didn't like, kids now feel the need to call it out to prove themselves morally superior and unproblematic. They don't care that most of the time the space is NOT FOR THEM, they ignore all of the 🔞emojis and "MDNI" warnings, because of this fundamental misunderstanding that the internet is not always by default going to be palatable for them. Internet culture has destroyed any sense of 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it' which used to be more normal (though that didn't mean people still didn't label every fic with NO FLAMES PLZ!!!11!)

Because of this lack of 'fandom etiquette', because of this misunderstanding of how the internet works and historically has been, because of this instinctive reaction to immediately disapprove of and attack content they viscerally dislike, instead of ignoring it, this is giving rise to puritanist views and talking points amongst LGBT+ youth, minors, and antis. They are literal minors who are literally not even relevant to these conversations and concepts, as most of them are R18, inserting themselves where they aren't wanted into discussions on and posts about things that they consider sexually deviant or immoral. Because they are CHILDREN. Of COURSE they don't like this content!

I'm not a psychologist, but I wonder if developmental phases are playing a part here. Like, when you learn to differentiate concrete and abstract thinking, the ability to understand nuance and separate fiction from reality. A lot of these antis are literally too young to be able to understand some of these conversations, but don't understand this, and don't understand why they should not be involving themselves in these R18 areas that are clearly designated NOT FOR THEM, because "it's on the internet and I can find it easily, so therefore it's applicable and valid for me to have an opinion on this!"

And all of this culminates into what we are seeing now as the anti phenomenon. So TL;DR -

The internet is a panopticon. Everything you post can be viewed by everyone. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone is encouraged to voice those opinions. Opinions now must always be morally superior and unproblematic, or you risk being cancelled.

Minors are coming across content on sites they are on that is not relevant to them, and ignore R18 warnings and MDNIs to insert themselves into these spaces to give their opinion, because they have a fundamental misunderstanding of what the internet is and how it works, due to a lack of internet safety.

This means that common fandom culture/etiquette is being lost, and all of this is giving rise to youth parroting what they don't realise are puritan talking points and arguments against sexual deviance, morality, kink, and encouraging censorship. Which may or may not be exacerbated by the psychological developmental phases they are going through, which could be affecting their ability to understand abstract concepts and nuance, such as separating fictional morality and real life morality when it comes to taboo/dark/kink concepts in fan spaces.

(BTW many of my talking points above are thanks to @rainystudios' amazing academic papers which should definitely be checked out by anyone interested in this.)

[lexi-is-legendary]

I don’t know which of my fellow media-studies academics, or cultural critics, or amateur statisticians, or anyone else doing statistical analysis of fandom needs to hear this.... but you cannot use AO3 stats in order to make assumptions about the broad popularity of this or that character or ship or attitude in a fandom. Because AO3 is not remotely representative of fandom as a whole!

This is for several reasons, but three big reasons:

Fanfiction writers and readers are a (tiny) minority of fandom

AO3's content biases relative to other fanfiction websites

AO3's recency bias

Let's get into these in more detail under the cut, including some examples that illustrate how each of these factors will bias your results if you are exclusively looking at AO3:

1. Not all, or even necessarily most, fandom is focused on fanfic, or even shipping. I know it may seem that way on Tumblr, but Tumblr is just one website that has its own demographic bias toward the types of fans who tend to write fanfiction. Especially in fandoms where the canon doesn't focus much on romance, and/or where there are a lot of cis dudes (who largely don't write fanfic), the majority of fandom activity may not have anything to do with fanfiction or shipping. And in those cases, there can be vast gaps in which characters or discussion points or relationships are the most popular. (Sometimes it can be the exact reverse: for instance, Julian Bashir is the most popular Star Trek: DS9 character on AO3 by a significant margin, but one of the least popular mains outside of fanfic fandom. Whereas Benjamin Sisko and Quark seem to be most popular in broader DS9 fandom, but are only the 6th and 5th most popular of the 10 main cast members on AO3. There's a ton of discourse about especially Sisko's popularity that doesn't seem to recognize this disparity at all.) Fanfiction has a notable bias toward "which characters have relationship potential" and, in canons that are "complete" (e.g. shows that have finished their runs as opposed to ongoing shows), toward non-canon relationships or those with unsatisfactory endings, since the biggest bias of fanfiction is toward "things that didn't happen in canon that the writers wish had happened." Canon ships tend to be more popular during a series run since fans don't know the ending yet, but once it's over, a subtextual ship, a canonical ship that was underexplored, or a canonical ship where one or both were killed off, etc. is always going to be more popular than an endgame canon ship that was fully explored where fans are largely fine with how it ended (which is another mark against a character like Ben Sisko, especially in contrast to one like Bashir who is both one half of a juggernaut non-canon M/M ship and had an endgame canon relationship that fans largely dislike).

2. AO3 is neither the only fanfiction website nor is it the most popular, and it has some notable biases the other big sites don’t have — particularly toward M/M (which makes up the largest group of fics on AO3), and toward queer content more broadly (there’s also significantly more F/F on AO3 than on the other major fanfic websites), thanks to the fact that it was founded partly in response to censorship of queer fanworks by other websites. When someone crunched the numbers on the big three websites in Anglophone fanfiction fandom (AO3, FF.net, Wattpad) they found that overall, F/M outnumbered both M/M and F/F combined, and gen was about as common as M/M. Even if you're looking specifically at fanfiction fandom, AO3 stats alone are going to miss out on a lot, unless you're looking at the fanfiction writers in a fandom that is predominantly M/M and/or F/F with little in the way of F/M or gen -- but you're still probably going to have to look at FF.net, Wattpad, etc. to know if that's even true in the first place! And even some fandoms that are like that might have their own archives that are more useful: e.g. you'll probably find more useful stats on the F/F-heavy MLP:FIM fandom by looking at FIMFiction than AO3. (Look, I dated a brony a decade ago and y'all know my memory for fandom nonsense is way too good, don't judge me for knowing this)

3. AO3 was founded in 2008 and went into open beta in 2009, which means it is heavily biased toward fandom from the last 15 years. While some older fic has been uploaded to AO3, the vast majority of it hasn't, and so AO3 isn't very representative of what fandom, including fanfiction fandom, was like before that year. For any fandom which existed in any significant numbers before 2009, AO3 just isn't going to work for studying the fandom at all unless you are specifically looking at more recent stuff. (Star Trek again is a great example here: the "Kelvin Timeline"/J.J. Abrams movie trilogy, known to Trekkies as AOS, has about 16k more fics on AO3 than the Original Series from the 1960s, or TOS. But if you know literally anything about the history of fanfiction, you know the idea that there is overall more AOS fic than TOS fic -- or even just more of it on the Internet -- is completely ludicrous. But AO3 premiered the same year as the first AOS movie, a hit mainstream movie that was a lot of younger fans' introduction to Star Trek, whereas TOS fandom existed for 43 years before AO3 was publicly available!)

AO3 stats work fine if you're looking at a specific subset of fandom that uses AO3. It could be very useful if you're studying, say, English-speaking Yuri!!! on Ice fans, or Destiel shippers, or Clexa shippers -- take your pick. It's obviously useful for campaigns that are specifically focused on AO3 as a community, like the current campaign about racism. But if you're using it to make big, sweeping pronouncements about what broader societal attitudes might be responsible for a character or other thing's overall fan popularity, you cannot just use AO3 stats to gauge that without getting some sense of a) how much whatever you're studying is a Thing in queer fanfiction spaces relative to the rest of fandom and b) if it isn't, if the AO3 stats are representative of the broader fandom outside of it, including both the people who prefer other fanfiction websites and non-fanfiction fandom. Both of which require poking your head out of AO3 into what the rest of fandom is doing. For example, if you want to analyze if racism, misogyny, or homophobia plays a role in the popularity or lack thereof of a particular character: have you looked at what the more het- and gen-heavy corners of fanfic/shipping fandom think? Have you looked at what other corners of fandom think? Do they follow those same patterns or are they different? Because queer fanfiction fandom, for all its many issues with racism, probably isn't more racist than more cis-dude-heavy corners of fandom (who are, after all, the corner whose racist tantrums and harassment campaigns are so massive that they make mainstream news and lead to stuff like POC actors being forced to quit social media for their own safety). It certainly doesn't make sense to conclude that "AO3 users" are more misogynistic and/or homophobic than other corners of fandom given that AO3 users are disproportionately likely to identify as women and/or LGBTQ+ compared to the rest of fandom. So if you have a marginalized character who is more popular with non-AO3 fandom, like Sisko (a black man), that should prooooobably be taken into account before assigning "racial/gender/etc. bias" as the only or primary reason for those AO3 stats!* You can still use AO3 to discuss those patterns, of course, but you have to a) be clear that you're specifically looking at AO3 users and/or b) put those stats in context with the rest of fandom, including how AO3 and its users are different from other fandom. So if a character is significantly more or less popular on AO3 compared to other corners of fandom, and you want to understand why, you might want to start by asking questions like "how do female and queer fans feel about their canon romance?" and "do they have a romantic arc and/or a lot of subtext with a character of the same gender?" before you get into all the other stuff.

You would not believe the amount of otherwise-good analysis, including from academics and from professional media critics reporting on fandom for major news sites, that don't do this. (And before the drama-hounds start trying to extrapolate who I'm talking about here, this really isn't inspired by anyone specific; that's how common this particular mistake is.)

Context is all, my friends. Context is all. And one of the reasons that a lot of fandom studies academics I've talked to discourage studying fandoms where you're deeply invested in the discourse in a particular corner of it is because it's really easy to mistake your personal experiences for being more representative of the whole than they are. If you want to draw conclusions about the whole of a thing, you've gotta actually look at the whole -- or at least, be aware of whether whatever part you're looking at actually represents the whole. This is the same problem social science researchers run into when they assume that studies done on just "university students in the U.S." can be extrapolated to all of humanity when a) the vast majority of humanity doesn't live in the U.S. and b) even within the U.S. itself, most people don't go to university. The stem, the peel and the flesh all make up parts of an apple, but there's significantly more of one of those three things in the apple than the other two. Make sure you know that the chunk you're looking at is the flesh, not the peel or the stem.

*There can still be discrepancies between fanfiction fandom and other fandoms that are based on these divides: for instance, societal standards for what makes someone "sexually attractive" are obviously influenced by things like race, traditional gender roles, etc. and so that might be a reason a character is less popular in shipping fandom than general fandom. But along with that not every fanfic writer's preferences are 1:1 with what they personally find sexually attractive (take it from a lesbian who mostly reads and writes M/M), those patterns would hold just as true for het fanfic as slash and femslash, if not more (given the greater amount of direct self-insertion involved). So you've still got to take the het shippers into account, too, which looking purely at AO3 doesn't. And I've seen people use AO3 stats for broader questions than that, like "whether white fans find this COC relatable" or "whether fans think this gnc character is too gnc for fandom," in which case then yes, the non-fanfic-writers need to be factored in as well, especially if the character in question is a cis man (or one most fans will read as a cis man).

[lexi-is-legendary]

I genuinely think Mouthwashing fandom is a good example on how real life misogyny is very wired on people brains and influenced how they engage with fictional misogyny.

You have a story about a woman being assaulted and telling a man he trusted but being dismissed because he is friends with the attacker, and people fixate on shipping her with either of those me.

You have a story about how men that downplay their male friends violence, assume neutrality is the safer option, unintentionally help create an environment that's unsafe to vulnerable people, at a risk becoming a victim themselves. And people make it about toxic yaoi.

You have a character kill herself because she didn't want birth the child of her abuser. And people make AUs where she happily keep the baby.

Misogyny isn't just "I hate this women", it's also downplaying their trauma, defending those who caused it, and reducing them to mothers or wives against their wished under this idea of what womanhood is about.

I don't think we can separate fandom misogyny from it's real world influence, not yet.

[lexi-is-legendary]

I don't know how to explain to some people that professional TV writers generally don't think about romance in their shows the same way that people in the fandom writing shipping fanfiction do. This doesn't make what those TV writers say correct -- sometimes, particularly when you're dealing with issues involving **representation**, the fans are in fact right that writers from societally privileged groups should be listening to them more! I wrote a whole essay about this! -- but I still think the difference in that thinking is worth considering. A writer saying "actually I think that [bad ship that the fandom hates that got slapped together at the last minute] could've been okay with more time. If we did a sequel I'd keep them together" doesn't see himself as taking sides in a shipping war. He sees himself as working with what they wrote rather than a different storyline they could've written but didn't. Part of the reason I phrase things the way I do in that essay is to point out why in this particular case, that's wrong even with that framing: the "canon" relationship is flimsy and easily written around, and what basis it does have is kind of gross and best left in the '90s anyway, while they accidentally wrote a great romantic arc for the "non-canon" pairing without intending to which can be easily resuscitated in a hypothetical sequel.... much more easily, in fact, than writing something emotionally satisfying for the conflicting "canon" couple.

Regardless, I think it's more useful, especially if you have ambitions of writing stuff beyond fanfiction, to think about these things as stuff beyond "shipping war" and more the way that most professional writers think about it: where characters are tools, not other people living in an alternate universe. Even when writers talk about feeling like characters live in their heads, they do it to discuss how they feel pulled in certain directions in a story that aren't necessarily what they originally wanted for said character. Like I get it, I want my blorbos to kiss in certain specific configurations too and I have a long list of DNWs around that when I submit to fanfiction exchanges, but I still try to keep in mind how people who are not me approach this stuff. Especially since with 99% of the books I read, movies/TV I watch, video games I play, etc. that is also where I am. The stuff where I get shipping and blorbo headed is a minority of my media consumption, even if it takes up a lot of brain space.

And again, in cases where the writers really are wrong-headed about a particular romantic storyline, you'll make a better argument if you can phrase it in ways that aren't reliant on fandom-style thinking.

[lexi-is-legendary]

Killing Eve ~

So, Killing Eve was super popular a few years ago, with the epic fiasco that was the finale. I didn't watch it at the time it was releasing, as I wasn't really involved in these specific fandom circles. I finally decided to watch it after watching Hannibal, as these circles have some overlap.

I will say, outright, that I feel this comparison is misleading in one major way: the storytelling. Yes, these shows both feature a very weird cat and mouse relationship between the leads. However, the focus on imagery and cinematography in Hannibal creates a very different effect on the narrative. I actually think that Killing Eve has an interesting style of simple cinematography, which focuses on the locations and perspectives of the characters more than the inherent symbolism of each character's philosophy. The cat and mouse dynamic are definitely present in both, however. I'm only pointing this out as I was introduced to the show through that comparison, and I don't think it really captures the "vibe" of Killing Eve, so to speak.

Anyway.

The dynamic between Eve and Villanelle really captured my attention in the first and second seasons. The writing focuses on the separation and intrigue between them, allowing it to be visualized by the kills, the investigations, and the gifts, which is both unsettling and romantic. At first, I loved the will they-won't they of each season, but there are a few times where the actions of the characters (or the writers, towards certain portions of season 3 and 4) were annoying. However, I have to admit that I still enjoyed that. I liked seeing the way Eve and Villanelle interacted with the other characters, and how their entanglement disrupted or even destroyed the lives of those close to them. This is particularly noticeable with Eve.

Initially, I thought the sense of humor was a bit gray, but it works very well with what we know of Villanelle, and I like the witty one-liners from Carolyn and Eve at times. The plot with the twelve, however, has been less amusing and more of an annoyance. For a show that introduced itself on the premise of MI6 spies attempting to find the organization, it doesn't do as much to untangle the threads of that storyline. Even by early season 4, we have a lot of unanswered questions and less evidence of who or what this organization functions as than I would've wanted.

Still, I can't deny that most of this series' interest comes from Villaneve itself. I do think the sudden reset at the end of season 3/the first half of season 4 is...annoying to say the least, as we already had this good-terms-gone-bad ending in season 2, however, I like seeing Eve, Villanelle, and yes, Carolyns separate attempts to find their place in this. And I think learning more about Carolyn's history was pretty interesting, especially how she and Konstantin ended up entangled in the same messes.

I'm not super knowledgeable about film history, cinematography, or script writing, as I've only recently begun delving into the topic of trying to analyze these things on my own. It's fun, but also surprisingly difficult. I don't have that much to say about the writing of this show other than perhaps the most common critiques of its strange plot holes, odd mischaracterizations, and...the finale. I have not gotten there yet, so I can't say anything other than: I am NOT looking forward to that.

Well then. I just finished the finale. I can admit that I had already seen spoilers for this show. Unsurprising, considering it finished two years ago, but it both made me dread the finale and took away some of the emotional impact. I was already preparing for the worst.

There's so much to say and I'm sure others have said it. I loved the domestic nature of Villanelle and Eve's stay in the A Bothy and subsequent road trip. I enjoyed the scenes between Carolyn and Pam, and it was nice to see Hugo was still around. The little fight scene between Gunn and Eve at the beginning of the episode was fairly short, but it's another way of showing how Eve has become less concerned with being normal.

I also thought the inclusion of a tarot reading was a really fun narrative device, both in its clear description of Villanelle's life, the relationship issues that were still unresolved between her and Eve, and the hope she had for their future. And its stone-cold foreshadowing of "Death." In tarot, the card is largely metaphorical: it usually represents great change, it represents mystery, it represents new beginnings. That it was all of these things in the most literal, gut-wrenching, and honestly bad faith ways possible is just. such a fucking disappointment. I think the worst part isn't even the bury your gays trope being fulfilled, it's that they were SO close to happiness. The ending is a fundamental misunderstanding (or deliberate rejection) of this shows primary theme: these two were supposed to reunite. For the finales of three seasons, they did. And Eve's speech at the wedding is such an explicit statement of this very thing that I'm baffled. And to learn that Laura Neal believes the ending scene with Eve screaming (in pain and in RAGE) was a "rebirth" where she could move on from Villanelle is contradicted by the song, which sings: "I've been thinking about her / almost every single hour / I can't forget / the sound / of her heartbeat / all around."

There's no way that I can see this loss as something good for Eve. She didn't WANT to lose Villanelle. I can understand why fans, the actresses, and yes even mainstream media were completely shocked. And the fact that it ends with Eve still in the Thames...with Villanelle sinking to the bottom — when their hands couldn't even touch one last time — knowing that Carolyn made that call just blows.

Even so.

The kiss scene was perfect. I loved how the scene starts with them peeing together. It's odd when said out loud but says so much about their comfort around seeing each other in "unsightly" ways. I love how it starts with a cheek kiss. I love how tender and excited they both are to kiss, and to keep kissing. It was romantic. It was sweet. And it was so, so nice to see them smiling into each other's mouths. I love that there's no hiding that its a kiss. I love that they separate and kiss again. And when they slapped each other's butts and just. laughed about it. It was perfect.

And the fact that they kissed again, on the boat, in such an awkward but absolutely intimate angle, as they separated is bittersweet in hindsight.

I really enjoyed this show. With all of its witty one liners, complicated women, failing parent-child relationships, and its intense fight or investigation scenes. I still think the fashion of the earlier seasons are especially great and the choice to follow each of the characters through the various locations they work in makes for an interesting narrative perspective.

I do think that the introduction of new side characters makes the world seem more dynamic and interesting, even if I was less interested in these ones overall. I think that having Konstantin train Pam, who is also under the thumb of Helene, was a fun choice actually. I liked her. The scene where she kills him and just. keeps apologizing...and he comforts her, is both sweet and sad. And when it comes to Helene, I 've come to calling her interactions with Eve "evil flirting" because it's just so tense in the way they threaten each other but also has an intimacy that I liked. I love that even when Eve "has a bath" and kisses Helene, she's using it as a replacement for Villanelle. Helene even acknowledges it when she has Gunn shoot Villanelle in retaliation for her daughter being kidnapped. It's a dynamic that shows how comfortable Eve has become in her own darker desires, but also emphasizes that she feels the happiest, most interested, the least bored, when she can be with Villanelle.

I've heard people say this relationship would never work long-term. In fact, Eve says so herself. But I think "we'd eat each other before we got old" and "they'd get bored, so they won't last" are actually two different statements. Villanelle can' stand boredom. That's absolutely true. But neither can Eve. And the thing is: Villanelle WANTED the boredom. She wanted someone to watch movies with. Someone who didn't see her as a monster. Someone to pee with without shame. She wanted to run away from the Twelve, not entirely because she'd come to hate killing — as we see in her brief stint in a church group, it was largely driven by the misconception that it would make her worthy of Eve's love — but also because they could have done it together. She wanted a partnership, boredom and eating each other and all. And I think that actually brings me to my final thought about the finale: it's a failure in writing. It's a misunderstanding of their relationship and these characters to have killed Villanelle. Not because it was inevitable, but because they didn't go together.

I think if they had both died in the Thames, if they'd been able to reach each other one last time as they did, I wouldn't feel so disappointed and frustrated. Every season finale brought them closer to understanding each other. It also brought them to the same page in what they wanted: each other. They should have been together, even if that was the last time. Eve is reborn here, maybe, but it's not a good thing. She destroyed her life with Niko because it didn't fulfill her, and she tried to find something with Villanelle because she hoped it would. This is nothing but loss and grief.

Yeah. I think that's where I am. It's a loss. Another female character killed for the big screen. Another queer character dead, another queer store unfulfilled. The only good thing that comes from it is an entertaining story, and that it wasn't canceled before a series finale. The bar is so low in the current climate of sapphic shows, it's depressing.

[Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ OR 9.25/10] \ Despite everything, I'd also consider it rewatchable.

[lexi-is-legendary]

He truly did.

[lexi-is-legendary]

here r all of my avatar girlies’ profile portraits - without the procreate taskbar 😋 feel free to use them as icons or wallpapers 🩷

[lexi-is-legendary]

There comes a time when fandom becomes less of an escape from anxiety to being the source of anxiety. Sometimes I need to remind myself what’s important to focus on, and I made this chart to help me with that. 

(Posting this at the request of a few people. The design/concept was inspired by an instagram post about covid-19 located here). 

[lexi-is-legendary]

hurt and comfort

[lexi-is-legendary]

One of my favorite yuri related things is actually this Japanese article I found once that was like. Directed at younger himejoshi. So I put it through google translate because I was curious and it had a bunch of tips like "if you have a friend who is also a yuri fan... maybe you can go see a movie about girls together! But REMEMBER. Be sure to let her know in advance if you want to be 😳 more than friends 😳" and I genuinely thought it was so funny and cute that it was like "WARNING: we know manga likes to string things along but you cannot do that in real life you need to make your intentions known" LMAO

[lexi-is-legendary]

I made a bunch of these because I have no chill. I think this series is super fucking cute and I love that it comes with an official playlist.

One of my favorite things about this manga, other than the adorable characters and the alternative lifestyle, is honestly...the BACKGROUND. I love that it's neon green! It's such an interesting stylistic choice, but somehow, it works perfectly. There's not a lot to say about the plot of this story because it's fairly straightforward: a girl becomes interested in a guy due to his coolness and their mutual love of rock music, and not only do they both discover the real person underneath their personas, they both develop new friendships with people who are newer to the alternative scene. All of the characters help each other find a safe place to enjoy music, to break through their fears of being judged, and the leads still fall in love with a girl without in-text homophobia being the major obstacles. I love the choice to have Aya and her friends be glitter-glamor gyaru's, an alternative subculture in their own right! I love that we get to see Narita become good friends with Mitsuki and that he completely supports (ships) them. I love Kanna and Joe's relationship still being amicable and fond despite their breakup. I love that Chizuru and Mao came to see why Aya had an interest in rock. I love that we get to see how gender non-conformity in young girls is treated. I love that Mitsuki's current crowd accepts her completely. I love the little parallel between Aya and Mistuki feeling left out; or the parallel of Mitsuki and Joe pulling away while consumed by writing music. I love that music drives all of them to seek out unique friendships. I just. Love how important music is to this story, as a huge music fan myself.

I decided to reread this because I just have so much fun with it. It's a GL/Shoujo Ai that I would 100% recommend!

*Sorry about the text quality in the middle two. The songs listed are: All I Think About Now by Pixies (Mitsuki's side) and Talk by Beabadoobee (Aya's side). The song listed at the bottom is Fell in Love with a Girl by The White Stripes. I left out the artist because I wanted to use a cute font.

[lexi-is-legendary]

Fan Art by Mian Lang for SQ Begin w/Your Name.

Official Art by Tan Jiu for SQ Begin w/Your Name.

I absolutely love how often Tan Jiu creates companion artworks for Sun Jing and Qiu Tong. Like, her art is beautiful of course, but I think the emphasis on their contrasting senses of style/color schemes pairs really well with their matching outfits in other works. The way her art style has developed over time helps them appear more mature, which helps the "future" scenes feel more authentic.

I decided to add the companion fan art above because I really like the watercolor style and the more black-and-white colors.

[lexi-is-legendary]

她们的故事 / Tāmen de Gùshì / Their Story - Sun Jing.

I love that she's so kind to others, sweet around Qiu Tong, and clearly well-liked by her peers. She's a basketball player and well known for being the tussling type. I have a lot of fun following her shenanigans at school. I love the slice-of-life nature of this story and how it focuses on these characters enjoying their mundane lives. There's no real plot but we get to see how the relationship between Sun Jing and Qiu Tong develops from the sheer awkwardness of their first meeting.

I decided to make a few moodboard using images from this manhua because it's not often talked about in the English fanbase. I think it's a shame that there's not as much material for us to work with, as the author has been unable to finish the story as she wished but I'm happy with the story we did get to have.

Art Credit: Tan Jiu and Name Card by Me.

/ Qiu Tong's moodboard /

[lexi-is-legendary]

她们的故事 / Tāmen de Gùshì / Their Story - Qiu Tong.

I love the sweet, lighthearted nature of her character. She's well known in school but struggles to make friends. I like the detail that her family is often away and she's lonely. By becoming friends, and as their relationship grows into something romantic, we get to see just how affectionate and playful she can be. She was unsure at first, but I love that she was the one to kiss Sun Jing. They spend a lot of time just...going about their mundane lives together...and even in the future artwork, there's no sign of discontent.

"I decided to make a few moodboard using images from this manhua because it's not often talked about in the English fanbase. I think it's a shame that there's not as much material for us to work with, as the author has been unable to finish the story as she wished but I'm happy with the story we did get to have."

Art Credit: Tan Jiu and Name Card by Me.

Edit: I corrected the name on the title!

/ Sun Jing's moodboard /

[lexi-is-legendary]

Their Story and The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy at All

Recently I've been thinking about the success of The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy at All and how it feels like seeing where Tamen de Gushi could have ended up, had its publishing issues not lead too various hiatuses during its peak.

To give a quick summary of events; Tamen de Gushi (aka Their Story/SQ Begin W/Your Name!) is a manhua created and posted online by Tan Jiu. It was incredibly popular around 2015 to 2018, during which time it had big ad campaigns, cute merch, animated promos and a print volume of the manhua itself. Just the one though. Sadly a the start of 2018 Tan Jiu announced that volume 2 would be indefinitely postponed as their publisher had requested several scenes be removed, which they refused to do. People speculated the scenes were the romantic ones between the leads, particularly the Big Kiss that would have been in that volume, but it was never specified. Regardless, this had a pretty disastrous effect on the manhua, as without the revenue from volume 2 Tan Jiu understandably began working on other projects and updates basically stopped altogether outside of occasional illustrations and short comics detached from the main storyline.

Meanwhile The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy at All (lets go with the insane shorthand tgswiiwagaa from here on) is a manga created and posted online by Sumiko Arai. First starting in 2021 it has become incredibly popular, which has lead to big ad campaigns, popup shops and cafes, a drama CD and print volumes of the manga itself.

So there is some surface levels similarities between the two: both are released via the author's social media account, both feature a high school slice of life stories, both gained a huge followings outside of their original language due to scanlation efforts, and both were/are the the face of digitally published yuri.

I don't think we'd get tgswiiwagaa without Tamen de Gushi, or at least I don't think it would be as big as it is without the groundwork Tamen de Gushi lay within online spaces. I can't speak too much on Tamen de Gushi's domestic fandom, or even its Japanese one, (though it was clearly popular in both) but at least in English-speaking yuri circles it was the breakout hit that brought in a lot of new readers to the genre. (Which is crazy to think about since it was before Mangadex became the dominant host of scanlated works, so it was primarily released on Tumblr! with only some chapters showing up on Dynasty Reader later.)

And I don't wanna say it was the only game in town back then, as around 2015 was a real golden age of manhwa and manhua popping off with the likes of Her Tale of Shim Chong, What Does the Fox Say? and PULSE. They're all still popular recommendations when people ask for top yuri picks, deservedly so. But as I said, there's something about tgswiiwagaa that reminds me of Tamen de Gushi in particular.

That popularity which lead to fanart, edits and fancams in the English side of the fandom feels kind of important to totgswiiwagaa's future international success. Like it widen the net so when totgswiiwagaa came along with a story that had even more western pop culture touchstones than a manga reader might normally get it was able to scoop up way more fans than ever before.

I think when it comes down to it, It's just nice to see tgswiiwagaa go even further than Tamen de Gushi did. There's been plenty of talk about if tgswiiwagaa will get an anime and/or a live action adaptation, and honestly I hope it gets everything and more! Because just like Tamen de Gushi before it, I know tgswiiwagaa is laying the groundwork's from some other wildly popular yuri that will come to surpass it in the future. And I can't wait to read whatever new stories come out next!

[lexi-is-legendary]

Since starting my aroace journey and watching dr. Stone (as part of said journey) it really hit me how toxic shipping culture is and it makes me sad. Like ship who ever you want idgaf but why does every moment of intimacy between people have to be romantic or sexual?? “Omg they did this thing where they were really close to each other, there’s no platonic explanation for it” yes there is! Some people fuck their friends actually. Ffs I once meet someone on tinder and when meeting in real life we cuddle the whole night and then haven’t really stayed in contact. And as mind blowing as it is I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to that guy. Can people fucking stop being so narrow minded when it comes to relationships of any sort. And omfg stop taking shows so seriously. Is a form of art and every person interprets it differently and that’s fine and fucking beautiful but also means you don’t have to argue over it online.

Sorry for ranting but it had to get out

[lexi-is-legendary]

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED