lenoue

[lenoue]

all times john’s left the boys alone. he did it because they needed to learn how to survive without him, how to take care of each other because one day he might leave for a hunt and not come back. he couldn’t let them rely on him too much. when sam was seven or so, dean would’ve been around eleven, john left them at a cabin in montana with a barely stocked kitchen and half a set of survival skills between them. snow piled up two feet that winter and he wasn’t sure if dean knew well enough how to start a fire. they could’ve died. john knew that. he could’ve come back to two small, lifeless bodies wrapped around each other for heat that wouldn’t stick. but he couldn’t coddle them, they needed to learn to fend for themselves. and sure enough, when he pulled up a week later, smoke was curling up out the chimney and his boys were scared and hungry but warm, rationed three cans of beans and melted snow in front of the fire for water when the pipes froze. 

[lenoue]

ok got in trouble for sammying out at work

yeah the apt use of my minimal break time is to sammy out

[lenoue]

profane blood pumping through your veins is as iconic to me as unclean in the biblical sense btw

[lenoue]

[lenoue]

yeah the apt use of my minimal break time is to sammy out

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[lenoue]

this is her if you even care

sam can be a beautiful deergirl and still have majestic antlers btw. its rare but it happens. everything rare happens to sam anyway

infact, caribou sam

infact, that one female caribou with a head stuck to her antlers, that's my deergirl

[lenoue]

sam can be a beautiful deergirl and still have majestic antlers btw. its rare but it happens. everything rare happens to sam anyway

infact, caribou sam

infact, that one female caribou with a head stuck to her antlers, that's my deergirl

[lenoue]

"Sabriel makes no sense because gabriel tortured sam." If some cruel silly 5'8 god put me in the torture loop for months and I hunted him down for half a year and eventually worked myself to tears begging him to stop and then he actually did, I do genuinely think that whole shebang would mess me up enough to give me a thing for him.

[lenoue]

dean’s “Yeah, he wasn’t the only one you got away from.” sounded so possessive..

the way that man Needs to be the only thing on Sam's perception. his head should be chopped open and his brain studied in a lab.

"you Got Away From" like mmm okay yeah wayy to make him sound like he was tied to the basement behind a thick latched door.

i get why sam said that about john but why is dean reenforcing for himself?? this is why i think he's competing with john in his weird way. john had a hold on sammy that sam had to put up a fight to get away from. dean wasnt even a part of the equation so obviously his grip wasn't strong enough :/ this is why he bites into sam and grips onto his flesh now. he wants sam to fight him. he likes to feel the struggle. (both metaphorically and.. you know)

[lenoue]

there's always this subtle smell of envy i find coming off of dean whenever any discussion of stanford (or flagstaff) takes place. like he's in disbelief that sam hated their dad and their life enough to leave but didn't love him enough to stay. can't even comprehend it.

he's in an imaginary competition with their dead dad

[lenoue]

Thoughts on sambrady?

lots of them. infact i mightve seen eric johnson in a dream once but i cant be sure

but im wondering if you mean real brady or demon brady? cause i don't actually think anything happened between him and real brady. but i Do think him and sam had a great bond. which is why the guilt of missing what happened to his friend would weigh so heavy on him

but if we're speaking demon brady, let me introduce my favourite spn headcanon to you ( if someone else said this, i havent seen it yet) :

-> Sam was being microdosed with demon blood all his life!

think about the azazel gang we see in swan song. i think all of them were feeding sam teeny bit demon blood.

and demon brady was the worst of all. he'd put a drop of it in the drinks he hands to sam, they'd be smears on the food he's handfeeding to sam but they can't see it cause the club is dark. and he'd always, always bite his lips before kissing sam after he's all pliant and easy after those microdoses in his food or drinks.

he'd do this for hours. bite and make out. bask in sam's humiliating loose limbs as he tries to push himself and flops back down again.

i actually have a more smutty dub con ish scene in mind but idk if you meant demon brady so let me know if u want my problematic smut thoughts anon!

[lenoue]

https://www.tumblr.com/lenoue/772194676720779264/wincest-with-sam-finding-out-that-dean-loves-him

bonus points if he finds out while dean is nonconning him (in literally any scenario) ♡ sam’s blind faith & trust in his older brother being shattered with the realisation….the worst thing that can happen to him, and i’m here for it. when he suffers because of dean’s obsession with him >>

you gotta give it to sam cause he'd Try

he'd try to move out of dean's orbit because he knows he doesn't want what dean wants (i dont buy into sam pining for dean actually his "attraction" is far more convoluted than that) and he wants dean to maybe move on once he realises that sam's serious about leaving. he just needs to put his foot down. he just needs to explain. this is for dean's own good (05.22 he wants dean to have normal too)

and dean's listening to him explaining this and he doesn't say anything. sam's talking to dean's back, dean doesn't even turn around. (or maybe he'd even say he understands. yeah sammy you're right, I'll find my own normal) and then sam leaves.

dean gives him a one day headstart.

the next day, dean's knocking on a motel room and sam's not opening cause he knows. he doesn't want to believe it tho. eventually dean ofc knocks the door down, backhands sam so hard he's immediately on the ground and dean's just had enough of this. he grips sam by the hair, pins him down on his stomach and pulls his pants down enough to push into him right there on the mud soaked motel carpet.

and sam's body is shaking, he doesn't know what's happening.

once dean's done, he'll dress sam up again, turn him back, and ask him while he's gripping his jaw "had enough me time? ready to come back home?"

sam's nodding cause he just realised this is it. it'll just be him and dean. cause dean doesn't want normal, he wants sam. and what sam wants? well, when has it ever mattered what sam wants.

[lenoue]

still thinking about your tags on this post. dean is just so wolf coded. “if i didn’t know you, i’d wanna hunt you” and him hunting sam down after sam escaped from the panic room, his enjoyment of hunting & violence (the brutal killing of a vampire in bloodlust, torturing souls in hell) are my fave examples. but also yes loyalty to the family and demand for obedience

don't even get me started!!!!!!

like, wolves are so family oriented and usually their communication is top tier, their cooperation in hunting is crazy (hello!!!), they don't usually reach violence for discipline (uh oh), a few key behaviors communicate well who's dominant in the pack and they're good at reading cues to know how to engage or not to engage, unless they want a fight. their fights are usually between different packs (that goes hard in the "if i didn't know you, i'd wanna hunt you" like!!!!! yeah!!!!! he's so pissed but because of family he's trying not to go for the kill).

but you know that study that perpetuated the myth of the alpha wolf? there's no such thing as the alpha wolf in wild wolves, it's usually just a family and the breeding pair, the parents, are the ones in charge. but if you take a bunch of wolves, put them in captivity without their natural structure, they bound to fight and one of them rises as the "alpha wolf". also in captivity they kind of trauma bond in a way (using that term loosely just so we can see the parallel). in the wild young wolves can go their own ways, find a family of their own, packs are fluid, but in captivity? that's not an option, so they knit tight together and when one leaves or dies, the other(s) one(s) can follow just because they can't deal with the absence in this enviroment that's already so out of their control (you see where i'm going!!!!)

so think about dean not having the proper socialization, the proper structure, the way all the key natural instincts are there: loyalty to family, the need for some hierarchy, discipline and social bonds. they're all there, but he didn't get the social cues down, so in a scenario with wild healthy wolves, one would pin the other down, maybe show some teeth just so they establish their position in the pack (and he does that), but if they're not used to communicating properly, maybe the one wolf being dominant bites down when he should not be doing it. that causes confusion and fights, because it's a break of trust! (he also does that)

what i'm saying is: dean is a captivity/not properly socialized wolf and that means he's more agressive and a lot more unhealthy about his bond to his family <3

[lenoue]

in a bennysam universe, benny Would let dean know he was "sodomizing" his brother

[lenoue]

“stark naked sammy fully clothed dean” YES.

this is my default for them btw every time i think about samdean in bed, dean's always wearing clothes and sam is minimally clothed, if at all

there's a visible power play here at work that makes me a bit insane since i came across this dynamic with deathwing and it's such a swift way to establish control in a setting without even doing something. especially in times when dean was mad at sam or needed to reestablish his hold over him.

like just the visual of sam lying naked on a king bed, crawling backwards with his long legs, heart pounding because dean who's standing at the foot of the bed, still wearing his suit, his fake fbi badge probably still in the pocket, hasn't said a word since getting back, just stripped sam down and pushed him down the bed.

he'd definitely touch him but after a while of seeing sam squirm under his eyes. he'll never take anything off. just unzip his pants, hold sam's hands down by the wrist so he's the only one touching. sam would feel the burn off the trousers when dean would grind into him. dean would feel sam getting off by rutting himself against the bedsheets.

after they're done he'd tuck himself back in, zip up and tell sam to get dressed and meet me out in the car, we have one last witness to interview while sam's just lying there cold and trying to catch his breath

[lenoue]

wincest with sam finding out that dean loves him more than brothers and realising his feelings are reciprocated is good

but wincest with sam finding out that dean loves him more than brothers and realising this means he can never, ever leave or have a separate life cause dean will always drag him back kicking and screaming? mmmmm