kkum-dreams - Tumblr blog

[kkum-dreams]

April 27th, 2018: Always leading us through hardships

I was under a blanket and I came out from underneath. Suddenly I realized that I was sitting high up on a podest or something.

There were a lot of men watching me. The ages were different some in their young 20s some already in their 60s. A man or a boy I couldn't quite find out (since I was too embarrassed because I was high up and all these men were watching me) offered his hand to help me climbing down. So I did.

I tried to find my way out of there without looking up. Once I heard my father's voice I looked up and recognized him. He was wearing my mom's necklace.

It made me emotional and I felt tears building up, as a couple of men tried to lift my father and get him onto the podest where I was standing. He looked up to heaven and it felt like in his mind he was talking to mom.

My tears covered my face as I made my way through all these cars standing here. Now a few women were there, too. I recognized some of them as well.

My sister came up to me and asked what's wrong. I said nothing but she shook her head and said " You saw mom's necklace and got emotional. What is it?"

Before I could answer my mother appeared and took my hand by my wrist and leaded me and my sister through this little chaos of cars.

As we stopped I kissed her shoulder and she turned around and kissed my head.

[You lead us and help us where you can, Mom. Even though you are not on this earth with us. We love you and hope you are save and at ease. We will always miss you ]

[kkum-dreams]

Tell me if I’m wrong ...

“Tell if I’m wrong but you aren’t here because you really want to see me , right? You’re just here so no one would ask questions..” I tell him as I’m sittig on the edge of the bed of this hospital.

I look at him. He doesn’t answer nor does he look at me. I turn my head and look at the awfully coloured wall. This was the worst orange-yellow I have ever seen. What were the people thinking as they painted this room? There wasn’t one person who could’ve liked this colour right? Was this supposed to make me feel better? 

Suddenly I felt this pain rushing through my body. No, not mentally but real physical pain. I hold myself at the edge of the bed. Gripping at the cold metal, my knuckles turning white, hoping to get some release. Any kind of release from this pain. 

I shut my eyes, so all I see is black. I keep quiet so he doesn’t see me hurting.

But this time he does see.

You get up and walk to me, stopping at the bed. He calls my name. Once, two times. I try to answer him but can’t. Lightly I feel something against my cheek. Feather light. It’s his hand against my cheek.

He calls my name again and the pain starts to ease up.Slowly I open my eyes, turning my gaze to him, but I can’t see anything. My view is all watery, how had I cried so much? 

He careses my cheek and wipes my tears. Again my name, next to my ear. 

I nod. Because that’s all I can do at the moment. I just nod.

And let my eyes meet with his.

You have never really called me by my name.

Only a few times in your sleep.

If I could show you one thing, then it would be a view out of my eyes. Because I would still save you, help you and most of all love you. 

And all of it would happen without you noticing.

Until I showed you how much pain you caused me, and still stayed. 

[kkum-dreams]

February 21st, 2018: If I could have helped you

I dreamed of my mother again.

We were sitting in the kitchen eating, but mom wasn't feeling well. She said she'd be in the living room. I felt something was wrong so I followed her.

As soon as she entered the living room she collapsed on the floor. I ran up to her and talked to her but she was unconscious. I called for my sister to get her medicine.

I tried to listen if her heart beat was stable but I recognized she was trying to tell me something.

"I'm hurting" she whispered against my cheek.

I didn't ask where exactly because I knew she was hurting everywhere.

My sister got the medicine and my dad came to help getting her onto the sofa so she could take her pain killers. When she took them she was feeling a little better but not much.

As always it was not much time left and she was gone again.

I love you and hope you are feeling safe and are at peace. ❤️

[kkum-dreams]

February 08th,2018: genuine confusion

I was at M.’s house for some reason I didn’t know why. I went into the kitchen to help out M’s mother. As I went into the kitchen I saw M. sitting at a table in the corner with the black cloth around his upper body. It looked like he was at a hairdresser for cutting his hair and his hair was almost done.

“Ah there you are, sweetie. Would you help me out in here?” his mother asked me politely. I nodded and proceeded to help her out in the kitchen. It didn’t get unnoticed by me that M. was glancing in my direction every few seconds. It genuinely made me nervous.

A different boy with that hairdresser cloth around his shoulders came and asked for a clingfilm.

I was shocked at first, but when his mother reacted chill I remembered that you could use clingfilm when you die your hair.

[I was thinking it might have been M. brother but he looked different than him. I don’t who he really is]

M’s mother wanted me to get the clingfilm for her since she was shorter and couldn’t really reach the top shelf. I did it and handed her the film.

She left to give the boy what he asked for and I was left alone with M.

Just as she was walking out M. called out ny name. He turned around and just smiled at me. I was confused, again. Why did he smile to me like that?

“Sunny, look at this. It’s not properly done, is it?” I didn’t even know he knew my name. What was happening here?

I got a little closer to him and watched his face to control if he was right about it.

And he was. The hairdresser had messed up the front a little bit, but it wasn’t too bad. The hairdresser could correct it in a second.

To his surprise and my own too, I touched his forehead along the missed lines.

“He missed these spots, but the rest is great. Suits you…” he had a very smooth forehead. He noticed me struggling with myself. And I noticed he was nervous too, although he had such a confident look.

I pulled and turned away to clean the last spots in the kitchen. Immediately his mother was back and smiled widely, as if she knew what just had happened.

After a while the door bell rang and M’s mother went to open up the door. I remained in my position to keep on cleaning.

Suddenly I felt strong hands around my waist. I turned around quickly and still in shock.

“What are you doing?” I hissed at M. Was he totally out of his mind now? What if someone sees us?

“What does it look like?” he smiled and chuckled next to my ear. So I tried again pushing him off me but he was too strong and just wouldn’t budge.

“Fine then let me ask you a question.” I asked when I gave up. He nodded and came even closer. Why did he make me this nervous?

“Do you only like me because your mother does?” before you didn’t look at me like this… I added in my mind.

He opened his mouth to speak , but his mother came and he slowly let go of me.

His mother only smiled and went away.

I was genuinely confused, again. What was going on?

I turned to ask him again, but he was looking at the ground blushing. Apparently, he too felt a little embarrassed being caught by his mother.

But he quickly came back and gave me a peck on my cheek as an answer to my question.

Before I could be in shock I heard my dad calling me and I went down the stairs, outside where he was waiting for me.

[kkum-dreams]

December 07th, 2017 : Hanahaki Disease

[I had this dream before I knew of the Hanahaki Disease. I learned about it later by coincidence]

[I'm not sure if this is needed but I better put it in. WARNING ⚠ MENTIONINGS OF VOMITING AND SUCH]

________________________________________________________________

I woke up because I felt something at my nose. I touched it and saw that it was red as blood. I ran into the bathroom and just as I reached the sink the blood turned into something else. It was rose and peach colored. Soft little blossoms were coming out of my nose.

Suddenly I felt an uncomfortable urge from my stomach, like the feeling of vomiting. As I opened my mouth whole flowers were coming out. I couldn't stop it no matter what I did. It just didn't stop.

I started to cry at the top of that. Not because of the flowers but the meaning.

______________________________________________________________

Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.

[kkum-dreams]

October 23rd, 2017: I miss you

I had just finished my driving lesson and went into our car. My siblings were sitting in the back and chatting.

Suddenly the car started to drive by itself and drove out of the mess of cars where we were. I didn’t think much of it because our car for driving lessons had such functions, too. This just ment someone was taking charge of it from outside.

[Such things do not really exist]

Dad came and took care of it.

As we arrived home it was already late so my siblings went to bed and I went to clean my face and brush my teeth. When I came out of the bathroom and passed the corridor to my room. I looked into the living room as I saw my father still sitting there amd watching TV. I thought I’d seen someone sitting close to him but wasn’t sure about it.

The next morning I woke up earlier as usual and went out of my room. In the corridor I saw my father who was holding the hand of my mother. I went up to them with shaking knees. I couldn’t say a word because I knew if I’d say anything I’d start crying. If I’d start crying my parents would do so, too. So I didn’t.

Then suddenly my little two year-old brother came and my mom let go of my father’s hand. We looked at him while he was looking at mom.

“Look, she is happy”

[The actual word is something that expresses being pleased, being happy and smiling at the same time]

My father and I looked at her and she really was smiling at her son.

“That’s really right my son” my father said. “just this world wouldn’t let her stay here with us” he added in a more quiet voice. He and my brother left. Before leaving my dad gave my mom one last look and left.

My mother wemt to the bathroom and left the door open. Right in the middle she sat down and started to pick something up. I realized it was her way of going back.

I kissed her head, careful nut to kiss her forehead.

[It says that if you kiss the forehead of a person who passed away, they wont appear in your dreams. ]

I laid my cheek against her head and started to cry big tears. The biggest tears I’ve ever cried. When I opened my eyes I saw she was crying, too.

________________________________________________________________

In reality I felt my face get wet from tears. That’s why I started to leave the dream slowly.

[kkum-dreams]

October 02nd , 2017: In danger and in uniform

I woke up and had a normal start of a day. But suddenly everything turned into chaos. The building started to shake and I quickly called my siblings to evacuate the appartment. The moment I hugged my little 3 year old brother, the door opend aggressively. It was Minseok. He was wearing his uniform and his hat, looking at me worried. But still trying to hide that we know each other. He nodded to me and helped us out. Just at the opposite of our building was an save house. Minseok directed us inside and got us a key to a room for us. I shut the door and went to help my siblings get into their beds. My sister and my other brother fell asleep quickly. Minseok gave me an apologetic look. We knew each other for a few years now, but it seems like we’ve known each other since forever. That’s why I knew what he meant with that look. He wants to apologize because he has to leave for his work.

“I’ll be back real quick”, he said as I followed him to the door.

“Just watch out so you don’t get hurt, okay?” I whispered back taking his hand in mine.

“Promise” he answered and gave me a peck. I closed the door and went to my little brother. I laid next to him until he fell asleep.

As I got up it was already eleven o’clock according to the little watch on the night desk. I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders while sitting on the tiny sofa opposite the beds waiting for Minseok to return.

I was deep in thoughts when I heared soft knocks at the door. I wasn’t sure if it was really Minseok, plus it was super dangerous in this situation at this kind of late hour. 

I sighed happily the moment I heared his chuckle because he knew my concerns at this moment. Rushed I opened the door and pulled him inside. I didn’t even let him close the door I just hugged him very tight. He sighed and pulled me even closer. He shut the door and turned the key so the door would be really close.

“Someone missed me, huh?”he chuckled with a deep voice next to my ear. 

“Shut up, I was worried. You don’t have a boyfriend who is saving people while putting his life in danger everytime he does!”

“Well that boyfriend surely does look good in his uniform,my love” he contered and I blushed. I let go of him and pushed him to the sofa so he would sit down as I went to the little cupboard in the corner to grab some bread for him.

“Here have it, you must be hungry from flirting with beautiful girls as it seems”

“Naw, come here.” he said as he pulled me in his lap. Minseok pooled his arms around my waist and told me to feed him, so I did. Suddenly he started giving me hundrets of little pecks. Until I playfully slapped his chest.

“Min! Stop it the kids are sleeping” I said giggling. I kissed his neck shortly.

He sighed. “ You know the only beautiful girl I accept flirting with is you, right?” 

“Seok, sometimes you’re unbelieveble.But it’s more unbelieveble that we are alive, isn’t it?”

I always call him Seok when I want to talk about serious topics.

“Babe, look at me” I did. “ This world is unfair to us and we know it. But we still manage it somehow. And I’m always going to be with you. I promise. I’ll help you with your siblings and they’re going to have everything. Because you are such a great sister to them.”

“They really love you, you know that? Especially the little one, he is crazy for you.” “ Thank you Minseok, for everything.Really, if it wouldn’t be you I would go crazy. I love my siblings, but sometimes it’s just too much. I’m a sister not a mother. I don’t know if I’m doing this right,Seok.” 

“You are a sister and you’re doing great. No one expects you to be a mother, i think even your siblings do know that. You give your last everything to them so they’ll be good. Your heart is so pure. I can write a book about it and still it wouldn’t be enough.”

“I love you, Minseok.” “ I love you, cutie” 

“Let’s get some distraction” he said smiling, kissing my neck then my lips.

[kkum-dreams]

August 21st, 2017: A red band for the family in sorrow

I was hiding somewhere and tried to listen what my father and a friend of our family were talking.

They were talking about a red band. It was super important for the families that are in sorrow because of a loved one passed away.

The friend asked for that band but my father said he has lost it. The friend returned by saying it's fine since we don't need it right now but soon.

I remembered having seen a red band somewhere.

____________________________________________________________

In reality such a thing doesn't exist. But the women of the family of the person that has passed away are wearing a dark hand band. I had this dreams a few days before my mother really passed away.

[kkum-dreams]

May 01st, 2017: G-Dragon at the airport

[My family and I had planned to go to Russia for vacation, unfortunately it didn't work out but this dream as a result wasn't bad. ]

_________________________________________________________________

We were on our way to the airport and everyone was happy and glad. At the airport we went through the registration.

The lady at the registration told us to wait in one of the waiting rooms until the our airplane is called.

There were two waiting rooms for use.: One was a small one with a lot of seats close to each other, the other was a big one with huge windows and even computers for the passengers.

We decided to go to the big one, surprisingly it was almost empty. Only one person was there. It was the famous G-Dragon.

He was sitting in front of a computer and typed something. He was dressed casually in dark blue jeans and a white shirt. He wore some rings and necklaces to keep it at least a little colorful, since his hair was just dark black, too. He didn't want to be recognized I supposed.

We went to sit at a table, looking outside of the windows and talking. I took care of my little brother who was jumping round like crazy. He ran and sat next to GD.

I got nervous and wanted to call my brother but I couldn't. I watched GD by the reflection on the computer. He felt my gaze and smiled knowingly. I turned around to check my parents weren't looking.

I look back to GD this time he was smiling and talking with my little brother. Once again he saw me watching him and grinned. Directly at me. I was embarrassed and looked down at the ground.

I acted like nothing happened and went to my sibling. I bowed to him and my brother jumped into my arms. GD and I laughed at that and looked into each other's eyes.

Suddenly a loud feminine voice was speaking through the loudspeakers. " Ah it's our flight.." I said and nodded once more at GD. Everyone was moving quickly to get to the plane, but I wasn't.

I was feeling bad because of leaving GD alone, yet I knew I couldn't stay. I made my way to the last door to be gone forever, as I was pulled back.

I turned and bumped into GD's chest. He smelled super nice. I was still shocked while he was holding his phone and taking pictures.

I decided it would be best if I'd played along, and so I did.

He asked me if I had an instragram account so he could sent me the pictures. But I didn't have an account.

He smile disappeared and I was saddened because of that, so I gave him a light peck.

"Kamshamnida" I said and bowed infront of him. Before I disappeared and would never ever see him again I saw his smile and it was damn worth it.

[kkum-dreams]

February 02nd, 2017: All because of a phone

We had spent a day at our friends home and were now on our way back home. Unfortunately we had to refuel our car.

I got out of the car as well to stretch myself a bit, but by doing so my phone fell. It fell fell right next to this person standing there out of nowhere. B and I reached down at the same time to grab the phone, with the difference that he had longer arms and caught it before I could.

"Thanks for getting my phone" I said nicely because he didn't look like he was going to give it back. I was mad, yet polite.

"That's mine" B replied in a calm voice. I snatched the phone back and opened it. I wanted to prove the phone is really mine so I showed him a picture of my little two year-old brother.

"Look here, who's this?" I didn't get an answer. "See you don't know him, do you? That's my little brother sitting in that car. So this phone is mine" I said and went into the car, so we'd drive home.

Back at home:

The doorbell rang as we were sitting in the living room. I went to open the door. It was the boy from earlier who didn't wanted to give me my phone back. I wanted to protest as he walked in but he completely ignored ne and went straight into our living room.

He greeted my parents and said clearly what he came for.

"I want my phone back" As I heardhim say this I was about to explode. Who did he he think he is? Coming inside my house accusing me of stealing?

But I relaxed because my parents were there. So I explained it to him once more that there are pictures of my family on it, how it could be his phone with our pictures in it.

"If you won't go out of our house I will call the police and-" I was cut off by the door bell.

I went to open up once more. As I opened up a saw a bunch of people around the age of B. Probably his friends. Sassy friends I found out because they were beginning to get rude and it was making me uncomfortable I even got scared by them.

B came up from the living room. They seemed to recognize him and wanted to storm in. Luckily B reacted fast and shut the door. It was a bug mess because some made it through and B pushed them out. Finally he rested his back at the door. By his expression I could tell he was shocked as well and even a little desperate. He actually didn't want this to happen.

I must've been in greater shock because he pulled me in into a hug to calm me down.

I was panicking because these people knew where I'm living. They would come again.

"They know where I'm living. They are going to come back, you know that my whole family is in danger now?" I whispered into his chest.

"I really didn't want this to happen. I just wanted to have a reason to come and see you. This is not what I wanted." he said and I nodded at that because I already knew that.

"I know"

"You were just so stubborn, even your parents liked me" he laughed a little and let go of me.

The voices of the people had disappeared, they were gone now.

"Don't worry, I'm going to tale care of that. They won't bother you or anyone from your family" he said and cupped my cheek. I looked into his eyes. They were shining and honest.

B nodded and turned to leave.

"When will I see you again?" I asked in a low voice.

"The next time you'll lose your phone" he said smiling and winking at me.

[kkum-dreams]

January 01st, 2017: A new year's dream

Deep, deep in a Forrest I stood by a deep lake. I stepped inside and went deeper as I realized there was someone watching me. I shook my head and went further knowing it was too deep for me already since I couldn't swim at all. But I was wrong with stepping back as well because my feet got swept away and I fell into the depth of the lake which was rather a sea. This person that was observing me jumped in and tried to save me.

My mind was twisted, I didn't know if I should let him save me or just leave me the way I was. While having these thoughts I also was afraid of the depth of the sea.

So I just fell deeper and deeper into the blackness.

The next thing I remember is being pulled out of the water. I was at the other side of the sea. My savior was the person that had observed me earlier. He stood a few feet away with three other people, talking and looking strangely at me.

"She's not one of us, we can't help her" one of them said.

"But she looks and behaves like one of you. Plus she needs help.. She nearly drowned!" my savior was mad because of their silly behavior. He came to me and took my chin in his hand and turned my face to these people so they'd look at me.

I saw that these people were wearing traditional Korean clothes. That's why their language sounded so familiar. They nodded as a reply to take care of me.

[kkum-dreams]

December 18th , 2016: A sad piano playing alonng

My family and I had moved next to my friends house. It was the friend that has the same name as I do.

I cleaned up a small room. It was very small I could barely walk, but I was giving my best at cleaning it. As I was done people arrived and filled the room. It was getting very uncomfortable and since I have claustrophobia I needed to get out of there.

Out of that little room I met my mother in the corridor, where she asked me to get her skirt from outside.

Outside everything was just as it always was, the playground was there and a lot of cars parked, too. I was walking through the grass as I saw my brother playing football with the brother of my friend and M. I laughed at them in amusement.

The ball rolled up to me, I smiled and shot it back. As I looked up my gaze met the person who had missed his shot. It was M.

The same moment our eyes met a sad, heartbreaking piano started playing. My started to sing along with the melody and watched me play with them.

I also found little sponges somewhere and threw them at them, like this we played with the sad piano in the back. I also threw a spongeball at M and he one at me and at the others. For a moment it seemed like we were just some young people having fun at a warm day.

We went slower, just as the piano was playing.

My gaze went to the door to see if my father was coming out. And he was. I started to panic a little what if he'd see me with M?

M was standing next to the hanging clothes, so went up in his direction and grabbed the skirt.

He sang the last line along with the last tune of the piano: Will you still be near when your father is here?

I looked at him for a second then turned my gaze down. I was sad I had to turn him down for my family but he knew I couldn't stay with him.It was breaking my heart seeing him broken like that and the piano wasn't helping.

I went inside. I somehow felt like betraying my father although I haven't done anything wrong. I had the picture of M smiling sadly in my mind, I saw how his smile dropped as I turned to walk to my father with the skirt of my mother in my hands.

_______________________________________________________________

The piano melody was really sad, I’ve never heard something like that before, although I listen to piano a lot. This melody was really heartbreaking but I can’t remember to sing it, so I’d find it. It was just so touching that I was really desperate the moment I woke up.

[kkum-dreams]

October 29th , 2016: What are you sad about?

Once again at school I was searching for someone. At the big entrance of the playground of our school there is a Grey fence since the ground there is actually a little higher than the of our playground. I stood there and looked down and saw MG. He came just from a game and obviously his team had won because he was holding a trophy in his hands.

Yet MG was looking so sad. That's why I reached down to hold his hands and cup his cheek.

"I'm very proud of your victory" I said and smiled at him. But he didn't smile back that's why I started to have a weird feeling.

"I'm sorry that I don't know but did something happen?"

"I'd tell you but I'm not in the mood right now. It's too much tight now, I'm sorry" He answered and looked down. I nodded my head to him to show I understood clearly.

He nodded too and I saw a tear roll down his face. I felt so horrible, I wanted to hug him and comfort him but I just somehow couldn't I knew he needed to be alone right now.

I went on outside of the school's ground and I saw my friend Pia. She was sitting on the ground next to the containers and crying.

Immediately I ran up to her and hugged her tight.

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

She was crying and sobbing very hard so it was really hard to understand her. She said something like someone close to her had passed away. I was shocked.

This was probably the same reason MG was sad.

"I'm sorry"

[kkum-dreams]

October 26th, 2016 : My teacher and his Japanese friend

The scenes started with me sitting in the bus which is already wird since I usually don't have to take the Bus to school.

Löst in my thoughts I looked outside when suddenly I heard knocks at the window I was sitting at. I opened the window and looked down.

There were two people hanging at the edge of the window. I recognized them as my teacher and he had a Japanese friend. I reached down and helped them up into the bus.

Fortunately there were two seats free and they sat next to me.

The Japanese friend and I started to have a conversation. Mr. MEI was our translator, since he could speak Japanese.

I don't quite recall what the conversation was about, but we were having fun and my teacher was in a good mood, too.

[kkum-dreams]

August 05th, 2016: I'll do if you do

[B is just for the person mentioned below. As I woke up the person's face was all blurry and I couldn't recognize him.]

_____________________________________________________

It was the time of the year where our school would built up a big event for its pupils organized by its pupils. This year it was our class turn to organize the event.

Our tables formed a U and I was sitting with my friends at the outer part of the U. Opposite to B. I was expecting him to participate in this, since he would usually do so. And honestly he would always do it good.

There was always a special tension between me and him. We would always argue or get into fights when we were in the same room. That's the reason why the teacher wanted us to sit this way. It's the most possible distance in this room.

by the time our teacher gave up to motivate his pupils. I wanted to do it but was a little self conscious to do it alone. my friends refused since it would be to much responsibility for them to take. I was a little mad at them but could understand it, at the same time I was mad at B, too. Why didn't he want to do it?

In the five-minute break I got up and went over to B.

"Why don't you want to participate?" I asked him and looked down at him. He smiled and stood up. He was two heads taller than me and it made things embarrassing for me.

" I'll do if you do" he answered and eyes sparkled. For a second I was taken back and didn't know how to respond but then I turned to the teacher and told him, we'd do it.

"Great, you'll get extra points for that."

"See you in the library, partner" he said, smirking into my face.

What did I just do? I'm crazy for sure and I should visit a doctor. Why would I do such a thing. But it's not going to help to complain. It was my fault anyway.

As soon as class ended I went to the library, knowing B was following me. I went to a quiet place in the library. It's very comfy with a lot of pillows to sit down on. I sat down on one and waited for him to do as well.

"Look I don't know where it's coming from, but we seem to hate each other or at least can't stand being in the same room, our friends are going crazy because of that. Let's say we're even and at least try to behave ourselves. Right?" he sighed and sat down.

"I agree" I say " But I don't hate you though" I added in a even more quiet voice. His gaze met mine. And there was this sparkle again.

"Anyway, I was thinking we might keep it simple with different stations to work on?" I said to break the silence before it could get more awkward.

"It's a nice way to keep everyone playing so I agree. But what if we'd let some movies play as well, since older pupils aren't always up to do these station games?" he said and I was at ease that he played along. Like this we discussed the organization of the event. We would have our class as supervisors in the playstations and we'd also have a few films playing in different class rooms. As a second plan we'd have the cafeteria, because it's supposed to rain that day, but only at the end.

It all worked out without breaking into a huge fight. We even laughed and smiled at each other. I was surprised not only bz the actual calmness between us, but by my raising heart beat.

A few days later at the event:

I was watching and following the the happy kids playing on the playground at the different stations. Everyone was happy and having fun. I smiled as I saw B who was talking to little boy. I couldn't help but think it's cute.

Suddenly it started raining, I opened the doors to the cafeteria and let everyone inside. We made sure to have coffee, tea and cake. As everyone was inside I went in as well. I looked around and couldn't find B. I asked a teacher and he pointed outside of a window.

B was picking up the items and locking the stations. He was crazy who would take care of such a thing with that crazy weather outside. I opened the door and called for him. He heard me and ran inside, smiling wide.

He was totally wet by the rain. I pushed a hand through his dark black hair and pulled at some strands. He laughed and shook his head so I would get wet by his hair, too. I laughed and ran away as he followed. We ended up in a quiet corner where there was only one chair and one table left.

"You need to sit down. I'll get you a blanket and something warm." I told him and went.

With a blanket and some hot chocolate I returned. B was looking at the happy and glad people with a smile. I him the blanket and the chocolate which he gladly accepted. I sat down on the table and looked away, because I was afraid of looking into his eyes. I knew I'd find that sparkle again. It terrified me somehow.

"You did well, partner" I said and got a smile in return. This smile made my heart skip a beat.

Suddenly he took my hand and pulled me on his lap. "You worked just as hard as I did, so rest a bit" was his explanation to that.

I was totally nervous and he noticed it. " Stop being so stiff, it's just me" he pushed me back into his embrace.

"that's the problem.." I whispered. He sighed and put his mouth next to my ear whispering back.

"I don't hate you either" he said, I turned a little in his lap. " But why don't we get along then? It doesn't make sense.." I replied

"Well, we did get along this time. We didn't even argue one bit. Maybe it was because we weren't alone" he answered and pulled me in for a kiss. My hands went to his hair automatically, like I'd done it many times before, which I didn't. I kissed him back smiling into it.

"We really don't want to interrupt you guys but.. When we're you planing on telling us?!" we heard a voice speaking. It was one of his friends. I got up with a very red face. My friends were there too. All of them just watching us.

"Well you'd know when you'd get the invitation card to our wedding" B said smiling. I hit his shoulder and buried my head in his chest.

Everyone else was so shocked they just started to laugh.

[kkum-dreams]

June 22nd, 2016: Idiot...

[M is short for the person’s name. The person mentioned here is a few years older than me and we have a weird connection, not really a relationship. I’m not sure myself what kind of connection it is. ]

________________________________________________________________

Because there was going to be some kind of event where me and my family were attending, we needed to get ready. I was done with cleaning the house and everyone else was ready, wearing the clothes I had ironed before and smelling goos. I sent off the children to play in another room so I could get myslef ready, too. I was standing infront of the mirror and Sina was there too, giving me tips or just casually talking to me. By the time I was done and suddenly heared some screams from my room. I went there, it was the room I sent the children off to play with each other. As I opened the door I saw why the kids were screaming: it was because the were having fun. Since Sinas husband and her cousins (M and his brother) were at ours as well, they played with the kids to entertain them until we were done. 

They were throwing the kids gently on the bed and they were giggling out of fun. And they really fun, but it got me so mad- I had been cleaning these rooms for hours and here they were destroying everything. 

I was really mad, but mostly at M. So I told him, I’d like to speak to him. And only him. He was sitting on the ground and refused to come. So I tried to drag him out into the corridor.

“Come om, M. Stop behaving like a child. I hate that…” when I said that he lied down on the floor. The door got closed. M smiled and laughed, but not in a mocking way.

This smoothed my mood, but I was still a little mad at him. Suddenly he swirled his legs around mine, so I couldn’t move.

“What are you doing..?” I paniked a little, because his actions always get me flustered.     

“Nothing.” he replied and put his arms around them,too. Now I really panicked and started to push him but he wouldn’t budge. I tried although I knew it was useless. He was too strong and his grip was too firm.

He was still smiling, while I was now standing there totally done and frustrated with my hair in my face, trying to hide my red cheeks.

M sighed and stood up, he walked to me still smiling. He stopped right infrtont of me. Just a few centimeters of air seperating us from each other, he was still teasing. But in a gentle way. 

He pulled away the strand of hair covering my face and came even a little closer. Closer to my ear.

“Naw, what is it, babe?” he said laughing into my ears. His laughter sounding like a melodie to heart and mind. 

As soon as I heared him laughing, I laughed, too.

“Idiot” I called him and he pulled me in into a hug.      

[kkum-dreams]

June 11th, 2016: I wish I had seen your smile

[M is short for the person’s name. The person mentioned here is a few years older than me and we have a weird connection, not really a relationship. I’m not sure myself what kind of connection it is. ]

________________________________________________________________

We had visitors at our home, most of them friends of my parents. The men were sitting in the living room and the women in the kitchen. We served food and drinks, everything was full of talking and laughter. Once I was in the kitchen one of the women, who was sitting close to the window, asked me to give her a knife. Itook them out of the cupboard and wanted to hand them over, but in the same moment I handed those knifes over something caught my eye from outside the kitchen window and I almost pocked that woman. This woman told me to be careful, so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Outside there was rather someone than something that caught my eye. It was M arriving with his car. His car was a drak black Mercedes Benz. He and his family came with two cars . One was the black Mercedes mentioned and the other was just any car his father was driving with his other younger son next to him and his wife in the back. They took out their bags and came inside through the entrance to the stairs. Without any proper reason I went to my room, I think it was because I needed something. Unfortunately there were people in my room aswell, so I couldn’t get what I was looking for. I turned to the door to get back to the kitchen, but I was already too late. M and his family were standing in our corridor greeting my dad, who was telling them to come inside.

I watched them through the small gap between the doorframe and the door itself. They said hello and kissed each other on the cheek. M did aswell.  

M wore dark blue denim jeans and a dark jacket that’s what I could make out by seeing him from the back. His hair was as usual: black and combed back. He looked casually and good.As I saw him smiling my heart beat rose I wasn’t sure why but it made me glad seeing him like that. Although I felt that he wasn’t at ease, I could even see it a bit, because his shoulders were tense. In my mind I was having a conversation that I was glad I had cleaned up the house in the morning. It would’ve been embarissing with them coming so suddenly and our house not being clean. I went on to the kitchen and for that I had to cross the second corridor which was connected to the living room. While I crossed the corridor I peeped into the living room and saw M. He was sitting on a chair, close to the wall. He was playing with his car keys and looked up as he recognized my gaze. I smiled shyly  and went on without seeing his reaction to my smile. But somehow I was sure he was smiling back, because I’ve seen his lips turn up. Still I was disappointed I haven’t seen his whole smile.