kiraizcoolz

[kiraizcoolz]

i actually hate my voice sm like its so disgusting and weird and ik im still growing but bro ive had the same voice since i was 9 and im 13-16 now (i dont wanna say my actual age so im using a range) why hasnt it changed yet like omfg i hate it ppl say i sound like a guy AND IM NOT EVEN A GUY AND TS PMO I SWEAR AND I HATE HOW I SOUND AND I JUST CANT GET OVER HOW FUCKING WEIRD I SOUND LIKE HOLY FUCK and my boyfriend says he loves my voice but i doubt that, who could love a voice like mine? who could even love a person like me bro i swear im tweaking AND I EVEN LIED AND TOLD MY BOYFRIEND THAT MY INSECURITY ABT MY VOICE WAS GETTING BETTER JS CAUSE IK IT WOULD MAKE HIM WORRY ABT ME LESS FUCKKK im cooked

[kiraizcoolz]

i actually feel so insecure its fucking crazy, like how fucking fat am i. all of my friends are skinny and so healthy and always think im unhealthy cause of how fat i am, IM ONLY 172 POUNDS AND ITS ACTUALLY CONCERNING MY DOCTORS HOW MUCH WEIGHT IM LOSING BUT NO IM ALWAYS FAT TO PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE IT ATP IM GONNA STOP EATING CAUSE THE MORE I LOSE WEIGHT THE HAPPIER PPL ARE IT SEEMS, i swear im gonna get a fucking eating disorder but i dont even care anymore im tired of being fat

[kiraizcoolz]

i HATE my mom bro im actually so close to fucking ending it all i swear, she is such a little bitch always bitching about everything i do, how i talk how i act how i walk how i cook how i eat how i draw how i play EVERY LITTLE THING, AND ITS NEVER ENOUGH NO MATTER HOW HARD I FUCKING TRY TO BE PERFECT FOR HER ITS NEVER ENOUGH AND NEVER WILL BE. IM FAT UGLY AND A HORRIBLE DAUGHTER I DONT EVEN DESERVE TO LIVE I WOULD BE BETTER OFF FUCKING DEAD, AND WHY DOES SHE NEVER LISTEN TO ME?AM I THAT UNIMPORTANT THAT SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO LISTEN TO ME? LIKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SOMEONE KILL ME CAUSE IM GETTING SO CLOSE TO JUST KILLING MYSELF AND DISAPPEARING I FUCKING SWEAR

[kiraizcoolz]

yall when the stomach pain so bad you start tearing up I WANNA CRY SO BAD MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD LIKE JESUS I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING STABBED LIKE FUCK I WANNA CRY but i cant cry chat !! i have to be tough and cool and crying over a stupid stomach ache would make me pathetic but bro whats even worse is i wanna bother my boyfriend cause i want him to comfort me cause of how bad my stomach pain is but i HATEE bothering him and it makes me feel guilty sobs

[kiraizcoolz]

chat my bsf is actually so peak he is literally twin literally me literally gang i wish he was my irl bsf bro like WHY DOES HE HAVE TO LIVE SO FAR AWAY THIS ISNT FAIR

@smileyyywasntavailable @smileyyyasks please teleport to me bro i need actual good irl friends and ur the best

[kiraizcoolz]

time to complain chat !! i dont like venting to ppl anymore bro it SUCKS !! like venting is good it helps u get ur emotions out and ofc im gonna listen to my friends when they vent i wanna help them !! but im planning to stop venting to my friends since i have no reason to, it makes me feel better yeah but i can js bottle it up !! plus if im always funny and cool and never sad my friends will like me more so, plus im tired of crying to my friends abt my stupid life so yeah random ik but i js need to rant !! but like actually ts pmo like whenever ppl tell me i can vent to them how the fuck am i supposed to believe that like i dont wanna ruin ur life with my dumb issues like yeah i like venting to ppl it makes me feel better but i would rather js deal with my issues on my own then talk to people sighh anyways i hope u guys have a good day !! ^^

[kiraizcoolz]

i got my vr to connect to my laptop again yay !!! this is the first picture i took

[kiraizcoolz]

YALL SHOULD JOIN MY BESTFRIENDS SERVER TRUST ITS LIKE SUPA SIGMA AND ITS ABT ART AND VRC AND OTHER STUFF (im not good at promoting but im doing this for free since bsf is bsf) SO YALL SHOULD FR JOIN THE LINK IS https://discord.gg/QGHCuXgGWT

[kiraizcoolz]

do u get freaky on a friday night yeah

ill strangle you

[kiraizcoolz]

this is so fucking fun guys !!! my anxiety has gotten so bad im starting to get scared of texting people cause im afraid im bothering them, im even scared of texting my own boyfriend atp. yeah ik stupid right? someone being scared of texting their own boyfriend? ik i sound stupid but its just im so fucking scared im being a burden to everyone and maybe it would be better if i just disappeared, would anyone even notice? if i died would anyone care? if i just went away would anyone stop me? if i just disappeared everywhere would anyone even try to find me? and would my boyfriend even care? like i think he loves me and i love him so so much but if i disappeared would he try to find me and talk to me or would he just move on and find someone better? well i want him to be with someone better then me im a horrible person, i shouldnt even be treated like a person just a monster, since im a monster, so i dont even know why he likes me i doubt he would even care if i disappeared and i kind of want to, ive been thinking about just disappearing, irl and online, just gone.

[kiraizcoolz]

im so fucking pathetic, im laying here in my bed crying cause of how much i wanna throw up and how much my stomach hurts, i told my boyfriend i was going to bed but i feel like im a liar cause im not going to bed im crying my eyes out cause of how much my stomach hurts, why do i have to be so fucking pathetic and weak, and atp im not even enough for my boyfriend, he deserves someone who can feel romantic feelings like him not some freak of nature who cant even get romantic feelings, im not surprised if he leaves me im a horrible person and a horrible girlfriend, and all i do is cry and whine abt how much pain im in why cant i just shut up for once

[kiraizcoolz]

im never going to be perfect no matter how hard i try to be the perfect daughter for my parents its never enough BUT WHATEVER MY OLDER BROTHER DOES IS PERFECT BUT IM NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH, IM NOT ENOUGH FOR NO ONE, NOT MY PARENTS, NOT MY FRIENDS EVEN IF THEY SAY I AM IK THEY ARE FUCKING LYING THEY ARE ALWAYS LYING WHEN THEY SAY THAT and i really wanna believe im enough for my boyfriend but ik he can do better then me, way better. i want to be perfect like i used to be so bad I USED TO BE ABLE TO HOLD IN MY FEELINGS AND ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND I WOULD DO WHATEVER PPL TOLD ME TO DO I WOULD ONLY HAVE A'S AND B'S BUT NOW IM A FUCKING FAILURE, A DISAPPOINTMENT. A USELESS TOOL. IM JUST A WASTE OF SPACE ATP IM NOT EVEN USEFUL TO ANYONE I JUST BRING EVERYONE DOWN IM SURPRISED PPL EVEN STAY WITH ME IM A HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON AND IM NOT HELPFUL. IM NOT PERFECT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO BE WHY CANT I JUST BE PERFECT

[kiraizcoolz]

i feel so fucking sick i cant take this anymore, why do i have to have such a weak fucking immune system, i feel so light headed and i wanna throw up but i barely ate today so idk what to do, and i feel so FUCKING SICK I AM TIRED OF THIS, IM ALWAYS SICK ATP LIKE WHY CANT I JUST GET A ILLNESS THAT KILLS ME, I WOULD RATHER DIE THEN BE SICK ALL THE FUCKING TIME ITS SO ANNOYING IM TIRED OF FEELING SICK IM TIRED OF FEELING HORRIBLE AND WHENEVER IM SICK MY ANXIETYS WORSE AND IVE BEEN SCARED TO TALK TO EVERYBODY NOW EVEN MY BOYFRIEND (i love him so so much) LIKE MY OWN BOYFRIEND? IM SO SCARED IM GONNA BOTHER HIM NOW CAUSE MY ANXIETY HAS GOTTEN WORSE UGHHH AND IM EVEN SCARED TO TEXT MY OWN BSF CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM BOTHERING HIM UGH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SICK WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING WEAK

[kiraizcoolz]

CHAT I WON !! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND MORE HA I BEAT YOU @mothpan I WON I FINALLY WON HEH.... (he went offline like a couple minutes after i texted this)

[kiraizcoolz]

night. cause if it was a GOOD night i would be in his arms rn well he comforts me and is helping me sleep BUT HE ISNT (i probably wont be able to sleep anyways so) @mothpan teleport to me when bro i misss youu

[kiraizcoolz]

chat i cant take things seriously my mom explained to me that if i dont have alot of white blood cells that means i might have cancer (i gotta get blood work done tmrw instead and they are gonna check alot of things and one of the things are if i have a low white blood cell count) and in my head i thought abt if i had cancer and fucking thought "lmao" and went back to scrolling on youtube shorts (yes flynnn ik this is the same thing i sent you IM TO LAZY TO TYPE A WHOLE NEW YAP THING)

[kiraizcoolz]

i miss you so so so much jfjasdhfjsahf i wish i could hug you rn bro :( @mothpan