kaywrites23

[kaywrites23]

How come you get to be the one to leave, when I was the one you wanted to stay?

[kaywrites23]

Am I really so bad?

Is it really so hard to be around me?

What about all those things you said-

-all those things you promised.

What about all the time I spend worrying about you about your feelings?

What about my feelings?

What about me?

After all that time we spent planning our futures

After the late night talks and sunset walks

After the all the promises and endless laughter

How come you get to be the one to leave, when I was the one you wanted to stay?

[kaywrites23]

“It’ll get better, I promise.”

But when?

[kaywrites23]

If you have to think about whether or not you’re attracted to them, you’re not.

And that’s okay.

[kaywrites23]

When the waves begin to pull you in

When you reach for that last breath of air

When you brace for the end…

Cut your anchor.

Come back to the surface

Breathe the fresh sea air

Brace yourself for the world ahead of you.

Cut your anchor.

[kaywrites23]

[kaywrites23]

anybody else like barely managing to be functional and keep it together or

[kaywrites23]

You said so much, and yet nothing at all.

[kaywrites23]

It’s over, but all I feel is an overwhelming relief.

It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s finally over.

And now I can finally breathe.

[kaywrites23]

In my eyes, I am unfulfilled.

In my mind, I am inexperienced.

In my ears, I am uneducated.

In my mouth…are words waiting to be uttered but lack the ability to do so.

[kaywrites23]

We talked for hours, but you never heard me.

[kaywrites23]

In the past year I have experienced more heart break than I ever have in my entire life.

Does that make me inexperienced or just sad?

[kaywrites23]

Piss me off?

I’m going to make my life better than it was when you entered it.

I’m talking eating healthy, exercising, less screen time, the works.

Anyone else like this?

[kaywrites23]

I hate being careful.

I want to be reckless for once.

Maybe then I’ll feel something.

[kaywrites23]

I survived.

You will too.

Please don’t break my heart because… because I don’t think I could survive it.

I don’t think I could survive the heartbreak that would come with losing you…

[kaywrites23]

I wish I couldn’t see you.

Well not the real you anyway.

The version of you that seems to be in every thing I do.

It’s not the real you, if it were I would have stayed.

But alas, the you that follows me- haunts me-is a version of you that was made up, by you.

The real you scares me to this day, that’s why I left.

I see you in people I meet.

In movies I see, in books I read.

I see you in the way I speak, the way I just simply be.

I just want it to stop. I want you to stop.

I want to go on as if you never existed.

So please, please.

Just make it stop.

[kaywrites23]

Who are you ?

A carriage

Two horses

A white and a black one

The white horse looks towards the sky

The black horse has its head tilted downwards

You hold the reins - who leads ?

Leads the white ? Leads the black horse ?

Or are you leading ?