kabbys-blog

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Hey everyone it’s been awhile since I moved back to TN. I have had major lows, major healing in a lot of areas. I haven’t had this much time to heal in a very long time. To go through the physical healing and my body slowly healing along with my mind and emotions. Today I started my job at Petsmart near wear I live and reality sunk in. I am officially starting a new life by myself. I am doing things on my own and healing. It made me realize that i am doing the right thing for myself and moving forward. I am grateful a life that a 12 step program has given me!

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Dolly and I are officially back where we should be in Knoxville, Tennessee.

I recently split up with my husband and I am going to be filling for divorce.

Long story short. Things were not done and said that has affected the entire relationship and marriage.

The country song “Better Man” is the best song for my soon to be ex husband.

Today while unpacking i came to the realization that I am happy that I am leaving a very toxic marriage and relationship that will never grow and that my ex and I will continue to grow apart.

I am grateful to have a 12 step program to use tools and ask for help when needed! I can’t wait to get back into meetings and things I enjoy doing most.

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Good Evening where ever you are in the world! Lately I have been so busy and in my head that it has been hard to concentrate on anything that I would like to do. With moving and leaving my husband I am finally learning about what I need to do for myself and whom to love and whom let go. Right now I am trying to find word to tell my husband that I want a divorce.

It has decently been difficult seeing him and trying to connect with him when there’s no connection and he openly admitted to me today that he’s a true alcoholic which didn’t surprise me at all. I just looked at him and didn’t say anything much.

I know what to do but scared to do it. Just a lot of fear in the way.

Going to meetings and talking to people in recovery help me with realizing this!

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Carissa Potter Carlson  

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Good Afternoon everyone,

I recently shared that I have separated from my husband due to his actions that has caused pain and suffering mentally and emotionally. Over the past week we have spent several nights together. Not back to back but spaced apart. During those stays I have realized I am no longer attracted to him emotionally mentally or physically. Sex isn’t even good with him. He doesn’t know how to do four play which I need since I have abuse in that area from a prior relationship and he has withheld it sex, loving, mental and emotional support. I can keep going and tell you the things he didn’t do and could have done better.

Point is that I stayed in relationship that I shouldn’t have and I also married the person when I shouldn’t have especially know that he had relapsed the year prior. I am not happy that I did it but things happen for a reason and comes full circle.

I always say God always has plan and I am supposed to go through this to learn and break a cycle that has been happening for way too long. I definitely have a lot of work to do on myself and I can’t wait to see the growth over the next year .

I have so many plans that I want to be able to set in stone and get these goals on a roll.

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Happy 4th of July Everyone!

Life is crazy and I am learning so much about myself lately. Recently I took 5 years clean and sober. It also marks the fact that I have been clean and sober as long as I used drugs. It is a trip to think that 10 years ago I was introduce to my drug of choice meth. I didn’t I would get sober and clean. Especially since it helped numb everything. When I moved back home in 2017 my dad and I always had arguments of when would you get clean and sober and I’d throw it back at him type of deal till almost a year later in 2018 he got into a major Harley accident that was caused by his alcoholism. With that accident/DUI I went to my first meeting in about 2 years and heard what I need to hear and I heard someone say, “You don’t only hurt yourself but the people around you”. Just hearing that is what I needed to hear to accept that help and surrender.

I haven’t worked the program perfectly. I do slack off in a lot of areas. I do have a high power that helps me with keeping on a straight and narrow along with having a support system of women and men that have loved on me and continue to love me through all my hardships that I have and am going through.

With that being said. I recently have separated from my husband who is also a recovering alcoholic. He recently relapsed and cheated on me in the last several months which as the icing on the cake for me especially since moved back into his parents house after being moved out for three years.

Since I have moved out I have learned things about myself that I have either forgotten about or are learning new things about myself and its an amazing process especially when your are a person in recovery and are able to stay sober through this type of break up is hard especially in the recovery. With having a support system of women and a few men I am able to stay on the right path!

It’s hasn’t been easy but it’s been a journey. It’s a journey that I am really grateful for being on it.

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So many relationships could be saved if people set their pride aside, apologized, and actually changed their behaviour.

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Divorce, Break up anything to that nature is fucking scary. The one thing I am learning to do is to love myself and some days are hard than others. Some days I’ll over think everything and other days I can keep going. I’m glad to go through this hardship because I’m learning so much about myself along with so much other important things!

I’m a woman who is

Insecure in so many ways

Fearful in areas that scare me.

Damaged mentally and emotionally.

Working a 12 step program

It’s a one day at a time progress. Sometimes a millisecond.

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This is how you move on

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practise disappearing

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