just-some-weird-human - Tumblr blog

[just-some-weird-human]

When do you feel like your madd is the most strongest. Is it tied to your mental state, currently life situation, time of the day? Or is it always the same?

[just-some-weird-human]

So, you have this perfect version of yourself that has been living in your head for awhile. You get used to it and it may even shape the way you see yourself. For good or bad. You might want to become that version of yourself that seems so much better. But then there's the big realization that you are still a normal flawed human and not the perfect and flawless version that you daydream about. It's just a gut punching thought to have.

[just-some-weird-human]

The feeling when you really want to draw your paras so you could conceptualize them a bit better. And then the sudden realization that you actually can't draw at all.

Happens too often. It's a bit sad

[just-some-weird-human]

It always makes me feel a bit isolated when I think about how little people outside of this community understand our true struggles. I can't explain them to anyone since I feel like no one really ever gets me.

[just-some-weird-human]

Me and my therapist realizing that my madd is my main problem:

My route to recovery can now fully start

[just-some-weird-human]

Do you people ever just daydream until the absolute last minute when you have to go somewhere. I leave last minute to my bus stop every day if that means I could daydream just a bit longer. Sure, I maybe have to run to catch the bus but at least I could daydream 2 minutes more and now my day feels a bit less terrible.

[just-some-weird-human]

Have you ever been in a situation where you're explaining your madd to your therapist and they call you weird.

I had my weekly therapy session today and my therapists asked me if I could map out what my madd was all about. So I did. I have a pic of the drawing and I can dissect it in another post if you guys want. In the middle of me explaining about the connections I have with my paras my therapist interrupted me. They told me how weird it all sounded. They also told me how they had heard of similar things but I have taken it to a whole other level. They weren't rude about it and I just laughed it off.

I guess I have gotten so used to it all that I don't realize how weird I can sound if I try to explain it out loud.

[just-some-weird-human]

Do you ever feel like your brain just overheats from the amount of daydreaming you do at once? Like your brain has a mini malfunction and it needs to take a break to cool down.

[just-some-weird-human]

Have you ever had over an hour long fight/conversation with someone at 1 am over singular they/them pronounces

[just-some-weird-human]

Does your Madd make you more creative as a person? Like does it help you coming up with stuff more easily? It would make sense if it did since you're constantly coming up with complex imaginary worlds.

[just-some-weird-human]

So, I have been home alone for little over two days now and probably already going crazy. Yesterday I had a sudden feeling to bake some cookies, so I did. I have completely destroyed our kitchen because I don't have the energy to clean it. I have been listening to music 24/7 because I need to fill the void of an empty and quiet house. And also because I think every little noise is a person trying to come to murder me. I have watched a bunch of shows and movies that I have seen like five times already because, again, I need to fill the void. I have just been running around in my home daydreaming to kill time. I'm in no way in a stable enough mental state to take care of myself.

Well, at least I have cookies

[just-some-weird-human]

Those rare times I actually go and hang out with a friend, I am rudely showed backed to reality from my perfect madd world. I'm not the overly confident and interesting person I picture myself as in my daydreams. I also have to remind myself how humans actually function in social situations.

[just-some-weird-human]

TW: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

I was watching a video about cults and a interaction with my friend surfaced from my mind. FYI this is the same dude I was talking about a few posts ago.

Anyways, I tend to be really open about my life with the people I know. I just need to cope to someone. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but I brought up my two year long manipulative on and off relationship that ended last November. I was explaining to him how the dude who I was dating seemed super sweet and kind at first and it kinda went downhill from there. And this bitch had the AUDACITY to follow up with an

"Oh, I probably would have seen that coming"

At that moment I didn't verbally express how infuriated I was about that answer. At least I knew that he had no idea how abusive relationships actually work. My ex took advantage of my weak mental state and my loneliness to keep me around. He knew I had no other friends except for him and I let him to treat me how ever he wanted for his own pleasure because I was desperate to keep him around. And he ended up using me as his little pick up and play toy. To him I was probably nothing else than a object.

It took me two years to realize that. And why's that, well because usually people tend to ignore those serious red flags because 'hey they sometimes treat me like a human being'.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to cope and get this off my chest.

[just-some-weird-human]

Do you feel like your current mental health status has any effect on your daydreams. Mine tend to get a lot more depressing and cruel when I'm feeling more depressed.

[just-some-weird-human]

Does your daydreaming habits change between when there's other people in the same house/place and when your alone. Especially if you live with other people. I tend to get much more extreme with my movements.

[just-some-weird-human]

Is it easy for you to jump back into the same daydream after doing something else. I personally have to stand and think for a moment like 'okay, where was I? '. Or do I just have a terrible memory.

[just-some-weird-human]

On this episode of shit that happened to me.

A cishet Christian White boy is trying to tell me.

1. He does not have any social privilege

2. Being gay is a choice

3. Trans people should not get treatment because " It's a mental illness" Or some shit

4. Abortions are bad because "there is a man involved at some point and their feelings aren't considered"

5. Marriage laws don't need to be changed because "marriage isn't that important to sexual minorities"

6. The Bible does not have any errors because " It's written by smart people "

Sometimes I think to myself. Why did I even bother.