just-another-sociopath - Tumblr blog

[just-another-sociopath]

What am I doing wrong? How can you not like the version of myself I created just for you..?

[just-another-sociopath]

narcaro - a romantic orientation on the aro spectrum where NPD affects how you experience romantic attraction. for example, you may only be attracted to people who prioritize you over others or praise you consistently, or people you view as an equal. it could also mean pursuing romantic interests as a way of seeking validation through being desired, without necessarily actually being in love. anyone with npd or who suspects they may have npd or its symptoms can use this label regardless of how they feel they identify with it

colors are the browns from the npd flag and the greens from the aro flag

[ID: a horizontal flag with 6 stripes. from top to bottom: dark reddish brown, light brown, dark mossy green, a medium yellow-green, light yellowish gray and eggshell. end ID]

narc abuse believers and anti-npd truthers PLEASE leave this post alone

[just-another-sociopath]

*Psst* little secret about ASPD….

We are indifferent to others. We don’t care, but we don’t not care. Our goal isn’t to hurt anyone, because we have no goal when it comes to the people around us. We have intentions that are in our own self interest. If it benefits others too, cool.

People are like tools for us. Each tool has a purpose, but we don’t open the toolbox to break a fucking hammer in half. That’s fucking insane. Who does that? Then you don’t have a hammer anymore.

We try to treat our tools with respect— keep them in good condition. You’re expected to take good care of your possessions. We may get a bit heavy handed at times. We try not to, because tools cost money. Losing people costs us what they offered. But sometimes we’re not careful enough— and the hammer breaks because we got careless and used it wrong. People leave because we forgot to consider how our actions affected them.

It’s not a personal slight against the damn tool. I didn’t wake up and think to myself “I’m gonna break my favorite hammer today because I need to feed off of its suffering in a blood ritual.” It just happened. I wish it didn’t, because now I’m experiencing the lack of my hammer— but I don’t feel sorry for the object. It was an accident. I didn’t think about the way I was striking with it. Simple as that.

Also I’m not saying that I think people are objects to me. I know people have thoughts and feelings, and can respect that in principle— it just doesn’t feel that way emotionally because of the empathy lack. That makes it easy to disregard too, because it’s a conscious thing. I need constant reminders, clarification, and redirection when it comes to other people’s rights. Call me out. Keep me in line. Don’t let me get away with things, or I won’t change. Just don’t be a dick about it either. We’re still people, and we still have emotions.

The point is, we are capable of valuing others. It just works differently for us. It’s more mental than emotional, and regret is based more on consequence than a sense of guilt.

[just-another-sociopath]

NPD culture is Scapegoat by Ghost and Pals. Yes it just dropped a week ago. Yes I've been listening to it literally nonstop.

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[just-another-sociopath]

What are examples of attention seeking behaviour in adults? And at one point is it considered an NPD symptom? I’ll subtly hint at things like achievements or even failures to get some sort of compliments or attention, among some other things but I feel like that’s so mild that it doesn’t count.

But my brain also immediately visualizes symptoms in their most severe ways (like someone like jumping on a concert stage and shoving the singer for attention type of severe) so I feel like it because my ways of getting attention feel mild, subtle and covert that it wouldn’t be considered TRUE NPD attention seeking and not be counted as a symptom even though I fit the criteria.

Attention seeking behavior is simply any behavior done for the sake of gaining attention (negative or positive). This can include a lot of things, both big and small. Most narcissists crave a stable flow of supply (praise and admiration) so we tend to lean towards smaller things that add up and will last a while (like a specific career).

Attention seeking behavior in adults can look very similar to attention seeking in children, and attention seeking behavior seen in personality disorders (like cluster Bs) is very similar to people without PD’s way of seeking attention. Attention seeking is a common experience since we as humans look for connection and want to be seen by others. Someone acknowledging our needs and individuality is vital to our well-being. In the case of cluster Bs, our mental health is dependent on the attention we receive. So while most people have internal validation to balance the criticism they receive externally, a narcissist struggles with this. Our self-image can fluctuate based on how people react to us (often swinging between “I’m the greatest” and “I’m the worst ever,” no in-between). People paying attention to us = doing good in life in our mind. This is what differentiates “normal” attention seeking from “disordered” attention seeking: the reasoning behind it and how the attention impacts us.

pwNPD seek attention often for the sake of it. We live for the moments that people see us, praise us, and love us. Our lives are often a struggle of getting to the next moment where we feel good because without that attention, we can fall into a low (a narc crash). Crashing feels like the world is falling apart, it feels like everyone hates us, and it can lead to feelings of suicidal ideation, depressive symptoms, and more. No one wants to feel that way, so we avoid it as much as possible. This is the main motivation for a lot of narcissists. The way this shows up varies from person to person and a NPD diagnosis can be hard to get because cluster B disorders have similarities (which is why they’re grouped together). For example, my “narc rage” has been compared to BPD splitting in the past, my lack of empathy to ASPD lack of empathy, attention seeking behaviors to HPD, and self-image issues to BPD. This is why the DSM-V has sections on telling these disorders apart. Most cluster Bs aren’t abusive, “crazy,” or do big, exaggerated actions for attention, those are just stereotypes. These PDs show up in a more covert way, making it hard to detect and treat.

Here is a list (in no particular order) of common behaviors that are done for the sake of seeking attention (which may or may not be due to a PD, again people seek attention for a variety of reasons):

Lying (often for the sake of pity or gaining sympathy)

Exaggerating achievements

Exaggerating problems

Venting (usually in a public place like a discord server)

Doing something for a good cause publicly (like volunteer work)

Posting on social media (in general) or creating content

Crying (usually loudly or in a place where someone may notice)

Having a public position (like being a politician, business personality, celebrity, and so on)

Getting in trouble with authority or the law

Trendsetting

Advocacy and activism (hi)

Throwing fits/ raging

Complaining (usually loud enough so someone hears or enough for someone to acknowledge it)

Spamming someone (like in texts or with calls)

Involving oneself in controversy/ starting drama

Trying to be “at the top” (like working to be the CEO of a company)

Giving gifts to others / being nice to others (usually for a thanks)

Ghosting people then coming back into their life

Trying to go viral online

Trying to get on TV (includes things like becoming a news anchor just to be on TV regularly as well as doing things to get featured on TV)

Getting involved in discourse and debates

Starting fights (literally or figuratively)

Dating (to get consistent attention from a partner)

Choosing “dare” in “truth or dare” so everyone will have their eyes on you as you do something

Fishing for compliments

And pretty much anything else that is done just to be noticed. If you want an example of a small day-to-day sort of thing, here’s one from my own life: if I say “I love you,” my partner always says it back and I know this, so if I want to be acknowledged for the sake of it, I’ll say “I love you” and they’ll say it back right away. Obviously, I do care about them and this isn’t harmful, but the motivation is to hear them saying it back (and a byproduct is them knowing I care about them I suppose). I also regularly do “big” things, but I try to keep it to “good” things. Like in the past, I used to pick fights with people so they’d be mad at me for days and I would know they’re thinking about me (effective for attention but morally wrong), but I realized that I wasn’t helping anyone and was just messing up my relationships so nowadays I prefer to do things like throwing a big party for someone’s birthday and making it very special so they say thanks a lot and remember it fondly forever (effective for attention and morally okay).

A lot of people assume cluster Bs are these one-dimensional caricatures who do anything for attention when the truth is a lot of us are trying really hard to be “normal” and stay away from “bad” attention. Our brain doesn’t default to saying a certain kind of attention is good or bad so it takes time to gain a moral compass and learn how to create and maintain healthy relationships. A lot of people learn this subconsciously to mask, creating things like “covert NPD” and “quiet BPD,” the disordered thoughts are still there but they’ll appear differently to someone who doesn’t care to hide their traits.

It’s also worth mentioning that traits of a PD need to show up in multiple aspects of your life. Someone isn’t a narcissist for being selfish and attention seeking at work, they have to be that way at home, with friends, etc too. NPD is a disorder because it’s disabling and since it impacts our thought processes, it’ll effect a lot in our life.

[just-another-sociopath]

(Frist time making a flag, I hope it looks okay. I noticed their wasn’t a good flag for reclaiming attention seeker. So I made one myself)

Attention Seeker Reclaimtion flag

Flag for anyone who reclaims and uses the term “attention seeker” for themselves.

(I personally use this because of having hpd, but anyone can use it for whatever reasons they want as long as it’s not to make fun of anyone/anything)

[just-another-sociopath]

ppl always ‘understand’ that you have a personality disorder until you start showing symptoms

[just-another-sociopath]

ASPD Acceptance Flag:

I made a full and a simplified version, made using existing symbolism.

[just-another-sociopath]

[just-another-sociopath]

Cluster B culture is feeling creepy and annoying with how obsessed you are with your crush and gently turning it down, but then finding out that maybe your crush is as obsessed with you and the things you like as you are with them so you can turn it all the way up again and maybe on day build a relationship which isn't' crap because you both feel the same way

[just-another-sociopath]

cluster b culture is the aspd urge to subtly control and manipulate people vs the hpd urge to tell everyone about everything that goes on in your head all the time 😭😭 /lh

[just-another-sociopath]

I tried to be who you wanted but the fit wasn’t right I couldn’t fill it out like you hoped I would

[just-another-sociopath]

morning glory

[just-another-sociopath]

very much in the same boat here, personally the shitborderlinesdo checklist helped me but unfortunately that's basically the only resource i have

Guys I need help. I really need help figuring out if I have HPD. I'm questioning it and I'm like 89% sure I do have it but, there are so few sources to go through and most of them are just filled with misogyny and claiming only girls can have it. They make me feel so dysphoric. Even the quizzes dude.

[just-another-sociopath]

[just-another-sociopath]

Lauren Oliver, Delirium

[just-another-sociopath]

i'm like if a sitcom actor method acted all day and didn't get paid