juliafms

[juliafms]

the past couple of weeks hadn't been the best and a factor in that was that julia had been put off by getting out of her apartment when she really didn't have to - that excluded her standard schedule runs from her days and now it was showing. she tried to start back up again but her chest was saying no. she looked up at the other with an evident frown on her face from the vocabulary used. "if i was... on from... i'd obliterate you." but not in this state; she could barely get a few words out without gasping for air. standing up straight, the blonde put her hand on her chest and looked to her side, shaking her legs out as she did so. "i got off pace."

“No stopping, no stopping!” Rowan shouted as she heard Julia call out for her to wait, still running as hard as she could because it stopped her from having to think too hard. The pounding of her heart combined with the way her breath was ripping down her throat because of the cold air thanks to it being the middle of December. Plus she wasn’t really dressed properly in just a vest and leggings but she was sure if she ran hard enough her body would end up keeping her warm. After a couple of seconds she realised Julia hadn’t actually carried on, and turning she saw the older woman bent over slightly with her hands on her knees. “You alright there grandma? Hip giving you issues?” She joked as she shook her phone as well to pause her own tracker app. Slowly jogging back to meet them where they’d stopped.  @juliafms

[juliafms]

"i'm not crazy." the other's reaction had been valid, she had overstepped but it was her own reaction that worried her. julia was trying to get herself on track but going to a wellness retreat, buying a bar and taking up running wasn't about to solve everything. she was hesitant to take the water from the other as she was cautious about accepting liquids from strangers but she did follow the instruction for her to sit down and try to get her breathing and mind more calm. "no, please don't do that." her previous admittance had not been pleasant and she certainly wasn't at that point again. "please don't do that." the woman was trying to relax but that suggestion had made things worse; it was clear to her that she needed to follow up with professional services. "don't do that." crying while sat on the curb outside a club with exotic dancers felt like a low point.

bright brown eyes widened in disbelief as a complete stranger spiraled into a sort of meltdown. although safiye fell far from a caring and patient woman, she refused to merely abandon a distressed person within streets past midnight. no stranger to the possibility that the client could tell her to fuck off, safi pushed through any remaining anger. " suck, are you having a panic attack? " gentle fingers reached into her own purse, pulling out of it a bottle of water that she then extended to he woman. " maybe it's better if you sit down, try to slow your breathing " far from a sterile environment, yet their best option, safiye pointed to the curb. " its fine, i shouldn't have freaked out that bad… " had it been a man, the dancer couldn't quite push herself into kindness, as those rarely felt worthy of it. " should i call an ambulance? do you know anyone that can pick you up?  " sadly, safi possessed no car of her own, often sticking to cabs or metro, fortunately her apartment wasn't that far, if needed.

[juliafms]

morning run with @rowanwilliams-rp

it was a cloudy morning as the two of them ran around the park. julia had been running at a good pace, her tracker app in her ears told her so, but then she got in her head about wanting to push herself, wanting to achieve a personal best - it was that about the corporate work environment that she missed. the woman moved her legs faster, borderline sprinting as she focused on pushing herself. however, that new pace was not sustainable. after about a minute, her irregular breathing made her feel the cold harder in her chest and that was the factor that made her slow down. "wait-" she took her phone out to pause her tracking before she had stopped completely to put her hands just above her knees.

[juliafms]

if julia took a step back, she would have seen how her good intention was based on judgement and assumption of the other. the woman had spoken out of turn, trying to give advice when the other never asked for it but when julia thought she was right, she was rather stubborn about it. there was a hint of panic in her wide eyes as she had never intended to allude to such a thing but it came with the territory - she should have thought a little harder about whether it was something she needed to say before it left her mouth. the same could be said for what then left the dancers mouth. she had been unwell, she still was to some extent and it was going to take a little more than wellness retreats and trying it take up yoga to genuinely make her feel better. "well, fuck me!" again, julia could have picked better words but she was now upset. "i didn't fucking mean it like that." bringing her fingertips up to her temple, she could tell her breathing had become more shallow and vision was somewhat blurry - don't cry. "forget i asked, okay? this was a mistake. coming here was a massive fucking mistake." she could have done without that extra drink. "fuck!"

those two years as a dancer on such a fancy club gave more money and fun than a lifetime as a prima ballerina could, yet clients often assumed safiye lacked salvation, a knight in shinning armor or even morals, neither of which she had interest upon. " then why the hell do you approach me like that? " a dark street past midnight on the outside of a club rarely felt as the appropriate time to talk, if it had been a man, safi would have pulled a pepper spray, instead she sought a polite way out. " not all people that come to a strip club are bad, some just want to have fun " although caution felt important, she sought not to judge those entering that place. " you gotta be crazy, lady " such a question felt inappropriate, if not entirely annoying or moralist. " ballet fucking ruined my mental health, i was miserable, at least here i can have freedom " despite safi´s love for ballet, she couldn't quite hide the damage years of forced perfection upon her own body. " you people just think because i'm not some pristine princess anymore that i must be miserable, well let me tell you something, it's fucking great not having to constantly beat people's expectations, maybe you should try. "

[juliafms]

the woman was sat at a table with her laptop trying to complete some admin for her new business (with a bottle of wine on the table at the same time). "well, fuck me." that was an awful feeling, one she hadn't felt very often because she hadn't gone on many dates in her lifetime. "and this is fucking exactly why i don't want to go on any dates, not that i wouldn't have something to do but if i was just sat there, not doing anything, i'd be reevaluating my life further." it took her a moment to realise that she wasn't being the most sensitive. "fuck. sorry." looking back at the other, he was now familiar. "wait, don't i know you? think we met at some corporate gala thing back in 2018 or something? you're the composer, right? checked out some of your stuff and it's very good, some might even be on my run playlist. admittedly, i wasn't familiar with your work back them and i most likely lied and said i was. anyways-" she sighed, knowing full well she was now waffling. "we can sit together. for all anyone knows, we're talking business. i have the wine and you have the food."

" it would appear as though i've been stood up . . . " the composer let out a humorless chuckle, taking off his glasses as he nervously rubbed at his nose, " and it'd also appear as though i've ordered far too much food. the waiter kept coming over and well, i panicked. i can't eat it all. care to help me? " arthur was one of the most infamous pianists in the world but his dating life was not one to be envied.

@bfmstarters

[juliafms]

just because she was now the owner of the loft didn't mean that the woman was about to stop her visits that supported rainbow rhythm. julia was finding it difficult to connect with people; her relationship had crumbled and it was as if her life had completely fallen apart and she was left with some pieces that didn't fit together. still, she was going to try. sitting down at the bar, the woman pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked towards the bartender. it seemed that she had zoned out whilst he was talking to someone else so she seemed shocked when the other addressed her. "oh- i've been coming here for a while, actually." she nodded. "the sangria all the way, i don't know what it is about it but i fucking hate gingerbread. couldn't fucking tell you why." the woman shrugged. "sorry. i'll take two of the sangria, please." her foul language would sometimes get her into trouble so it was always best to make sure she used her manners.

status: open @bfmstarters

where: rainbow rhythm

despite living what he believed to be a fairly quiet life, angel seemed to thrive working as a bartender. he was always having lively conversations and being just a little bit showy when he made the drinks. he enjoyed the atmosphere, it gave him an opportunity to show his more extroverted side. after finishing his latest interaction, he turns to someone at the bar who had sat down just a minute earlier.

"is there anything i can get for you, my friend?" the question comes with a jovial tone and a smile on his face. "if you haven't been here before i would recommend our gingerbread martini or cranberry-apple sangria, both from the seasonal menu. personally, i'm partial to the sangria but you can't really go wrong with either."

[juliafms]

julia had been somewhat distracted all evening when she had finally placed the other - she used to be a prima ballerina (going to the ballet was, of course, one of the woman's pass times). "i wasn't calling you one." the woman frowned wondering how she was coming across for the other to assume she was thinking that, however, perhaps there was an element of truth. to go from being a prima ballerina to an exotic dancer was quite the downgrade in her mind, one julia herself would have detested if in the other's shoes. "i mean, i'm no better than the rest of them. i'm here, aren't i?" crossing her arms, she looked away from the other. it definitely came from a place of dissatisfaction with where her own life had headed, especially when she was a high flyer. "it's nice, sure, but can i ask you a question?" yet she didn't give a pause to allow the other to answer. "how do you go from that to this and be happy about it?" it was projection - she didn't know the other.

a convo ft. @juliafms

a faint laugh echoed through the rather empty street outside the club, two years into dancing there and safiye knew too well that sort of person, although it was usually some rich dumb man, not a pretty lost woman. " ma'am this is not pretty woman. im not a whore, and even if i was, i wouldn't need saving from perdition " a long red coat hid the black dress she switched into after the show, her designer bag filled with bills from clients and the establishment owner, an amount no ballerina would ever lay eyes on. "  if anything, you should try to save the stupid men that think they have a chance getting into my pants " fingernails reached for her own hair, caught in a messy bun as she thought of a way to shut this down. " just… don't worry, okay? i'm fine and working of my own will. weren't you there tonight? you saw, the place is nice. "

[juliafms]

[ cis woman, she/her ] — spotted in the streets of brooklyn, it’s JULIA ANDERSON WRIGHT. they have lived in the city for FIFTEEN YEARS, working as an OWNER OF 'THE LOFT'. the 42 year old will probably be seen around BROOKLYN HEIGHTS a lot, seeing as that’s where they live. people say they can be a bit ABRASIVE and ERRATIC, but friends know them to be DECISIVE and HUMOROUS. you know for sure you’ve found them when you’ve come across SUNGLASSES RESTING ON TOP OF HER HEAD, SMUDGED MASCARA, MUTIPLE ALARMS TO COMPLETE HER 6AM RUN. welcome to brooklyn, it’s been waiting for you! — [ kate, 26, gmt, she/her, eating disorders ]

mentions of mental breakdown, mental illness, depression, anxiety, panic attack

julia anderson wright was always set for greatness, at least that's what her parents had built her up to be in the hope of continuing the anderson wright legacy with pride. even in her earlier years, she displayed high levels of intelligence by being an excellent reader by the age of five, leaps and bounds in front of everyone else in her class. however, it was the social queues she didn't quite understand. there was little thought for other's in the class, frequently shouting out the answer because she just wanted to show them that she knew it already.

it was no surprise to her parents when the school called her gifted but that didn't mean they thought she could do no wrong. julia always wanted a seat at the adults table as she preferred to talk to adults over her peers - perhaps that was because she was an only child or that she struggled to connect with them. she did have a habit of becoming upset easily and instead of a hug, she'd get 'tough love'.

there was a pressure to perform and execute everything to the best of her ability - some of that pressure came from her parents but most of it was self-inflicted. she liked being the best at something and hated when someone was better; it rarely happened but when it did, she'd get rather upset (birthday party games were off the table).

julia carried that type a personality into high school with her. a top student and athlete, it seemed that she had everything going for her. little miss know it all- that's what she'd been named (and a lot worse). however, she just learnt to shut it out, she'd always keep going. how she pushed herself was a concern to her head of year, mostly because she cried all afternoon when she got a 'b'... it would be the first of many incidents and her teachers did suggest that she speak to someone in relation to this but her parents were so quick to shut it down and say that she was fine.

of course, she did fantastically in her exams and was quickly on to bigger and better things - harvard undergrad, yale law... it would only ever be the best for her. the move to the usa was so that she could capitalise on her earnings once she got into the sector and it did not disappoint. she was focused, hyper fixated on being the best. over time, she did learn to relax a little and to connect with a few people but it always seemed to end in disaster. there was something that she found interesting about people and was a good listener in that regard - she just couldn't keep friends or a relationship (mostly because she wouldn't be able to provide what they were looking for or she would just get bored).

however, criticism sunk back in and it did unnerve her. jules was under a lot of pressure, she had been for years. she'd turned forty, thought that her career would give her everything she needed in life but that just wasn't the case. at this point, she was in a relationship with another woman and it had been doing well so she couldn't understand why she felt how she did. burnout didn't begin to cover it. she was rich, successful yet still felt like shit and she felt like she was the one no one liked. julia had never seemed to care about people's opinions of her but then she started to and it was at a great detriment.

things were starting to feel too much. julia had taken on a lot of project work and was pushing herself to meet the deadlines to the best of her ability but the more she pushed herself, the slower things were going. there were mistakes, frustration on all sides and the woman would go on to take it out on all her colleagues. she was snappy, it seemed that everyone annoyed her and she just wanted to be left alone. that same attitude followed her home and it was causing cracks in their relationship. those cracks would drive her to staying later at the office, avoiding the confrontation entirely until that was a catalyst for their fights. if julia would have just been honest about how she was feeling, she would have been able to save her relationship.

her partner had moved out, she was starting to miss deadlines at work - her career was supposed to be the thing that didn't falter. she was going into work knowing she'd not hit the goal. the embarrassment she felt when she got that 'b' in high school repeated itself. it was enough to cause her to have a panic attack on the subway into work one morning - she had a client meeting and missed it. julia made it in an hour later than she was supposed to, showing visible signs of mental distress, and her boss still found it appropriate to scold her for it. it broke her. she was visibly upset, spouting off that she 'knew' they'd been trying to get rid of her for years. she'd lost it, lobbing a stapler in the direction of her boss before being escorted out of the building by security.

she was done for, that's what it felt like. the firm wasn't going to sack her for her actions, the rest of the office staff advocating for her stating that she clearly wasn't well but she would be looking at a disciplinary and many chats with hr about how her behaviour was unacceptable. when she got home, she was too upset to think clearly - the receptionist had major concerns about her and called the police.

julia had cracked. she spent three weeks in hospital before discharging herself and had taken leave from her job indefinitely. her parents flew out to come and stay with her. she'd pushed herself too far and now it felt like she'd blown up her entire life. her mother paid for her to go on a wellness retreat when they went back to england, something jules turned her nose up at. sitting in a forest humming and talking about feelings and health didn't seem like her thing but it was something that really made an impact on her - she needed a life re-set.

taking up running again did her the world of good, not working gave her a chance to attend some meet ups to meet new people. it was through this that she decided she didn't want to go back to being a lawyer - she'd worked so hard for it but it had nearly killed her and she didn't want to entertain it again. of course, she treated her soon to be former boss to a nice meal, to apologise for everything that happened. she was relieved when they were more than receptive towards her; they'd missed the signs and they did feel some form of guilt that they'd pushed her that hard.

wanting a change, she did buy the loft in brooklyn, then was moving there (putting her manhattan penthouse up for rent so she could earn more money but get away from it). her parents were concerned when she rang to tell them, fearing that everything was starting up again.

headcanons:

she's still very type a but a lot more chilled than she used to be. she's an avid runner, she's learning languages and going to meet ups to learn. she's a bit stressed with her new business but she's making sure to take time away and is enjoying working on her own time.

she swears a lot and is quite abrasive.

can be seen wearing a gillet, rollers in her hair, sunglasses on her eyes or on the top of her head.

has a dry sense of humour.