jorysnory

[jorysnory]

Love is weird

I think I forgot what love is

Like I still know what it means to love someone

I love my family and friends so much

But I don’t know what romantic love is

.. ..

I’ve only ever been two actual relationships

Despite both times being the reason I crave for something I don’t understand

The first taught me hardships and unfaithfulness that may come with long distance

The second taught me that only someone that you trust could know your weak points and how to hurt them

I don’t want to close my heart……

Despite the hurt I crave someone to share my heart with

Three years have passed almost four and I have only had one dance with flirtation

I just don’t think I could ever go out of my way to flirt

My last relationships began because of friendships that shared a chemical reaction

I dont make friends easy…

The cultural shock of going to a predominantly white rich kids made me realize I’m that I am indeed from a small town

So I learned that in cities the concept of friends isn’t as intimate as those developed in a school where everyone has known each other since childhood

If it weren’t for the blessing of the World Wide Web I wouldn’t have the few close friends I have been able to blossom friendships with..

.. ..

All that to say I really suck at making friends irl

A hopeless romantic stuck in the isolation of not knowing how make friends anymore

Yet I don’t think I want any more friends

At least I don’t want to actively look for more

I don’t want to go through the process of friendship just to realize they might actually be assholes

I want people that want to stay in my life

So the same sentiment is carried over to significant others..

Its lonely waiting for someone to come into my life

However I don’t want to chase

I get lost so easily I would rather not anymore

Maybe one day I’ll feel the beating drums of a crush that will drive to pursue

For now I will grow my garden, even if no one ever comes to witness it

A place of growth only to be witnessed by the butterfly’s that had once fluttered in my core

A gate closed but never locked

Maybe one day someone will knock

Welcomed in to witness the flowers and fruits of seeds sown and forgotten

Maybe one day you will knock

[jorysnory]

Love is infinite

I know because of you

When I see that smile,

Suns implode and planets are born,

I can feel every ounce of my heart beat,

And when I go to pour out the love I feel

It is like a waterfall of endless possibilities and futures

A love so bountiful that I might just drown in it myself if I do not seal the spout from which it pours

A love so strong that flowers and trees sprout at every step

I know love is truly infinite

For when I see you smile I can feel the universe’s envy in its endlessness

[jorysnory]

My flame

You see most don’t stay for long

They linger close for warmth

Fanning the flames when they’re cold

Yet they always leave when they see the flame never stops burning

Even when the sun scorches up above, the furnace is lit

Radiating with the heat of a flame that could scorch the earth

However since I’ve met you

The flames dance and whirl in a rainbow of colors when in your presence

As if it understands that you do not fear it

It knows you love the radiated warmth

Willing to dance and firefly the world in embers

Fueled by the excitement of your embrace

It burns knowing you desire the warmth radiated

So know that my flame will dance in marvelous spectacles of light

Just for a moment of your embrace

[jorysnory]

The dangerous hike

I’m lost

Told that I am a loving and caring

That my worth is worth the wait of someone that will appreciate it

Yet what am I until then?

Is my worth so high that none will attempt?

Like a mountain side unruly and untamed

Am I not worth the chase of the climb?

I don’t want to wait for someone that will cross this mountain with ease

I wish someone that would delve into the depths of my shadows

To understand that the roots of such mountains run twice as deep

Someone that won’t skip an inch of the exploration

Climb the mountainside and bask in the beauty of such a challenge

Yet none dare

Am I too dangerous?

Not worth the risk of the journey?

Is this the life I am given?

An impossible challenge that the world fears

Yet I remain a mountain just the same

Thanking the Sun and moon for their company in my lone hours

[jorysnory]

5 months this time

5 months of dragging myself through the dirt when I always knew

When you ask someone how they feel

And they say, “I don’t know,”

There is a novel in that silence

We died that day

The rest has been black magic

Staining my shaking hands

I told you I was bad at letting go

[jorysnory]

Not for me

Perhaps you do desire a connection with me

Perhaps I’m just another person to help you pass the time

Perhaps I have given you too much love

And perhaps love is meant to be given

I desired to establish the start of a new journey yet the candle was put out before it was even lit

I attempted to fan the embers in an attempt to revive the spark

Yet it simply prolonged the embers death

I was simply cruel for keeping it alive in its agony

Perhaps the journey was one not meant to be walked

Perhaps I could’ve perished

And perhaps I could’ve flourished

Yet none of it matters

As the journey was one that never was

[jorysnory]

A bubble in the garden

I am simple person who has a simple routine

I go to work

I water my plants

Practice my hobbies

Play my games and watch my movies

It’s all very simple

Work tends to drag me across the daytime

Some days the sun sees me in and out

And others im blessed to be welcomed out by the Moon <3

Its all really simple really

There’s no need to do anything different…

Yet it’s annoying because there is a difference I haven’t had the opportunity to see through

It was never your fault

Things just happened and you needed to focus on what mattered

You see my issue is

You create a bubble of an idea

That person could be like anyone

So you hope when that bubble burst you enjoy the person you find within

We might find a proper time again

We may never get to meet

Despite the possibility being out of my control

You remain a bubble floating in my head

My daily routine continues simply as it always has

And the echoes of you fill the corners of my thoughts

We haven’t even met

Has my heart been swayed so easily?

Can a person truly be this infatuating?

I almost feel as if I am mad

Despite the echoes of my unanswered calls still ringing

Even if we never meet at all

I find that the idea of that opportunity is enough to keep me from leaving

I have to know

How my feelings were swayed so easily by someone

I thought I threw the key to that door away a long ago

Yet we remain in my daily routine

It continues and you remain a bubble shinning light in my eyes when you catch the sun just right

Is this all there is too it?

An unrequited feeling of desire

Left to sit in the garden of my mind

Until the day you float away

[jorysnory]

I fear that my intensity scares off most

Like the sun

Your warmth is loved

Yet they cannot bring themselves to look into your eyes

[jorysnory]

I sometimes wonder what my role is

At first it was simple my goal was to learn and be scholar

Yet life never seems to play along

Forcing roles upon you until you drop

Yet I know what I desire for myself

I aspire to be someone of unconditional love and capable of serving as a catalyst for new growth

Yet I was born with an inferno within my soul

Forced to suppress a flame that could scorch the very earth

A fire that can burn so intense that It has made the world around me feel cold

I sit upon the scorches grounds of my first failures as a reminder that no new growth can happen in the soils I have burned

It feels shameful too want to be kind

To repay the world for the irreversible damage I had done, I vowed to be gentle

Like a flame attempting to clean the charred walls they left behind

One day I will combust into a raging fire again and I can only hope that my actions will have taught the embers to be kind

[jorysnory]

[jorysnory]

[jorysnory]

Jackie Sabbagh, “Having a Great Time Being Transgender in America Lately”

[jorysnory]

I’m just too much I think,

I like to think I care,

But what if I’m just acting like I care,

So then those boundaries are blurry

And I keep adding on to the burden of my sincerity until it snaps those lines

Like a dog that doesn’t know not to shove its face into people when it wants pets.

Cursed to only know the extremes of indifference, love, or hate

I wonder if I am just a guide

To show people where they land

There is no prize for any of the 3 emotions except for knowing the extremes of 1

Drowning all those that try to get close, in the overwhelming sense of nothing.

I’m simply a curse meant to help you realize that which you truly want,

And who could ever want a curse…

[jorysnory]

Could you remove the evil that has always existed within your shadow or is the shadow evil for being able to hold such foul things

[jorysnory]

[jorysnory]

I never intended to run away

Carried and tossed by the currents of life

I never had the strength to hold on tight

Clenching and clawing for those memories as they floated off

Now You are but a sweet memory of more simple times

Yet I wonder if you hate me for being so easily swept away

For all the yearning I felt it was never greater than the fear that you could never forgive me

As if I could’ve stopped the waves of times I look back with regret

Knowing that the choices I made have now been carved into the stone of life

As if to mock my hopes of rewriting history, the winds always carry the scent of our friendship

Would you even recognize me now that I’ve been tumbled and weathered into a new being

I can only hope that the currents have been kind to you and that you are happy

[jorysnory]

aokigahara