jorysnory - Tumblr blog

[jorysnory]

Sometimes you have to let go of something you truly desire just to learn letting go. But I somehow lost the key so the door of possibility is never locked

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I think in another timeline, she would’ve loved the charcuterie board I made for her…at least I hope she would

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5 months this time

5 months of dragging myself through the dirt when I always knew

When you ask someone how they feel

And they say, “I don’t know,”

There is a novel in that silence

We died that day

The rest has been black magic

Staining my shaking hands

I told you I was bad at letting go

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I will bare my heart to anyone who is willing to reach for it

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Unsent letter

I am simple person who has a simple routine

I go to work

I water my plants

Practice my hobbies

Play my games and watch my movies

It’s all very simple

Work tends to drag me across the daytime

Some days the sun sees me in and out

And others im blessed to be welcomed out by the Moon <3

The people are nice and I’ve been treated nicely

Though I feel quite bad, I agreed with someone’s statement of a mangers karma coming for them

And somehow they are now very ill…

It’s somehow my fault….

Dont ask me how

Besides that listen to music when there’s no big manager and wonder if you’re doing okay

At home I guess my Biggest chore is my garden

The other day as I watered my plants

I found baby bugs under my Sweet potato vines leaves

(Yes when grown Sweet Potatoes will grow as vining plants)

They were Green Shield Beetles

I took a picture and wondered if you’d like it

Recently I bought my mom a piano

For as long as I can remember she’s wished she could play

I bought it for her as a birthday gift

Though I might use just as much as her

It’s simple keyboard with around 400 sounds (no really my sister and I tested them all)

Ive practiced once but I know what song I want to learn first

It’s a secret for now until I can play it perfectly of course

Once I can I wonder if I’ll be able to play it for you sometime…

Ive also managed to weasel in over 100+ hours of Elden ring (yes I’m obsssed)

The games been great

I love the scenery the randomness

The small stories that are impossible to keep track off

I even started to clip some videos to send to my friend

Though I got carried away and made two small videos for them

I posted it on YouTube and so far it’s kinda popping 😮‍💨

One has 15 views and the other 17

I hope you never see those actually

It’s not that they’re bad I just think I’m a nerd and it’s embarrassing

Also really happy thing

My friends and I have been watching all the alien franchise films

In theatrical release of course

I hope you love those films because I adore them

Its all really simple really

There’s no need to do anything different…

Yet it’s annoying because there is a difference I haven’t had the opportunity to see

It was never your fault

Things just happened and you needed to focus on what mattered

You see my issue is

You create a bubble of an idea

That person could be like anyone

So you hope when that bubble burst you enjoy the person you find within

We might find a proper time again

We may never get to meet

Despite the possibility being out of my control

You remain a bubble floating in my head

My daily routine continues simply as it always has

And the echoes of you fill the corners of my thoughts

We haven’t even met

Has my heart been swayed so easily?

Can a person truly be this infatuating?

I almost feel as if I am mad

Despite the echoes of my unanswered calls still ringing

Even if we never meet at all

I find that the idea of that opportunity is enough to keep me from leaving

I have to know

How my feelings were swayed so easily by someone

I thought I threw the key to that door away a long ago

Yet we remain in my daily routine

It continues and you remain a bubble shinning light in my eyes when you catch the sun just right

Is this all there is too it?

An unrequited feeling of desire

Left to sit in the garden of my mind

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I fear that my intensity scares off most

Like the sun

Your warmth is loved

Yet they cannot bring themselves to look into your eyes

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I sometimes wonder what my role is

At first it was simple my goal was to learn and be scholar

Yet life never seems to play along

Forcing roles upon you until you drop

I don’t think I am like others

I aspire to be someone of unconditional love and capable of serving as a catalyst for new growth

Yet I was born with an inferno within my soul

Forced to suppress a flame that could scorch the very earth

A fire that can burn so intense that It has made the world around me feel cold

I sit upon the scorches grounds of my first failures as a reminder that no new growth can happen in the soils I have burned

It feels shameful too want to be kind

To repay the world for the irreversible damage I had done, I vowed to be gentle

Like a flame attempting to clean the charred walls they left behind

One day I will combust into a raging fire again and I can only hope that my actions will have taught the embers to be kind

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Jackie Sabbagh, “Having a Great Time Being Transgender in America Lately”

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I’m just too much I think,

I like to think I care,

But what if I’m just acting like I care,

So then those boundaries are blurry

And I keep adding on to the burden of my sincerity until it snaps those lines

Like a dog that doesn’t know not to shove its face into people when it wants pets.

Cursed to only know the extremes of indifference, love, or hate

I wonder if I am just a guide

To show people where they land

There is no prize for any of the 3 emotions except for knowing the extremes of 1

Drowning all those that try to get close, in the overwhelming sense of nothing.

I’m simply a curse meant to help you realize that which you truly want,

And who could ever want a curse…

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Could you remove the evil that has always existed within your shadow or is the shadow evil for being able to hold such foul things

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I never intended to run away

Carried and tossed by the currents of life

I never had the strength to hold on tight

Clenching and clawing for those memories as they floated off

Now You are but a sweet memory of more simple times

Yet I wonder if you hate me for being so easily swept away

For all the yearning I felt it was never greater than the fear that you could never forgive me

As if I could’ve stopped the waves of times I look back with regret

Knowing that the choices I made have now been carved into the stone of life

As if to mock my hopes of rewriting history, the winds always carry the scent of our friendship

Would you even recognize me now that I’ve been tumbled and weathered into a new being

I can only hope that the currents have been kind to you and that you are happy

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aokigahara

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