jonclark

[jonclark]

Part 1:

I awake with her next me. A gentle whisper “Good morning my love”, escapes my lips as her eyes remain closed. A half smirk appears from her lips. I continue laying next to her, just watching her sleep for a few moments before swiftly crawling out of bed, trying to keep the mattress as still as possible. Trying not to wake her, I head down to the kitchen where I whip up a breakfast I know she’ll love. It’s nothing too impressive, just a ham and cheese omelette, her favorite. The first one tore apart, I save that for myself. Some toast, giving her the least burnt pieces. And of course some hash browns, that actually came out perfectly crispy. And finally a nice hot cup of coffee, made just the way she likes it, with 3 teaspoons of sugar, some cream, and the caramel syrup she pointed out the first time we went shopping together. Haven’t been able to go without it since that day.

Timed almost perfectly, as her alarm had gone off a couple of minutes ago, but I know she’ll never get up to the first one. I bring her plate and coffee into the bedroom, and place it on her nightstand, while I go and get mine. A few minutes pass by and her alarm goes off again. This time, she lets out a large deep yawn, and stretches her arms out and up, as if she’s reaching for the sky. Her hair is a mess, the oversized shirt of mine she wore to bed is hanging off her shoulder, and some remnants of yesterday’s make-up are smeared across her face…and by god, if she isn’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

“Awe, thank you babe”, she says with tiredness still in her voice as she sees the breakfast next to her. She wraps her arms around my neck, sitting criss-crossed, and gives me a kiss. Her morning breath not even phasing me. She runs her fingers through her hair, and fixes her shirt to be more comfortable, before starting on her breakfast.

\\

I now wake up alone in my studio apartment. I slump out of bed, and pour some cereal into a bowl. Opening the fridge, I reach for the milk, and pour it onto the dry cereal. It produces a sour smell, and I realize it’s past the expiration date. “There goes my breakfast.”, I think to myself.

I get in the shower, and stand there, head against the wall, as the water running down my back changes from hot to cold and back again, a few times. I’m used to it at this point.

[jonclark]

Who are you mad at?

No one…I’m just a little depressed…

You know, depression is just anger turned inward…so who are you mad at?

[jonclark]

Breathe in…and out…

A moment of clarity, self reflection really. Life’s hard enough already, go easy on yourself, and do what makes you happy.

Sometime’s in order to be happy, we have to make hard choices, be sad, or angry for a time, but joy will meet us in the middle. Put in the work, and it’ll be there right when you need it.

There are gonna be people who don’t deserve you, that you’re gonna think you can’t live without. But once you realize your absence means nothing to them, it’s time to let them go. To push them away even.

Surround yourself with people who see the beauty inside of you, and they’ll see the beauty in themselves.

[jonclark]

Breath in…and…out…

There’s something about the beach on a cold autumn day.

Sometimes you really just have to yell at the top of your lungs…

It’s freeing the way the waves push and pull.

I’m so fucking tired…

How fast they come to shore, then slowly push away.

I’ll never be good enough

Even at low tide, the ocean never gives up.

I’m all alone. I have no one…

The waves keep crashing, the fish keep swimming.

I can’t do this anymore…

…maybe that’s the lesson?

Fuck!

[jonclark]

Breathe in…and out…

It’s okay to not be okay. Life isn’t meant to be perfect, sometimes we fall down. Hard. Crashing onto every rock and branch on the way down. It’s loud, and difficult, and, and there’s just so much going on, and you don’t know what to do…and then…suddenly and all at once, things are calm. Everything flows the way it should, and while the fall was hard and difficult, and you felt like you would never get to the bottom, you realize that it was really just such a small part of your life.

[jonclark]

Breathe in…and out…

Life is full of different paths. Not every one leads us to something beautiful. Sometimes we take the wrong path, and that’s okay. Enjoy the view along the way, but don’t get too caught up in it. Just don’t stay on the wrong path for too long, or you’ll miss what’s truly meant for you…sometimes, we just need to take the wrong path.

[jonclark]

Breathe in…and out…

When the water’s still and calm, you can see it all. The reflection of the sky and the trees, and even yourself. It’s when you keep staring, that it becomes clear. And you can see the rocks, and the sand, and maybe a fish or two will swim on by.

As the waves start to push and pull, and crash along the earth, the clarity fades away. The reflections too dissipate.

[jonclark]

Breathe in…and out…

There’s a lot of things happening in the world. Many of which are unpredictable. But no matter the outcome, the sun will set, and the day will end. Tomorrow will come. So let it all roll off your shoulders, and watch the sunset.

[jonclark]

Breathe In…and out…

Some days, just aren’t your day. Not everything’s going to go right, in fact, everything may go wrong. You might be late, or get lost on the way. You’ll slip back a few times, and struggle to make it. But don’t forget to take the breaks you need, it’ll be worth it when you get there. You’ll look down and see just how far you’ve made it, and say “i did it”.