jmesptters

[jmesptters]

moving!

you can now find me @jmesptter because this blog is terribly disorganised *shudders*

tagging my followers so they don’t miss this:

@elvendoork @spreadkindnessaroundlikeconfetti @snufflesmajor @lilychosejames @thorvinn @smiley-jily @kendrastarkiller @chaseyorkkes @thatgothfreak @milandarling

@red-haired-gal @serenesienacat @the-black-flucking-unicorn @imsecretlydracomalfoy @starlit-sinatra @ashinypenguin @blitheringmcgonagall @frustratedpoet1979 @majesticprongs​ @theoneandonlysatanofficial 

@sunaprincess7 @looonalovegood @charlestoning @gaelarchitecturespace @thechildofartemis @arianrhode @thelaziestgeek @saltellare @rivers-in-reverse 

@unorganizedwritingthoughts @sincerestaffect @onlyoneformeisme @squirtles-kitty @stjarna-alskar @thehipstersclub @maricela6278 @shayisthebagel @duskypetals @likeshootingstars 

@midaswhale20 @marauders-lily-life-harrypotter @sitienessuficientecoraje @literalbandtrash7234 @babsthegingerqueen @bialalrose96 @hope-love-stardust @icklewolfiekins @petalsandfishes @elanev91 

@imabirdurabirdwereallbirds-blog @artemisial @my-kpop-beanz @snuffles-groovy-doghouse @manyobsessionsmuchwow @siriusly-obsessed-with-scarhead @harveysbagel @fallingoffbarts  @enigma-inf​

...and more to come 

[jmesptters]

I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account.  "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position.  Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.

[jmesptters]

Small World

(( OOC: This is our late contribution to the HP RP Pair up! Script written together with @theonewholivedahundredlives, who plays Petunia. ))

It is Summer of 1977, and Lily and Petunia sit in a quiet muggle cafe, somewhere in South-West London.

Lily: It’s the summer holidays, and we haven’t seen each other in a while.

Keep reading

[jmesptters]

Empty cups + John Mulaney quotes:

MAGNUS

SAMIRAH

HEARTHSTONE

BLITZEN

ALEX

MALLORY

T.J.

HALFBORN

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James: Hey Kingsley, have you seen Sirius?

Kingsley: I thought you were Sirius.

James: …

Kingsley: *points to Sirius* Er, one of you is over there.

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My future grandchild: Grandma what are you doing on the computer?

Me: * still blogging about the marauders era*

Just looking up the bingo schedule for next week hunny

[jmesptters]

“Gotta get me one of those black bath bombs so I can dramatically emerge from the water like I’m rising from the pits of hell. You know, self care.”

-Slytherin

[jmesptters]

People don’t have a strong intuitive sense of how much bigger 1 billion is than 1 million. 1 million seconds is about 11 days. 1 billion seconds is about 31.5 years.

[jmesptters]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[jmesptters]

Chiron: I’m not a father, I don’t even have any children.

Percy: *passes him* ‘Sup, Dad?

Chiron: Oh, hey.

Annabeth: Dad, is it okay if me and Piper see the new Star Wars tonight?

Chiron: Yeah, just be home by 10.

Chiron:

Chiron: Okay, listen.

[jmesptters]

Guy at bar: *to Remus, about Sirius* is this guy bothering you?

Remus: yes, but he’s my husband, so I signed up for this.

[jmesptters]

i’m just sitting here dying of laughter thinking about McGonagall looking over Harry in first year like yeah the kid gets into some dangerous shenanigans but it always seems to be for a greater purpose and his heart’s in the right place and he’s so sweet and quiet usually, clearly he takes after his mother Lily thank goodness this is good this boy is good 

and then dead ass one year later kid shows up to school crashing into a tree with his bestie in a flying car instead of just owling the damn school that they’d missed the train and she’s just like DING DONG I WAS WRONG

[jmesptters]

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys that this lady came in two minutes before closing with a two inch high stack of coupons and two full carts. It took me twenty minutes to ring everything up, and she only ended up paying around five bucks for all of it, and then she gave me three things of paper towels and a box of Frosted Flakes for no discernable reason other than that they were free and she kept me late.

That should be the new rule. If you inconvenience me, I get to have some of your groceries.

[jmesptters]

like what was molly’s thought process when she added ‘mortal peril’ to the clock of where all the weasleys were

[jmesptters]

Afterlife James: Okay. Point taken. First that stupid motorbike. Now this stupid hippogriff. You’re awesome, you’re cool. If Azkaban didn’t ruined your punk rock, nothing else will. I hope you fall from this chicken and break your neck.

Afterlife Lily: You’re envy.

Afterlife James: I can’t understand how you are not? Look at him. That arse just broke out of Azkaban and his hair is still blowing in the wind. What is wrong with him?

Afterlife Lily: When will you stop fangirling over him?

[jmesptters]

Jason: This is my ex-girlfriend Piper

Piper: You gotta stop introducing me like that

Piper: I’m his wife

[jmesptters]

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?

NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN