jjoelmillers

[jjoelmillers]

hi there!!

could u write a mikey berzatto drabble!! would be so interesting to see something like strangers to friends to lovers to enemies then back to lovers endgame kinda thing hehe!!

posted!x

[jjoelmillers]

Hiiii xx can I just ask for a cute Mikey x reader fic!! Like super best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers! Smth very cuteeee!!

posted!x

[jjoelmillers]

michael berzatto- it was you all along

♫ hey pretty girl - kip moore

main masterlist | blog playlist

Michael Berzatto was your rock. There was nobody in the world you trusted more with anything. No matter what you needed or when it was, you could guarantee Michael would pick the phone up. He was selfless, the type of friend you needed when times were hard. 

Today had been no exception. 

You were excited all day at work because afterwards you were going on a date with someone you'd been talking to for a while. You'd been leaning on the counter talking to Tina about it. She was like a mother to you, so any time something good happened to you it was always Tina you turned to first. 

"I think he's really sweet," you said to her. "One date can't hurt to see if I like him, right?"

"Not at all, lovely girl," she replied, tidying her station in the downtime. "But be careful, okay? He's still kind of a stranger and I don't want you getting hurt or nothing."

You smiled to her before carrying on with your own clean up. It was the end of the day, but no matter how excited you were to get home and on your date, you made a point to always stop by Michael's office and say goodbye. It was tradition, you wouldn't miss a single day if you were in.

Knocking, he shouted for you to enter and you did, closing the door behind you and dropping your bag. Michael looked up, and then back down again to carry on writing. A little unusual for him, you'd thought. But, you just assumed he was a little more busy with the suppliers and what not. 

"Hey," you spoke quietly, wondering if you were disturbing him because it seemed like that was the case. "I'm gonna head out for the night. Didn't want to leave without seeing you."

Michael let out a breathy laugh and stopped his writing. Running his tongue over his bottom lip, he looked as though he was pondering his answer before actually replying to you. "Yeah, goodnight then, sweetheart. Have a good evening."

Shifting your weight between your feet, you furrowed your brow at Michael even though he wasn't looking at you still. It felt weird, like you had done something wrong. The air was thick and not at all as relaxed as normal. Usually, the end of the day was filled with laughs and sweet nothings between you, but it seemed a lot darker today.

You walked over to him, leaning against the wall to the left of his desk. Michael didn't move a muscle. His hands fiddled with his pen, eyes still darting across the scribbles on them. 

"Did I um, did I do something wrong? I feel like I have done something to upset you, Mikey-"

Before you could finish your sentence, Michael jumped up and leaned against the wall, caging you in with his hands either side of your head. He was so close to you, closer than he should be and you could feel his breath against your cheek. Michael leaned in, before pulling himself back again and shaking his head to snap himself out of whatever this was. 

Meeting his gaze, Michael looked at you with a look you'd never seen before. Lust? You were sure you were just friends and nothing more. He glanced down at your lips before looking back at you and smiling. Whatever was there was now gone, replaced with your own Michael. Your boy was back again. 

"You be careful tonight, princess. Don't let him break your heart or I'll kill him. Let me know when you get home safe."

Michael went to sit back down, and you cleared your throat. "Thank you, Mikey. I'll um, I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe getting home."

Michael hummed in acknowledgment, and you were quick to leave his office completely confused. What on earth just happened? Michael had showed care for you in the past, but not such a dominant display of.. jealousy? Was it jealousy? You'd never seen that look in his eyes before, not even when he was having the loudest arguments of his life. 

Leaving The Beef, you couldn't shake that feeling of Michael. The whole trip home had you wondering what exactly his actions meant. It felt so different to how he usually was, even when there were some dodgy customers. You reached your front door and unlocked it, deciding to try and distract yourselves from those thoughts swimming around your head. 

It was 8:30pm, and you were meant to meet your date in an hour for some late night drinks. You were showered, dressed and ready to go already, so you sat on the sofa with the intention of watching something until nine o'clock. You never turned the TV on, though. Your mind was still occupied with earlier in the day. 

Speaking out loud to yourself, you sighed and chuckled a little.

"Michael Berzatto, what the fuck are we?"

That got you thinking and you sat up. 

The question hadn't really crossed your mind, but now it had your curious. Michael and you had always been close. When you needed Michael, he was there in a heartbeat no matter the time. It could be 2am, and if you needed him then he was in your driveway before the phone was put down. Often, you'd stay with him to make sure he was okay when his mental health got bad. Something he never really talked about with people, but with you he was so open. 

There was a love there, that was certain. But was it romantic? Neither of you had made that kind of advance with each other, it was platonic love. It couldn't be more than that, there was no way Michael liked you like that. Right? No, there was no way. You tried to convince yourself it wasn't like that. 

Michael was attractive, sure. There was no denying that. He was handsome, and he had such bright eyes; the type that light up when he smiled, or when he laughed and they creased at the sides. The way he was always touchy with you, wanting to hold you and touch you whenever he could. Sometimes, he laughed so hard that he would automatically place his hand on your thigh, or wrap his arms around your waist. 

There were so many more things about Michael that made him so beautiful and the more you sat and thought about it, the more the realization hit you.

Shit, you thought. Shit, I think I love him. 

Everything started to make sense to you now. You understood why you craved his touch, why you wanted him when you felt sad. You could call Tina, you were absolutely sure she could help. But you never did. You always turned to Michael. He was your rock for a reason, and now you knew what that reason was. 

Getting into your car, you started it and looked at the time. 9:06pm. 

Shrugging, you laughed out loud. You wouldn't make it to your date anyway, and now you didn't want to. Pulling out of your drive, you had one place you were headed to. The only place you were meant to be.

The light in Michael's apartment was on, but you knew that boy never slept anyway. Smiling to yourself, you headed to his door and knocked, albeit a little hesitantly. As it swung open, a tired and disheveled looking Michael looked confused.

"Hey, shouldn't you be on your date?" he asked, voice low and deep. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he'd just woken up. "I mean you look fuckin' beautiful, and I don't mean it like this but what are you doing here?"

Before he could question you any further, you took his face into your hands and pulled him close. Placing your lips on his own, you decided it was now or never. You had to know if he felt anything for you like you did him, and you didn't trust your words right now. You kissed him as though you would never see him again. Pouring every thought and feeling you had into it, you hoped Michael could feel it.

In response, Michael's hands shot up to your hair, tangling their way through your locks. His hands couldn't get enough of you, moving to rest at your waist and back up your back. Pulling you through the door, you were first to break the kiss for air. 

"Mikey," you whispered breathlessly. Michael had never heard his name said like that. He wasn't going to deny that he loved it.

"Shit, doll. What was that for?" Michael's breath hitched, but he was smiling at you like a man on top of the world. "Not that I didn't enjoy it, and would like to do it again, but I'm just curious."

You took a breath in, looking him in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he held your waist, you decided to just be honest. 

"I think I love you. I was sat at home getting ready, and I just got caught thinking about us, and you and everything we do. I couldn't bring myself to actually go on that date in the end. I don't know if you feel the same and it's totally fine if you don't, but I just needed to let you know before my head exploded."

Michael chuckled at your last sentence, brushing a strand of hair from your face. You looked at him as he stared back, like a man who had just seen heaven. Nodding, Michael formed his own reply to you. 

"You know, I think I've been in love with you for so long now that it just became second nature to act how we do. Yeah, you know like when we just cuddle or we go for those drives and eat shitty food at ungodly hours of the morning? Those days we hang back and chat or the times I just need to hold you and take you in. All of that ain't lost on me, and I think I was just scared that you didn't like me back in that way. Thought your date tonight was the nail in the coffin and I'd lost you."

Michael looked down, and you felt the slight hurt in your heart. How the fuck had you been so blind? You pulled Michael's head up to look at him again, but he couldn't look you in the eye this time. Instead, you placed your lips back onto his in a sweet kiss. Soft and gentle, letting him know that you were there and you weren't going anywhere. 

"Mikey, if you want me then I'm yours. If that's what you want from this then-"

"Just shut the fuck up and kiss me again, sweetheart."

He silenced whatever monologue you were about to ramble into and picked you up as though you weighed nothing. He carried you to the table and sat you down atop it, your legs wrapping themselves around his waist automatically. Michael pulled you so close to him, burying his face into your neck, leaving a trail of kisses from your collarbone right up to your jaw. As he reached your lips, he took your bottom lip in between his teeth, causing you to gasp.

"You're so beautiful, you know?" Michael whispered against your skin, kissing your lips gently and smiling down at you. "I'm gonna tell you that every fuckin' day, right. Every fuckin' day."

"I feel like I'm dreaming," you sighed happily, running a hand through his hair. 

"Me too, but I think I'm dreaming about food 'cause I'm hungry as shit. You wanna get some food and watch a movie with me, princess?"

Your stomach fluttered at the nickname and also the mention of dinner. You hadn't eaten since leaving work and you had only just noticed at the suggestion. Nodding, you jumped off the table and found a seat on the couch. Michael raised an eyebrow at you.

"You know that's my spot, right?" he asked, eyeing you over his phone as he looked through the menu of his favourite pizza place. 

"I do, are you gonna fight me for it?" you questioned him innocently, but with a knowing smirk on your face.

Michael smirked back, humming out a quick 'right' and placing his phone down on the table. He sat next to you on the sofa and crawled over to you, his body hovering above yours as he pinned you down. You couldn't stop giggling as he leaned in close.

"I'll fight you for it, sure," he spoke against your ear. His arms held him up as they rested beside your head on either side. As he licked his lips and stared down at you, you had a feeling that you weren't going to eat any time soon. As though he read your mind, Michael nodded.

"You can forget about the food. We won't be needing that for a while."

[jjoelmillers]

oh my gosh bear requests yay!! i have one for syd if you don’t mind, i love your writing and it’s always so hard to find good stuff for her.

you know the end of the funeral dinner episode, when she has that panic attack, i really just wished someone would like give a hug and a shoulder to cry on. a oneshot of that, with a female reader if it’s at all possible, who also works as a chef at the bear would be super appreciated.

thank you so much! you are beyond appreciated and please take your time

posted!x

[jjoelmillers]

sydney adamu - it's gonna be okay

♫ die a happy man - thomas rhett

main masterlist | blog playlist

thank you for the sydney requests, i love this woman so much

TW: panic attacks, anxiety etc. please don't read if this is triggering for you! <3

"For fucks sake," Sydney whispered out to herself, sitting in the hallway of her apartment building trying to calm down. Anxiety hadn't hit her this hard in such a long time, and she struggled to regain some semblance of balance in the current moment. Breathing in, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything to take her mind off it.

The cold brick wall against her back soothed her, but the panic in her body remained. Shaking her head, Sydney stood up and decided to just go back into the party instead. As she started to stand, she felt dizzy and sat straight back down on the small ledge next to her door. 

"Fuck!" Sydney shouted out to nobody in particular, unaware that you were there. 

"Everything okay, chef?" Your voice broke through the haze in her mind, and Sydney looked up to you. Your voice was joking, a smile on your face because you thought she had just come out here for some time away from the people. When you noticed how bad she looked, you knew immediately what was happening. 

"Woah, hey what's happened?" you asked her, dropping down to one knee next to her. Sydney shook her head, attempting to stand up again.

"Nothing, no nothing I-"

You cut her off with a hand on the shoulder that was keeping her on the ground. 

"No, you aren't okay, Syd. Don't try and trick yourself into believing you are. Stay with me."

Sydney slumped back against the wall again, and you leaned with her as your arms brushed against one another. You heard a heavy sigh come from her, and as you looked over there were tears falling from her eyes. 

"Hey, come here," you spoke, voice soft and gentle as you looked her in the eye. Sydney's breathing was harsh, and the panic attack she was having showed no signs of leaving just yet. Taking her face in your hands, you wiped her tears away. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay, let it out."

Sydney all but collapsed into you. Opening your arms, you engulfed her into a hug, a safe space for her to let the emotions out that were clouding her mind. Sydney's hands clawed at you, any part of your clothing she could hold onto to try and ground herself. You held her close, one hand on her head and one around her waist. Sydney had ended up sat in your lap, face buried into the crook of your neck. 

She tried to say something, to say your name but it just came out as laboured breaths. You shushed her gently, giving her a tight squeeze. 

"It's alright, Syd. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Relax, okay? We can talk about it whenever you're ready, but not now. Shh, I have you."

You didn't know it in the moment, but this meant so much to Sydney. 

She always was quite a shy person, and a little awkward to match. Getting along with people and making new friends wasn't her forte, but with you it felt different. When you had started working at The Bear, not only were you talented in the kitchen but you were so openly confident and friendly with everyone. You always made sure to say good morning to people and never left without a goodnight. Never not happy, you did light up the kitchen and give the crew some much needed laughs here and there. 

You always spent a little more time chatting to Sydney than anyone else, however. Not unfairly, you never ignored the others. But you always felt a stronger connection with Sydney than your other coworkers. To you, she was so interesting. She had stories galore to tell you, often over a milkshake and some arcade games on your days off. Or, you would both go out and try some new food, making sure to note down the flavours and textures for future reference. Little friend dates that meant the world to her.

Because Sydney would never admit it to you, but she had fallen for you hard. Those little meetups and the times after closing you would both sit in the local park with a canned cocktail and chat. The times you would calm her, tell her that work wasn't the be all and end all of life. You made sure she always took care of herself, especially after a particularly bad shift. Every small act like that had secured a place in her heart for you. 

You'd realised that Sydney had stopped shaking so bad, but her tears were still falling. You leaned down into her ear and whispered.

"Hey champ, there we are. Feeling any better?"

Sydney lifted her head, and she looked disheveled. You cupped her face and wiped away a few more tears, allowing her the time she needed to answer you. Rubbing a calming hand up and down her back, your other one fell to rest on her thigh. 

"Yeah, I'm feeling a little better," her voice was quiet. "Sorry for-"

"Nope," you cut her off with a finger to the lips. She giggled and you smiled. "Nope, not doing that, okay? You don't apologise for any of this, I told you I was here for you and I meant it."

"Thank you," Sydney's voice was shy, and she looked down to her lap. "I don't even know how I ended up here."

You laughed, her favourite sound. "I didn't know what to do, so I just kind of pulled you over to me. You don't have to stay, you can move if you want to."

Sydney shrugged and smiled to you, her tears all but gone now. "I mean, I'm pretty comfy here, you know." Her tone became a bit more serious. "Unless you want me to move, actually you probably do, I can just-"

"Stay," you whispered into her ear.

You pulled Sydney in closer, keeping one arm around her waist as the other found place on her thigh, you thumb stroking gentle lines up and down to keep her calm. Sydney took your hand in both of hers as she leaned into your chest, her fingers fiddling with your rings. 

"Thank you," she spoke low. "I mean it."

"I just did what any decent person would have done. I'm sure if Richie had found you out here, he would have stayed too."

Sydney looked up at you and shook her head. "No, I don't just mean for tonight. I mean for everything."

You raised your brow, encouraging her to continue. Taking a breath in, she looked down to your hand in hers. 

"Since you got here, I've felt more open, I guess. Like, more able to get along with people and more in touch with my emotions. All the stuff we've been doing has meant a lot to me, so thank you for that."

You were looking down at her with a sparkle in your eye. To you, Sydney was so beautiful. Even in the dim light of the hallway, she still looked incredible. You hoped she knew that. You hoped that at points in her life, people had told her how brilliant she was. 

"Never thank me for it, Syd. You deserve it, okay. I'm just being a decent person."

The way she looked at you in that moment sparked something in your heart. She looked so content, she looked happy. A shadow of the person she was twenty minutes ago when you had found her, your Sydney was finally back with you and the panics of the previous minutes seemed to have disappeared. 

Sydney's eyes met yours, and her heart was beating fast again. Not in panic, but in some healthy nerves. She hadn't ever been this close to you before, not in such a capacity and her brain was doing somersaults. Before her rational thinking could kick in, Sydney leaned into you and placed her lips on your own in a sweet but quick kiss. You hadn't had time to react before she pulled back with wide eyes. 

"Oh god," she said, stuttering to find her words. "I am so sorry, I wasn't even thinking. I didn't mean to-"

You silenced her apologies with a kiss of your own, holding her face with one hand as your other arms kept hold of her waist. The kiss was feverish, but also gentle, a firm reminder to her that she had nothing to be afraid of with you. There were emotions lay bare between you, as she sunk into the kiss herself and allowed a wave of relaxation to flow through her. Pulling back for a moment, you rested your forehead against her own.

Sydney breathed out your name, so quietly that you had almost not heard her. 

"I've got you, if you want me," you said to her, your hand at the nape of her neck keeping her close. "If you want me, I'm all yours, Syd."

She nodded, a beaming smile on her face as she looked up to you. You leaned back in, kissing her again as she ran her fingers through your hair, taking in however much of you she could. The way your hair felt, the softness of your lips, and your scent. She wanted to remember this moment forever. 

"Syd," you spoke between small kisses. "You are so fucking beautiful, like it's unreal."

Before she could say anything in return, the front door opened and you could hear Richie's voice echoing through the hallway. It seemed like he was on the phone to someone. 

"Yeah, that's what I'm-" he stopped for half a second when he turned and saw you both. "Oh my fuckin' god, finally!" 

He went back inside with his phone, leaving you both in a state of confusion. As your eyes met, you both burst into laughter. Your smile always made Sydney's heart happy, so she took extra time to watch you laugh before burying her face back into the crook of your neck. 

"Hey beautiful girl," you asked her, a newfound affection in your voice. "You wanna head back inside soon?"

Sydney hummed from your neck, leaving small kisses on your collarbone. "We probably should, yeah."

You stood up, lifting her with ease and placed her gently down on her feet. Holding her hips, you pulled her in gently and kissed her forehead. She smiled at you as you took her hand in your own and opened the door for her. 

"Then let's go, shall we sweetheart?"

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

richie jerimovich - in every lifetime

♫ ed sheeran - perfect

main masterlist | blog playlist

You know how you always hear about those people who are like soulmates but not romantically? Like those souls that were always destined to be together in some form and nothing could tear them apart? You never believed in those kinds of things until you met Richie.

Richie Jerimovich, god he was so sweet. Maybe not to other people; to other people he could be crude and argumentative. Behind closed doors, he was a different person. 

Your front door opened early in the morning as you were getting ready in your room. No fear in you, you knew exactly who it would be. Richie had been given a key to your flat a while back, and you had one for his front door as well. He let himself in these days without knocking.

"Make yourself something to eat, I'll be down in a minute," you called to him, fixing your hair up and giving yourself one last glance in the mirror. 

"Gotcha!" he called back, and you heard him start clanging around in your kitchen. 

Despite having been here many times before, Richie could still never remember where any of your stuff was. He would always joke with you about how you kept the wrong thing in the wrong cupboard, or about how the storage in your kitchen wasn't acceptable. You argued like an old married couple.

When you were finished, you made your way downstairs and entered the kitchen. Sitting at your table was Richie, drinking a glass of orange juice as he motioned for you to sit opposite him. You looked to the table and found he had made two omelets and some toast.

"I said feed yourself, but thank you Richie," you sat down, sending him a warm smile. 

Richie nodded. "And I wasn't going to just make for one. You're welcome."

The two of you ate in silence, a comfortable silence making sure that you were both ready for your respective days. You knew you'd have a long day at work, but Richie would have an even tougher one. Working at The Beef had become more than hellish for him since the death of Michael, but knowing he could come back to you at any point afterwards made it a lot more bearable. 

This wasn't the end of the domesticity for you, either. 

It wasn't just the mornings together, or the free entry to each others homes. It was so much more than that. It was an emotional connection, something far deeper than just the surface. Mikey was his best friend, and he always would be. There was no denying that and you weren't offended. But you were different, there was something here beyond what he had with Mikey. It wasn't romance, it was just comfortable companionship. 

[4:27pm] Richie <3

                I could kill everyone here, you know. Had a really rough day.

You glanced down at your phone after clocking out, it was five o'clock and you were ready for a bath and some television in bed. Seeing Richie's text, your heart hurt. You knew they were empty threats, that he wouldn't actually act on what he said. But, you also knew that it meant he'd had a tough day at work. You hated that, you hated the fact that every day seemed like stress and it was something different going wrong.

Deciding to forgo your trip home, you grabbed your car keys and headed to the nearest store to before setting your sights on The Beef. It must have taken about half an hour for you to reach the front door of the restaurant, and you pushed it open with ease. It was pretty quiet, a few customers left eating at their tables. Laying eyes on you, Richie's whole face softened as he stopped his conversation with Chi Chi.

"Hey, what are you doing here? It's Friday, you always go home and have a pamper evening."

Your heart soared when you thought about how he knew your schedule. Friday was the day you relaxed and treated yourself but when Richie was having an awful day, none of that mattered. 

"Yeah, that is true but I know you've had a terrible day, so I figured that was more important."

Richie wouldn't show it on the outside, especially not when he knew eyes were on him from several coworkers, but that meant so much to him. He felt like you cared so much for him, and that no matter what happened, you would always be there for him to fall on.

"When was the last time you ate? Have you had a break yet?"

Richie nodded. "Yeah, I had a break at lunchtime, about midday. Haven't eaten yet, though."

You raised an eyebrow. "Then eat something. Come on, I'll buy a Classic combo and we can split it."

Richie smiled and agreed. He knew all too well that you never finished a combo anyway, it was far too big of a meal for your appetite even on your hungriest day. He refused to let you pay, and when you tried Carmy had told you it was on the house. There were perks of knowing the owner well, you guessed. 

Taking a seat, Carmy told Richie to take as long as he needed, evidently having calmed down from whatever fight had occurred this time. As you sat, the workers watched you both as Richie smiled and laughed. It was clearly a foreign thing. In truth, they thought you two were already dating, or married or something. Around you, Richie was gentle and soft, but when you weren't around it was like the other side of the coin. 

"Yo, cousin, can I borrow you a second?" Carmy's voice interrupted your meal, and Richie twitched and clenched his fist. His eyes landed on you, and you smiled sweetly and nodded, letting him know it was fine and you would be here when he got back. 

"Yea, be over in a sec," Richie responded, standing and tapping you under the chin lightly. You blushed at the action, shaking your head and smiling. 

Richie walked out back with Carmy, who once outside lit his cigarette and sat on an empty box. The young chef offered Richie one but he declined with a thanks. 

"So, what's up?" Richie asked Carmen, who pushed out his smoke and motioned back into the restaurant.

"You can totally tell me to fuck off, and you probably will, but what's going on with you two?" 

"Why does that matter to you?"

Carmy held his hands up in defense. "No, nothing. No, it doesn't matter to me. We were just wondering because you look happy. We thought you might be dating or something."

"What makes you say that?" Richie was less angry now and more curious. He knew you were both close, but he didn't know you were so close that others could see it, too. 

"You're always together, bein' cute and stuff. I know outside of work you're never not apart. There's nothing wrong with it, Richie. We're all just curious is all. You're a lot nicer to be around when she's here."

Richie let out an involuntary chuckle. "Oh, that right, cousin? Eh, you know maybe you're right. She does have a calming effect on me. Can I talk a bit?"

Carmen nodded, offering Richie a cigarette again but he still declined politely. This was one of those very rare times they were actually about to get along without an argument, so both men seized that opportunity. Richie cleared his throat, sitting on a box next to the chef.

"I don't know what we are. We aren't together, but I know we act like we might as well be married. It just feels right, you know? Like, when she's around it feels like the world is normal, there's no bad in it. We stay with each other sometimes, but it's just sleeping and talking. We go out on trips together, even with Eva, and it just feels so good. She gets me, Carmen, more than anyone has. I think I'd be lost without her."

"You talk about her like Pete talks about Nat," Carmy interjected, and that sparked a thought in Richie's mind. Did he? Was it actually love?

Carmen continued. "As long as you're both happy, that's what matters. I am happy for you, Richie. But if you ask me, it sounds a lot like you love her. And from what I can see, she loves you, too."

"What do you think I should do?" Richie asked Carmen, feeling a little uncomfortable asking for advice from him. He was younger than him by a bit, but also just as unstable as him. Still, he asked in hope that he might have a clear and unbiased answer. 

"I think I'm not the right person to tell you shit about love, but if you think it might be mutual then go for it. The worst thing you can do is say something. I think she loves you, Richie. You've got something good going here."

Carmen finished up his cigarette and placed a hand on Richie's shoulder. Richie kept a hold of it, speaking low and looking up at the chef.

"Thanks, Carmen."

Carmen smiled at him, a rare showing of genuine good emotion between the two. "That's okay, Richie. Now get back out there with her and do something. Take the rest of the day off, we have enough people to close."

With that, Carmy left him and Richie smartened himself back up. Well, as smart as he could be in his Beef uniform, leather jacket and Adidas tracksuit pants. Rejoining you, he offered his hand without sitting back down.

"You wanna get the hell out of here early?" he asked, and you smiled to him. 

"Absolutely, if you can. I have a surprise in the car for you."

Richie raised his brow, watching you take his hand and curtsey with a laugh. Once you'd put your rubbish in the bin, you waved goodbye to Chi Chi and stepped outside. Finding your car, you let Richie in and started to drive. It was already nearly seven o'clock, you hadn't realised that meal took almost two hours. 

"So, where are we going?" Richie asked, as he fiddled with your radio trying to find something to watch.

"You'll see, somewhere relaxing is all I'm going to say to you."

Richie took a second to look at you whilst you were driving. You really were so beautiful, and you didn't even know it. He knew well that you didn't think much of yourself, but he more than mad up for it when he complimented you. Often, he couldn't do it enough. Beautiful, brilliant, pretty, wonderful. So many words he would speak so gently down your ear that you struggled to believe. But, they stayed with you and by god did he mean them all. 

That chat with Carmy seemed to have opened something in his mind, a realization that there was an underlying feeling beneath all of those compliments. They weren't just friendly and maybe there really was something more between you that was just itching to come out. 

You pulled the car into a field and jumped out. Richie hadn't even noticed the car stopped before you swung his door open. 

"Come on, pretty boy, let's go."

Pulling a bag out the back, you walked into the mess of trees with Richie's hand in your own, and into a small clearing with a lake. Richie's eyes widened, he had never seen something so beautiful. How the fuck was this in Chicago?

"I used to come here as a kid," you said, Richie's full attention on you. "It was always my quiet place, somewhere to hide when the world got too much. Nobody ever comes here, either. Thought you could use something like this today. I brought snacks, too."

You held the bag up like a kid with a big grin and Richie pulled you into a hug, overwhelmed with emotions. 

"You're insane, I don't deserve this, you know?"

"You do," you replied. "You absolutely do. Now, let's go and sit down in that clearing and watch the stars when they come out. It's my favourite thing."

That was exactly what you did. You set up your blanket and ate. Richie was impressed that you had managed to buy most of his favourite snacks, and the night was filled with laughter. Jokes, stories and just general chatter filled the air as you watched the sun fully set and the stars came out.

"Look up, sweetheart," Richie said quietly, tilting your head up for you as your mouth fell open.

The stars had decorated the sky above you, painting the clearing with a soft glow of light as the lake rippled slowly. Bugs made their way home, flickering in the pale moonlight as you moved closer to Richie.

"Lay with me?" you asked, and he nodded. On his back, he faced up to the sky as you lay next to him in the same position.

The closeness of your bodies was not lost on each other, the warmth emitting from him was comforting. You hoped that tonight would clear his head and maybe set him up for a good week coming if he could just relax. Richie closed his eyes and sighed, and you looked to him.

As he lay there, he looked handsome. He wasn't frowning, and his face was soft. The ambient lights around you framed his face with the shadows as though they were meant for this exact purpose. As though the moons only job was to light your night up. In the world right now, there was just you and Richie. You'd seen him sleeping before when he stayed at your place or vice-versa, but this time it felt different. 

There was a feeling in your heart you hadn't had before until now. 

"You ever think about purpose?" Richie asked you, and you faced the sky again. Lacing your hand with his own, you replied. 

"I do, all the time. Do you?"

"Yeah, a fuckin' lot. Think about what it is that we are meant to do here, you know? What we are meant to accomplish in life or who we're supposed to surround ourselves with. Since Mikey died, my head's been real foggy. The only clarity I've had is you."

You turned to him again, a small smile on your face. "I'm glad I could be your clarity. That's all I've ever wanted for you. I just want you to be happy, Richie."

"I am," he said, nodding. "With you, I am always so happy. You know Carmen told me today that the whole workplace thinks we're dating."

You let out a laugh. "No shit, huh? What did you say?"

Richie hesitated for a moment, before pushing himself up to lean against the tree. You followed him, leaning your head on his shoulder. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"Well," he started, hoping he would find out where the sentence was going by the end of it. "I just, I told them we weren't dating. But, I did have a heart to heart with Carmy and that made me really think about stuff. Well, about us." 

You sat upright, your complete attention on him now. Nodding your head in encouragement, you let him continue.

"I just- I guess I think a lot about soulmates, right. Like, do they exist or does everyone have one? And I didn't believe it at first, I used to always think it was like, hippie bullshit. But, now I think I've found my soulmate in you. Yeah, yeah that's it. I don't even mean it romantically, or maybe I do, but whatever it is I know I feel something in my heart for you."

You took in every single one of his words, and smiled when he was done. This was one of Richie's more vulnerable and open moments, so you let him get out what he needed to get out. You cupped his face with your hand, rubbing your thumb across his cheek as you responded. 

"Would you like to find out if it's something romantic?"

Richie nodded, looking you in the eye as you leaned into him and kissed him. Richie had dreamed of this moment. He had spent countless mornings brushing hair from your face and wondering if he would ever wake you up with a good morning kiss. He wondered whether sweet, slow kisses were ever in his future with you. Now, here he was doing just that.

Richie's eyes closed as he wound his hands into your hair, holding your face close to his. The kiss was sweet and full of passion. Fierce, just like him. There were so many emotions behind built up walls that were now breaking through the cracks, and each one was escaping into this very kiss. 

Pulling back, breathlessly you placed your forehead against his own. Richie opened his eyes to find you looking at him with a sparkle in your own. That same sparkle you had when you talked about things you loved. Maybe he was hallucinating, maybe this was all a dream; but right now he was happy in the moment where you loved him. 

"I think I fuckin' love you," Richie whispered, pulling you up onto his lap. As you straddled him, your held his face in your hands, careful as though he may break. Your response could make or break this, but Richie didn't care. He had told you, and whatever happened after was on him. But at least he was true to himself. 

Your eyes never left his face, and you were a picture before him. Your skin glowing in the moonlight, and your lips now a bruised red from his kiss. Lifting a hand, he moved a stray strand of hair from your face as his other remained firmly on your hip, thumb tracing circles as you breathed in. 

You answered Richie after what felt like forever.

"Richie, I think I love you, too."

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

hiiii, possibly a request for richie pls!! this is long word vomit but i have been thinking about s2ep10 and basically the idea is that reader and richie have always had like a thing but never acted on it bc richie doesn’t think he deserves them but anyway he comes in with his suit and reader is like :O and then there’s a lot of tension and when richie takes over and starts shouting orders to the team in the middle of it he confidently shouts to the reader that he WILL be taking them on a date after friends & family night is over and yeah

posted!x

[jjoelmillers]

richie jerimovich - suit and tie

♫ taylor swift - love story

main masterlist | blog playlist

"Mind your back, sweetheart," Richie's voice was sweet, and a lot lower than normal as he walked behind you on the front counter of The Beef. His body brushed up against yours as he maneuvered the tight corner by the sink. You smiled to him and nodded, the shyness in you wouldn't ever have you commenting back. 

"Yo, be careful, you'll fall. I got you," Richie came into storage at just the right time to see you struggling and stretching on the ladder to reach some napkins. Everybody knew you don't use the top step of the ladder, and Richie was quick to help you. His hands stabilizing the ladder, he watched you to make sure you were okay. On your way down, he held your waist to keep you balanced. 

"You're far too sweet for a place like this, princess," Richie said to you, taking a drag of his cigarette as you sat out back with him after a particularly hard shift. He was stressed, and between arguing with Mikey and Chi Chi (and basically everyone else), he was in no mind to go back in. You stayed with him, despite being another victim of his bad mood, only to make sure he was okay. "You really are too fuckin' pure for this shit."

Those moments were so long ago in your history. It had been almost three, maybe even four years since you met Richie after Mikey had hired you for some front of house work. Mikey had been so good to you, giving you a job when you most needed one. Most importantly, he'd given you a family to fall back on. You were shy by nature, much more shy than your peers were, which meant you were subject to teasing a bit more than others. Nothing you couldn't handle, though. You knew it was in jest, and it just made you feel like another member of the crew. Another family member. 

There were times when it felt like it went too far, though. You couldn't pinpoint one in particular now, but what you could pinpoint was the man who defended you each time. 

Richie Jerimovich.

The man was an enigma. One moment he would be shouting his head off about the most menial of things, the next he's having a philosophical chat about the human race with someone. In the blink of an eye, the man changed his whole personality. It was exactly like that with you. 

With others, he was pretty harsh and outgoing. Not to mention loud, Richie was such a naturally loud person. He bounced off Mikey really well with it; they were like teenagers sometimes, and it was nice to see that their friendship had never died. But, with you it was so much different. Richie was more toned down, more relaxed and he definitely laughed a lot more. Quickly, you became close. So close that others had started to wonder if you two were together. 

"Yo, cousin," Mikey's voice boomed out, always as noisy as usual. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Richie muttered, not looking at his best friend as he replied. He was polishing a couple of pans before opening for the kitchen staff as they talked, and Mikey followed his eyeline. 

"Why don't you just fuckin' date her instead of fucking her with your eyes all day?"

That was enough to snap Richie out of it, and he narrowed his eyes at Mikey. "The fuck are you even talking about? I'm fucking nobody, thank you."

"Yeah, that's the problem. Ask her out already, man. And please, finish polishing that fuckin' pan before you take the coating off it, you've been at it for five minutes. I think it's clean." 

Mikey slapped his hand down on Richie's shoulder, eating something as he left to go and have a shout in the kitchen instead. 

Richie's eyes returned to you. You were sat at a table, reading something and writing down in your notepad. It was your day off work, but you had come in early with the rest of the gang so you could study. It was the only place you could find sanctuary to some degree, and one of the only places that was open with seating at the ungodly hour you studied at.

Richie just watched you, the concentration in your face as you wrote. He couldn't hep but smile; you did this adorable thing with your mouth when you were focused where your tongue stuck out a little and you raised an eyebrow. Shaking his head with a stupid grin, he went back to his work and finished up. Maybe he did like you a bit more than friends, but he was not about to just come out and tell you that.

Since that day, it had been stolen glances and silly jokes. Richie would go out of his way to make sure you were alright, even if it meant giving up his nights doing whatever. In truth, he would rather have spent them with you anyway. 

"Thank you, Richie," you'd said to him one night after he picked you up from a nightclub. "I don't normally go out to those places, and now I remember why. I only went for the sake of my friend."

"That's okay," he replied, smiling at you. He'd shown up to get you after you called him in basically the same thing he wore to work. It made you wonder what he did in his spare time. "Where's your friend gone, anyway? I can give her a lift home if she needs one."

Your heart warmed at his kindness. This was not the screaming man from service mere hours ago. "Oh, she um, won't be needing a ride home from you if you catch my drift..." you trailed off, and he raised his eyebrows and laughed. 

"Oh shit, she ditched you for a dude? Damn, that's harsh."

"Right!" you agreed, laughing along with him. "So rude. Then again, I'd rather be curled up with a book indoors anyway, I'm not built for these clubs at all. The music is too loud for one."

"I hear you, but then the noise in there is nothing compared to us lot at work, right?"

You nodded at him. "Amen to that, Richie."

The ride home was fairly quiet, mostly taken up with Richie's music from his ever favourite mix. He had the most awful music taste, and you loved it. As he drove, you took the time to steal a few glances over at him. Richie was a handsome dude, like really good looking. Rugged, but still so pretty. Those eyes would be the death of you, too. The way they lit up when he smiled, or when the lighting was just right and the shadows framed his face. You realised as you watched him driving that you were falling for him. But you were not going to tell him that, not a chance. 

"Thanks for the ride home, Richie. Sorry to call you so late," you said, stepping out of his car as he followed suit. "I appreciate you picking up for me."

"That's okay, no need to thank me. Told you I'd be there for you whenever you need me, didn't I?"

You nodded and motioned to your door. "Do you want to come in for a bit? Maybe have a drink and a chat?"

Richie's eyes widened in surprise. "You sure? I don't want to intrude or nothing."

"Please, I'd be happy with the company. The place is dead and lonely a lot of the time."

That night was spent drinking and talking and simply being in each others company. That night you both realised there was something more than a friendship there for you. Neither one would voice it, but it was there and you could feel it. You held hands, danced around your kitchen, and Richie held you close to him when you both fell asleep on top of your covers in bed. His arms were tight around you as you snuggled into him, both exhausted from the day and the socializing of the evening. From that day forward, nothing much was off limits.

Richie would hold your hand, he would keep his arm around your waist whenever you stood around talking. His favourite display of affection was to have his arms wrapped around your shoulders and your back pressed into him, placing small kisses on top of your head as you giggled. He could listen to that laugh forever. He had also started staying over at your place more, especially when he needed the company or either of you had a rough day. 

You became enamored with each others company, and Richie had quickly become your person.

What bonded you the most, however, was Mikey's death. 

Richie was a broken man. His first thought was to call you and tell you what had happened. You raced round to his house as fast as you could, and opened the door without knocking. He'd given you permission to do that long ago anyway, you even had his spare key as he did yours. When you walked in, your heart broke. 

Richie was in tears, and in his hand he held a picture of him and Mikey from a road trip a couple of years ago. You recognized it, as it was the one normally in the silver frame on his shelf. That frame  was now smashed on the floor. Glancing around the room, you could see he had gone through the anger part of receiving that news. You couldn't blame him, and you dropped to your knees before him.

"Richie, come here," you called to him, and he just collapsed into you. His sobs rang out, and this was the most vulnerable and fragile you had ever seen him. His cries were loud and his body was shaking, and all you could do was hold him and whisper to him that you were there. He wasn't alone now, you were there and weren't going anywhere. 

"Why the fuck did he leave me?" Richie asked, out and into the universe more than at you. "I loved that bastard, I can't believe he would do that."

You'd never seen the big, tough Richie Jerimovich in such a state. It felt like you were watching a man whose whole world had just come crashing down around him. You held him for as long as he needed before talking again. 

"Why don't you go for a shower or something, and I'll make you something to eat?" you asked him, and for the first time in a while he looked up at you.

"Why?" Richie asked, throat hoarse and quiet. 

"Because," you started to reply, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Because you need some self care, and I'm sure you haven't eaten in ages. Go freshen up, I'll find something in your cupboards that I can cook, I'm sure."

You heard a dry laugh come from the man in your arms, and the domesticity of it despite the situation warmed your heart. 

"You're insane, sweetheart. I don't deserve any of this."

"You do, you idiot. You deserve all of this. Go and clean up, I'll feed you and we can watch some of those weird shows you watch."

"Hey, don't you diss my TV taste, yours isn't much better!" Richie defended himself with a smile, and you were just glad you could distract him from those dark thoughts for a while. He wasn't fixed, and you weren't here to do that. You were here to make sure he was alright, and that he had someone by his side through this. 

Richie managed to get himself into the shower despite the overwhelming feeling of wanting to crash in bed and never come out. He only had the shower because he knew you were here, and you'd kill him if he didn't. He also didn't want to upset you; you were doing something special for him when you didn't have to, and he was so grateful for it.

As he dried himself off, Richie smiled as he thought about you. Other than Mikey, you were the closest person to him in life. He shared everything with you, the good and the bad. No matter the situation or the time of day, he could count on you being there for him. Richie knew this, which is why he always made a conscious effort to do the same for you. He didn't deserve you in his life, not someone as bright and brilliant as you. 

He exited his room and rounded the corner to the kitchen, careful not to disturb you as you cooked. He watched you, stirring the pot and dancing around his kitchen and the feeling he got in his heart did not go unnoticed by him. You were humming something he'd never heard, just comfortable as you cooked. 

"Smells real good in here, sweet," Richie spoke up, and you turned with a soft smile. 

"Bolognese, your favourite," you winked, and he shook his head with a laugh.

"Know me far too well, you do. It's kinda scary."

You both sat and ate, small talk and fun stories were shared. Richie told you all about growing up with the Berzatto's, all about his road trips and truants with Mikey. You shared laughs, you shared shock but most importantly you shared each others space. To Richie, that was far more valuable to him than anything in the world. 

He asked you to stay that night, and you obliged. It wasn't a chore, it was something you were more than glad to do. 

Fast forward to the present day, and nothing much had changed between you and Richie. You still hung out, still were just as close and still acted like a married couple. You'd lost count of the amount of times Neil had asked if you two were dating yet. 

It was almost opening night for friends and family at The Bear, Carmy's new restaurant in place of The Beef. Ebra was killing sales out back with the old sandwiches, whilst you guys had been perfecting a brand new menu out front. Carmy had put so much effort into everyone to make sure they were at the top of their game.

Marcus had been sent to Copenhagen a few weeks ago to learn as much as he could about pastry. 

Tina and Ebra were sent to culinary school to learn everything they could about fine dining. 

Gary had found a new interest in wine as the resident Sommelier. 

Richie had even staged at Ever, one of the most sought after restaurants in Chicago. 

That week had changed something in Richie. He had gone from hating the very idea of The Bear to it becoming his baby. His work ethic had sky rocketed and it warmed you so much to see him putting that level of passion into his work. Finally, it seemed like Richie had found his purpose, something to really strive for. 

You had a lot to thank Carmy for, without him giving Richie the opportunity to go to Ever he would probably still be in a loop of hating his job and himself. This new respect for customer service had sparked something in Richie that was so beautiful to see. 

"Hey," you pulled Carmy to one side hoping to have a quick word before they set into prepping for the evening. "Got a second? Won't take long, I promise."

Carmy nodded. "Of course, always. What's up?"

"I just wanted to say thank you. I really appreciate what you've done for him. Richie's a different person now, it's incredible."

"You don't have to thank me," Carmy replied with a smile. You hadn't seen him smile this much since you'd known him. "Richie always had potential in him, but I think he just needed to find it, you know? Thank you for keeping him grounded all these years, too."

You shook your head. "I haven't done much, really. I should let you get back to the kitchen, good luck today Carm."

Carmy pulled you into him and gave you a hug. Very uncharacteristic of him, you couldn't picture a point where you had ever hugged Carmen. Mikey gave the best hugs of the Berzatto bunch, without a doubt. You'd even hugged Nat a fair few times, but never Carmy. You wrapped your arms around him, a silent and mutual respect and love between you. 

"Really, thank you for taking care of him," Carmy kept his voice low, his hug tightening. "You mean a lot to this family, to all of us. Please don't forget that."

Nodding into his shoulder, you tried your best not to get emotional. Whether it was about the Berzatto's or the restaurant, it didn't matter. Both rang true. You pulled back and placed your hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eye with a smile. 

"Go smash it, Carmy. This is what you were born to do."

It dawned on you then that you had yet to see Richie in the building. Figuring you'd see him soon, you went to talk to Gary who was arranging wine bottles on the shelf. As you chatted, you saw Richie walk in and your jaw practically hit the floor. Your whole focus was on him now. 

He was suited up, in a beautiful two piece and a clean-pressed white shirt to match. He looked so smart, and you hadn't seen him in a suit and tie in so long. The last time was for a not-so-good reason, too. But here, he walked with grace and had an air of confidence. 

".. how crazy is that?" Gary's voice cut through your thoughts, and when you looked at him. "I lost you, didn't I?"

You bit your lip. "Sorry, sorry I-"

"I get it, it's cool. He looks good today, real smart."

You furrowed your brow in denial. "Who looks good?"

Gary laughed at you, polishing a glass. "You aren't that dumb, you know. We all know you look at each other like you're in love. You know I'm talking about Richie."

You raised an eyebrow at Gary and playfully punched his arm. He continued his sentence, not straying from his work in the process. 

"Why don't you just tell him you like him, it's clear as day and you're both good for each other. I've never seen him so calm and relaxed than when he's around you. Plus, the way he looks at you makes me sick. All sweet and loved-up."

"Oh, I hate you, Gary," you laughed, standing up from the table you were leaning on. "I do not like Richie like that."

"Whatever you say, skips. Go and get him and I won't say I told you so if you kiss him tonight."

Shooting him a look that said 'I Will Kill You' but also sending him a sweet smile to let him know you weren't actually mad, you made your way over to your best friend. The same best friend who you realised now that you entirely fancied the hell out of. 

"There she is, the person I wanted to see," Richie strode over to you and gave you a hug. Returning it, you breathed in his scent. He smelled so good, a lot more fancy than normal. 

"Christ, Richie, you scrub up well," you couldn't hide the disbelief in your voice as you pull back to look at him. 

"So do you, you look beautiful. Like really beautiful." Richie nodded, his eyes looking you over as he let a smile take over his face. God she looks more than beautiful, he thought. She looks divine.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he pulled you to one side with a gentle tug. "Can I have a moment with you?"

"Yeah, here or you wanna go outside?" you asked, not sure if this was personal or not.

"Here's fine, come on."

Richie pulled you to the corner of the room away from everyone else. You were still in view of the crew but not in earshot as they bustled around trying to set up for the night. In the distance, you could hear Carmy delegating jobs in the kitchen. 

Richie was the first to talk. 

"Just wanted a chat with my favourite person before this starts, you know? You feeling good about this?"

"You're nervous," you said, eyes widening a little as the confident demeanour Richie had broke before you. He breathed out and nodded. "Hey, there's no need to be nervous. This is what you're meant to do. This is your job, Richie, and you are going to do so well tonight."

"You really think?" he asked, genuine doubt washed across his face. "I'm still struggling with all of this, still. Is that silly?"

"No," you answered him back, knowing what he meant. "No, that's valid. But Carmy has a beautiful thing going here, he's running that back of house so well, and you are gonna run this front of house just as good."

A moment hung between you where Richie just stared into your eyes, grounding himself as you smiled to him. Your smile always gave him comfort, and now it was giving him some semblance of confidence that he could do this. You spoke again, taking his hand into your own. 

"I think he's going to be so proud of you after tonight is over."

"Carmen is never gonna tell me he's proud of me."

You took Richie's face into your hands, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I wasn't talking about Carmen."

Richie's heart jumped, realization hitting him that you meant Mikey. He couldn't help but wonder how you knew that was the doubt in his mind, but then again he was well aware that you could always tell. 

As you looked at him, his arms wound themselves around your waist without him even thinking. Your eyes met, but this time there was something different in his stare. Holding your body close to his, Richie leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if this wasn't what you wanted.

Instead, you moved in and closed the gap.

Your lips met in a searing kiss, so many pent up emotions from the years gone by sank their way into it. So much that had gone unspoken between you poured out now as you lost yourselves in the shadowy corner of The Bear. Kissing Richie was everything you expected it to be. He was gentle with a featherlight touch, but had just enough force in his kiss to take your breath away. 

Pulling back, you heard a cheer from behind you and turned to find Neil and Teddy shouting. 

"Fuck yeah, finally!" Neil clapped his hands, as you saw Marcus come out of the kitchen at all the commotion. Smiling, he took a twenty dollar bill from Teddy.

"Happy for you guys," Marcus shouted in your direction, pocketing his winnings and getting back to his work. 

Ignoring them in favour of killing them all later on, you turned back to Richie and wrapped your arms around his neck. You pecked his lips one more time before he spoke to you. 

"You have no idea how long I've waited to do that."

"Probably about as long as I have," you chuckled, and his eyes widened.

"What? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Why didn't you?" you shot back, raising an amused brow. 

Richie nodded, shrugging. "Okay yeah, you got me there. I didn't say anything because I thought you deserved someone better than me. Which you do, you deserve someone who can give you what you want."

"Why do you think you can't?" you asked him, more to make him think rather than answer you. "Richie, I want you. You are one fo the most amazing men I have ever known. I've seen you change and grow, and you've become one hell of a man. But even before that, even back then I always had that love for you in my heart. I want this so fucking bad."

He chuckled. "So fuckin' bad you're swearing, huh?"

"Yeah, so fucking bad I'm swearing."

Richie pulled you in, just holding you close to him. He couldn't believe that you wanted him back, that you would willingly choose him. But he made a promise to himself there and then that he would be the best man he could be for you.

"Yo," Carmy's voice broke through the silence around you. "Real happy for you both, but I need you to get back to work or I will have to kill you, cousin."

Despite the seriousness of his statement, you could hear the tinge of happiness in it. Carmen really was over the moon for you, finally knowing that Richie could be happy and settled. He was in work mode, however, so the cheer would wait for later for Carmy. 

"I will get back to it when I do, cousin," Richie shouted across the shop at Carmy. "We're gonna rock tonight."

Service was unsteady. Of course it was going to be, but everybody tried their best and it went well for the most part. For a first night, it was good. The front of house worked in tandem with the back of house, and Richie and Sydney worked well together to keep chaos at a minimum.

You weren't allocated a specific station that night, instead just floating around and helping where needed. You stuck with Gary behind the bar for most of the night, just watching over the front of house. More specifically, how Richie commanded the workforce as he shouted out orders and made sure things ran like clockwork.

As quick as friends and family night had started it was over.

The last guest had left and the door was closed on the first night of The Bear. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and Richie's first path was to find you. He picked you up by the waist and spun you round, placing you back down and holding your body close to his own. He laughed and smiled, you joined him and just reveled in how happy he was. Everyone was full of cheer around you both, before Richie spoke up.

"That," he raised his voice to address the whole work force. "Was insane! So fuckin' good, you guys. Chefs, you did incredible in there, that food was popping. My team out here, you are all legends. Let's fuckin' go guys!"

Everyone clapped after Richie's words, and you looked up at him with a smile. 

"Now, if you all don't mind, let's get fuckin' cleared up so we can all go home and I can take this beautiful girl out for a drink."

Your face went red as everyone smiled at the pair of you, but got straight to work in the clean up effort. 

It was the start of something beautiful, the dawn of The Bear and the dawn of something magical between you and Richie. 

If you hadn't believed in soulmates before this, you did now.  

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

malcolm tucker - tired

♫ richard marx - right here waiting

main masterlist | blog playlist

A relaxing day was few and far between these days. But, it was a rare day off and you had savoured it; you weren't sure when you would get another one. Working for the government wasn't easy, and even your days often consisted of eventually having to make your way to the office and clean up the mess Ministers always managed to make.

But today, there was silence. All was quiet on the shit front. Not a single phone call, or a text, or even an email for that matter. You'd had the news on through most of the day because that lack of communication made you worried. There was always a fuck up, so the fact that there wasn't one on your radar gave you cause for concern. 

Still, the day was lovely. You'd woken, had a bath, had a nice breakfast. You'd made progress in your book, too, reading a solid few chapters with a nice cup of tea. The rain fell pretty hard outside towards the end of the afternoon, and after tidying your flat up some more and lighting your favourite candle, you called it a day and started to relax on your couch.

Flicking through the channels you sighed, there never was anything on the television anymore. It was all horrendously cheesy sitcoms or cringeworthy reality shows, neither of which interested you. Settling on a channel purely for background noise, you picked up the paper and caught up on today's news properly. 

You weren't too far in when the door opened and closed quietly, and turning the volume down you heard a thud and a sigh. Heavy footsteps made their way towards the living room, allowing your eyes to fall on the man you loved. 

"Hey, Malcolm," you said sweetly, keeping your voice low because you were certain he'd have a raging headache. He met your gaze and sighed. 

Saying nothing back, he fell onto the sofa next to you and you opened your arms. He crawled over, allowing himself to settle into your side as his arms fell over your stomach. Malcolm just lay there, and you let him. His actions told you it had been a bad day, so you held him close and ran your hand up and down his back. 

This was a rare moment for Malcolm, he never let his guard down so badly or willingly. Most of the time, this was in reverse. He'd cradle you and hold you all night on your bad days, but his own bad days just consisted of shit tv and a cuddle. He would keep it bottled up until he couldn't any longer, and this seemed like one of those times. 

His breathing had slowed and his body was getting heavier, not that you minded. You placed a gentle kiss on top of his head and held him tighter, letting him know silently that you were here, and whatever day he'd had was on the other side of the door. Malcolm lifted his head to meet your look of concern. 

"Love," he started, eyes tired and voice low. "It's been a fucking day, I'll tell you."

"You should have called me, Malc. I would have come in to help you." Your reply was not venomous or accusing, just soft and informative. He nodded, but put his head back down onto your chest, taking your hand in his own. 

"Yeah, but you needed a day off. You haven't fucking stopped for so long, and I know you aren't used to it. I am, I deal with this bollocks every fucking day."

Letting out a small huff of amusement at his poetic swearing, you ran your fingers through what little hair he had on his head that was sticking up. Leaning down to his ear, you kissed the side of his head before replying.

"Whilst that is true, I know you also need help sometimes, yeah? I really don't mind coming in if it saves your sanity here and there."

Malcolm let his own laugh out, small but still there, as he sat upright and stretched. 

"I don't have any sanity left, sweetheart. My sanity got off the bus a long time ago." You knew his statement held truth, but it was comforting to you to hear the jokiness behind his tone. 

Malcolm looked over at you sat in the corner of the couch. Your hair was done up in a controlled mess, not too neat but not completely untidy. Your face was glowing in the candlelight, and your smile made his heart soar. Paired with the way your pyjamas made you look so comfy, to him you were a vision. Rare it was for Malcolm to experience good emotions, but you brought out every single good emotion he had. Love, happiness, fun and kindness, among so many others. Right now, right here, he realised all over again why he loved you. 

"Christ love, you look fucking beautiful," he spoke, voice barely above a whisper and eyes roaming over you. Letting out a small giggle and shaking your head, he continued. "Come here, come on."

Grasping your arm lightly, you allowed Malcolm to pull you towards him, settling you down on his lap with your legs either side of his waist. His hands rested on your hips as he let his head lean back on the sofa. His eyes sparkled as he smiled up at you. Your hand held his face so carefully, your thumb brushing over his cheek. Leaning down, you placed a small kiss on his lips. 

Malcolm responded as he always did. His hands became busy, running up your back and down your thighs, arguably his favourite part of you. One had found itself tangled up in your hair at the back of your head, as he brought your face back down to his. 

"I wasn't finished there, darling," he whispered, kissing your jaw before finding your lips. Despite his outward nature, Malcolm's kisses were always soft and passionate. You were his emotional outlet, with every bit of stress his job gave him dissipating when he held you in his arms. 

Malcolm's hands found their way underneath your shirt, his hands roaming over every inch of your skin as though he needed to memorize it forever. Burying his face into the crook of your neck, you felt him take a deep breath in and leave little kisses against your collarbone. 

"It should be a sin to be as fucking beautiful as you, you know?" came his muffled voice from your neck. You smiled to yourself and lifted his head up so you could look him in the eyes.

"You're delirious now, darling. It's the tiredness." Your playful tone hadn't gone unnoticed, and Malcolm pushed you to the couch and crept over you, his arms boxing you in at the side of your head. A laugh escaped you as you landed, and he kissed you again. You wrapped your arms around his neck, welcoming it all the same.

"So we're doing that again, are we?"

"Doing what, Malc?" you questioned back innocently, looking around. "You're far too tired to do anything, and especially too tired to do me."

You'd tease him like this all the time, knowing that if you provoked him enough in jest, he would eventually followed through and it would lead to more. Mostly and quite often, you being carried to the bedroom quite hastily. It worked again this time, but you had other plans for the moment. 

"Tired, hey? I'm definitely not too tired to-" You cut him off. 

"To get a Chinese and watch some shit TV?" 

Malcolm raised a brow, leaving a trail of kisses from your collarbone up to your lips. 

"Well," he began, a genuine smile making its way to his face. "Of course, you read my mind."

Sitting up, Malcolm pulled you with him and grabbed the menu. You knew neither of you needed it, having always ordered the exact same thing each time. Ringing the shop and placing your order, all you could do was wait for now. 

"You fancy a drink? I think we still have some in the fridge somewhere," you spoke, standing up and stretching a little. 

"Why the fuck not, it's a Friday after all," Malcolm replied, giving your hand a kiss as you stood.

Chuckling, you replied. "Not that it really matters to you, does it?"

"Careful," he warned, with no real malice behind it. "Oh, and before you go, sweetheart."

Gently, but with enough force to make you stumble a little, Malcolm pulled you down so your face was next to his own.

"Don't think I've forgotten about your little stunt before. Once we've eaten, I'll make sure you know how tired I am."

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

hi can u pls write a sydney x reader during episode seven where there at the wedding party and reader is part of the berzatto family 🩷

posted!x

[jjoelmillers]

sydney adamu - beautiful

♫ sam smith - stay with me

god i love this woman, all the requests are coming, thank you to whoever asked for this!

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Social gatherings weren't your thing, but social gatherings with your family were even further from your thing. Every time there was something going on that you had to attend, you wanted nothing more than to disappear and pretend you were someone else. 

It wasn't that you hated your family, not at all. As individuals, they were all pretty nice. Sure, everyone in this family had their flaws, but you weren't a Berzatto if you didn't have at least something small wrong with you. The sister of Michelle and niece of Donna, you grew up pretty well with Carmy, Natalie and Michael. The family hadn't been the same since Michael's death, but seeing everybody here at Tiffany's wedding was actually quite nice. 

"Carmen, long time no see," you spoke, interrupting his conversation with Richie. "You have grown the fuck up, haven't you?"

Carmy smiled at you, pulling you in for a hug. "Hey, oh my god. It hasn't been that long, has it? Also, we are the same age, you know?"

You laughed back. "Yeah, but you've aged more than I have." Shooting him a wink, you turned to the older man before you. "Shit, there's my Richie Jerimovich. In the flesh."

"God not you," he chuckled. Motioning to a girl stood next to him, he gave a small anecdote with a smile on his face. "This pain in the ass, right, was the bane of my existence when she was growing up. Full of sass and sarcasm, flirty as shit when she shouldn't have been. I'll assume you're still the same?"

"Would you have me any other way, Rich?"

Before he could answer you, Carmy held his hand out to turn your attention to the girl next to Richie. Stunned for a second, you just stared at her. She was beautiful, whoever she was. You gathered she was someone Carmen knew, maybe a new girlfriend or something. But, you'd seen him with Claire already tonight, so she was probably a friend. The thing that hit you was her eyes. She had kind eyes. Carmen's voice broke through your thoughts. 

"Uh, this is Sydney. My friend, she works with us at The Bear."

"Hi," Sydney's voice was sweet, kind of quiet and you could sense the anxiety. Maybe she felt the same as you did when it came to big gatherings. "Nice to meet you."

Carmy told her your name and you gave her a hug. "Nice to meet you too, Sydney. Welcome to the mad house. Do enjoy your stay, we provide refreshments."

She laughed and you could swear your brain stopped for a moment. You'd never felt like this for someone so quick before, and that sound was beautiful. Richie and Carmen excused themselves, heading off to do whatever they did. You didn't know and you didn't really care, but they had left you alone with Sydney and you made conversation.

"So, what brings you to the Berzatto circus?" you asked, taking a seat with her as you sipped at your drink. "You've gotta be mental to be here, you know?"

"Oh I know, I've found that out slowly over my time working with them. This family is crazy."

Her emphasis on crazy made you chuckle. "Yeah, we're all a bit strange. Comes with the territory."

Sydney's eyes widened and she tried to Backtrack. "Oh god, no I didn't mean that. You-"

"Sydney, it's fine. I'm a Berzatto, you physically cannot offend me."

You both shared some more laughs, and some stories as you drank. Sydney told you about her time growing up, her other business ventures and what it was like working as a chef. You listened to every word, completely enamoured with her whole demeanour. The way she laughed, her humour and the way she spoke. All of it was beautiful. 

The night was getting on and the drunken dancing had quickly begun around you. Realising you had been sat with Sydney for hours, you excused yourself for a while to socialise a bit more. Ending up sat around the dance floor with Neil and Michelle, you were staring at Sydney again. 

"That's right, isn't it?" Neil asked your way, but you had zoned out of the conversation long ago.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," you replied, your eyes not leaving Sydney. She was sat on a seat on the opposite side of the dance floor with Richie, the two engaged in what looked like deep conversation. "Yeah, Neil."

"What did he just say?" Michelle asked you, not unkindly but with a smile. 

"What?"

"What did Neil just say to you?" Michelle's words stumbled you, and you folded with a shrug. 

"Okay, I don't know. I was distracted. Sorry Neil."

"That's okay, you know you can ask her to dance, right?" Neil replied, bumping your shoulder as you turned to him. 

"What are you talking about?" You tried to play coy but neither of them were having it. 

"Chef Syd, you can ask her to dance. She's really sweet, you know."

"How do you know I was.." your voice trailed off as Michelle interjected. 

"You've been staring at Sydney all night. Either go for it, or I'm gonna dance with her instead. And I've definitely had one too many drinks and may just tell her you like her."

Your eyes widened, challenging her with a raised eyebrow. You did back down, however, knowing better than to call your sisters bluff. She was good at this, and would definitely follow through. 

You stood, fixing your hair and clothes before giving Neil and Michelle a shrug, to which they replied with a thumbs up and smiles. Before you could reach where Sydney was now sat alone, you were intercepted by Richie.

"May I have a dance, or are you over me now?" Richie has so much mischief in his voice. You took his hand, though your mind was elsewhere. 

"Did you think I was ever into you, Jerimovich?" you quipped back, and he nodded with a laugh. "Okay yeah, maybe. Maybe I did used to think you were kind of cute."

Richie brought you onto the dance floor and held your waist, your arms finding home around his neck. As you just moved to the music, you started to talk to one another. 

"So you did fancy me at one point then?" 

"Not gonna let that go are you, huh? Yes, in like a brother's best friend type of way. But not anymore, Richie. You're safe."

"Good, that's good to hear."

For a few more moments you danced together, and every time she came into your line of sight, Sydney was watching you both. Richie leaned into your ear, his voice at a whisper.

"You should ask Syd to dance next, you know. She's a really great person, and I know you've been staring at her all night. Just go for it, kid."

Richie spun you around and snuck away, expertly leaving you stood in front of Sydney's chair. She was looking down at her phone, and you walked over with your hand out for her to take. Sydney glanced up to find you with a soft smile. 

She couldn't deny how pretty you were, and that sparkle in your eyes when you'd first been introduced. But, she figured you wouldn't be into her considering you seemed to  have a thing for Richie. Still, she wasn't able to shake that feeling she got hearing you laugh when you were having a drink, or the hope in her heart that you might ask her to dance. And now here you were, doing that very thing. 

"Care for a dance, chef?" you asked, and her face lit up. 

Sydney didn't reply, but took your hand anyway, letting you know she was more than happy to do so. You brought her out onto the dance floor, and held her gently by the waist. Her hands rested on your shoulders as you led her, the two of you just smiling a little awkwardly as you swayed. 

"You know something," you said, leaning in a little closer to her. "You look beautiful tonight, Sydney."

She took in a slight sharp breath and her eyes widened a little. "Thank you, you look so pretty, too."

You narrowed your eyes. "Have you never been told that before?"

"Not often," she admitted, looking a little sheepish as you held her closer. 

"I'll tell you every day if I have to, you deserve to hear it."

Another silence washed over you both, and Sydney started to look anxious. Your grip on her waist tightened just enough to make her look at you instead of the floor. 

"Are you okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice. 

"Um, yeah, just a little nervous and stuff. I'll be alright."

You shook your head. "You wanna get some fresh air with me?"

Sydney looked to you for a second before nodding, and you led her away and out of the back door into the cold air of the night. She took in a deep breath, as though she hadn't breathed in forever. You furrowed your brow in concern, taking her hand into your own. 

"It's okay, whatever it is, it's okay. You're safe with me."

Without thinking, Sydney buried her face into the crook of your neck, and your arms were quick to fold around her. Leaning yourself back against the wall, you allowed her to rest her weight against you. She wasn't crying, more just hiding. You ran your hand up her back to comfort her, and her hands found their way into your hair. 

The door next to you opened, and Carmy stuck his head out and looked around. Sydney hadn't moved as you made eye contact with him. He nodded at you, a silent question of if everything was okay. Assuming he must have seen you leave, you nodded with a small smile. Carmy shut the door and left you be, knowing his Sous was in good hands. 

"Sorry," Sydney said, pulling back after a while. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"Hey, it's okay," you replied, keeping hold of her close to you. "Sometimes, we all just need to breathe. Those social events are killer, I'd much rather be at home in bed, you know?"

"Oh, I know alright." Sydney was smiling again, and it was nice to see. You had known her all of maybe a night, and she trusted you enough to get her through this. She appreciated you for it, knowing you didn't have to stick around if you didn't want to. 

Sydney spoke up again, fiddling with her hands.

"Thank you, really I- it means a lot to me, you don't have to stay. You can just go and enjoy the party if you want to."

"Why would I want to go back in there with family I can barely tolerate when I could stay out here with a beautiful woman I voluntarily want to be around?"

Your words took Sydney back a little, and a sweet smile crept onto her face. It was so adorable how nervous she got when you complimented her, you wondered if she got compliments much. Surely she must have, someone that beautiful must get this kind of stuff a lot. 

"You want to stay a bit longer?" you asked Sydney, and she nodded. Standing next to you, she leaned her head on your shoulder. Smiling to yourself, you put your arm around her shoulder as you both just enjoyed each other's company.

It felt nice, it felt right to just relax for a while without the hustle and bustle of the party. There was no obligation to chat or dance out here, but just to enjoy the quiet hum of the people indoors. Sydney's head pulled up and she looked at you.

"You're pretty normal for a Berzatto, like you're not as chaotic as the rest of them," she commented, and you let out an involuntary chuckle. "Sorry, am I allowed to say that?"

"Totally, you can say whatever the fuck you want to. I'm Michelle's sister, so we're at least a bit more stable than the Donna line of the family. You met my Aunt yet?" Sydney nodded her head. "Yeah, they can be crazy alright. Carmen and Nat are great though, like real good people."

"That's true, Carmen is so talented and Nat is sweet as shit."

You nodded. "Amen to that, Syd."

"Can I ask you something personal? You can totally just ignore me or tell me to shut up if you like, you're not obligated to answer." Sydney questioned, and you just nodded a silent admission that she could continue. "What was Michael like?"

Your heart dropped at the mention of your cousin's name. Trying to will yourself to think positively, you smiled. 

"Oh, Syd he was great. Michael was one of those people who just lit a room up, right? You know the ones, they're always so supportive and kind. Mikey made you feel like you could do like, fuckin' anything. Anything at all he would believe in you the whole way. I wish you could have met him, he really was so special."

You looked down at your hands in your lap and wiped a stray tear away. Much like the other Berzatto's, you had yet to come around to the fact that Michael was gone or accept it. Sydney's hands took your own. She laced her fingers with your own in a gesture to let you know she was there without asking if you were okay. 

"We should probably get back in there before someone notices we're missing," you broke the silence around you and turned to Sydney with a smile. 

"We should, yeah." Sydney looked disappointed, if you read it right. 

Before your sensible part of the brain could kick in, you took her chin between your fingers and lifted her head to look at you. As her eyes met yours, you lost it. Leaning in, you kissed her cheek softly and lingered close to her face. You glanced down at her lips and she closed her eyes. 

You closed the gap with a gentle kiss to her lips, Sydney responding in kind as she wrapped her arms around your neck. Her hands were lost in your hair as your arms found her torso, your body weight pushing her close to the wall. You weren't normally like this, you wouldn't just kiss anyone at random parties. But Sydney felt different; a breath of fresh air with a calming effect on you despite her own anxieties. 

Sydney was the first to pull back, a beaming grin on her face. You smiled back at her, winking. 

"You're so fuckin' beautiful, Syd," you breathed out, placing a kiss against her neck before pulling back. "How about another dance and a drink, if you'll have me?"

She nodded, looking sheepish as she took your hand in her own. You pulled her in and held her close, and she savoured the feeling it gave her in her soul. Sydney didn't believe much in horoscopes or destiny, but she did believe in the fact everyone has a person out there for them, and that you know it when you meet them. Call her superstitious, but maybe it could be you. 

Sydney had never been confident or good at socializing, but it felt so easy with you after the two boys left you all those hours ago. She couldn't deny how pretty you were when you laughed, or that fire in your eyes when you spoke about Michael not too long ago. Sydney felt an instant connection with you, something she felt could be beautiful if given the time. She was willing to do that, and she hoped that you might be, too.

You'd treated her so well tonight, far better than some other partners she'd had before. You were tentative and understanding, and you stayed with her whilst she calmed down. All night you looked at her like she was the only person in the room, and you'd been calling her beautiful for most of it. Not things she had heard often, but from you they meant something. 

Sydney thought that things could be beautiful with you. 

"Hey, are you coming in, little daydreamer?" you asked her with a chuckle, holding the door to let her through. 

"Sorry, distracted," Sydney replied. 

"I know that feeling," you nodded and smiled to yourself. Placing your arm around her waist, you pressed a kiss to her cheek before she walked off ahead of you, trying to get back into the swing of the party. 

For the rest of the night, you weren't separated once and were always close to one another. It raised a few eyebrows, but they were all happy ones. As you both grabbed the final drink of the night, you leaned into Sydney's ear and whispered. 

"Hey, what say we dip now and grab a pizza and find something to watch. I don't know about you, but as much as I love Tiff I am done with the whole people thing for tonight."

Sydney turned to you with a smile, and a look that was almost relief. She had a look like you had just read her mind. 

"I was thinking the exact same thing. We can get a half and half and watch St Elmo's Fire if you've never seen it?"

You pulled her in for a quick kiss and answered. 

"I would watch anything with you, anywhere."

Yeah, Sydney thought. This could be beautiful. 

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[jjoelmillers]

michael berzatto - feelings

♫ tom odell - another love

this is pretty angsty, but there's happiness at the end. it happens after the christmas dinner disaster.

reader has fem!pronouns here <3

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"You're nothing."

"Because this guy's nothing and he's nobody."

"You're a fuckin' monster. Nobody wants you here."

Those words from Lee lingered in Michael's mind like a festering virus, swimming round and round reminding him of things he would rather ignore. The remnants of a disastrous Christmas dinner loomed over the Berzatto house, and everyone had gone home in a far worse mood than when they had arrived.

Michael sat alone in the house, a brown blanket covering his shoulders as he smoked and lost himself in his mind. Lee's words resonated with him; he already knew he was a waste of space but to hear it so open in front of your family and friends made it feel so real. Like, it hurt ten times more. Michael shook his head, taking another drag of his cigarette and pulling out his phone.

A few missed calls, a couple of text messages from the one person he wanted most right now.

A few missed calls, a couple of text messages from you.

All he wanted was you.

You weren't Michael's girlfriend, you were just a friend. But, you were so much more than 'just a friend.' You were the light in his life. Every time you walked into his shop, or you would meet for a drink and hangout it made him so excited leading up to it. The way your smile made him feel inside, he felt safe and warm like nothing could touch him again. Your hugs when you wrapped your arms around him were solid Teflon, he couldn't be harmed. Michael's favourite thing was watching you talk about things he knew nothing about, all your special interests and hobbies you'd just yap on about forever and he loved it.

Fuck, he was sure he loved you.

For Michael, it felt like love. But, it also didn't. It was a vicious cycle of confusion and doubt. He didn't have any real standard of love to look up to, really. All the relationships around him were disaster, none of them leading a particularly good example for him to follow. He could only rely on what he felt, and he felt so many things for you all at the same time.

Smiling to himself, the feeling of sadness and the depression crept back in and he finished his cigarette. Michael was fighting with himself now. Should he come and see you? It was getting late and he didn't know if you had work. You might not appreciate him turning up and disturbing your night this late anyway. But he needed you. Like, really fucking needed you.

Tears in his eyes, Michael grabbed his hoodie and keys before jumping in his car and deciding to drive to the one person he could count on to fight these feelings.

Pulling into your drive, he was relieved to see the lights were still on at least. There was hope you were still awake. Michael didn't know what you did for Christmas, but he had invited you to the dinner but you declined politely. Maybe you said you were working? Or no, volunteering? Michael couldn't quite remember, but that wasn't important. He stumbled up to your front door and rang the bell. It took a few moments, but you opened the door with a dazed look on your face. It softened immediately when you laid eyes on him.

"Mikey Bear," you whispered, stepping aside to let him in after seeing his disheveled state. "Go sit down, I've got you."

Michael didn't need to be told twice. Kicking his shoes off, he sat on your sofa whilst you grabbed him a hot drink, water and a snack for the table. Settling on some fruit and nuts, you came back to find him with his head in his hands as he leaned on his knees. You knelt down in front of him and set the food aside.

"Hey, Bear," you spoke low, careful around him when he was fragile like this. "Look at me, Mikey. Come on."

Gently, you ran your hand through his hair to try and encourage him to move. He did so, and he looked awful. His eyes were red and puffy and he looked tired. So tired. His hands were shaking a little too, and you took them into your own as you looked up at him. For a moment, he just stared at you, eyes shining but with no happiness in them.

"M'sorry," he croaked out, eyes looking down at your entwined hands. "M'so fuckin' sorry you gotta deal with this."

"You're not a burden to me, Mikey. I deal with this because I care about you. What happened?"

Michael took a moment, just savouring that someone said they cared about him. He didn't know why, he didn't even care about himself. But to hear it out loud too, to have it physically said by you always calmed him down.

"Fuckin' Lee, thinks he knows everything. Started mouthin' off and I just lost it. M'sorry."

Michael barely got through his apology and said your name before his voice broke and he started to cry again. All the pent up emotions from work and the stress of today was too much for him. You moved to the couch next to Michael, pulling him into you and letting him relax. His body was rigid, and he was crying like you had never heard him cry before.

Fuck you, Lee, you thought. Fuck you for this.

Michael's head rested on your torso as his arms wound around you, acting like rope clinging on as though you were the only thing keeping him grounded to the Earth. Your hands wound themselves into his hair, scratching his scalp with a featherlight touch as you let him get it all out. You knew Michael had problems, between home and his own brain and you knew that for him, there was no respite.

You were his only solace.

So when these nights happened, you let him take the situation however he needed to.

This wasn't about you.

"Shh, you're okay. Let it out, Mikey," you cooed into his ear, trying to help him stay calm once his sobs has subsided. He was down to quiet chokes, but otherwise his muscles had relaxed more and the main part of it was over. "I'm here. You've got me."

Michael sat himself up, taking a sip of the water on the table. He held his head a little and blinked, trying to regain some sense of balance. As though sensing his momentary lapse of emotions, the Michael you normally knew came back.

"It's Christmas Day and you're dealing with this mess, you should be in bed watching one of those shitty films you like. The Grinch or It's A Wonderful life, right? Cheesy bullshit stuff," Mikey chuckled, and you smiled. He seemed to be getting back to some form of normalcy on his own terms.

"Oh, you weren't complaining last Christmas when we ordered that pizza and I let you jump in my bed to watch those cheesy bullshit films, were you?"

Mikey laughed and looked down. He was happy you were joking back, the last thing he needed was a pity party. That made him more angry. He answered you, with a humourously defeated look on his face.

"No, you're right there. You are right."

"You okay, Bear?" you enquired, looking him in the eye with a hand on his shoulder. Your other hand had ended up holding his again, though you weren't sure at what point that had happened.

"Fuck no, I never am. But, I'm better than when I walked in. I'm always better with you."

For a moment, you let those words sink in. You knew he meant it. Michael was a charmer and very good with his words, but over the years of knowing him you had become an expert in the 'Michael Berzatto Is Lying' field of study, practically graduating with a PhD.

"Was Lee saying the usual stuff?" you asked, not wanting to bring it up but wanting to make sure you understood the situation. Michael nodded, letting out a breathy laugh and shaking his head.

"Yeah, you know. Callin' me a monster, tellin' me I'm nothing. Shit hurts so bad, especially in front of friends and family and mostly anyone I've ever cared about. Prick," he muttered the last insult, and your face softened again. "Thinks he owns the place, but it isn't his house, you know? Got me wondering if everyone in my life hates me now. My mind's racing, thinkin' maybe things would be better if I wasn't here anymore."

"Woah, Michael no," you interrupted his train of thought, refusing to let that go any further. "No, don't you ever think like that. You make so many people's lives better, people love you. Richie loves you, your family love you. I love you, Mikey."

His face faltered at your last sentence. He could handle being told that everyone else loved him, and to varying extents he believed it. But you had never said it like that, you'd never said you loved him like that. So soft, so gentle and so honest.

"You don't hate me? I always thought you were nice to me because you just felt sorry for me or some shit? I feel like a burden on you all the time, always round here when I feel sad."

"Oh, Mikey, look at me," you cupped his face with both your hands, forcing him to look at you. "I have never hated you. What we have confuses me, it scares me but it makes me feel happy. I always love seeing you, it's why I stay with you. You are my rock and I'd be lost without you. I never hated you, you just make me feel things that I don't understand."

Michael furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

You sighed, brushing your hand through his hair so casually.

This was what you meant.

These domestic moments meant for lovers that you shared as friends. The cuddles, eating ice cream and sitting in each others embrace in bed whilst a godawful film played in the back. Falling asleep to the sounds of the rain in each others arms, taking in the scent of the other person. Remembering that smell and associating it with the good in the world. All of that was what confused you. Because friends don't act like that.

"I mean us, all of this confuses me. We act like more than friends sometimes. I love you Mikey, so much more than you will ever know and on levels I have never even discovered before you. You are all I think about when I wake up and before I sleep. Your scent lingers with me and I sleep in your clothes a lot when you leave them here. But we aren't lovers, we're friends. Why are we acting like this?"

Michael pondered your statements for a moment. It was basically everything he had already thought about. Michael wanted more with you, but he wasn't sure if he was stable enough to care for another. Tonight had made him realise that he was capable, and he did care for you. He cared for you more than anything.

"This isn't easy for me either, you know? I've wrestled with the thought of just coming over here and kissing you, tellin' you how much I want you. But I haven't, because I am so terrified that I'm going to mess this up. I want you in my life, and I guess I settled with what we had in case my stupidity or whatever drove you away. But it isn't just you having those thoughts."

You looked to Michael with tears in your eyes and laughed nervously. "What the fuck are we, Mikey?"

"Idiots, baby. Complete fuckin' idiots." He joined in laughing with you, savouring the sound of you both enjoying what was frankly the worst day he'd had all year. "Not gonna cry on me, are we?"

Then your tears fell. Not even sad ones, they were just the result of a lot of feelings that had built up, and Mikey's kind words had released the flood gate on every emotion behind the wall.

"I'm a mess," you admitted, wiping a few tears that had fallen.

"Ah, babygirl come here," Michael cupped your face with his hand, sliding the other around your waist. "Lemme kiss them all away."

He hovered so close to your face, you felt his beard brush up against your cheek. Placing a small kiss to your cheek, you felt your skin burn with want. Michael waited for permission, lips brushing yours but not closing the gap. You glanced down at his lips, and he lost it. Placing his mouth against yours, Mikey kissed you in a way that made you lose yourself.

He was so tender, he smelled so good and for a moment you forgot where you were. Your eyes fluttered shut, kissing him back and allowing yourself to relax. The kiss was a sanctuary for you both, a way out of the otherwise terrible day you'd both had. In this moment, you were two people existing as one, allowing each other some comfort from the real world.

Pulling back, Michael kept your face in his hands but gave you some space to breathe. The look on his face was one of adoration; he was looking at you like you were the only person in the world. He stroked your cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"You okay, pretty girl?" Mikey asked, and you blinked rapidly.

"Mikey," you breathed out, chest rising and falling faster than usual. Mikey just took you in, admiring his handiwork. "This isn't just a distraction for tonight, is it?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, sitting upright and taking your hands in his own.

"Like, I don't want this to be a distraction because you've had a shit day and then things go back to normal tomorrow. Not that I don't appreciate what we have! No, I do. I really do, I just want so much more with you and I'm scared that you'll wake up tomorrow and things won't be the same."

You looked sheepish, almost embarrassed to be saying what you said to him. Michael just smiled, a genuine and bright smile. He couldn't believe how much you doubted yourself, or him.

"You think I would do that to you?" Michael asked you, non accusingly. Just actual curiosity. Michael was trying to get you to think, to see if your statement sounded as silly to you as it did to him.

"No, I don't. I'm just scared that you'll realise your mistake, or what we had will be ruined. I really do love you, Mikey, and I want this to go on forever, and-"

Your words were cut short by Michael's lips on your own again, this time with more passion and care. His hands found their way into your hair as he pushed you back against the sofa. Your arms wrapped around him as he deepened the kiss, kissing you like he would never see you again. As though this would be the last time you could do this.

Michael trailed a line of kisses down your jaw and over your collarbone. You gasped and he let out a small laugh against your skin. Propping himself up and hovering above you, Michael looked you straight in the eye.

"This isn't gonna be a one time thing, beautiful. Alright? You mean so much to me, you're the only one I want and the only one I need. I don't just want you, fuck me I need you. I need you with me. You give me a feeling I haven't felt before and it scares me but I love it. I love you."

You smiled, nodding at his words. Michael Berzatto loved you. He loved you more than anything and that made you feel like the most special girl in the world.

"You wanna get some pizza or something?" you asked, an adoring look plastered across your face. Michael smiled, kissing you from your collarbone backup to your lips. Leaving a peck against them, he responded.

"Does the pizza in this house always come with the addition of one terrible holiday themed film, too?"

"Yes, always."

He shrugged. "What the hell. I'd do anything for you. Except watch It's A Wonderful Life."

You turned back around and stuck your tongue out. "First off, fuck you. Second, where do you wanna eat?"

"I don't care, anywhere is good. And hey, babygirl?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I'm excited for this, like the future and stuff. You've made a shitty holiday so much better. I can't wait for the rest of them with you."

You smiled to him softly. Ruffling his hair, he took your hand and kissed your palm.

"Me too, Mikey. Me too."

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

what i have learned here is that everybody is completely in love with sydney and honestly i do t blame you bc same

REQUESTS!!

hi!! please send me the bear requests!! im so into this show right now, i wanna write so much for it.

i’ll write for anyone, but my faves are richie, mikey and sydney!

my inbox/dms are open; everyone is welcome! 🤍

[jjoelmillers]

richie jerimovich - i don't hate you

♫ raspy taylor - feels like a sunday

this fuckin old man, jesus christ

main masterlist | blog playlist

"Would you two just sort your fuckin' shit out already, it's pissing everyone off!"

Carmy slammed the door to his office shut after his mini rant, leaving you and Richie inside. Richie opened it again and shouted down towards the chef, clearly annoyed.

"Yeah, just like your fuckin' attitude, cousin. Fuck outta here!"

"Get back the fuck in there now, Richie. Fuckin now!"

Richie slammed the door before Carmy could continue, leaving the two of you stood together in the office. Trying to look anywhere but at him, you fiddled with a few loose papers on the desk. There was definitely no way you were about to start conversation, that was certain.

"Well, sweetheart, get comfortable. There's no way we're sorting this out and he won't let us back out there until we do. Gonna be a long fuckin' night."

You scoffed. "Whatever. Don't call me sweetheart, either."

Richie raised an eyebrow. "Or what? You gonna run and tell Carmen? Such a fuckin' baby."

Not even dignifying his schoolyard taunts with a response, you rolled your eyes and just sat down, finding something to fidget with. Choosing one of Carmy's pens, a black ink one that had 'Chef Carmen B.' engraved on the side, you twirled it between your fingers and leaned back. Richie made himself comfortable, too. He pulled out his phone and scrolled away. 

The silence was heavy in the room as you both respectively ignored the other.

If you were being honest, you didn't even know why you and Richie argued. I mean, he argued with everyone so it was a given, sure. Richie just liked to pick fights, and he had hated you from the moment you walked in so it seemed like the natural course of action that would bicker. But it had quickly surpassed bickering and turned into full blown rage fests. 

In truth, you didn't even hate him, you reacted because it seemed as though he hated you. It was the constant insults and backhanded compliments. The purposely bumping into you and knocking stuff out of your hands, only to blame it on you when you dropped it. Petty little behaviours that got blown way our of proportion. 

You huffed, scribbling on a blank piece of paper, refusing to be the first to speak. Instead you began to draw, doodling away on the sheet. 

Richie put his phone away, looking down at his feet and losing himself in thought. 

If he was being honest, he didn't even know why you and him argued. Richie knew he wasn't the easiest to get on with, especially since Mikey's death, but why you were at each other's throats all day every day was weird. Maybe he felt threatened, or maybe intimidated by how fast things in the restaurant were changing, and since you were the most recent change as a new member of staff, he took that anger out on you. That was far from fair, and he felt bad about it. 

In truth, he didn't even hate you. He acted like this around because he thought you hated him. He was everything you were not. Richie was older than you by a considerable amount, divorced and incredibly sour for the most part. Life had hit him hard. You were pretty young, vibrant and had your future in the palm of your hand. Richie truly and honestly believed you could do anything, he knew that. 

Taking a moment, Richie decided to glance up at you to see what you were doing. You were sat at Carmy's desk with your hair down and flowing around your shoulders and pooling on the table as you leaned into your work. Your face was slightly scrunched up, concentrating on whatever it was you were trying to draw. Your bottom lip was pulled in under your teeth and you sat cross-legged. 

Richie couldn't believe it, but he found himself smiling. He had always found you pretty, even though it hadn't been the best start. You didn't get on with each other, but he would be a fool to deny how he thought of you. On a purely outside aesthetic, he thought you really were beautiful. Lost in concentration though, you looked even better to Richie. 

Your eyes darted up with the feeling of someone watching you. As your pen stilled, you questioned the man sitting before you. 

"What? You gonna laugh at me or something? Come over, you can take the piss if you'd like."

The venom in your voice wasn't lost on him, but he stood and came over anyway. Glancing over your work a smile spread across his face. A real one not filled with mockery or ill-intent. His eyes softened, turning the paper so he could see it head on.

It was a sketch of a man behind a counter, looking down as he worked on some food. There was a hand towel throw over his shoulder. Off center cups stacked high next to him and a soda machine were lightly sketched into the back. There was room for a sign above him that you hadn't managed to fully flesh in yet, and it clicked with Richie why it looked familiar. 

You'd drawn the front counter of The Beef. 

Whether or not you meant to do that or not, it had happened, and then his attention was drawn to the man you had sketched. He had short hair and an apron on, a short sleeved t shirt finishing the outfit. A shadow of a beard you hadn't finished filling in had started to take shape, and Richie didn't know if he was going delusional or not but it looked so familiar. 

Too familiar, maybe. 

"You know it kinda looks like me," Richie said, pointing to your drawing. "It's really good, too."

Narrowing your eyes, you look it over again. Shaking your head, you were trying to find fault somewhere; just anything, hoping you could prove him wrong. Your endeavor was pointless and you realized the worst thing you could. 

He was right. Richie was right as fuck. 

Your subconscious had drawn him, not only had you managed to draw him but it was so instantly recognizable, too. In the process of doing it, that didn't even click with you. But now it was clearly and undeniably Richie Jerimovich. 

Why the fuck did you do that? Mentally cursing, you stood up and stretched. 

"Is it good? Do you really think it's good or are you being nice so we can leave?"

Richie couldn't help but laugh. "No, I'm actually saying it is good. I am capable of giving you a compliment, you know?"

"No, I don't know. Richie, all you ever do is shout at me and argue with me, I can't remember the last time you complimented me. In fact, I don't think you ever have done."

Richie motioned to your drawing about to comment. "About two seconds ago-"

"Other than that, dickhead!"

Richie held his hands out in surrender, for the first time unwilling to start a screaming match with you. 

"You gotta work on that anger," Richie said, almost as though he knew it might infuriate you. He wanted to know what he'd done wrong for you to dislike him so much, but he sure as hell wasn't about to just ask. He had to be the most Richie about it that he could be. "That amount of anger in such a short person isn't healthy. You need an outlet."

"Oh fuck you," you replied, a wave of angry tears almost breaking through. 

"If that's what you need as an outlet-"

"No!" you shouted back, interrupting that train of speech before it could even depart the station. "I just don't know why you hate me so much. What did I do wrong?"

You were now around the other side of Carmy's desk, leaning the back of your legs against it as Richie stood a few feet in front of you. He looked at you, right in the eye, and a confused look washed over his face.

"Who told you I hate you?" he asked, softness in his voice. 

You shrugged. "It's felt like it for as long as I've been here. I only give as good as I get because it feels like you hate me."

Your voice was quiet and low, Richie almost struggled to hear you. This was about to be the first actual chat you two had partaken in since meeting, hopefully the first to not end in a fight. He let out the smallest chuckle, baffled by your statement.

"I thought you hated me," Richie spoke to you, hoping his words might get through. "I thought when you got here that you didn't like me. You got on so well with everyone else, even Chi Chi and shit, but me? I felt like we didn't talk because I did something wrong."

"No," you said. "No, you never did. I never talked to you because you were always engaged in arguing with other people. I never got the chance to say hello."

"You know I don't hate you, right?" Richie asked, like a child with a question about the universe. His voice was gentle, but it was a rhetorical question. "I hate the idea of you."

"How is that any better?"

"Hey, hear me out," he recovered his train of thought. "Hear me. I hate the idea of you because you were a breath of fresh air for this place. It has been gritty and shitty for so long, even before Carmy took over, but now he wants to change everything and you were a change and-"

"Fuck, Richie what the hell?"

"And I just panicked. Thought you were gonna be some professional chef or something! I hate that shit, I hate Carmy and his Noma shit, thinkin' he knows fuckin' everything. That is not what this place is meant to be!"

Your voices were now raising above the previous level, and clearly you were both getting irate. The civility had no chance of lasting long anyway, but it died quicker than you thought it might. 

"You can't just hate me because of some preconceived mess you have going on inside your brain, that shit hurts."

Richie chimed back. "Well fuck, I didn't mean it to!"

You were practically at the top of your lungs now. "Well it did!"

Then, the room fell silent.

Richie had taken two strides forward, his arms wrapping around your waist as his body pushed you back against the desk. Richie's hands held your face, and with such gentle touch he tilted your head up to him and kissed you. His lips were so soft, and the kiss was slow and calm despite the fiery feelings between you moments ago. 

You kissed him back, relaxing into him as your arms found a home around his neck. Dragging your fingers across his scalp, hearing a small groan come from him. Richie was the first to pull back, but not far at all. Instinctively, you jumped onto the tabletop, wrapping your legs around his torso. He rested his forehead against yours, one of his hands winding through your hair to push it out of your face. Opening your eyes, you found him looking at you with a completely new vibe. 

"Richie," you whispered out, still not quite over what just happened. "Jesus."

"Leave you breathless did I, sweetheart?" he smiled at you, a kind smile this time. "Considering how much you've clearly been thinking about me I'd say you liked it."

"How would you know I have been thinking about you?" you asked out of genuine curiosity. "Stroking your ego again, Richie?"

He laughed, the insults starting again but already feeling lighter. He leaned in closer to you, kissing you on your neck and lifted his head. Lowly, he spoke into your ear. 

"You can draw me from memory. That tells me enough."

Richie leaned back in and kissed you again, this time with far more passion and care. You weren't going to argue, nor were you going to complain. You were enjoying every minute of it, if you were to be honest to yourself. His hands found their way beneath your shirt, but went no further than just the skin on your waist. You kept him close with your legs, just savouring being here.

"This is not the outcome I expected," you admitted, and you felt Richie chuckle. 

"Are you complaining?" he asked, a playful tone lacing his words. 

"In a move that has shocked both me and the rest of the nation, no I am not complaining."

Richie let out a proper laugh, a full and happy laugh. It sounded so nice, it was the same kind fo laugh he had when his favourite customers were in, or when he was on the phone to Eva. That's how you know it was real. 

"Well then, sweetheart, come here."

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

REQUESTS!!

hi!! please send me the bear requests!! im so into this show right now, i wanna write so much for it.

i’ll write for anyone, but my faves are richie, mikey and sydney!

my inbox/dms are open; everyone is welcome! 🤍

[jjoelmillers]

richie jerimovich - a little too far

♫ ariana grande - into you

god between richie and mikey i am dead on my feet, brb gonna write a thousand richie fics omg

main masterlist | blog playlist

"Fuck you!"

"Richie, fuck you!"

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you!"

You'd lost count of how long this particular argument had been going on for, or what it was even about anymore. Every day it was the same, Richie and Neil, arguing like toddlers with the mouths of sailors. You were pretty convinced even they didn't know what this spat was actually for.

Back and forth, day and night. Every single fucking day. It was tiresome, not only for you but for the rest of the shop, too. You'd been working at The Beef for a while, coming in to help your friend Carmy out for a little while. That same little while turned into basically a year, and now it was a permanent job. A permanent job you didn't want, bearing in mind that no sane person would really want to work here. But, it paid the bills and that was all that mattered.

The job wasn't all doom and gloom, though. There were some days it was incredible, and the tips rolled in and everyone was on fire. It was a few and far between breath of fresh air among days like these. The staff were a family, too. A dysfunctional and very shouty family, but close nonetheless. What was said in service didn't carry outside of work, unless you were Richie and Fak. You were exceptionally close to Tina, she was like a mother to you. Always had the right thing to say, always there when you need her.

Then, there was Richie. Richie Jerimovich.

Your relationship was confusing to say the least. It wasn't bad, but he definitely treated you a little differently than everyone else. With you, there was less swearing, less raised voices. You could calm him down pretty well, somehow managing to keep him grounded even in some of the worst moments of the day.

You couldn't really pinpoint where things changed between you, because when you had first showed up he was just as vicious with you as everyone else. He used to assume you were some chef Carmy had met at Noma, always calling you out for 'Michelin-style bullshit' when you made a common sense suggestion.

"It's not Michelin bullshit, is it Richie? It's a special we could run because they sent us the wrong fucking ingredients, I haven't been anywhere near Noma, you idiot," you would argue, never raising your voice. 

Richie would laugh in your face, holding his hands up. "Yeah, sure it ain't some Noma special shit. Gotcha, sweetheart."

He didn't welcome change much, Richie, he preferred the status quo. To keep things as they are left him with a level of comfort, but things started to change between you as time went on, and neither of you really saw it to begin with. There was far less arguing, and more talking. More getting to know one another. 

His touches were softer with you when he needed to pass by you, too. His smiles were kinder and he sometimes spent his breaks with you if you got them at the same time. Like Tina, he had come to care about you in some way, but he wouldn't let himself fully feel that for fear of you not returning those feelings. Relationships were never kind to him, he always found some way of messing them up, but he thought you were too nice and sweet to do that. In his mind, someone like you deserved someone better.

But it was pet names and gentle chatter. It was a quick 'sweetheart' in work, or the occasional 'babygirl' peppered into idle conversation. You had realised you wanted more with Richie, and you were falling fast.

Your mind skipped a second every time he called you that. Babygirl. It always caught you for a second, he said it so sultry and matter-of-fact. Like it was the most casual thing ever and it sounded so right to you. Richie said it so relaxed, like it was your first name and seemingly unaware that it wasn't particularly a name friends call one another. Either that or he really didn't give a fuck.

On top of the mutual yet unspoken care between you, Richie also knew you had a problem with shouting, more so when it was directed at you than happening around you. When people shouted at other people you could handle it, but when people shouted at you specifically it panicked you. You'd opened up to him about it when he found you in the back, shaking after Carmy had shouted at you one time, something the young chef had apologized for profusely.

It brought back bad memories when people shouted in your face, and it rooted you to the spot and triggered your anxiety. Because of that, you steered clear of confrontation as much as possible. Richie was so understanding and delicate about it, always quick to defend you or jump in if a customer was starting to become a handful. Also, he would always try to be on his best behaviour and try not to direct his anger at you.

Some days it just happened, though.

In the midst of Richie and Neil's incessant arguing, even the kitchen staff were getting annoyed. You'd closed a solid half an hour ago, and all everyone wanted to do was just clean up and go home. Nobody had time for their playground bullshit. It had been a long day, and they were at each others throats for most of it. It sounded as though it was getting more aggressive, so you threw down your cloth and headed towards the door.

"You sure you wanna go out there? It's pretty volatile even for those two." Tina asked, pulling on your arm a little. She always had concern for you around this sort of thing, but you smiled and nodded.

"I'm sure. I can normally get Richie to chill. There's no way in hell I'm sending Carmy out there," you joked back, trying to lighten the mood. Or maybe to distract yourself from how nervous the situation was making you.

"Heard that, no chance I'm going out there, either." Carmy smiled at you, turning back to his cleaning. "You don't have to, though. I want you to know that."

"Thanks, Carm," you replied, taking a deep breath in.

Stepping out into the front counter, the shouting amplified. You couldn't really hear it fully, they were both talking at the same time. You stood next to Richie, slightly behind him and spoke.

"Richie, hey, stop. Hey," you tried to coax him back, but he was so deep into his argument that it wasn't even registering you at all.

You didn't want to raise your voice, knowing already that it would probably antagonize Richie more, so you continued to tug on his arm. You vaguely heard your name come from Neil's mouth before continuing.

"Richie, stop. Come on, that's enough. Please.. Richie, hey-" He cut you off, spinning around and pushing your hand off his arm. His face was so close to your own as he leaned over you at his full height.

"Just fucking stay outta this! Fuck!"

As quick as it happened, Richie regretted it. He just shouted at you and he felt so bad. Actually, he had practically just screamed in your face. He couldn't imagine the fear that must have just gone through you. Neil had gone quiet, using the time to slip away to the back of the shop. Richie's face had softened, pain hitting him in the chest like a punch. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

He tried to reach his hand out for you, but you backed away. Richie couldn't stand the look you were giving him, the hurt that flashed across your face was more than enough to bring him back to Earth.

"Shit, sweetheart, I-" he called, voice softer and quieter. You were already outside though, the door closing behind you.

"What the hell was that?" Richie heard Tina's voice from behind him. "You better get your ass out there now and fix that shit, or imma beat it for you."

Richie nodded, he didn't even bother to argue. Tina's harsh tone cut him, but he knew he had to sort this mess out. Grabbing his leather jacket, he headed out of the door to follow you.

You were crouched down behind the bins, knees up to your chest to calm your breathing. Your mind wandered as the cold air nipped at you, and you tugged your jacket round you closer. 

Sure, shouting was an integral part of working at The Beef, the foundations of this building were more than likely built on an argument. But the last thing you expected was to be shouted at by the one man you had hoped wouldn't dream of such a thing.

Hearing footsteps behind you, your body pulled itself closer in and hoped whoever it was would just walk by. Deep down however, you knew who it was straight away.

"Hey," Richie's familiar voice broke through the air. "Can I uh, can I sit with you?"

You couldn't stand how sad he sounded. Despite what just happened, the care you had for him made your heart ache when he wasn't okay. There were so many bad times that you had helped him through, but to know you were in one hurt your soul. All you ever wanted was Richie to be happy again, even in spite of all that had gone on. 

You didn't speak, but moved over a little to make space for him, a silent admission that it was okay for him to join you.

"Thanks, sweetheart. Look, I know you probably don't wanna hear it, I wouldn't either if I were you, but I didn't mean to shout at you back there, you know?"

Keeping your eyes focused down on the floor, you shrugged, not trusting your voice to speak just yet. Richie sighed and continued.

"Things have just been so shitty today, like more shitty than it usually is in this place. Fak's been on my fuckin' nerves all day and I've had it with Carmy and his fuckin' attitude. That didn't give me the right to take it out on you, though. I wasn't thinking straight. You're the last person I would wanna scream at like that."

You hadn't realised you were crying a little until you sniffed, wiping your tears away with the edge of your jacket sleeve as quick as they had fallen. Richie glanced over to you and his heart broke. Not only had he broken his promise to you and shouted at you, he'd made you cry now, too.

Nice going jagoff, he thought. Good fuckin' job.

"Oh, fuck man. Ahh, come here..." Richie trailed off, opening his arms for you. There was no obligation for you to move in, but your instinct kicked in and you did. Scooting over, you fell into his chest and he held you close to him, feeling you shaking.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I am so fuckin' sorry. I wasn't even focusing or nothin'. Shit, I hate this."

Richie let out a string of sentences that all blended together, eventually sounding the same. Filled with apologies and curse words, you eventually stopped crying long enough to interrupt him.

"Babygirl, I can't imagine how you feel. The way I fuckin' reacted would of scared a grown ass man, let alone you. I-"

"It's okay, Richie" you croaked out, voice fairly hoarse. "I know it's been a long day."

Any other time, any other day and he would have reveled in the way you said his name. He loved when you called for him, the way his name sounded on your tongue. But now wasn't the time for it. Now was the time for regrets and apologies. 

"That doesn't fuckin' excuse it though. Coulda been the longest day in history and I shoulda still not made you cry."

Looking up to him, he shook his head when he saw your bloodshot eyes and tear stained face.

You did that to her, dickhead.  he told himself. That's all on you.

You tried to crack a small smile to him. You really were over the worst of it, it was more just the shock, but now that had worn itself off, you were just left with the unease of afterwards. 

"Really, Richie. It's alright, I know you didn't mean to. You're not like that."

You leaned your head back down onto his chest as he pulled you in closer, your bodies resting against each other. You took in the smell of him, his natural musk mixed with the beaten smell of his leather and cigarettes. There was such a feeling of comfort in his arms, akin to the feeling of home. It felt safe, and it felt right.

Richie wrapped his arm around your shoulder, his other hand running through your hair to sooth you. There was something so domestic about this, to him he felt unlike he had in such a long time. Richie was figuring out that this was exactly what he wanted, that you were what he needed. He buried his face into your hair, and you could swear you felt him leave a kiss on top of your head.

"You know," Richie cut the silence around you. "I promise I won't shout at you again, sweetheart. Fuckin' never again."

You nodded your head in acknowledgment, letting him know you'd heard what he said. He didn't need you to respond, it was more an affirmation to Richie himself. There and then he swore an oath to never make tears fall from your eyes again.

You weren't sure how long you both were out there, but it was too nice of feeling sitting in his arms to leave. It wasn't the first time you'd hugged Richie, he had given you hugs many times before. But never like this. Never this personal. He was here, holding you like you were his world. So soft and gentle, though he could break you if his touch was any heavier.

You felt more comfortable as the minutes went by, and you wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Richie wouldn't say it out loud, but he loved that feeling. Having you by his side, practically melting into him.

"If we don't move soon, babygirl, they might throw us out with the trash," Richie commented, earning a giggle from you as you lifted your head from his neck. He loved that, the sound of your laugh was one of the sweetest sounds he'd ever heard.

"You think they'll take us away to somewhere decent, though? If they will, I say let them take us."

Richie laughed too, and you both caught each other's gaze, smiling. For a moment, you were both lost with one another; right now it was just the two of you. Richie's face had softened still, and he brought a hand up to cup your face, the pad of this thumb travelling over your cheek. Instinctively, you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes.

"Hey, uh," Richie started, suddenly sounding a little nervous and a lot less confident than usual. "We good then?"

You opened your eyes to look at him, a smile on your face. A feeling in your gut told you that's definitely not what he was going to say. There was no way in hell that Richie Jerimovich would be so anxious just to ask if you were friends again. A giggle escaped you and he furrowed his brows.

"The hell you laughing at?" he jested, trying to act tough.

"You, Jerimovich."

You placed your fingers under his chin and leaned in, featherlight touch drawing him closer. Your lips brushed his own as you closed the gap fully, capturing his lips with your own. The kiss was sweet, and you poured every thought and feeling you'd had about him into it, hoping he would get it. Richie did kiss you back, pulling your bottom lip in with his teeth, earning a surprised gasp from you. You cupped his face with both hands and his arms wrap around your waist.

"Fuck," you heard him whisper as he pulled back. "You sure you wanna be kissing me, babygirl?"

His voice sounded quieter than usual, and his question was steeped in doubt. You looked at him for a few moments, still in the same position as you were a minute ago. Leaning your forehead against his own, you spoke to him directly.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that, Richie. You get me, you're the thing I look forward to seeing you every day I come into this hell hole, and you're the only thing that makes it easier to deal with. I have never been more sure that I want to be kissing anyone."

Richie couldn't help but smile. It wasn't often people said such nice things about him, and coming from you it meant so much more. He knew you were telling the truth, he knew you wouldn't lie to him or play him like that. Still, he had doubts. But it wasn't you Richie doubted, it was himself.

"Yeah? You should probably think about kissin' someone your own age, not a divorced dad with anger issues. Should probably be Carmy or some shit."

"Oh yeah," you drawled in mock agreement. "Carmy is definitely the one for me. Because Carmy has a stable anger balance doesn't he?"

Richie laughed, knowing his statement was bullshit and it sounded stupid a second time around.

"You listen to me, Richie," you moved to face him, the man instinctively pulling you onto his lap so you were more comfortable. His hands rested on your hips as you looked him in the eye, still keeping his face in your hands.

"I know what I want, okay? And I want you. I have for so long, but I was scared you wouldn't want me. But you are the most important person in my life, Richie. You're the one I call when I'm upset. The one I turn to when things are hard. But you're also the one I enjoy hanging with and joking with. So don't tell me you aren't what I need, because you are exactly what I need. I need you, in every way."

Richie bit his bottom lip as he watched you talk, taking in every word. He allowed himself to listen, his grip on your hips tightening as he processed what you were saying. You were staring at him with so much adoration he didn't feel he deserved. But he couldn't deny the way he felt when you looked at him like that.

"Oh, babygirl," Richie whispered, bringing you close to him again. "If I'm really what you want, you fuckin' got me."

"If you don't want me to love you, I'd suggest you stop calling me babygirl."

Richie smiled, a soft smile rooted with a newfound warm feeling, before he raised a brow.

"But you wouldn't want me to stop anyway, would you?" he teased, stealing another kiss from you. This one was faster, but still warm and full of emotion.

"Not in a million years."

You'd been so lost in each other and the whole ordeal that you hadn't even realised the time. Someone opening the dumpster and throwing a bag out brought you back to reality.

"Hey, trash babies, you wanna move your asses before someone throws some disgusting shit over you? We just cleaned the grease traps, so be careful."

It was Tina, with the proudest Mom smile she could muster. She knew exactly what had happened here on instinct, and she left with a wink to you.

"You wanna go for a drink, princess?" Richie asked, standing and picking you up with him like it was nothing. That type of strength you had not expected from him.

You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips, pulling back and kissing his forehead, too.

"I'd love that, I'd love that a lot."

If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3

[jjoelmillers]

michael berzatto - forever, if you want

♫ weyes blood - andromeda

you don't even understand how much i need this man holy shit, please request him more... 5k guys, i caught those feelings bad

reader has fem! pronouns <3

main masterlist | blog playlist

Good things happening to Michael were rare occurrences, and when they did he always seemed to have a talent for ruining them. He knew he could be a handful with all of his issues, and he had grown very accustom to the good things leaving him as quick as they arrived. It was a vicious cycle, but one he got so used to so fast that he barely even registered it anymore. Michael believed things wouldn't change on that front, and he made peace with it long ago.

That was until you walked into his life. 

Sure, it hadn't been an instant thing, but on first impression you had intrigued him. He couldn't pinpoint whatever it was, but Michael felt like there was something hiding in you. 

You'd been a customer at The Beef for a while, and you knew Michael and Richie on basic terms. It was initially a quiet start because you didn't talk much, save for a shy smile and your order. Richie teased you a little for it in jest, and Michael was very sweet on you. He loved when you came in with your laptop or books, ordered the same combo every time and just sat in a quiet corner by the window. 

"Well hey, if it isn't our resident bookworm," Michael had come over to your table one day, the first day you actually had a proper conversation with him that wasn't a little flirt. "Whatcha reading today?"

You smiled up at him, knowing he was coming to pester and had no real interest in ever reading your book. Still, you answered him so sweetly.

"It's called House of Earth and Blood, it's part of a series that I'm into right now. I do-"

You met his eyes and saw him grinning, so wide and happy. You laughed and finished your sentence.

"You don't really care do you?"

Michael laughed; it was beautiful. It made his whole face light up when he smiled. Something you noticed about him on your first visit is that he was always warm and welcoming, and always smiling. You wondered at first how he kept it up, you couldn't even imagine being so happy. 

"Not even a little, sweetheart," he said, his tone light. "I actually came to give you this."

From behind him, he moved his hands round and presented you with your food. Raising a questioning brow, he winked at you and placed the meal in front of you, drink, straw and napkin included. 

"I haven't even ordered yet," you giggled. "How did you know I didn't want anything different?"

"Did you want something different?" he asked, already knowing the answer. 

Shyly and a little defeated, you shrugged. "No."

"Exactly."

His matter of fact statement sent you both into a small fit of laughter as he sat in front of you for a while. The way the sunlight hit the left side of his face, it highlighted all his features perfectly. You hadn't fully thought about it before, but he was incredibly attractive. Realising you were staring, you quickly looked back down to your book. Michael's voice broke your thought train.

"Don't mind if I sit here, do you? You're eyeing me like I'm not welcome." There was jest in his tone, which relieved you; the last thing you needed was calling out on your staring. There was such an air of confidence around him, he was the antithesis of yourself. You let out a heart giggle and responded.

"Not at all, you own the place. You don't mind me sitting in your chairs, do you?"

Your own playful tone wasn't lost on him, and he stuck his tongue out and licked his lips with an almost inquisitive look. He leaned back in his seat, pretending to ponder your question. 

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe you can and maybe you can't."

With a smirk, you put the bookmark into your page and closed the book. Leaning forward, you were both playing like villain and superhero having a head to head before a big battle. This was different for Michael, he hadn't been so open and fun before. Normally, it was a quick quip and a fun bit of flirting which made you blush. 

"What are your terms and conditions then, good sir?" you asked in your most regal voice.

"Well, you could start by letting me take you out for a drink some time? We close in an hour if you want to go tonight? I could probably leave Richie with the cleaning today if I'm honest."

From across the shop, you heard a voice.

"Heard that cousin, fuck yourself."

You burst out laughing and covered your face with your hands. What you failed to notice was Michael looking at you like you were the sun and stars. He felt something in his heart for you, he had done for a while. But what it was he didn't know. It was positive, though. 

"If it's okay with Richie, then I'd love to go tonight."

As quick as you mentioned his name, the man in question leaned around the wall and walked to your table, polishing some cutlery with his towel. 

"Imma say yes, but only for my favourite customer. I want it on the record that I did not do this for you, Mikey."

You exchanged a look with Michael like you were being given permission to go out for the night by your dad. Richie raised a brow and pointed at his best friend. 

"You bring her back safe, no funny business. If I hear you damage her or hurt her, I will kill you."

"Yes, Dad. Thank you, Dad," Michael mocked him, giving off his best smart pose. You held back your giggles long enough for Richie to swat Michael with his cloth. Richie walked away, but popped his head round the counter one last time and gave you a genuine smile. 

"Run off now, you two. Go on, I'll close up. Have some fuckin' fun, alright."

Michael stood, shouting a thanks to Richie. Offering his hand, you took it and collected your things, packing them safely into your bag. 

"I haven't even eaten the food you gave me, and I haven't paid either."

Michael raised his eyebrows. "I'm not gonna make you pay anyway, doll. Plus, I'll take you somewhere nicer for food instead. Get out of this fucking place."

For a second, you saw a brief look of sadness hit Michael's face, and it was the first time you'd seen him anything other than happy. Nobody can keep happiness up forever, but you saw a glimpse of the Michael behind the mask. 

"How about we grab a pizza and watch a film at my place?" you asked him quietly, leaning in to his ear. 

"You sure? You don't want a fancy dinner date?" His voice was confused. "You just want pizza?"

Nodding, you broke out into a small laugh. "What's so unbelievable about that?"

"Nothin'! No, nothing at all," he protested, shaking his head and smiling. "No, I just uh, I just didn't expect it really. Most women like big, fancy dates, not just staying indoors."

Raising your brows with a cheeky smile, you just stood there. Michael looked at you for a moment, allowing himself to take you in. You weren't like others, that much was obvious to him. There was a person within you he was just itching to meet. His polar opposite in every way, and he liked it.

 You waited a few moments for Michael to get his things, before heading towards your car. The drive was pretty quiet, Michael seemed lost in his thoughts just staring out of the window. He hadn't been around this area before, so it was a nice change of scenery here. 

"Pretty nice place you live in," he said, turning his head over to you as you concentrated on the road. 

"Yeah, it's pretty nice. It's quiet here, too."

For a few moments, Michael let his eyes stay on you. Taking you in, he smiled to himself a little. In the setting sun, you were soft and glowing. Your hair fell and framed your face perfectly, and if he were less sane than he was now, perhaps Michael would have asked you to pull over just to kiss you there and then. 

That was the exact moment he knew he wanted something more than friendship from you. 

The thought hit him like a truck.

Michael didn't do these kind of feelings, all this love stuff. To him, it was bullshit and any other attempts at it had left him alone anyway. He didn't see the point in letting someone into his life like that, someone who would only leave when they saw how bad things got. When the reality of Michael's life hit, everybody ran. If they didn't run, he pushed them away eventually. He was nervous about these feelings for you; why did he feel like this? He thought he trained this out of himself long ago.

You'd broken every barrier so far without even knowing it., and he was allowing himself to finally break out of that cage. To let someone into his heart. For whatever reason, Michael believed you wouldn't hurt him, that you could even be a force for good in his life. Doubt washed over him though, and he decided not to entertain those thoughts any longer. Why would you feel anything for him anyway? He's a stranger, the owner of a sandwich shop you frequent, and you probably just agreed to this date so you didn't feel awkward. 

"You okay, Michael?" your voice pulled him from the darker side of his mind, back into the present warmth of the setting sun. He nodded, though you had your eyes on the road and hadn't seen.

"Yeah," he replied, his words coming out a lot shakier than intended. "Yeah, just thinkin'. And hey, call me Mikey. Please, Michael is too formal."

"Fair enough, Mikey." Shit, he thought. Shit, that sounds so fuckin' sweet. 

Pulling into your drive, you both jumped out of your car and headed to your door. As you unlocked it, Mikey's eyes widened a little. Your house was really nice. It was muted, the walls white but the decor natural woods. Cabinets full of books and DVD's, and a desk in front of the window with writings and journals all over it. In the middle, your laptop sat charging. Various colours, from rugs to the sofa and up to the curtains gave the place such a homely feel.

Why did Mikey feel like he was home?

"This is me," you spoke, chucking your bag down and hanging your coat up. "Make yourself at home, Mikey, I'll make us a coffee or something if you want?"

"Sounds great," he replied, his eyes still wandering around your apartment. 

Mikey took his shoes and jacket off, taking a seat on your sofa. His eyes fell on your TV and the cabinets around it. Where the spaces weren't occupied by literature, there were photos of you and what he assumed were family members or friends. He smiled to himself, noting how sweet you looked in them all. 

You came back to your living room holding two cups and a decanter of fresh coffee, and caught sight of him sitting back relaxed. It felt strange, a small feeling in your heart twanged. Mikey looked right, resting here in your home. It looked as though he had lived here forever, like the room would be incomplete without him. Shaking off the thought, knowing he probably didn't feel the same, you placed the drinkware down onto your table and joined him on the sofa. 

"Here, hopefully this'll warm us up. It's freezing today."

"I agree with you there, sweetheart." God, that sounded good, you thought. Why does that sound good?

You sat in a comfortable silence and your brain started to think. Sitting here with Mikey without the bustle of the shop was nice. It felt so right. You'd felt something for him for a while, but you hadn't thought he would feel the same. He had invited you on a date, but you thought that it was just because he felt bad or something. You weren't sure, but you had convinced yourself Mikey was above liking you in that way. 

"So, what's the best pizza joint around here?" Mikey asked, and you blinked at him. Hearing him laugh pulled you back to reality. "You didn't hear a word I said did you, doll?"

"I did," you protested. 

"You have no fuckin' idea, do you?"

"Yeah!" you swatted his arm playfully, and he caught it in his hand. Pulling you over to him, your legs now touching as you faced him. "

"What did I say then?"

You sighed. "Alright, I have no fuckin' idea."

"Ha!" he clapped and threw his head back in victory. "See, I knew it. You gotta buy me dinner now. I want full princess treatment."

Mikey winked at you and you could swear you might faint. The feeling that gave you in your stomach was sickeningly sweet. 

"I can get us an order in and find something to watch, if that must be my punishment for not paying attention one time," you feigned your own dramatics, sighing loudly. 

"No, it fuckin' isn't, sweet. I ain't gonna make you pay for dinner. What kind of date would this be if I did that?"

"You'd be exactly like every other man I've met. But I know you aren't, Mikey. You're different."

Your statement hung in the air for a few moments, a small vulnerable side of you coming out to him. Mikey took from your statement that your previous encounters with the male species hadn't been too favourable, but he was honoured you felt differently about him. Mikey hoped he wasn't like some of the jagoffs he knew and saw hanging around. 

Looking into each others eyes, neither one of you seemed to move, or want to. His eyes were shining, a flicker of the Mikey you were hoping to get to know was in there. Clearing your throat and grabbing your phone, you broke away from the obvious tension and brought up your delivery app.

"This is my favourite pizza place, their jalapeno poppers are so good."

As you turned the phone to him so he could look through the menu, Mikey moved closer to you instead, placing an arm around the back of the sofa and leaning over your shoulder as he scrolled. You still held the phone, with Mikey using his finger to check through the menu, and your heart was beating so much faster. Why was the closeness of his body making you feel so flustered? Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you heard him humming, trying to decide what he wanted. 

After the order was paid for and being prepared, Mikey sent you the money just like he said he would. Despite your many protests, he simply shushed you with a finger to your lips. 

"I offered you a date and I'm paying, doll."

Whilst you waited, you picked out a film to watch (or have on in the background). Some old comedy from the 80's. You learned more about him and his family in the meantime. Mikey told you he had a sister who lived here in Chicago, and a baby brother who was off being a chef in Copenhagen. With all the pride in the world, he showed you the pictures Carmen had sent him of the food he was making.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what exactly is that?" you asked, gesturing to the plate on his screen.

"I have no fucking idea," he laughed out, that gruff chuckle like music to your ears. "I really have no idea, but he's the shit. Yeah, like he's so fucking good at it, like real good."

"I hope I can meet him one day when he's back," you said, smiling at Mikey. He sent one back, nodding.

"Yeah, yeah that would be nice. You could meet Sugar, too. She would like you, I think. Nat's lovely, like a really good sister. She's younger than me, but sometimes I feel like she's more of an older sister, you know? She just takes care of you, always pulls you back up and keeps you straight."

Without thinking, you leaned and rubbed his back, hand trailing lightly across his shirt. He looked a little sad as he spoke, so you wrapped your arm around his shoulders and held him closer to you. Mikey's eyes widened, but he welcomed your touch all the same. 

"I get that, yeah. I don't have the greatest relationship with my family, if any at all. But that's depressing, and for another day. I think I would like that, though. To meet Nat and Carmen. I really would."

Mikey looked up at you, his head still resting against you, as your fingers ran through his hair now. You weren't even thinking about your actions anymore, and Mikey wasn't denying them either. He sighed at the feeling of your hands in his hair, and you both just sat there for a while in silence, in each others company. 

Mikey began to think you were more alike than he had originally thought. Maybe not in your hobbies or interests, but more on a personal level. He craved that, a deeper understanding of another human being. In truth, he craved you. Someone to learn about, someone to open up to. Finally, Michael realised this was something he'd been missing for too long. 

You wouldn't fix him, he knew that, but maybe you could make him happier.

The bell rang, and you stood up reluctantly, grabbing the food from the driver and closing the door. Mikey was sat up now, fixing your cushions for you so you would be comfy coming back in. Such a sweet gesture, something he didn't have to do. He was far more a gentleman than any of the other men you'd known. 

You both sat in comfortable content, eating and laughing like friends that had known each other forever. When he found something really funny, Mikey had one of those kinds of laughs that made everyone else laugh even if the source material wasn't all that funny. His laugh truly was infectious, and you found yourself unable to take your eyes off him sometimes. 

As the credits rolled, you had both retired to the sofa again, but this time you were curled up close to Mikey. He had his arm around you, playing with your hair and occasionally resting his head atop yours. How you ended up like this you didn't know, though neither of you were about to complain or protest it. This feeling was something you wouldn't easily shake, and something you hadn't ever felt before. Never had you gotten so close to someone so fast, letting them into your home and life like this. 

Unbeknownst to you, Mikey was also feeling the same. He was scared; no, terrified even, of allowing himself to love and be loved. He knew he was volatile, and at times unpleasant, but he would fight himself every day to make sure he was never like that with you if you would have him. It was insane, he'd known you for such a short time, but he felt so close to you. He wanted to be here with you, to hold you and watch shitty films for the rest of his life. 

"Hey," Mikey whispered. "You awake, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I am," you replied, looking up at him with a smile. "Just enjoying the moment."

Mikey hummed in agreement. "Yeah, same here."

You sat up by his side, facing him dead on as he looked over at you and his eyes locking onto yours. You said nothing, you hadn't had anything to say in the first place. Reaching out gently, you brought your hand to his face, stroking across his cheekbone. Mikey closed his eyes, the foreign feeling of someone else's touch on him tingling across his skin. 

Reopening his eyes, he found you staring at him with doe eyes. He couldn't resist that, leaning in close to you as he took in your scent. Sighing against your skin, Mikey's lips brushed against your ear as he whispered to you.

"I really wanna kiss you right now, sweetheart."

Your hand ran through the hair on his head, settling at the nape of his neck.

"Then why don't you?"

That was it for Mikey. He pulled back and leaned in, capturing your lips with his own. It was sweet and slow, giving you every chance to pull away and change your mind. Mikey used to force, leaving enough space for you to move should you want to. You had no plans of leaving, but Mikey was used to people changing their mind on him all the time. Knowing you were not like that, he still had reservations and doubt. 

Letting out a gentle gasp, Mikey took your bottom lip in between his teeth, biting down softly so as not to draw any blood but enough to make it feel good. You moved closer to him, the kiss never breaking. God he is good at this, you thought. Mikey's hands were on your hips now, your tangled in his hair again. He loved the feeling of you pulling on his hair, not hard enough to hurt but just enough to feel nice. 

"Fuck," you breathed out, breaking the kiss for a moment. "Mikey..."

You trailed off as your eyes met, and he looked so beautiful. His hair was messed up, his beef shirt was askew at the collar, and his face was so relaxed. For the first time in forever, he felt no stress, no sadness and no anger. All he felt now, was adoration. He was enjoying this, lost int he moment.

You pulled him back in, lips meeting with just as much passion as before. Mikey felt a bit bolder now, knowing you wanted this with him. Mikey pulled you up with ease and settled you on his lap. Your legs either side of him, he couldn't help but run his hands everywhere. Over your jeans and under your shirt. Not in any other way than to just feel skin. He just wanted to feel you there, to tell himself this was real and happening.

Anything else was not what tonight was about. 

Letting out a small gasp at the feeling of rough hands along the soft skin of your ribs, Mikey breathily laughed. Not mocking, just loving. He was loving this situation. 

You pulled away again, just sitting on his lap as your hands held his face, cupping his jawline. Your eyes ran all over his face, as though you were trying to memorize every inch of him, burning his features into your mind. 

Mikey looked up at you like you were an angel. Something sent to him that was so pure and beautiful, and his fingers ghosted your hips as though any harsher touch may shatter you. He treated you like porcelain, like you were the most important thing to him right now. You didn't know it, but you were the first person in Mikey's life like this since he had gotten pretty bad with his mental health. You were the first to break the barrier without even knowing, and he was grateful you had. 

Mikey whispered your name, and you answered with a nod, encouraging him to carry on talking. 

"I didn't think you wanted this, you know? Thought this was just gonna be a quick, cute little date."

"I do want this," you answered, sensing he needed some affirmation. "I've wanted this for a while, but I didn't want to come off as desperate or weird or anything. I was just a customer in your shop, that was all."

Mikey chuckled in disbelief. "You're fuckin' joking, doll. I always looked out for you coming in, you know? Always waited for you, made sure your order was perfect. You were the highlight of my day. When you don't come in, I worry."

He paused, scrunching up his face as you let out a small giggle.

"No," he started. "No wait, is that weird? Does that sound weird? Shit, not what I meant, I-"

"I get it," you interrupted, and he nodded. "No, yeah I do. I feel the same. When I had a shitty day, I'd make sure to come in for a sandwich. Those were the days I was in later. But, if I'm being honest, it wasn't just the sandwich."

Mikey feigned offence. "My food that shitty to you, huh?"

Swatting him and throwing your head back, you shook it in protest. 

"No, you idiot. No, It was you. I came in for you, just seeing you made my day that little better. I was just too shy to start a conversation."

"Fuckin angel," he breathed out. "God damn it, god fuckin' damn it."

Mikey pulled you in again, this time for a short kiss and a cuddle. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close as you heard the thud of his heartbeat, steady and calm. 

"Do you want to stay, Mikey?" you asked, suddenly shy about asking him. 

"Stay with you, doll?" he questioned back, making sure he heard you right. 

"Yeah, here. I think I have a pair of lounge pants that would fit you if you want them. I used to wear really baggy ones for comfort."

"Are you sure you want me to stay?" he asked, seriousness lacing his voice. He wanted to be sure you wanted that, and wouldn't have any regrets. 

Sitting up on his lap still, you pushed stray strand of hair from his forehead. Your smile was like honey, so sweet to him as you nodded your head yes.

"I've never been more sure about anything. I'd love for you to stay. Forever, if you want to."

Mikey smiled, a wide smile that lit his whole face up. He spoke softly and low, glancing over at the clock on your wall. 

"It is kind of late, and I gotta open the beef tomorrow morning. I don't know my way back properly, though. You gonna give me a ride to work, sweet?"

You smirked. "Of course, the full princess treatment."

Mikey laughed loud, remembering his earlier statement. "That's it."

As though you were featherweight, Mikey stood up with you in his arms, legs wrapped around his middle. He attacked your neck with kisses, and the feeling of him laughing against your exposed neck was heavenly. 

"Mikey!" you exclaimed, as he stormed off out of the room holding you, quickly realising he didn't know the layout of your house. 

Mikey began to open doors, each one the wrong one every time. You couldn't contain your laughter as he picked through them. The kitchen, the bathroom, the clothing cupboard, the pantry. All the wrong doors. You heard him let out an exasperated sigh. 

Mikey placed you down for a minute to regain his bearings. Turning to you, you hid your face behind your hands so he couldn't see you holding back more giggled. A completely puzzled and bewildered look spread across his face, like he was lost in a maze. 

"Which one is your fuckin' bedroom?" he asked. "Why've you got so many rooms in this place?"

He wasn't really angry, just baffled by the door situation. He stood with his hands on his head. Holding out your hand for him, he took it gracefully, but not before placing a kiss against your knuckles.

"Come on, I'll show you."

When you reached your bedroom, you grabbed him some pants from the wardrobe and threw them to him.

"Feel free to get changed, I won't look," you winked at him, still a little giggly from the events that had just transpired. 

"I don't care if you do," Mikey winked back, changing into the bottoms and leaving the shirt off. You couldn't help but stare. Under that beef shirt, he was stacked. Not incredibly muscular, but enough to know he does some heavy lifting from time to time. 

He looked so incredible to you. Mikey Berzatto was beautiful. 

"You can get changed too, I won't look," he mocked your tone playfully. To his credit, he did actually sit on your bed with his back to you whilst you changed, opting for a long, oversized shirt and some fresh underwear. 

"Such a gentleman," you said, climbing onto your bed and ruffling his hair. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, he placed kisses against your wrist as you buried your face into his neck. 

The sun had long since set and the pitch black, quiet night of Chicago fell over your neighbourhood. Mikey spun round and pulled back the cover for you, letting you slip under. Settling himself behind you, his arms wrapped securely around your middle. His hand found comfort under your shirt, hand resting perfectly on your hip. His face was in the crook of your neck, light little kisses being placed there. So gentle, so tender.

You held his hand, lacing your fingers into his and only now noticing the size of his limbs compared to yours. Smiling, you leaned back into him and relaxed. 

"It's late, doll, we both gotta be up early. I've got work and you have to drive this princess to work."

His joking tone was not lost, having fully accepted his new title. You laughed again, all you had been doing tonight. 

"Yeah, I'm glad I'll be waking up with you, Mikey." Your statement was rooted in so much truth, you had wanted this for so long. Your bed no longer felt empty, filled with a presence that felt as though it had already been here forever. 

"Likewise, sweetheart. Have a feeling this'll be a regular thing, if you'll have me."

"Now I've got you, I'm not letting you go so easy."

Mikey took a few moments to ponder those words. Someone wanted him. You wanted him. You actually wanted to be with him, to wake up to him and fall asleep with him. To eat with him. You wanted to be in his life despite everything. He knew he had a lot to tell you, and you had a lot to learn about him, but he had a good feeling about things. For once, Mikey was looking at a bright future. Something that wouldn't be destroyed or self-destruct. 

He had something to live for in you, well and truly. 

"Goodnight, lovely girl. Sleep well, I'll see you in the morning."

Your voice was sleepy, between the warmth of his body and the smell of him against you. You hadn't felt more comfortable than now in your own bed. 

"Goodnight, princess. Sweet dreams." You poked.

Mikey let out one last quiet chuckle. "Fuck off."

"See you in the morning, Mikey Bear."

With that, you were off to sleep, safe and secure in Mikey's arms. He was quick to follow, savouring the feel of you with him, curled up in his arms before the dreamworld took him. 

You both had the best nights sleep either of you'd ever had, with something to look forward to once the sun had risen over the skyline of Chicago. 

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