janedoewonders

[janedoewonders]

There is no sadness quite like realizing you’re afraid of your own hands.

Hands that heal,

hands that feel,

hands that love,

hands that build,

hands that carry entire hearts and worlds between them.

Darling your hands could never crush me. Darling even if they did, I’d let them for all their passion and wild abandon.

[janedoewonders]

5

For five seconds there, i thought I finally know how to love, but now, for what feels like 5 lifetimes, i also know how much it hurts to fall out of it.

Not that i loved him, i just understood how love happens for the first time. the comfort of letting your guard down, the interest, the understanding. No butterflies, only steady rhythm of trust.

Now i grieve the me that felt those five magical seconds.

[janedoewonders]

Spirits RSVP

Veils also had pagan roots. It was used to hide the bride from evil spirits who would take her away

I’ve decided, my dear, no veils on our wedding. Let the evil spirits come. They shall weep at the ground we tread and the flowers we’ve grown. If they decide that my love is worth taking, they will know how Hozier rose from his grave.

[janedoewonders]

Purple

What a sad life women ought to live

A grateful incubator or a pious spinster.

Otherwise

It is a choice of an evil demoness or a drowning witch.

May my life be so vibrant and brilliant

That atleast it is the dream of the women before me and the scorn of all men

And at best, one that no person could ever imagine.

All shades of purple.

[janedoewonders]

Love in Moderation

I love romance. I am enamored with love, its intricacies and imperfection. I gave up locked away the hopeless romantic in me. She believed in a prince who fought dragons to save a princess they barely knew. She dreamt of vampires who would bear the pain of loss for eternity just to experience human love that’s a minuscule blip in their lifetime. She smiled with the hope of strangers meeting over the same love of books or coffee or sunsets or murder. She believed in Achilles’s scream of agony upon Patroclus’s eternal slumber. She longed for the most destructive, heart-wrenching, all consuming yearning love of the other. She believed in a love so grand it’s a whole new monster to grapple with in the next dream, terrifying and paralyzing yet prayed and slept for.

I hate her. She made me weak and always so forlorn. In my time in this world, i have found a fear beyond unrequited love, wrong-timing love, forbidden love, fell-out-of-love love. To have all this love in your cup, but none to pour into. It terrifies me that others may see the love in my cup, but think it to be too much or too little or too purple or too thick or too wanting or too romantic, just not right for them. They see me as lovable and desirable and sexy and fuckable, but it’s not for them. The same way you’d turn down a different brand of coffee if your favorite is Starbucks. It’s not terrible but you’d prefer something else.

I hate her dreams of excess. She taught me one way of love, the love that hurts all the way to the bones. Love that’s bright and all-consuming, all stardust and blackholes. It is powerful. It is the love that embeds and exudes from every fiber of being. L o v e in all its glorious intricacies and prose and tears and grand silences. It may not be loud but it is grand. It hurts, in good and bad ways, but it has to hurt because if it does not, is it truly love? If it is not grand, would I want any of it? I love with all that I am. I was once told that I love too much. It was true. But I don’t know how I could ever process being told I want you, but l e s s. They saw all that you can give, but refused. How do I stop asking what piece they’d want cut off?

I love, not in moderation. But I wish i was just right to be loved too.

[janedoewonders]

On setting boundaries

Boundaries are good. Setting boundaries is for growth. Drawing lines on the sand is healthy.

But tell me, why does my skin burn as i carve the lines of where they can dance and where i could not? Why have they forgotten to tell me how terribly alone this side of the boundary is?

Boundaries are heavy. Setting boundaries is lonely and lonesome. Carving lines on the skin is painful.

[janedoewonders]

An Ode to Persuasion (1995)

All my wide-eyed self desires

As the wind bellows

As the sun glimmers

As the rain deluges

As the ground caves in

Is to close my long weary

long neglected

long forlorn

long yearning

brown eyes

[janedoewonders]

KANTHONY APPRECIATION WEEK 2022 day five: free choice

two hot idiots in love <3 [insp]

[janedoewonders]

Birthdays (24th)

Dear you,

We love birthdays. We love ours, deeply. But it’s a difficult time when you are reminded of how lonely alone you are. It’s the same trouble, year round, but somehow it gets just a little more… painful? dreadful? in and around July. All that love and care seems to be spilling over (more than the usual) and you’ve got nowhere to put it.

24: I wish to be selfish with companionship and love and non-loneliness and not be guilty about asking for more.

We’ll get there, you.

[janedoewonders]

You Are Made of Stardust

Though the billions of people on Earth may come from different areas, we share a common heritage: we are all made of stardust! From the carbon in our DNA to the calcium in our bones, nearly all of the elements in our bodies were forged in the fiery hearts and death throes of stars.

The building blocks for humans, and even our planet, wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for stars. If we could rewind the universe back almost to the very beginning, we would just see a sea of hydrogen, helium, and a tiny bit of lithium.

The first generation of stars formed from this material. There’s so much heat and pressure in a star’s core that they can fuse atoms together, forming new elements. Our DNA is made up of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and phosphorus. All those elements (except hydrogen, which has existed since shortly after the big bang) are made by stars and released into the cosmos when the stars die.

Each star comes with a limited fuel supply. When a medium-mass star runs out of fuel, it will swell up and shrug off its outer layers. Only a small, hot core called a white dwarf is left behind. The star’s cast-off debris includes elements like carbon and nitrogen. It expands out into the cosmos, possibly destined to be recycled into later generations of stars and planets. New life may be born from the ashes of stars.

Massive stars are doomed to a more violent fate. For most of their lives, stars are balanced between the outward pressure created by nuclear fusion and the inward pull of gravity. When a massive star runs out of fuel and its nuclear processes die down, it completely throws the star out of balance. The result? An explosion!

Supernova explosions create such intense conditions that even more elements can form. The oxygen we breathe and essential minerals like magnesium and potassium are flung into space by these supernovas.

Supernovas can also occur another way in binary, or double-star, systems. When a white dwarf steals material from its companion, it can throw everything off balance too and lead to another kind of cataclysmic supernova. Our Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope will study these stellar explosions to figure out what’s speeding up the universe’s expansion. 

This kind of explosion creates calcium – the mineral we need most in our bodies – and trace minerals that we only need a little of, like zinc and manganese. It also produces iron, which is found in our blood and also makes up the bulk of our planet’s mass!

A supernova will either leave behind a black hole or a neutron star – the superdense core of an exploded star. When two neutron stars collide, it showers the cosmos in elements like silver, gold, iodine, uranium, and plutonium.

Some elements only come from stars indirectly. Cosmic rays are nuclei (the central parts of atoms) that have been boosted to high speed by the most energetic events in the universe. When they collide with atoms, the impact can break them apart, forming simpler elements. That’s how we get boron and beryllium – from breaking star-made atoms into smaller ones.

Half a dozen other elements are created by radioactive decay. Some elements are radioactive, which means their nuclei are unstable. They naturally break down to form simpler elements by emitting radiation and particles. That’s how we get elements like radium. The rest are made by humans in labs by slamming atoms of lighter elements together at super high speeds to form heavier ones. We can fuse together elements made by stars to create exotic, short-lived elements like seaborgium and einsteinium.

From some of the most cataclysmic events in the cosmos comes all of the beauty we see here on Earth. Life, and even our planet, wouldn’t have formed without them! But we still have lots of questions about these stellar factories. 

In 2006, our Stardust spacecraft returned to Earth containing tiny particles of interstellar dust that originated in distant stars, light-years away – the first star dust to ever be collected from space and returned for study. You can help us identify and study the composition of these tiny, elusive particles through our Stardust@Home Citizen Science project.

Our upcoming Roman Space Telescope will help us learn more about how elements were created and distributed throughout galaxies, all while exploring many other cosmic questions. Learn more about the exciting science this mission will investigate on Twitter and Facebook.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[janedoewonders]

COMPARISON PHOTOS: hubble vs james webb

SMACS 0723

southern ring nebula

carina nebula (NGC 3324)

stephan's quintet

[janedoewonders]

Kathony + family

[janedoewonders]

kate and anthony week 2022 » day 7 | aubrey hall

[janedoewonders]

For darling Benedict

Anchor

One moment was all it took

The second you gave me that look

Count to three, in the waltz that shook

The four walls ‘round my heart you’ve hooked

My five wishes, my prince from books

You and your love of blue, the one.

Number two recalled by the ton,

But I knew you, artistic, fun,

Caring, heart bigger than the sun.

Saw my strength, where others saw none.

Brown eyes I’d choose relentlessly

Arms that bring peace and endless sleep

Lips that mend and kiss senselessly

The anchor in my restless sea

My solace, my one, my only.

[janedoewonders]

For Jupiter - Venus Conjunction

Is there more heavenly sorrow pleasure

Than to watch the planets align

Conjunct

Intersect

Barrel through

Hearing the singers and their grand soliloquy

Listening to myriad of poets and their sonnets

Tasting the medicine that ails the lonesome soul

Seeing the lovers gasp and claw at their spaces

Lightyears and kilometers of distance swallowed

Feeling partners waltz and tango in the passion

Burn and burst in the others’ luminous presence

Examining their entirety

Engrossed in their entwined being

Enthralled by their synchronous dance

Envious of what you’ve only sensed

But not of their impending end

Photo credit: https://twitter.com/cnnphilippines/status/1520543041916116992?s=21&t=xJYhjmF9gE4clDSdOAZKyQ

[janedoewonders]

Moon

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Do love like the moon Never constant, i Change like its phases The same way you will And I will love you all the same, steadfast, To the moon and back. I love like the moon, love you all the same, in diff'rent phases in diff'rent forms. You.

[janedoewonders]

Enough

I have yet to detangle the anxiety that twists and tugs and clasps at the insecurities and doubts that hang like cliffs and silence and threads. 

Every time they ask what do you want? Is it masters abroad? Is it a government job? Is it masters home? What’s next?

All I want to say is I don’t know. I want to say no, to all the plans, to the whirlwind of decision-making. I want it to stop because I’m drowning in self loathing and self-doubt that I will never be enough. 

But all I did was to ride the tide and say yes, to the things that will make you happy. Because atleast, atleast there would some joy under this bleak cascading fog.